Search Results for: sexbots

Everything in the universe contains flaws, ourselves included. Even God does not attempt perfection in His creations. Only humankind has such foolish arrogance. – Cogitor Kwyna (Dune: The Butlerian Jihad). Not that you asked, but I happen to like the Dune books not written by Frank Herbert. They are less predictable. Anyway, the quote is nevertheless true. And man’s arrogance is leading, rapidly, to a really (and I mean insanely) bad idea. Back on November 18, 2010, I first wrote about how mankind was greasing the skids to its eventual doom. Seriously, I even posted links so that humans could learn to speak binary and be useful to their new masters. You would think that a warning like that would resonate.

You would be wrong. A quick search of this site shows multiple articles about our impending doom at the hands of robots. From Deathbots to Sexbots, robots are infiltrating our every aspect of our lives.

And scientists, the very people who should know better, are happily abetting Robo-Armageddon. For example, they are developing a robot that can hide from humans indefinitely. You know, a “stealth bot.”

A team of researchers led by George Whitesides, the Woodford L. and Ann A. Flowers University Professor, has already broken new engineering ground with the development of soft, silicone-based robots inspired by creatures like starfish and squid.

Now, they’re working to give those robots the ability to disguise themselves.

As demonstrated in an August 16 paper published in Science, researchers have developed a system — again, inspired by nature — that allows the soft robots to either camouflage themselves against a background, or to make bold color displays. Such a “dynamic coloration” system could one day have a host of uses, ranging from helping doctors plan complex surgeries to acting as a visual marker to help search crews following a disaster, said Stephen Morin, a Post-Doctoral Fellow in Chemistry and Chemical Biology and first author of the paper.

“When we began working on soft robots, we were inspired by soft organisms, including octopi and squid,” Morin said. “One of the fascinating characteristics of these animals is their ability to control their appearance, and that inspired us to take this idea further and explore dynamic coloration. I think the important thing we’ve shown in this paper is that even when using simple systems — in this case we have simple, open-ended micro-channels — you can achieve a great deal in terms of your ability to camouflage an object, or to display where an object is.”

“One of the most interesting questions in science is ‘Why do animals have the shape, and color, and capabilities that they do?'” said Whitesides. “Evolution might lead to a particular form, but why? One function of our work on robotics is to give us, and others interested in this kind of question, systems that we can use to test ideas. Here the question might be: ‘How does a small crawling organism most efficiently disguise (or advertise) itself in leaves?’ These robots are test-beds for ideas about form and color and movement.”

Just as with the soft robots, the “color layers” used in the camouflage start as molds created using 3D printers. Silicone is then poured into the molds to create micro-channels, which are topped with another layer of silicone. The layers can be created as a separate sheet that sits atop the soft robots, or incorporated directly into their structure. Once created, researchers can pump colored liquids into the channels, causing the robot to mimic the colors and patterns of its environment.

The system’s camouflage capabilities aren’t limited to visible colors though.

By pumping heated or cooled liquids into the channels, researchers can camouflage the robots thermally (infrared color). Other tests described in the Science paper used fluorescent liquids that allowed the color layers to literally glow in the dark.

The uses for the color-layer technology, however, don’t end at camouflage.

Just as animals use color change to communicate, Morin envisions robots using the system as a way to signal their position, both to other robots, and to the public. As an example, he cited the possible use of the soft machines during search and rescue operations following a disaster. In dimly lit conditions, he said, a robot that stands out from its surroundings (or even glows in the dark) could be useful in leading rescue crews trying to locate survivors.

“What we hope is that this work can inspire other researchers to think about these problems and approach them from different angles,” he continued. “There are many biologists who are studying animal behavior as it relates to camouflage, and they use different models to do that. We think something like this might enable them to explore new questions, and that will be valuable.”

Sure, Stealth Bots that can avoid detection by any method known to man and can then just jump out and catch us? Gosh, what could possibly go wrong? Well at least they can’t run us down.

Ooops, spoke too soon.

Robots are already stronger than humans, able to lift thousands of pounds at a time. In many ways, they’re smarter than people, too; machines can perform millions of calculations per second, and even beat us at chess. But we could at least take solace in the fact that we could still outrun our brawny, genius robot overlords if we needed to.

Until now, that is. A four-legged robot, funded by the Pentagon, has just run 28.3 miles per hour. That’s faster than the fastest man’s fastest time ever. Oh well, ruling the planet was fun while it lasted.

The world record for the 100 meter dash was set in 2009 by sprinter Usain Bolt, who averaged 23.35 mph during his run for a time of 9.58 seconds. Over one 20-meter stretch, he managed to get up to 27.78 mph. It was a pretty impressive feat.

The Cheetah — a quadrupedal machine built by master roboteers Boston Dynamics and backed by Darpa, the Defense Department’s far-out research division — not only topped Bolt’s record-setting time. It also beat its previous top speed of 18 mph, set just a half-year ago.

“To be fair, keep in mind that the Cheetah robot runs on a treadmill without wind drag and has an off-board power supply that it does not carry,” a Boston Dynamics press release reminds us. “So Bolt is still the superior athlete.”

But the company is looking to change all that, and soon.

In recent months, the Cheetah team “increased the amount of power available to the robot. More power means faster motion and more margin in the actuators for better control,” Boston Dynamics CEO Marc Raibert tells Danger Room in an email. The robot-makers have also been “working on the control system, refining how the coordination of legs and back works and developing a better understanding of the dynamics.

He adds, “You can see that there is still room for improvement at the end of the video we just posted, where the robot starts to go faster, but loses control and trips.”

But those control systems are improving. The next major step is to build an untethered version — one with an onboard engine and operator controls that work in 3D.

“Our real goal is to create a robot that moves freely outdoors while it runs fast. We are building an outdoor version that we call WildCat, that should be ready for testing early next year,” Dr. Alfred Rizzi, the technical lead for the Cheetah effort, says in a statement.

It may sound a little outlandish. But keep in mind: Boston Dynamics has done this before. Its alarmingly like-like BigDog quadruped is able to tramp across ice, snow, and hills — all without the off-board hydraulic pump and boom-like device now used to keep the Cheetah on track. An improved version of the BigDog can haul 400 pounds for up to 20 miles. (See what we mean about robot brawn?) The company also has a biped ‘bot, Petman, that looks like a mechanical human — minus the head.

The idea behind these biologically-inspired robots is that legs can carry machines across terrain that would leave wheels or tracks stuck. To be a true partner to a human soldier, a robot has to walk like one, too. Darpa says Cheetah and company will “contribute to emergency response, humanitarian assistance and other defense missions.” But when the robot was first introduced, Boston Dynamics noted that its flexible spine would help it “zigzag to chase and evade.”

As if being brilliant and super-strong wasn’t unnerving enough.

Yeah, go ahead, yuck it up. Super fast stealth bots with the ability to hunt us down and kill us just makes me giggle too.

But at least killing us is all they can do. They can’t perform hideous medical experiments on us.

I have got to learn to keep my big mouth shut.

Surgeons at the University of Illinois Hospital & Health Sciences System are developing new treatment options for obese kidney patients.

Many U.S. transplant centers currently refuse to transplant these patients due to poorer outcomes.
By simultaneously undergoing two procedures — robotic-assisted kidney transplantation and robotic-assisted sleeve gastrectomy — patients have only one visit to the operating room and one general anesthesia. Surgeons can utilize the same minimally invasive incisions.

Aidee Diaz, a 35-year-old Chicago woman, is the first patient in the world to have the combined procedure, according to UI surgeons. When Diaz was diagnosed with kidney disease and high blood pressure five years ago, doctors began intensive treatment, including chemotherapy and steroids, to treat abnormal protein production that was causing her kidney disease.

In Diaz’s case, her weight jumped from 180 pounds to 300 pounds, and she needed dialysis three times a week.
“Many obese patients come to us because they have been excluded from transplant waiting lists or been told that they must lose weight prior to transplantation,” said Dr. Enrico Benedetti, professor and head of surgery at UIC. “Unfortunately, successful weight loss in patients with chronic illness is uncommon and often unrealistic.”

On July 9, Dr. Subhashini Ayloo, assistant professor of surgery at UIC, performed the robot-assisted sleeve gastrectomy by removing 70 percent of Diaz’s stomach. The procedure created a smaller stomach through which ingested food can enter the digestive tract without diverting or bypassing the intestines.
Immediately following the sleeve gastrectomy procedure, Benedetti performed a living-related kidney transplant. Diaz said she appreciates the gift of both procedures — having kidney function with weight loss.

Surgeons at the UI Hospital routinely perform robotic-assisted kidney transplantation (more than 65 cases since 2009) and sleeve gastrectomies for weight loss (more than 150 since 2007). The team has data, in press, demonstrating the safety of robotic kidney transplantation in obese patients with a body mass index above 40 and up to 60.

“The combination of gastric sleeve surgery and kidney transplantation could provide patients with the greatest benefit post-transplantation, when there is the greatest risk related to the combined complications of obesity and renal failure,” said Ayloo, who is principal investigator of an ongoing clinical trial to evaluate the safety and effectiveness of the combined procedure.

The trial will determine whether simultaneous robotic-assisted kidney transplant and sleeve gastrectomy has fewer surgical complications and better medical outcomes for obese patients with end-stage renal disease compared to kidney transplant alone. The institutional review board (IRB) has approved the protocol but the trial is ongoing and results are not yet available.

Co-investigators include Benedetti, Dr. Pier Giulianotti, Dr. Jose Oberholzer and Dr. Ivo Tzvetanov of UIC.

Previous studies have reported outcomes of other laparoscopic bariatric procedures (gastric bypass and gastric banding) before and after kidney transplantation, but there is no data on sleeve gastrectomy combined with kidney transplantation, Ayloo said.

Yeah, right in my own state they are teaching robots how to remove kidneys. Well, it isn’t like we need them or anything.

But robots like that are wildly expensive and rare. It’s not like you can knock one up in the garage.

HA HA! Fooled you.

Of course you can build your own artificial intelligence. How could you think otherwise?

Ask any roboticist of a certain age, whether a professional or hobbyist, how they first got interested in robots. Odds are good they’ll mention a 1976 TAB book, written by David L. Heiserman, called Build Your Own Working Robot. The book described the construction of Buster, a small, wheeled robot. This was before the era of ubiquitous microprocessors. Buster’s brain was a mass of TTL logic chips that implemented surprisingly complex behaviours. In some ways, Buster was not unlike Grey Walter’s vacuum tube-based turtle robots from the late 1940s and was likely the first significant step forward in behavior-based robots since Walter’s turtles. Did you ever wonder what Dave did after writing those books or what he’s up to today? Read on to find out!

Two years after Build Your Own Working Robot was published, Dave Heiserman returned with another robot book that brought behaviour-based robots into the computer age. The new book, called How to Build Your Own Self-Programming Robot, described the construction of Rodney. Starting with no knowledge, Rodney explored and learned about his world through trial-and-error, using what he learned to anticipate future explorations.

All of this behaviour-based robotics stuff was considered a bit kooky by mainstream researchers in the 1970s, who favored top-down strong AI. Why bother building little insect-level robots that puttered around on the floor? Machines needed to understand deep philosophical questions first. They needed to represent the entire world symbolically and reason about it like human brains. Only then would we be ready to put them on wheels or legs. So even though hobbyists almost immediately set to work building Buster clones, Heiserman was largely ignored elsewhere. But mainstream AI was already running into dead ends, entering what’s now known as the AI Winter. And those Buster-building hobbyists were entering Universities and beginning to set the stage for a change in the direction of AI research. Before long, Rodney Brooks arrived on scene and coined the name ‘subsumption architecture’ to describe his own bottom-up, behaviour-based robots. Robotics and AI research were revitalized.

While you aren’t likely to see a mention of Heiserman in any official history of AI or robotics, it hard to imagine that his books didn’t play a part in those changes. Even today I find that most hobby roboticists still remember him. Many still have the two books shown above or one of his many other books. I was reminded of this recently when, during a visit the Dallas Personal Robotics Group, I ran across several copies of Build Your Own Working Robot in the group’s library. I picked one up, opened it, and realized it was the very copy that I had bought in 1976 and later donated to the DPRG. It got me thinking about all of this and I wondered whether Dave might still be around. I set out to find him and, along the way, I collected questions from other robot builders; questions they’d always wanted to ask the author whose books inspired their interest in robotics.

If you click on the link there’s a fascinating interview to go along with all this. But look at the dates. Over 40 years ago this happy go lucky madman was inviting people to participate in their own destruction and, instead of jailing him for treason, he’s been allowed to become a living icon to those who would gleefully flush humanity down the drain.

Then again, after watching the vicious screed that is passing for political discourse these days, maybe they have the right idea.

SexBot from Joseph Gonzales on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

You know the drill. One minute you’re thinking about taking your special someone to the movies or on a picnic and the next thing you know death bots have destroyed your city. It’s become such a common occurrence that it doesn’t even make the news any more. Kind of like serial killers with the middle name Wayne. One minute you’re pretty sure there was a Castelnuovo in Tuscany and the next thing you know it’s a hole in the ground. And you’re pretty sure that Bruce Springsteen sang about the joys of life in Asbury Park but that seems to have fallen off the map as well. And, true, while our impending robot overlords are practicing by wiping out small civilizations they have also been perfecting the sex bots they will use to keep us focused on anything but what they are doing, so we have that to look forward to.

Keep in mind that we live in a world where a babysitting robot was named Kilbot and no one had any problems with it.

“Gosh mommy, can Kilbot vaporize Timmy tonight?”

“Not tonight dear, we still need his spleen to pay the cable bill.”

So it is with no small amount of trepidation that I popped the link to my friend Chayse Love’s blog on designer death bots. She even provided a link to Randy Nelson’s article which explains how you too can own a death bot.

All you need is $1.3 MIL and some patience.

Climbing inside of a giant humanoid robot and piloting it is a staple of Japanese cartoons, but has always been something you could only watch characters do on-screen while you imagined yourself into their shoes — until now. A team of hobbyists, skilled engineers, and robot-lovers in Japan have finally created an honest-to-goodness mech you can actually drive.

Called the Kuratas, the human-controlled robot was created by a group calling itself Suidobashi Heavy Industry lead by Kogoro Kurata, an ironworker and artist. Standing more than 12 feet tall and weighing 9,920 pounds, the Kuratas was unveiled over the weekend at Wonder Fest 2012, an annual hobby convention in Tokyo, Japan, where it was — unsurprisingly — the hit of the show.

The Kuratas features a humanoid upper body and four insect-like legs with wheels. It’s designed to seat one person in its “chest,” which pivots above a waist and has one fully-articulated arm on either side. Pressing a button on the front of the robot opens the driver compartment canopy, allowing you to climb inside its cramped interior. Once inside, the canopy closes and you’re presented with a large LCD display and an array of lighted indicators.

Controlling the robot is handheld through a custom control stick that’s part steering wheel, part puppetry rig. It can be turned to pivot the bot’s waist and steer it when moving — the Kuratas has a top speed of six miles per hour — while a pair of joysticks operates the arms. Twisting and bending these sticks allows you to control the arms similar to how puppeteers move the elaborate animatronics used in movies. It’s also possible to control the robot’s movements using an app installed on an iPhone.

In addition to its literal pair of arms, the Kuratas is armed with a multi-rocket launcher and two Gattling cannons. The former fires plastic rockets filled with compressed water, while the latter can shoot a terrifying 6,000 plastic BBs per minute when you smile. As inexplicable as it may seem, the robot is fitted with an Xbox Kinect sensor in order to pick up your gestures and facial expressions, including the one needed to unleash what its creators have dubbed the “smile shot.”

The Kuratas might have robot fans grinning, but you’ll probably be grimacing when you learn that owning your own, while possible, starts at a whopping $1.35 million. Suidobashi Heavy Industry has set up a web page where you can customize your own Kuratas prior to purchase, including paint schemes, upholstery options, and other options. No word on how much they charge for shipping.

We live in a world where really scary people turn Super Soakers into shot guns. How hard do you think it will be to weaponize that rocket launcher and Gattling cannons?

If you guessed anything longer than a day you have not been paying attention.

Seriously, giving people the ability to play Voltron in real life is not as good an idea as it might seem after a bottle of tequila. And of course I knew there was a family friendly nude scene in that cartoon link (around 1:25). You expect me to know stuff like that.

Sexy Tron from Robert/Mechanical Whispers on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

There is something very wrong with me. Most people see a pretty field of flowers and think “Aww, pretty.” I see a pretty field of flowers and think “I wonder if we could attach bio weapons to the pollen.” See? A slightly different point of view. Another example is obviated by my incessant ranting that we are soon to be overthrown by robot overlords. Of course there is a plus to that. I mean robot overlords automatically mean a world with sex bots. But scientists aren’t content just to supply mechanical overlords the keys to our kingdoms. No indeedy Bob, some scientists have been messing around in the Fields of the Lord and have been altering animals to make them more intelligent. Anyone who’s seen Planet of the Apes knows how well that can turn out. So, you can understand my concern when I saw an article about how scientists have invented a particle they can inject into people that will allow their blood to remain oxygenated without the person needing to breathe.

First the article, then my concerns.

This may seem like something out of a science fiction movie: researchers have designed microparticles that can be injected directly into the bloodstream to quickly oxygenate your body, even if you can’t breathe anymore. It’s one of the best medical breakthroughs in recent years, and one that could save millions of lives every year.

The invention, developed by a team at Boston Children’s Hospital, will allow medical teams to keep patients alive and well for 15 to 30 minutes despite major respiratory failure. This is enough time for doctors and emergency personnel to act without risking a heart attack or permanent brain injuries in the patient.

The solution has already been successfully tested on animals under critical lung failure. When the doctors injected this liquid into the patient’s veins, it restored oxygen in their blood to near-normal levels, granting them those precious additional minutes of life.

Particles of fat and oxygen

The particles are composed of oxygen gas pocketed in a layer of lipids, a natural molecule that usually stores energy or serves as a component to cell membranes. Lipids can be waxes, some vitamins, monoglycerides, diglycerides, triglycerides, phospholipids, or—as in this case—fats.

These fatty oxygen particles are about two to four micrometers in size. They are suspended in a liquid solution that can be easily carried and used by paramedics, emergency crews and intensive care personnel. This seemingly magic elixir carries “three to four times the oxygen content of our own red blood cells.”

Similar solutions have failed in the past because they caused gas embolism, rather than oxygenating the cells. According to John Kheir, MD at the Department of Cardiology at Boston Children’s Hospital, they solved the problem by using deformable particles, rather than bubbles:

We have engineered around this problem by packaging the gas into small, deformable particles. They dramatically increase the surface area for gas exchange and are able to squeeze through capillaries where free gas would get stuck.

Kheir had the idea of an injected oxygen solution started after he had to treat a little girl in 2006. Because of a lung hemorrhage caused by pneumonia, the girl sustained severe brain injuries which, ultimately, lead to her death before the medical team could place her in a heart-lung machine.

Soon after, Kheir assembled a team of chemical engineers, particle scientists, and medical doctors to work on this idea, which had promising results from the very beginning:

Some of the most convincing experiments were the early ones. We drew each other’s blood, mixed it in a test tube with the microparticles, and watched blue blood turn immediately red, right before our eyes.

It sounds like magic, but it was just the start of what, after years of investigation, became this real life-giving liquid in a bottle.

This is what the future is about. And it’s a beautiful one indeed, one that is arriving earlier than we ever could have expected. I wonder if this would find its way to other uses. I can see it as an emergency injection in a spaceship, for example. But what about getting a shot for diving?

And that last sentence sets up a future where, as this particle improves, people will be able to, eventually, live underwater without mechanical aids. And once they accomplish that they will be a separate race from us and science has shown, again and again, that two dominant species cannot coexists in the same venue. And, let’s face it, the fish people would have going on it all over us. They could infect our rivers, our lakes and our oceans without missing a beat. And before you say “They’d be killing themselves” I remind you that their blood would self create oxygen, they wouldn’t need any of ours.

DYE “Fantasy” Official Video by JEREMIE PERIN from TIGERSUSHI on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

As I mentioned yesterday, tomorrow night is the “really big shoe” celebrating Nude Hippo’s 15th anniversary. You can check it out at 9 pm on the NBC Chicago Nonstop channel (Comcast 341, RCN 50, WOW! 130 and DTV 5.2). There’s already a fun trailer on line, featuring the lovely Amy Zanglin, at Nude Hippo dot com. Some people who won’t be watching are the nice people who claim that Earth is being invaded by Dorito shaped UFOs. Most of hem are stunned that objects, which look exactly like military grade flying wing aircraft, can move so slow and be so big. They are amazed because they are too stupid to understand the meaning of the word “perspective.” Big things that are far away appear to be moving slowly. Thus has it ever been. Now, please make these people go away. Maybe to France. Yeah that would work. You see, in France, it is perfectly legal to marry dead people. And if these tools only married dead people we wouldn’t have to worry about them procreating.

Speaking of not procreating, actually this is a happy story, girls in Hamtramk Michigan, the city made famous by Terminal White, realized that many young ladies are denied the joys of prom due to their religious beliefs. So, they set up a girl’s only prom and sold that sucker right out.

The prom countdown was nearly complete, the do-it-yourself Greek columns, pink and white tulle bows and plastic flutes with the “Once Upon a Dream” logo awaiting the evening of evenings.

But as she looked at her reflection in the mirror, her one-shoulder lavender gown matching the elaborate hijab that framed her face in a cascade of flowers — a style learned on YouTube — Tharima Ahmed knew that what lay ahead was more than simply a prom.

As organizer of Hamtramck High School’s first all-girl prom, which conforms to religious beliefs forbidding dating, dancing with boys or appearing without a head scarf in front of males, Tharima, 17, was forging a new rite of passage for every teenage Muslim girl who had ever spent prom night at home, wistfully watching the limousines roll by.

“Hi, guys — I mean girls!” Tharima, a Bangladeshi-American, exuded into the microphone as 100 girls — Yemeni-American, Polish-American, Palestinian-American, Bosnian-American and African-American — began pouring into the hall on Bangladesh Avenue.

This was prom, Hamtramck-style: the dense, scrappy working-class city of 22,500 encircled by Detroit, once predominantly German and Polish, has become one of the most diverse small cities in America. Its new soul lay in the music playlist embedded in Rukeih Malik’s iPhone: Lady Gaga, Cobra Starship, the Belgrade-born singer Ana Kokic and The Bilz, a Canadian-South Asian band, singing “2 Step Bhangra.”

In this season of wobbly heels and cleavage, the bittersweet transformation of teenagers in jeans and T-shirts into elegant adults barely recognizable to their friends is an anticipated tradition.

But at the all-girl prom, there were double double-takes, as some of Tharima’s classmates, normally concealed in a chrysalis of hijab and abaya, the traditional Muslim cloak, literally let their hair down in public for the first time.

Eman Ashabi, a Yemeni-American who helped organize the event, arrived in a ruffled pink gown, her black hair falling in perfect waves, thanks to a curling iron. Like many here, she stunned her friends.

Good for them. Prom is supposed to be many positive things, despite the upper class’ tendency to ruin it. These young ladies had fun in a safe environment and got to share private moments with close friends. That makes them more mature than any of us.

It also means that they will never find out that Mexican scientists have figured out how to turn Tequila into diamonds. As one scientist noted, “All that’s required is to heat the liquor to 1500 °F, throw in a few fancy physics tricks, and – voilà – you end up with shimmering sheets of the gem.” Seems like a waste of good booze to me, but what do I know?

Speaking of beneficial science, Jolene Van Vugt, a name that will live forever, recently set the land speed record for a racing toilet.

Most speed records that involve the toilet are set by people who have to run to one, but one Canadian stuntwoman made history by riding one.

She’s Jolene Van Vugt, 31, and she’s flushed with excitement after riding a motorized toilet into the Guinness World Record book on Wednesday at a speed of 46 mph.

“I flew into Australia yesterday and came out here to jump straight on the toilet,” she told the BBC. “That was so fun and I’m stoked to get the record.”

In the process, she beat the previous record speed of 42 mph, set March 10, 2011, by Edd China in Milan, Italy.

It wasn’t easy. To win the record, she had to drive the craptastic contraption — which, according to National Post, was basically a go-kart with porcelain toilet in place of a driver’s seat — 330 feet in both directions. Early on, her chain kept falling off, but finally got repaired.

At one point, the whole attempt was almost dumped because Van Vugt couldn’t stop wobbling all over the place on the bumpy track.

“The cobblestones were a bit dangerous and proved problematic for me,” she told the Telegraph. “The kick off them almost threw me.”

World records are nothing new to Van Vugt, whose previous Guinness records include being the first female to backflip a dirt bike, performing the longest backflip and backflipping a dirtbike over Arizona’s Grand Canyon,according to Sky News.

Still, when all is said and done, she keeps thinking about the toilet.

“I’ve broken Guiness World Records before but I never thought I’d be the fastest toilet rider in the world,” she told the Sydney Morning Herald.

Her mom is weeping in joy right now.

No word on whether she was exposed to the bio-weapon that temporarily turns people into raging homosexuals. Also no word on who the hell thought such a weapon was a good idea.

But, enough of this same sex stuff, no matter how benign, it’s time to go to Spain and meet busloads of women who want tot do nothing more than cook, clean and pop out babies.

Country boy, meet city girl.

Inspired by a Hollywood western, a Spanish dating association is trying to slow a population drain from the country’s beleaguered central villages, introducing bachelors to women bussed in from the big city of Madrid with hopes of ending a bride shortage.

Candeleda, a town of 6,000 on the banks of the picturesque Lobera River, hosted a weekend fiesta to welcome 68 women for a meet-and-greet with the village’s single men. Ancient cave paintings show Candeleda has been inhabited for some 5,000 years, and resident Jose Miguel, 67, said he would hate to see its population dwindle after such a long history.
“I’ve checked out the few widows and single women here,” said Miguel. “I signed up for this to meet new ladies and to hopefully show them the beauty of my town.”

The group, Asocamu, was set up in 1995 to promote rural re-population by organizing parties for single men and woman, but Spain’s painful financial crisis and the lure of city jobs has made the need more pressing than ever, Manuel Gozalo, one of the organizers, said Sunday.

Many villages are falling into ruin, with national statistics showing that of Spain’s 5,000 villages up to 100 are under imminent threat of abandonment.

Large swathes of central and northern Spain are at risk of depopulation. In the small agricultural communities of Spain’s central plain single, male residents were finding the loneliness too tough to endure, Gozalo said.

Asocamu credits as its inspiration the 1951 film “Westward the Women,” starring Robert Taylor and Denise Darcel, which tells the story of how the American west was populated by organizing wagon trains of women to provide company, and brides, for lonely pioneers.

In the red-roofed village of Candeleda, men and women danced, flirted — and considered their prospects. Blanca Fernandez, 52, works in sales in Madrid and was attracted by the idea of a nice day out and a chance for romance.

“I know it’s difficult to find the love of one’s life, but some of these meetings have led to marriages,” she said.

And it’s not just the lure of jobs and clean apartments that is drawing people away, there is also the promise of limitless sexbots. Scientists Michelle Mars & Ian Yeoman are promising a world of guilt free nooky in the near future.

Human prostitutes could be a thing of the past by 2050, as more and more robots get pimped into prostitution.

That’s the future envisioned by Michelle Mars and Ian Yeoman at Victoria University of Wellington, who have released a report suggesting that lifelike robots will be coming to a brothel near you.

Mars and Yeoman see lots of advantages to having “hoe-bots” doing the dirty work instead of humans, such as “commercial sex robots would be free of disease and would reduce the trafficking of real people,” they told The Week.

Despite the fact that these hard-wired whores will suck up electricity as opposed to, er, never mind, the raunchy robot researchers say the idea isn’t that shocking.

“Sex robots are absolutely inevitable. In fact, they already exist,” Mars told Business Insider. “Society has had relationships with machines and we continue to have increasingly intimate relationships with more and more sophisticated technologies.”

For instance, there is “Roxxxy,” an interactive doll costing between $7,000 to $9,000 that was unveiled at an adult entertainment expo in 2010, and, according to MSNBC.com, can be programmed with different personalities such as frigid Farrah and wild Wendy.

If you’re the type of person who can’t get used to the idea of getting kinky with an android, don’t worry: There will still be human sex workers as well.

“Human prostitution will still be around. It’s the oldest profession and won’t be thwarted by robot alternatives,” Mars told MSNBC.com. “It’s just that high-quality alternatives where the robots are indistinguishable from humans will cut down the profitability of human exploitation.”

However, some tech writers such as Lauren Davis believes there are some questions that need to be answered before “ho-bots” become as common as smartphones.

“Would sex robots … diminish the demand for human sex tourism enough to negatively impact the economies of certain regions? Or would human sex tourism in those regions explode as robotic prostitutes came to displace human ones in places that could afford the robots?” she wrote on iOP.com. “If human sex tourism did somehow become an economic impossibility, how might the economies of those regions shift and change?”

Christian Bryant of Mashable.com also sees some potential downsides, such as weird R2D2 noises during sex and waiting for software updates and one definite upside.

“Technically, this won’t be cheating, right?” he asked.

Oh no, there isn’t a woman in the world who would get upset with her husband or boyfriend banging a piece of moaning plastic instead of her. I’m sure this will all go well.

By “go well” I mean “end in tears.”

Didn’t anyone see AI?

Oh, and just in case you’re curious, the rise of sex bots will finally end Genghis Khan’s rule of the world. It seems that 16,000,000 men are directly descended from him. Or, to be more accurate, odds are that you, or someone you know, is directly related to him. When the sex bots take over that gene pool thing should get mighty shallow and put a stop to that kind of prolific nonsense.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Well all know what too much means. You order the cheeseburger and are greeted with a one pound behemoth slathered in stuff with a plate of cheese fries on the side, covered in salsa – naturally, and a soft drink the size of Utah. Or you meet a nice lady in a bar and the two of you hit it off and the next thing you know you’re locked in a motel room with the Poynter triplets and someone’s busting out the body paint. Well, that’s kind of like my morning thus far, minus the saturated fats and nude models. As regular readers know I occasionally poke a gentle stick into the festering corpse that passes for civilization in Florida. Well, today, I had programmed my search engine to find me crimes in Florida over the past week. I added some filters, the usual ones I use, and set it free. It usually comes back with 4 or 5 stories and I work from there. Today there are 16 to choose from. Take, please, the case of Carl I. Little, Jr. Recently released from prison and he decided that this freedom thing is too much for one man to bear so he robbed a bank. While the police haven’t caught him yet they do have a lovely 8X10 that they snagged from the surveillance footage that clearly shows his face and other distinguishing features. Not to be outdone, Gabriel Miller, Gabe to his friends, was arrested to stealing a car on his way home from prison where he had just served a stretch for grand theft auto. He’s really bad at this, don’t you think?

Also “bad at this” is one Marcus Wayne Hunt. I’ll let Sheriff David Gee, from Hillsborough Florida, tell the tale.

On April 14, 2012 at approximately 4:22 p.m., Marcus Wayne Hunt was released from Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office jail after posting bond. Tampa Police Department had arrested Hunt earlier the same day on charges of Fleeing and Attempting to Elude Police and No Valid Driver’s License.

Approximately sixteen minutes after his release from jail, Hunt approached a victim in the area of 78th Street and Gray Moss Lane. Hunt struck the victim in the face and took the victim’s bicycle, valued at $190.00.

Detectives were able to identify and issue a warrant for Hunt in connection with the April 14 incident. He was taken into custody on April 17 at approximately 11:29 a.m. at 8708 Fish Lake Road.

Of course we can’t forget those classy Florida dames like Jennifer Marie Guthrie who robbed two men just after being released from prison for robbery.

I’m starting to see a pattern here.

And let us not forget the lovely and talented Ms. Theresa Jones who got out of jail after serving time for drugs and hooking an met up with a nice man (pen pal) on her way out and then stole his car to go on a beer and crack cocaine run.

I understand the beer part but …..

Anyway, she got arrested again.

Now, folks, if your pen pal is in the slammer the odds are, and I’m just pointing out the painfully obvious, that they may not be the stellar humans you want to introduce to your parent while in church. Also, if your only hope of getting a date involves recently released inmates, just buy an inflatable doll and get yourself neutered.

Of course, even Floridians can be taught proper manners, right? After the bikini riot at Burger King and the man who shot up a Denny’s to get better service (it didn’t work in case you’re thinking about it), those kind of incidents have declined.

Right?

Oh, hell, no.

Jennifer Lynn Betterfly, driving on a suspended license and possessing godawful taste in food, rammed a car at a Taco Bell because she wanted to place her order and the other car was in her way.

Yeah, boys, she’s still single if you can believe it. And you know that for a couple of Gordita’s she’ll think WAY outside the bun.

Also at Taco Bell, Joshua Ryan Fisher, terrorized customers by throwing utensils, his head set and a taco pizza into a customer’s face. Police say he was cold sober at the time and have offered no explanation for his behavior.

How about “he works at Taco Bell”?

And we can’t forget Michael Linn Ogborn, who beat up a manager at Sonic’s for putting tomatoes on his BLT a/k/a bacon – lettuce – tomato sandwich.

You just can’t make stuff like that up.

But there was one item out of Florida that stood head and shoulders above the rest. This is the kind of thing that can, and does, only happen in Florida.

Terrorist squirrels are attacking trailer parks.

And they’re armed with Molotov cocktails or something similar.

Unbelievable but true. Conditions are so dry right now that even squirrels are accidently sparking devastating fires. And the worst part seems to be there’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Four brush fires in four days and a Lehigh Acres firefighter says all of them were started by squirrels.

A squirrel was also blamed for the Buckingham fire Tuesday that ultimately destroyed the home of a local pastor.

Clark Ryals with Florida Forest Service says this is a first for him.

“This has happened before but I’ve never heard of it causing fires,” he said.

Scurrying along high voltage lines, the squirrels play a dangerous game when they touch one line while still on another.

“They create a connection between the two which is called arching and the electricity flows through them and can sometimes set them ablaze,” Ryals said.

He says incidents of squirrels getting fried are not as uncommon as people think.

“Usually they are safe if the stay on one wire at a time. But when they try to reach over to the other wire they make that arc,” Ryals said.

But with rain hard to come by throughout many portions of Southwest Florida, we could begin seeing a rise in serious brushfires started by the animals.

“I think you are going to see more and more chances of causing fires in the near future until we start getting steady rainfall,” said Ryals.

But stopping the squirrels from hopping along the wires isn’t something that’s expected to happen anytime soon.

“It’s an inherent risk you have with electricity flowing over the wires that these accidents can possibly happen,” said Ryals.

For residents, keeping a watchful eye out is the best solution.

“If you do have a transformer that blows, call the power company and the fire department as soon as possible. That way tragedies that happened today won’t happen in the future,” Ryals said.

So while there’s not much you can do to stop this from potentially happening to you, officials say you can keep your lawn watered so the grass isn’t as dry as it could be.

“Accidentally?”

I don’t think so. They’re just tired of the words “squirrely” and “nuts” being associated with Floridians. You would be too if you were a squirrel.

Here’s a sexy Floridian named Tori. Well, she’s sexy to other Floridians, which should frighten the hell out of the gene pool.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.