Search Results for: valentine

Jewelry Commercials – Total Crap

February 6, 2011 by

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, which means stupid jewelry store commercials have come out in full force. It’s even worse this time of year than at Christmas. I really think these jewelry stores save their worst and most obnoxious commercials for February. As a disclaimer, the intent of this blog is not to offend anyone who has jewelry from any of the jewelry stores I mock. I have just decided to share with the world how much I HATE jewelry store commercials in honor of this annual tradition that is dead-set on making me hurl.

Here I am minding my own business watching American Idol and letting my brain slowly turn to mush when there it is…let me paint the scene for you….

Thunder storm. Couple watching the rain through the windows. Obviously a lame romantic get-away.

Girl jumps as thunder roars. Boy holds her tight.

BOY: Don’t worry, I’m right here. And I always will be.

Insert lame, third-rate piece of jewelry.

Cue music: Every kiss begins with Kay….

No it doesn’t. It starts with “P” for puke.

What is UP with jewelry commercials? Have you ever seen a good one? Part of the reason I am asking is because half of these commercials deal with proposals, and from what I’ve heard and experienced, proposals never happen like they do in these damn commercials.

Let’s look back at those shadow commercials that Verizon Wireless was mocking. I don’t even know what jewelry company came up with it, that’s how poor that advertising scheme was. A guy is proposing, but all you see are their shadows dancing or drinking or whatever – and then BAM – HUGE rock shining bright. To me, it says, “only ghosts can afford diamonds like these.” Not only do you never see real people, but the homes they were frolicking and drinking in look like Disney’s haunted mansion. Everything is gray and they have ginormous fire places. Seriously. What part of those commercials mirror real life?

Next.

To re-visit Kay Jewelers, there are a few things I hate about this place. Another one of their horrible commercials involves a young couple walking around New York on a sunny day. They stop at various places and reminisce.

BOY: Remember this? (at a brownstone staircase)

GIRL: Our first kiss.

BOY: Remember this? (outside a movie theater)

GIRL: Our first date.

BOY: Remember this? (at a park bench)

GIRL: No, I don’t remember.

BOY: You will. (cue cheesy face and engagement ring placement)

GAG ME. I really wanted him to stop in front of a hoopty looking car with tinted windows so she could say, “the first time we banged”. Or in front of a crack house – “our first drug bust”.

The other thing I hate about Kay is when they have D-list celebrities design crappy D-list jewelry. Like this:

Who would wear this? It looks like a sea monster!

And can you believe I still have two more to cover?

Let’s go after the one that is less offensive. The Jewelry Exchange of Villa Park. The reason why I am covering it is because it’s so easy to make fun of, and yet both my engagement ring and wedding band are from here!

It’s commercials remind me of the Empire or Luna carpet commercials. It’s too bad they don’t have a catchy jingle to accompany their phone number.

It could be: 6-3-0-5-D-A-B-E-A-R-S

Bears? Beers? No, not De Beers. Da Bears. Because the other fun part of this place is everyone that works there is a super fan. What do you expect on the south side? No one knows diamonds like a super fan. It makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? Football, sausage, diamonds. Obviously.

Okay, so now on to my least favorite place. Jared’s. Ick. I. HATE. JARED. I hate this place and these commercials so much, it has an effect on my love of Subway. I can’t eat anything a “Jared” could love and lose weight from. It’s just wrong.

I saw their awful commercial tonight.

Two friends in a way too large apartment that they would never afford in real life, one of them doing a crossword puzzle.

THING 1: Give me a word that’s 13 letters for ‘marriage proposal’.
THING 2: Marriage proposal?
THING 1: He. Went. To. Jared!!!!

Pointless screaming and jumping ensue.

If any of my friends ever pulled a stunt like that, I would (1) slap them and (2) walk away, never to be heard from again. That is a friendship deal breaker as far as I am concerned.

Well, now that I am all pissed off and riled up, I am going to end this blog. Hopefully I am not the only one who feels this way. But be warned, because Valetine’s Day is around the corner and these commercials are just getting started…..

Want to know my jewelry theme song?

Every kiss ends with my…..ahem…..

~Corie Scarpaci

Too cold to leave the burbs? Don’t worry…

January 27, 2011 by

With the freezing weather, it’s hard to motivate yourself to leave the house. However, ditch that snuggie and make the best of what your town has to offer. This list of fun things to do this weekend, is for our loyal WBIG “JoAnn & Ryan” fans. That’s right…Aurora can spice up your weekend plans for January 28th and 29th.

1) Sultry Salsa Friday’s

Heat up your night with Salsa! America’s Historic Roundhouse is now offering “Sultry Salsa Fridays!” They will have a live band and free salsa lesson’s from Chicago International instructor, Jed Walker. Each week you will learn new moves and impress your crush in time for Valentines Day. And if you don’t have a partner don’t fret, there will be plenty of singles to burn the floor with. It’s only a $10 cover with drink specials all night long. (Must be 21 and over.)

Friday : 8:30PM

Cover: $10/ (Must be 21 +)

Where: America’s Historic Roundhouse

205 N. Broadway, Aurora

2.) Comedy Club

Laughing burns calories and why not be entertained at the same time? Our new favorite hot spot “America’s Historic Roundhouse”, also has a comedy packed weekend. Milwaukee based comedian; Mike Marvell, will be giving you a belly ache (the best kind…that is) this Friday and Saturday night.

Friday Showtime: 8:30PM

Saturday Showtime: 8:00PM

Cover: $15/ 21+ Daniel’s Den

Where: America’s Historic Roundhouse

205 N. Broadway, Aurora

3.) Winter Art Show

The Water Street Studios is celebrating their “Winter Show Opening” this Friday. You can enjoy wine and cheese for while checking out their 152 new pieces of artwork. If you get inspired have no fear, Water Street Studios also offers classes.

Friday Opening: 6:00-10:00PM

Where: Water Street Studio

160 S. Water St., Batavia

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Listen to Ashley Lobo on Chicago radio,
WBIG AM 1280, Thursday mornings between 9-10,
with JoAnn & Ryan!

A Hip(po) Chicago Weekend – January 28,29,30

January 26, 2011 by

I had the good fortune of being in Las Vegas this week for a work conference and it inspired me to put a unique spin on what to do this weekend. What’s so unique about Vegas is that you can be transported to a variety of different places around the world just by walking down one street. I stayed at New York, New York, but I also visited Paris, Venice, and Cairo. It was pretty sweet. So, why not take a tip from Vegas and do a little traveling this weekend? All without leaving the fantastic city of Chicago, of course!

Paris

Let’s start with my favorite city in the whole world. You can eat at a variety of restaurants this weekend or head over to the Alliance to watch movies or learn how to cook! Le Petit Paris offers some real French treats that you can’t find in many other places in the city.

The Chicago Alliance Francaise is always offering many different ways to experience French culture. You can take cooking classes, watch French movies, or visit their French library. I personally take my French lessons here and love it. I am a huge fan!

Venice

Chicago is known for it’s most famous Italian, Al Capone. Why not take a trek through little Italy this weekend?

Taylor Street is definitely a good place to start. You will have a variety of restaurants and cafes to choose from and you can never go wrong with Italian food.

Want a unique spin on your pizza instead? Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinder was rated the best pizza in the world by Travel Channel and offers unique pizza pot pies and delicious salads. Be prepared to wait, as they don’t take reservations and bring cash — no credit cards here! Additionally, head to the small fenced in park across the street — that was the site of the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. Say hello to Al for me.

Finally, did you know Chicago has an Italian Culture Institute? Can’t hurt to learn some more about your paisans!

Cairo

Middle Eastern food is some of the best around, so expand your palate and hit up some of these fun restaurants! For starters, Semiramis offers premier Lebanese food. It’s also BYOB so it makes for a cheaper dinner!

Hala In Restaurant is ranked at the top of the list on Yelp! Just looking at their menu made my mouth water. Looking to sit back and relax? Why not try hookah? Chicago Hookah Review will provide tips, ratings and a full Chicago hookah directory! I tend to like fruit flavored tobacco the best, and don’t be fooled — it is not good for you. While the tobacco doesn’t have nicotine in it like cigarettes, inhaling smoke into your lungs is never good, so exercise caution!

New York

Ah, New York. I speak the words and have to sigh and stare whimsically out of my window like Carrie Bradshaw. Who doesn’t love New York?

If you aren’t feeling the pizza recommendations under Venice, why not try some New York style pizza? Renaldi’s is quite delicious, as is Gigi’s.

What about shopping? While we don’t have 5th avenue, we do have the Mag Mile, Oak Street and State Street which do quite well!

Finally, Chicago is only second to New York in terms of theater offerings, so hit up the Chicago Theater District and be fully entertained!

Be hip(po)! Have fun! Enjoy your trek around the world this weekend! But most importantly, have a fun and safe weekend!

~Corie Scarpaci

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Listen to Ashley Lobo on Chicago radio,
WBIG AM 1280, Thursday mornings between 9-10,
with JoAnn & Ryan!

Food For Thought

December 26, 2010 by

Yesterday, after the Bulls lost a game they could, and should, have won (man, they miss Noah), I met up with some buds to share a frosty cold adult libation and discuss things that men discuss when left to themselves. Boobs, basketball, boobs, baseball, boobs, football, boobs and so on. Naturally, these conversational variants inevitably ran their course. So, inspired by multiple tales of holiday feasts, we turned our thoughts to cannibalism.

Eww! Yucky! You may say that. After all, who wants an invitation to the Donner Party? There aren’t any balloons, the booze is all frozen and the menu’s gross. Not fun like the Nude Hippo holiday feast. Not at all.

Yet, as we discussed while sipping said adult libations, cannibalism has been a celebrated part of many cultures since cultures have existed. In Italy there’s an entire genre of films dedicated to the philosophy that “you are who you eat.”

In the 60’s celebrated science fiction author, Robert Heinlein, tackled the issues of free love and cannibalism in his epic tale Stranger in a Strange Land. Personally I would never want to confuse those two, but in Heinlein’s story the hero, Valentine Michael Smith, is the sole survivor of a mission to Mars and has been raised by Martians who had very different ideas about the essence of immortality and so on. When Mr. Smith is finally made into a lovely stew for his friends it’s noted that he needed salt.

In 1973, Richard Fleischer directed one of the most popular movies of the year. Soylent Green’s post apocalyptic vision, of a world run by a police state and people being harvested off the streets, had intellectuals seriously ruminating on the concepts of government sponsored assisted suicide and cannibalism. After all, it’s not like you really need your body when it’s gone, so why not grind it into a high protein cracker?

And we all know that crackers go great with cheese.

Not so yucky now, is it? Who could complain about cheese and crackers?

In 1989, director Peter Geenaway took the whole concept to its logical conclusion in The Cook The Thief His Wife and Her Lover. In his dark fantasy cannibalism is used to create a gourmet meal. Also to rip on the, then current, British political regime, but we’re focused on food here today, not politics.

Locally, Chicago played host (if you’ll pardon the term) to Cannibal Cheerleaders on Crack. Far from some schlumpy one night theater stand, the show ran for years and years. And, while everyone talked about how offended they were when the rich folks ate the poor folk’s babies, it didn’t stop them from going back again and again and again…..

“But,” you squeamishly object, “those are just twisted visions and horrors from a long forgotten past. No civilized person would contemplate anything like that.”

Really?

I say the table’s already being set.

Our parent company, NBC, recently memorialized a Naked Sushi party. If you haven’t been to one of these, the events work like this; a beautiful woman pretends to be dead while lying on a table and guests pull raw fish off of her flesh and eat it.

There’s also, usually, a DJ. And dancing.

Substitute drums for the DJ and a pot in the jungle for the buffet table and suddenly this scene seems eerily familiar.

The fish is just a bonus.

But, if you still don’t think you could be talked into eating your neighbor, just watch the video below to see how easy it was to get people to eat raw fish in the first place.

An Anglophile’s dream weekend

September 29, 2010 by

There are two shows hitting Chicago this weekend that are unmissable for any fan of Brit rock. We’re talking two bands that at best play North America rarely, but also were both at one time completely broken up!

On Friday, it’s Chapterhouse at Lincoln Hall, then James hits the Vic on Saturday.

Let’s go with James first, since they’re the ones that had success on our side of the Atlantic. And by success, I mean that to this day drunk girls in bars go bananas and sing along every time James’ song “Laid” comes on. They were seriously one of my favorite bands back in my days as a wee lad attending jr. high and high school. I’d catch their videos on “120 Minutes” and had their first few albums on cassette!

I’ll stop dating myself now and say that after the group was defunct for over 6 years, I was one of the fans thrilled that they decided to pick up the torch and carry on in 2007. An excellent record called ‘Hey Ma’ came along in 2008, and since April they’ve delivered two mini-albums entitled ‘The Night Before’ and ‘The Morning After’ for a combined 16 new tracks, which is arguably some of their best stuff ever.

I’m including videos for my two favorite James tunes ever: “Say Something” and “Sit Down”, though the video for the most common (and in my opinion the best) version of the latter is nowhere to be found, so it’s audio only..

Chapterhouse was more of a flash in the pan act that was synonymous with the “shoegaze” movement which sprouted out of Britain in the late-80’s. It was named as such because in order to get the intense wash of fuzzy guitar sounds that identified the genre, musicians required the use of practically a floor-full of guitar effect pedals. As a result, they were constantly looking down to manipulate these pedals with their feet..hence, gazing at their shoes. Other acts that fell into this category included The Jesus & Mary Chain, My Bloody Valentine and Ride among others. More popularly, this style helped launch the sound of groups such as Sonic Youth and Dinosaur Jr..

Somewhere around 1995, Chapterhouse dissolved and most of their music became out of print and hard to find. Thanks to some reissues, that’s been rectified and they played their first gig in 14 years last November in London, much to the delight of this fan. The kicker, though, is that they are not properly reforming. This is the only North American swing that they’re gonna do, so if you’re like me and never had a chance to see them back in the day…Friday at Lincoln Hall is our only chance.

I’m including videos for the two Chapterhouse tracks from way back when that I just couldn’t get enough of then, and they sound just as great today: “Mesmerise” and “Pearl”.

In full disclosure, I’ll be the bloke up in the balcony spinning tunes between acts..but that’s hardly the reason that I recommend checking them out.

However if you do need another reason, Chicago’s own indie/shoegaze group Airiel are excellent live, and they’re opening up the show..