Search Results for: valentine

There is something to be said for thinking things through. Granted, we are all occasionally guilty of a bad idea or two. That tri-colored haircut in the 80’s, your attempt to be cool and grunge after you got an accounting degree and so on. But, while embarrassing, they are usually relegated to the “lesson learned” bin and only brought out when people who love you dearly want to make fun of you. In other words, around once a month. Twice on holidays. There are others who walk among us who set the bar a little higher, or lower – depending on your point of view, and demand not only to be noticed for their stunning level of stupid but somehow lauded as well. People like Rodney Dwayne Valentine who served his time and was released from jail. But he wanted a ride to the local hotel. They told him to take a cab. He refused and was …. wait for it …. jailed for refusing to leave jail. That would be funny if it …. no, wait, it’s funny.

Cops in Pennsylvania are laughing at the mom who broke into a school computer to alter grades for her kids.You’ll have to read to find out why.

I think most parents want their kids to get good grades, and I had assumed that most parents wanted their kids to earn those grades.

But I stand corrected as a Pennsylvania mother is accused of hacking into her kids’ school computer system to change their grades.

According to UPI , this mom was actually a former employee of the school district in question. She allegedly used the superintendent’s login and passwords to view district emails and personnel files and to alter her own children’s grades.

She was charged with three counts each of unlawful use of a computer and computer trespassing, all of which are felonies.

Court records indicated her daughter went from a failing grade to a “medical exception” while her son’s grade of 98 percent climbed a point to 99 percent.

I bet her son is furious. He presumably worked hard to earn the 98%, and she hacked in to up it to a 99%?!

Way to set a good example for your kids lady.

Why not go whole hog and give the kid 100%? Oh, wait, it’s because she’s dumb.

Cops in Gainsville Florida also found out that the dumb walk among us. A guy got drunk and locked himself out of his apartment. Or so he thought.

When someone gets drunk and loses their keys, the least they could do is have the decency to break into their own apartment.

But I guess this guy from Florida didn’t get the memo.

According to Gainesville.com , this 25-year-old went out for a night of drinking he came back to his apartment complex and couldn’t find his keys, so he smashed out a window in apartment 527. The big problem here is that he lives in apartment 427.

He went inside, set down his phone and took off his shoes. Meanwhile the two people who actually lived in the apartment were hiding in a back room calling police.

Our guy was arrested and charged with criminal mischief and trespassing.

Speaking of Florida, you’re going to love this story. It’s got all your favorite elements; WalMart, shoplifting, stupid sisters and a baby.

Allison Niemeyer’s first bad decision was allegedly plotting to rob a Walmart. Her second bad decision was bringing her baby along. But the third was truly the charm: Seems the Florida 19-year-old and her sister, 22, are accused of stuffing some clothes into the infant’s diaper bag Friday, Central Florida News reports. Upon exiting the store, the sisters were asked to return by a loss prevention officer—and police say Niemeyer ran away, leaving her son with her sister.

Then her sister, too, allegedly fled, leaving the boy—and the $57.12 worth of merchandise. The sisters were picked up by a getaway van, but were later arrested at a dance club, the Gainesville Sun reports. Niemeyer was already on house arrest until 2021 because of a home invasion robbery involving a gun, which happened while she was pregnant. Niemeyer’s baby is with the Department of Children and Families.

Yep, even in Florida they frown on that level of narcissistic stupidity.

This next lovely story tells why some days all cops need to do is sit around and fill in the paperwork after the criminals toss themselves into jail.

According to an al.com report , Timothy Tressler, 41, of Oneonta, Ala., was arrested last Friday after setting up a drug deal with a Jefferson County Sheriff’s deputy over the phone.

Tressler dialed up his drug dealer, Jonell White, seeking a gram of heroin but White wasn’t picking up the phone. After ringing him up several times, he finally got White on the phone or so he thought.

After being stopped by police for an equipment violation on his 26-year-old Ford F-150 (shocker), White was arrested for possession of marijuana and trafficking heroin. During his arrest, officers noticed his cell phone being blown up and using their common sense, they assumed that somebody was itching for some of White’s now confiscated drugs. So they decided to kill two birds with one stone.

One of the deputies finally answered Timmy’s call, and the fix was in. How Tressler didn’t know the difference in the deputy’s voice and that of White’s is laughable, but I guess that’s what heroin does to people.

Tressler asked the deputy to meet him at a tattoo shop with a “G”, or gram, of heroin and the kind officer was happy to oblige, kind of. Upon their arrival, cops arrested Timmy and found him to have two outstanding warrants for missing court appearances to face first degree theft charges. Bamboozled and booked, he is now stuck in the county slammer without bond.

Not a bad day’s work for the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Department.

You and I both know that this guy’s contact list is now being vetted by the cops and that there will be several more geniuses visiting the local jail.

“Hey Scooter, wanna G?”

“Who’s this?”

“Bob, Jonell’s cousin.”

“Oh, okay, you sound legit.”

Bear Hands // “Crime Pays” from Cantora Records on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Don’t worry, this is not going to be one of those preachy articles that’s full of treacle and snappy bon mots that amount to nothing. If you want useless crap like that, go read The Secret. Or, if you like a meaningless plot with your drivel, I can readily suggest the Celestine Prophecy. But if that’s what you want, then this is probably not the page for you. Regular readers know to expect a collection of idiots (today will not disappoint), something Floridian (gotcha covered) and, maybe, a personal vignette from your’s truly. We’ll start with the latter. I recently posted on my sports blog about how I had run into some fans of the Aryan Front, a neo-Nazi happy clan that loves group activities. I received some emails from people who seemed to think that they are a swell bunch of fellers and I should do whatever I can to support them. Sorry kids, I still have some working brain cells. The White Supremacy ship sailed years ago. And it wasn’t launched by some tree hugging liberal. Nope, it was set adrift by a coke snorting, war loving, conservative who appointed Colin Powell (a very black man) as the first African American Secretary of State and Condoleezza Rice (a mixed race woman) as his successor for that position. You can thank him for us having a black president. He paved the political way. So, since you can’t unring a bell I would suggest that you get used to the real world around you or go live in one of those famous “whites only” compounds in Montana. It would be very consideraate of you to get neutered before you arrived.

Besides, stupid people come in all shapes, colors and sizes. I would be remiss if I ignored someone just because of a personal prejudice. In fact, let’s start with a WNC SAHHH-LOOOOT to the fine citizens of Wolfforth Texas who prove that old axiom; people don’t get the government they want, they get the government they deserve.

A winner has been chosen by a coin toss in a Texas city council election.

Church administrator Bruce MacNair won Friday’s flip that decided the race between him and Bryan Studer.

The two had agreed to the coin toss to decide the contest for a seat on the Wolfforth city council after each received 118 votes in last weekend’s election.

The men saved the tiny city the $10,000 cost of a run-off election.

MacNair won by drawing heads. He says he’s glad the election is over.

Wolfforth is a bedroom community near Lubbock with about 3,700 residents.

That’s right, less than 10% of the population could be bothered to put down their beer and head on down to the local VFW to take 2 minutes out of their busy lives to participate in their governance. I hope the winner runs that city dry with expense accounts loaded with crack whores and gambling. They don’t deserve anyone competent.

In Phoenix Arizona, they are continuing their fine tradition of outlawing stuff nobody does nor has any intention of doing.

The Phoenix City Council on Wednesday approved a ban on horse diving, the act of having a horse dive into a pool of water from dozens of feet in the air.

Phoenix City Councilwoman Thelda Williams brought the issue to the council, saying she wanted to be proactive to ban horse-diving efforts in the city.

In 2008, Williams successfully convinced fellow council members to ban horse tripping, the practice of roping or tripping equines for the purpose of entertainment. The council’s vote Wednesday amends the horse-tripping ordinance to include the ban on horse diving. A first offense would carry a fine of $1,000.

Williams hasn’t heard of any recent horse-diving attempts, but she said she came across e-mails in December suggesting an effort may be planned.

A recent attempt to revive equine diving at the famed Atlantic City Steel Pier, where it was popular from the 1920s to ’70s, was squashed after protests from animal-rights groups.

Phoenix is run by, duly elected, morons. Let us not forget that, in Phoenix, it is illegal to live in a home with more than two dildos. I have no idea how they enforce that one. Nor do I care to find out.

Cops in Boise Idaho are all laughing at the guy who robbed a store while wearing his underwear over his head.

Police in southwest Idaho say a man chose briefs over boxers to wear on his head as he held up a coffee shop and stole a safe.

Coffee shop owner Jason Wilson tells the Idaho Statesman says he believes the man was likely not prepared when he entered Big Star Coffee in Fruitland with an accomplice on Tuesday morning.

Wilson asked: “Who robs something with underwear on their head?”

Investigators say the two burglars made off with about $500 in cash that was inside the safe. Their actions were captured on surveillance cameras inside and outside the shop.

HA HA HA HA HA …. HEY! Wait a minute you stunods! He got away and you have no clue who he is. Why are you laughing?

If you are going to laugh at someone it ought to be Tyree Appleberry, no relation to Johnny Appleseed. He tried to ticket a cop while pretending to be a cop.

That never goes well.

Police say a New Mexico man pretended to be a police officer and is facing a misdemeanor charge after he pulled over a real Albuquerque Police Department detective.

According to police, the 42-year-old turned on his strobe lights on his white Chevy Tahoe in an attempt to stop an undercover officer.

But Tyree Appleberry said he was not impersonating an officer and was instead asking the driver why he was in the parking lot next to an auto auction yard where his friend works.

“At no time did I say I was a cop, did I pretend to be a cop, did I badge anybody. At no time did that happen,” Appleberry told KOB 4.

Authorities say Appleberry had a warrant out for his arrest for failing to appear in court for a reckless driving charge.

A spokesperson for the Albuquerque Police Department told the news station that the arresting officer made the choice to charge Appleberry with a misdemeanor instead of a more serious felony charge.

It was the uniform that caused him problems.

Anyway, each and every person I have written about today would be considered a “sinner” in most religions. Did you know that, in some cases, activities such as these can be good for you? Simon Laham, a real scientist and not one of those TV dudes who tries to sell you wight loss pills, says sinning is good for you.

DON’T feel guilty about caving into lustful feelings on Valentine’s Day, there is scientific proof dabbling in the seven deadly sins can be good for you.

Lust can make you smarter, gluttony can make you more generous, envy can breed higher self-esteem and slothful behaviour can make you kinder.

In The Joy of Sin, a controversial book to be launched this month, University of Melbourne experimental social psychologist Simon Laham has collated international studies to reveal the flip side to traditional sins.

“We’ve had centuries of having it drilled into us that the seven deadly sins are just bad, but when you look at the research, there is some complexity there and they can often be quite good for you,” Laham said.

He said lust not only improved analytical thinking, but made you more helpful and creative as lovers played up those traits to attract interest from the opposite sex.

While anger is associated with violence, Laham said it led to physical force only 10 per cent of the time.

“Anger can be quite functional by becoming a motivator that drives us to persist with a goal that’s frustrating,” he said.

So angry sex can make you happy? I am sooooo down with that!

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Please enjoy our History of Easter a week early.

There once was this guy named Jesus. He spent an inordinate amount to time trying to get people to be nice and respect each other. A good example would be found in this bon mot; “If anyone says, I love God, but hates the brothers or sisters, he is a liar … Whoever loves God must also love the brothers and sisters.” (I John 3:20, 21). He also tossed off these nuggets in Matthew 5:0, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” In return for his troubles he was nailed to a cross and killed. Then this guy named Joseph of Arimathea wrapped the body in a piece of linen cloth and buried him in a cave. Three days after that He either rose from the grave and went to the right hand side of His Father (Mark’s version) or He hung out for a few weeks and did dinners and parlor tricks with wounds (John’s version).

Either way a couple hundred years later this cat named Eusebius claimed that he had transcribed and translated a letter in the Syriac chancery documents written by the king of Edessa. Don’t worry, this will all tie together in the next sentence. The letter written, allegedly, by King Abgar of Edessa was to Jesus, asking him to come cure him of an illness, purportedly a venereal disease. Jesus apparently replied by letter, saying that when He had completed His earthly mission and ascended to heaven, He would send a disciple to heal Abgar. We do know that King Abgar was healed and ruled for many years after this. Tradition says that, although none of the letters mention this fact, he was healed by touching the burial cloth that bore the image of Jesus. Currently known as the Shroud of Turin.

Now you can clearly see why the holiday is celebrated with bunnies and candy.

Wait, what? You can’t? Believe it or not the seeds of bunnies and candy are in those opening paragraphs.

Confused? That’s okay. Lots of people are.

See, the cat I mentioned before, Eusebius, was one of those people who was a convert to this new religion. He was a convert because the evangelical wing of Christianity was venturing into realms they’d never been to before. Unlike the days when Saul who became Paul was preaching to the great unwashed and saying that circumcision was just a state of mind, the Christians of this later day were wandering into areas where no one had the slightest clue about monotheism. Jesus was a Jew and Jews only have one God which is what monotheism means. Many Roman citizens knew about Zeus and he was the one big god over all the lesser gods. Not really monotheism but close enough for rock and roll. It got the conversation started. And when the Caesar of the day had Mark write his gospel so they could understand what Peter was going on about, they laid the groundwork for their own conversion.

But what is now Eastern Europe was populated by a wide variety of pagan tribes. And many of them worshiped this goddess named Ostara a/k/a Eastre. She was the goddess of fertility. Not just human reproduction, but flowers blooming, sheep making lambs, crops being planted and so on.

Now we get to step to the side for a moment and talk about, oddly enough, menstrual cycles.

Don’t worry, it’s nothing creepy or weird.

You see Jews, and many pagans, follow a Lunar calendar. It’s a nice, holistic, way to stay in tune with the planet, know when to plant your crops, gauge your wife’s fertile times and so on. It also moved dates around a bit since there the full moon’s appearance isn’t exactly clockwork. It was exactly this kind of mamby pamby stuff that Christians then were trying to stop with their adherence to a solar calendar and conversion, occasionally forced, of pagans into believers.

So, while Eusebius was transcribing his famous letters, missionaries were trying to convert a large group of Germanic pagans to the faith. The problem they had was that, instead of the theological battle they expected, the pagans really thought the whole Jesus thing was great. But, and this was a big BUT for the Catholic Church, they saw no reason that Jesus and His Father couldn’t hang out with all the other gods they’d been introduced to. Amon Ra? Come on down! Zeus and Apollo? Party on guys! And so on.

And Eastre. Especially her. You see, to the pagans, Jesus’ resurrection was the same as what happens every spring to the land. It is reborn. And they celebrated that rebirth every year with festivals and symbols. And no symbols more clearly say “Let’s have lots of sex and populate the lands” better than rabbits and eggs.

And since they were already celebrating rebirth, adding a resurrected Jesus to their party just made sense. To them anyway. To the Church it was a horror. And the Church spent a couple hundred years trying to make them stop.

As you walk through your local Wal-Mart and see the baskets full of bunnies and colored eggs and so on you can tell how successful they weren’t.

It didn’t help that Passover tends to fall around the time of their spring rites. Nor did it help that the Church needed bodies for taxes and military support. To keep everything moving forward the occasional blind eye, as it were, got turned.

So, just like Valentine’s Day and Christmas, pagans are responsible for some of the most enduring symbols of modern religious holidays. There are those who argue, and I think rightly, that had the Church not let the pagans add their celebrations to the standard religious holidays there may not have been any church at all. Or, if it did exist, it would be more of a novelty religion like Zoroastrian.

Also a monotheistic religion, and older than Judaism, in case you’re curious.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.