Search Results for: boobs

I have a new neighbor. He moved in a couple of months ago. It took me about 11 seconds to decide he was a douche. Maybe 12. Anyway, 2 weeks ago he introduced me to his girlfriend. She, politely, pointed out that they were on their way to their first date (Olive Garden according to him) and weren’t actually in a relationship. Just consider this moment as added evidence to his douche-baggery. Especially the whole Olive Garden thing. Set aside the fact that the food sucks, “Here baby, have some free salad” isn’t all that romantic. Okay, back on point. Yesterday the nice lady, and she is very nice, broke up with him. In the hallway. She claimed, surprise surprise, that he was a drama queen and given to over-reactions. She then turned on heel and walked away while he started crying over the lost love of his life. Yes, I remind you that this is two weeks in. He cried for five hours. At times sobbing. At times wailing and at times making this keening noise akin to brake failure on a freight train. Then, because we are discussing a man who’s in complete control of his emotions and social behavior, cranked up a boom box and began playing Royals for the next three hours. Obviously nothing says “lost love” like a song that has nothing to do with love, lost or otherwise.

I used to like that song.

Nevertheless, while the douche-bag may be destined to a short shelf life no matter what he does, others have success that lasts decades. I am limiting this blog to five bands that have, as best as possible, stayed together for the long haul. Solo performers have it much easier. Bands are, essentially, caravans of gypsies. Yes the wagons get nicer when you’re successful but life on the road isn’t a first class ticket to sing at a hotel no matter how well appointed the bus may be.

Here we go.

(1) The Rolling Stones. Founded in 1962, they haven’t been relevant since 1978, on the Some Girls tour, and now they charge $250 or better to see them live, but back in the day the Glitter Twins made some of the best rock and roll on the planet, with Her Majesty’s Request being an admitted mistake, and changed the way millions of people thought about music. Even on the Some Girls tour, which I saw, tickets were reasonable and you could win them, as I did, on WLUP, which was also relevant back then. However, just as the Stones were set to slide into obscurity or playing corner bars for kicks, CLASSIC ROCK was born. Radio geared for a target audience of middle aged white men with money. More importantly middle aged white men with families that they had to introduce to their favorite music. The Stones figured that whatever these idiots would pay to see a football game, about $100 a pop when they started these stadium tours, that’s what they would charge. That is still their philosophy. God bless them.

(2) Parliament Funkadelic. Started in the late 50’s by George Clinton as a doo-wop group they morphed into two of the greatest funk collectives ever known, Parliament and Funkadelic (until 1972 they were on different labels although they were actually the same band – well, it was the 70’s, there was lots of confusion). The Parliament side of the group was the more pop sounding affair while Funkadelic took psychedelia and R&B and fused them into art. The collective spawned Bootsy’s Rubber Band, The Brides of Funkenstein and several others. But the original group, including the latest iteration of it’s famous mothership is still playing selected dates. So the next time someone tells you they’re gonna turn this mutha out, you can thank George Clinton and his merry band of miscreants.

(3) ZZ Top. Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hill & Frank Beard hooked up in 1969 in Houston Texas. Utilizing three chords, one beat and vocals that barely spanned four notes, forget about an octave, they became the unlikely darlings of the working class. Considering that the singers look more like Hasidic rabbis than rockers, unlikely may be an understatement. Still, by the mid-70’s they were selling out stadiums performing shows that featured live bulls, a stage shaped like Texas (this was before Texas went insane) and convincing teenage girls to take off tier tops for ZZ Top. I know, I was there. I haven’t see that many tits outside of a strip club in my life. My buddy, who was, and is, older and wiser than me advised me to go without a date. Dear God was that a good call. If you couldn’t get laid at a ZZ Top concert it’s off to the monastery for you. But if boobs aren’t your thing, here’s some Tush. Something else that was on display in great abundance that day.

(4) The Stranglers. Classically trained punk band may seem like an oxymoron, but this multi-million selling group (that you probably never heard of) has made it work for 40 straight years of touring. Think about that. 40 years on the road. No breaks, no year off here or there, just 40 years of non-stop rock and roll. Their first single that hit late night radio in the U.S. in 1977 was called Get a Grip and it changed my fucking religion. The band had already been touring Europe for three years at that time. Unlike the other bands noted above The Stranglers kept writing, kept being political, never shied from satire and saw their drummer celebrate his 75th birthday by appearing in their latest music video, a catchy rip on climate change deniers. Anyway, 2014 is their 40th Anniversary tour, catch them if you can. It used to be that if you left a Stranglers show without being bloodied or bruised you weren’t really there (I still have the scar). Things are a little calmer now.

(5) Shonen Knife. These are the youngsters here today, another million selling act most Americans don’t know. Founded in 1981 these three young ladies epitomize Japanese pop music. They also epitomize raw punk. You see they do the, Cheap Trick influenced, girly stuff for their label, some very cute pop songs that sell kazillions, and then they pull out their strap ons and leathers (not literally) and go play live. It is here that I should mention that Shonen Knife literally translates to Boy Knife. That is not a flattering phrase for a penis, just in case you’re confused. To put it in some perspective they almost didn’t do a U.K. tour with Nirvana because they were scary looking men and they had no clue who they were (this was pre Never Mind). Here is Yamano’s take on the whole affair, ” … I went to a record store, and I bought their CD. And when I saw their photograph, I thought they might be scary persons, because their hairstyles and their clothes were very grunge. But once the tour had started, I noticed that all the members were nice, good persons. And because this was our first experience of a long tour, the drummer Dave [Grohl] helped us with setting up the drum kit.”

Yeah, the only thing cooler than having Trent Reznor be your tambourine player has got to be having Nirvana be your roadies.

So there you go. Click the links, play with fire, date a red head (only if you’re single), hell, do whatever you want, you’ve lived long enough to take a chance here and there.

As have they.

Beats Antique “Beauty Beats” from RadioPangea on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
Visit us on Rebel Mouse for even more fun!
contact Bill McCormick
Your Ad Can Be Here Now!

This week has been the world’s largest celebration of stupidity that I can remember. Not just the politicians either. Although they certainly are due your consideration in this view. No, this week has seen people crawl out from whatever rock they’d been under and foist themselves upon reality with no regard for the consequences. It’s like some filter’s been turned off and people no longer feel the need to give a damn about anyone else. Before we get to today’s examples allow me to share a personal moment. I have a friend whose mother has terminal cancer. She asked for, and got, a wake held before she dies. This way we all got to hang out with her one last time, share some tears and some laughs. Mostly laughs. She even busted out the story about the time she caught me and her daughter playing doctor. We were in our 20’s then and are still good friends now. As we were laughing I heard a commotion. It seems her son, my buddy, was yelling at his cousin. He’s not really a yelling kind of guy so we all rushed into the living room to see what was up. What was up was his cousin was filling her purse with his mom’s bric-a-brac. Some of it worth good coin. Her excuse? “What are you yelling about, she’s going to kick anyway.”

There’s a lot of crap just like that going around.

The story of Robert Selle would seem to make my point.

If fences make good neighbors, then maybe this couple should consider building something akin to the Berlin Wall.

A Stuart couple complained to cops after seeing too much of their neighbor, 40-year-old Robert Selle, who allegedly stood naked in his yard while yelling at passing cars and throwing stuff around, reports Will Greenlee in his Off the Beat blog for TCPalm.com in Stuart.

Selle reportedly hurled a leather coat, a mailbox, knife, gate and a neck of a guitar at the couple and deputies, who arrived latter, according to the report.

Cops then threw him into jail.

This kind of self absorbed behavior can cause harm as well as laughter. Philomena Maria Melton is walking, talking proof of that. Well, she is now that she’s awake.

Hey, mom, you snooze, you lose … possibly your child.

Philomena Maria Melton, a 23-year-old mom, was charged with child neglect and possession of synthetic marijuana after she allegedly smoked some fake weed and then fell asleep in her van at a Kangaroo Express, Ocala police report.

A concerned employee called cops after finding the snoozing mom, along with her almost two-year-old child, inside the van with the door open, according to the report.

It might be fake pot — but it’ll get you some real jail time.

Not all self absorbed people are a danger to humans. Some are a danger to animals as well. http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/strange/floriduh-blog/sfl-flduh-pantless-car-with-dog-dui-20131001,0,7905276.story illuminates this point better than I ever could.

Bottoms up or bottoms off?

Marion County deputies called to a report of a suspicious vehicle on Sunday found a 2009 Hyundai with all of its lights out parked halfway on a Dunnellon road and obstructing the flow of traffic, according to a Sheriff’s Office report.

A woman identified as Karen Worley Drake, 51, was lying in the front seat amid mounds of clothing and personal stuff. Her dog was in the passenger’s seat, deputies said.

It took “several minutes” of tapping on the car’s window before Drake finally opened the door – naked from the waist down with the car reeking of booze, the sheriff’s report said.

Drake allegedly told the deputy that she was living in her car because she had been “kicked out” of her home.

And she wasn’t wearing any panties because she, uh, had urinated on herself earlier. the report said.

After initially denying that she had anything to drink, Drake later admitted she had consumed two shots of “Fireball Whiskey,” deputies said.

In the back seat of the car deputies also reported finding an empty container of “boxed wine” with her reach.

At least now she’ll get three hots and a cot.

Of course, as you know, all stupid people think they’re smart. So they will try and outsmart that which they can not our run or just kill. Christina Marie Ferrara is a prime example of that.

It appears an accused hooker’s cat and mouse game with cop landed her a date with the judge.

An undercover Daytona Beach cop, who was working in an area known for street prostitution, called out to a woman, “Hey, babydoll, are you working?” according to police.

Once the woman, identified as Christina Marie Ferrara, 21, entered the unmarked police car, she immediately asked the ‘john’ if he was a cop. She then demanded he touch her breasts to prove that he was not a law-enforcement officer, according to the arrest report.

When the undercover officer told her that there were people nearby and was reluctant to touch her, Ferrara asked to exit the car, police reported.

Too late.

Since Ferrara allegedly asked the cop to touch her boobs on a public roadway in view of people, she committed another crime — offering or agreeing to a lewd or indecent act.

Oh, there is too much wrong there to discuss in one sitting. Let’s just move on.

What do you do when you’ve gone out of your way to anger a trucker? If you answered “show him my chaplain’s badge” you win.

I actually feel good about myself that that wasn’t my first answer.

Allow me to share the story of Almed Jurado.

Watch out! God’s Squad appears to be patrolling our highways.

A man was charged with impersonating a cop after police said he flashed a chaplain’s badge during a road rage incident last Saturday in Kissimmee.

In other news, there’s such a thing as a chaplain’s badge?

A semi-truck driver told deputies the driver of a gold Mercury, who was travel ling in front of him, slammed on his brakes. Then, at a nearby intersection, the trucker said the driver, identified as Almed Jurado, 32, got out of his car, yelled at him and approached him holding what looked like a police badge and said he was a cop, the report stated.

The trucker called 911.

Jurado denied flashing a badge, deputies said, but did show them a badge inscribed “Florida Ministry Association” he said he used for his work as a chaplain — but not as a chaplain for any law enforcement agency, according to the report.

Another question for you; say you’re serving community service in a public place.

Do you:
(a) Serve your sentence and work to have your record expunged
(b) pull out your penis and wave it at strangers

Heber Laguna Jr., a man clearly doomed by his name, chose (b).

If you’ve been ordered by the court to perform community service hours as part of your sentence or plea agreement, then take responsibility, show up and always be on your best behavior.

That means talking trash and exposing your junk are off-limits.

On Sept. 23rd, deputies got a report from an unidentified business that Heber Laguna Jr. had exposed himself and made sexual comments to several female employees, according to the Okeechobee County Sheriff’s Office.

Unfortunately for Laguna, the business that had reported his alleged lewd behavior was the company that he had been assigned to work in order to complete community service hours, the report stated.

Deputies found Laguna walking down the road from the business after he was told to leave, deputies said.

Laguna was charged with exposure of sexual organs.

And there you have it. Proof that society is circling the drain.

Have a nice day!

David Tennant – I Want To Do Bad Things With You from sarah schofield on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
Visit us on Rebel Mouse for even more fun!
contact Bill McCormick
Your Ad Can Be Here Now!

I, like many, have been staring, slack jawed, at our alleged leaders. It turns out that Americans elected 40 officials who have no idea what a law is. I wonder how the hell that could happen and then I go back and re-read some of my blogs here and sigh sadly. We are a country festooned with Floridians and their like minded ilk. Short sighted xenophobes who think that the only safe country is one that’s built on fear and harm. The next time someone tells you that your vote doesn’t count, point to these dark days. An involved electorate could have prevented this. But, you don’t come here for politics. Nope, you tend to wander this way to see if I’ve written anything scintillating about boobs or silly laws and, occasionally, some sciency stuff. Sciency is too a real word. How can I prove that? Look at the previous sentence, it says so.

Yes, it’s logic like that that got us where we are today. And it explains equally how Louisiana ended up with a cop who writes tickets to invisible people.

No, I am not making this up and, yes, he’s done it hundreds of times

Across the U.S., in every state in the union (except New Hampshire), hundreds of drivers are ticketed each day for not wearing their seatbelts. In New Orleans, however, at least 215 of those tickets have gone to “phantom motorists”, allowing one enterprising police officer to nab some extra pay.

A little backstory

Gross apparently issued the 215 tickets to “phantom motorists” in three months since the grant funds were awarded. Details of how he accomplished that feat haven’t been released, but since he works in the department’s information technology division — or did, until he was arrested yesterday — it sounds as if he could have created them from the relative comfort of his desk. Eventually, one of Gross’ supervisors became suspicious and reported him to the Public Integrity Bureau, which conducted an investigation.

So, today we learned that New Hampshire, state motto “Live Free or Die,” now has the motto “Live Free AND Die.”

Well, isn’t that special?

Still and all, he’s a better cop than Kirlos Sayed, Frank Santanastaso and Matthew Kirsheh. They dressed up as cops, bought a cop car, got a siren and a cheap badge and … wait for it …. conned a store into selling them Grand Theft Auto early.

Oh, and then they broke a bunch of laws.

Die hard gamers have been waiting for months to get their hands on the criminal-activity ridden video game Grand Theft Auto V.

Grand Theft Auto (or GTA, as the kids call it) is wildly popular among the younger crowd and it’s well known for it’s elaborate story line and expertly executed car heists.

Recently, three Staten Island teens got so amped to be the first ones to own it they decided to impersonate cops in order to cut the line. And, much like their video game criminal counterparts- they also found themselves getting arrested.

Players can interact with the game world as they wish and can either play alone or online with up to 16 different players.

The game is basically Pac-Man’s much older, much cooler brother, and people from all over the country waited in line for hours in order to their hands on the second it was released.

GTA V was released at 12:01 a.m. on September 17. In Staten Island, New York, three college-age friends reportedly thought they might be able to beat the crowds if they showed up at a local Game Stop and flashed a badge.

The three friends even managed to get their hands on an old unmarked police car, complete with a siren, lights and other bells and whistles. The car, according to a source close to the story, had been purchased at a police auction.

The driver walked up to a security guard and asked to be let inside of the Staten Island Mall. “I’m with the NYPD,” he said, and flashed his auxiliary police officer badge. They strolled into the video game store, made their purchase and were about to make what they thought was the perfect getaway.

Unfortunately for them, the driver of the car got a bit too excited about executing the plan. He was so stoked, in fact, that he blew through a handful of stop signs. Real NYPD officers pulled them over a short distance later.

Kirlos Sayed, Frank Santanastaso and Matthew Kirsheh were arrested on the spot and have been charged with criminal impersonation. They could face up to 12 months behind bars if they are convicted.

New York, where state motto is Excelsior. That is Latin for Ever Upward. Which is ironic when you realize these kids are going to be sent up the river.

This just in: thanks to the prudes in Sinking Spring, PA., people will not be allowed to participate in SHOCKTOBERFEST naked. Sadly, if you want to visit the haunted house you’ll have to, at least, wear underwear.

Pennsylvania: Virtue, liberty, and independence my ass.

This also just in, Robert Fredrickson, of Kelso Washington, was arrested for molesting a birthday cake.

Washington: Al-ki.

Yes, Washington has a state motto that isn’t in English and has multiple meanings in its native language, Chinook. I’m convinced that it’s confusing stuff like that which leads heretofore normal people to molest birthday cakes.

Greg Rynerson, a bail bondsman in Cali, says there are a whole bunch of laws you could break and never know it.

Even our animals are subject to the laws of the land in this country.

Most of the laws that you will find on the books are more for the protection of the animals, though you will also see a few that can lead to jail time for the animals if they are caught breaking the laws.

From regulations on sleeping bears and hunting camels to animal mating protocol — apparently, animal behavior cannot be tolerated.

Let’s look at the details.

Let Sleeping Bears Lie

It is illegal to wake a sleeping bear in order to take a photo.

Sure, getting a picture of a live bear is something worthy of a National Geographic photographer. But you just don’t want to be that close when you wake up a bear from his long winter nap.

The punishment for this crime is meted out quickly by the bear.

Oh Give Me A Home Where The Camels Roam

It is illegal to hunt for camels.

Bet you didn’t think we even had wild camels roaming free in this country, but you were wrong. Around the time just before the Civil War, the government put together the Camel Military Corps.

Camels from the Middle East were imported to America in order to help build a wagon road through the Southwest.

The animals proved to be a great success, but when the Civil War started to get underway, the government decided that there was no longer a need for the camels.

Some were sold, others were killed and some roamed freely across the desert. There is dispute over whether there are any survivors out there today, but if there are we have laws protecting them.

Separation of Church and Mate

Animals are not allowed to mate within 1500 feet of a place of worship, tavern or school.

The punishment for violators: a good soaking with the water hose.

No Getting It On With A Porcupine

How do porcupines mate? Very carefully! And also, not with people.

How many times do we have to say it: does that need to be a law?

Apparently, yes. It is illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine in Florida .

No Painting A Sparrow

Apparently in Michigan, selling parakeets is a way to make good money. But finding enough of the birds to sell for a profit must not be easy for some because the Harper Woods government had to put in the books that it is illegal to paint a sparrow in order to sell it as a parakeet.

Fugitive Goat

This year, a “fugitive goat” was taken into custody after an attempt to head butt a police chief in New Hampshire. Residents reported that the goat was trespassing in their garage.

When officers arrived to remove the goat, the animal resisted arrest and attempted to assault officers to make its escape. Finally, the goat was taken into custody and placed in the back seat of a police cruiser. The goat’s owner has not been discovered.

Animals can be troublemakers, so we create laws that they need to follow. But people are even worse at making trouble so there are even more laws that have to be followed for the animals’ protection.

Seriously? who knew that boinking a porcupine was illegal?

Florida’s state motto is “In God we trust.” All others must be cash carrying gun owners.

Who don’t molest cakes or porcupines.

And you know that’s a law down there because it was an issue.

“Bob, oh hell Bob, not again. Wha’d those critters ever do to you?”

I can’t even begin to imagine Bob’s response.

Late Night Shopping (Radiohead remix video) from Anthony Carpendale on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
Visit us on Rebel Mouse for even more fun!
contact Bill McCormick
Your Ad Can Be Here Now!

Elmore Leonard died this week. The internationally famous crime novelist was the master of the terse phrase. No florid, purple, prose for him or his characters. Mike Lupica of the New York Daily News once said “The next best thing to reading Elmore Leonard is re-reading him.” So, in his honor (Elmore’s, not Mike’s), I’m going to keep things brief yet, hopefully, interesting. This week a variety of news stories have hit my desk that have left me kind of baffled. They all featured headlines that seemed to require no further story. Or, like “HEADLESS BODY FOUND IN TOPLESS BAR” require so much additional information as to render the headline useless. Still, you have to admit, you’re curious. What will shock absolutely no one is that all of today’s headlines come from Florida. So, without further ado, let’s take a peek at the Sunshine state.

Naked, one-legged man collapsed, died after rock-throwing ruckus, deputies said

God, Florida is just the gift that keeps on giving. In case you care, 55-year-old Norbert A. Chabannes was trying to rob homes in broad daylight by crawling across people’s lawns and throwing bricks at their windows. He died because he cut an artery on a piece of broken glass.

Samurai sword-wielding, knife-throwing man lost it over missing can of shrimp

Jayson Laughman, 34, is our wannabe ninja. He was upset at being accused of stealing a can of shrimp. That sentence may be the 3rd most white trash thing I’ve ever written. Even WalMart is too upscale to sell canned shrimp.

Oh, he’s in jail.

Search for Venice beach flasher leads to arrest of yet another beach flasher

You can see this happening in Venice Beach California. That is the home of the terminally weird. Venice Florida is the home of a major craft festival. It’s where old people go to die. So I guess it won’t surprise you to learn that the first flasher they busted was 76 years old. The one they were looking for was also old. They got him later that day.

Those are wrinkles you’ll never unsee.

Deputies: Flasher busted at post office

As has been noted here before, Florida seem to attract flashers. There must be some sort of deviant magnet that only they are drawn to. I do have to share this bit of brilliant journalism with you from the story.

… they spotted Doy Goss Thomas, a 65-year-old Pinetta resident, standing next to his truck in the post office’s parking area, exposing his ‘package of junk mail” to customers as they left the building …

I wonder how long the writer has been waiting to use that line. And, given that it’s Florida, how he didn’t manage to use it sooner.

Cops: Key West tourist yelled racial slurs, gave Nazi salutes

He’s from Ohio. Just so you know that not all the crazies are from Florida. Like all racists, he’s a big, tough, guy. Read below for further elucidation.

As the officer handcuffed Schaub and walked him to the patrol car, the self-described “Hitler Nazi” allegedly began to cry and accused the other men of making comments in order to provoke him to fight, according to police.

The big nasty Negroes made him feel bad. They were breathing his air and stuff. What other responses were appropriate?

The bonus is that his lovely wife was so drunk she couldn’t tell cops where her husband was hiding. Cops found him in the bedroom of his hotel room.

Inmates busted for smuggling ‘heroin in a breath strip’ into jail under stamps

This was actually working until one inmate, clearly fiending for a fix, started begging for his mail. That would be the mail that had the heroin hidden under each stamp. That prison officials found. That led to numerous arrests.

Busted: Couple who used young boy to steal, cops said

Memo to people who want to try this at home; Hooters has cameras in every location and 10 year old kids stick out like sore thumbs in a place known for nothing but boobs and wings.

Sure, they’re nice boobs, but they still don’t blend with 10 year old boys.

So there you have it. Since we can’t saw Florida off and let it float away, I guess we’ll just have to enjoy it from afar.

The farther afar the better.

Caged Animals : ‘All the Beautiful Things In The World’ (NSFW) from Jamie Harley on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
Visit us on Rebel Mouse for even more fun!
contact Bill McCormick

I admit to having my fair share of quirks. Some are socially acceptable others are not. That puts me on par with pretty much everyone else. The trick we learn as we grow up is when it’s okay to share those charming tidbits of your personality. For example, it is considered impolite to share your epic fart making ability in church. It is, however, a skill well lauded at a frat party. In France one has to draw a fine line between what is and is not acceptable. It is clearly against the law to sell breast milk over there but a lady has come up with a unique way around it. She is offering to let gay couples rent her milky breasts to feed their kids. Since she is, technically, selling a service and not the milk she’s legal. If, however, she were to offer her milky breasts to adults for a fee that would be illegal. It’s all so confusing. It’s no wonder therapy is the fastest growing profession.

Since we’re in Europe and discussing breasts, let’s head over to Jolly Old England where cops are hunting for a woman who maliciously flashed a car full of kids.

British police said they don’t get many female flashers but they have the photos to prove just such an incident occurred at a West Midlands supermarket.

The woman who allegedly exposed herself to a car full of children recently also had her picture taken by the kids’ mom before she fled, the BBC reported.

“This is a very serious crime and we would appeal to anyone who may know this woman to call us,” Police Sgt.. James Proffitt said. “Why she did this still remains unclear and this is now an opportunity for her to contact us and explain.”

The incident appeared to have its roots in a minor parking lot tiff in Smethwick between the woman and the 33-year-old mother. Words were exchanged and the alleged flasher unzipped her jacket to reveal she was wearing nothing else, the report said.

The flasher then took off but not before the victim snapped two photos of her, which were turned over to police.

Proffitt said the mom and her kids – ages 13, 12, 10 and 4 – were “shocked” and the incident was being treated as a sexual assault.

Ah yes, you nicked my car I’ll show you my boobs. That makes perfect sense to me.

Almost as much sense as our next story. Closer to home, in the great state of New Jersey, 56 year old Wendy Tucker flashed a set of security cameras.

Police in New Jersey said they arrested a woman accused of flashing her breasts to security cameras being monitored by dispatchers.

Barnegat police said dispatchers saw Wendy Tucker, 56, “get out of a car in the middle of Lexington Boulevard, pull up her shirt and bra, exposing her breasts while facing several security cameras” around 2 a.m. Wednesday, the Asbury Park (N.J.) Press reported Tuesday.

Lt. Keith Germain said the video footage also depicts Tucker “looking up at the cameras while extending her middle fingers to the cameras.”

Patrolman Michael Diblasi located Tucker’s car and took her into custody. Police said she was wanted on an outstanding warrant from Atlantic County and was charged with an additional count of lewdness.

A word of advice for those of you playing along today; if you have outstanding warrants, attracting police attention is a bad idea.

Still and all our flashers thus far have been relatively harmless. Thankfully, we’ve still got Florida so we can change that. This next story speaks for itself.

Police in Florida said a man ran up to a woman on a beach trail while garbed in nothing but a homemade mask.

St. Lucie County sheriff’s deputies said a woman told police she was walking on a South Hutchinson Island beach access trail Wednesday when a man wearing nothing but a mask ran toward her and stopped a few feet away, TCPalm.com reported Friday.

Deputies stopped a white pickup truck matching a description of the suspect’s vehicle and a mask found on the truck was identified by the victim as the one worn by the flasher.

Augustine Whelan, 42, was arrested and charged with indecent exposure. Police said he admitted to the incident.

“Whelan advised he has urges to expose himself to others in public,” the arrest report states, “and that he has been arrested previously for the same thing.”

Well, since we’re in Florida and discussing criminal penises, let’s just head down the road a spell and catch up with Broderick Cameron Furlow who exposed himself to a child and then, because him smart, hunted her down on Facebook and asked her to drop the charges.

This went about as well as you might expect.

Police in Florida said a man accused of exposing himself to an underage girl sent her a Facebook message asking her to “please drop the charges.”

The Bradenton Police Department alleges Broderick Cameron Furlow, 25 — who was arrested in May for allegedly exposing his genitals to the girl at a bus stop — sent her a Facebook message Tuesday asking her to drop the charges, or at least fail to show up in court, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported Friday.

“Hey, I don’t mean to bother you, and if you don’t respond I won’t bother you again,” the message reads. “But is there anyway possible that you could please drop the charges against me, or not show up in court. I’m doing really good with my life now. I’m going to school at MTI now. I started in August and I really, really want to finish school so I can start a career and move on with my life and start a family. I’m really a good man, and if you knew me, u would think the same.”

The message, which asked the girl not to “show this to the cops,” resulted in the man being arrested again Tuesday on a charge of tampering with a victim, police said.

Well, darn! She showed it to the cops anyway. You never know who you can trust these days.

Okay, those people creeped me out. Let’s get back to Illinois where the flashers are fun. Shelley Lewis and Alicia Binford decided that golf was dull but that topless golf had hopes. Sadly, police disagreed with them.

Police in Illinois said two women accused of exposing themselves on a golf course were arrested on indecent exposure charges.

The Madison County Sheriff’s Office said deputies responded to a call around 2 p.m. Monday about two women allegedly exposing their “sexual organs” to golfers at the Woodlands Golf Course in Alton, KMOV-TV, St. Louis, Mo., reported Tuesday.

Deputies said they arrived to see Alicia Binford, 43, and Shelly Lewis, 45, both of O’Fallon, Mo., exposing their breasts.

The women were each charged with public indecency and ordered held in lieu of $100 bond.

There is no way that a group of middle aged golfers called the cops on that. Especially when they are both pretty good looking. You could prove it to me and I still wouldn’t believe you.

Oh well, let’s close as we began, with a woman flashing other people’s kids.

A couple were arrested in Davis, Calif., after the woman allegedly flashed juveniles riding by on bicycles while the man videotaped the action, police said.

As young bicyclists on a popular Davis bike trail rode by Wednesday morning, Wenyi Xu, 30, opened her jacket to show she was wearing nothing underneath, and her accomplice, Nicholas Bowen, 61, recorded the action. The peep show had a specific target audience, juveniles, and one young rider fell off his bike when he saw the nude woman, police said.

A city parks worker allegedly saw the pair and called police. Xu and Bowen were arrested and charged with indecent exposure, annoying a child and engaging in lewd acts in public, KOVR-TV, Sacramento, reported.

Okay, see, here’s where this goes off the rails. Wanting to see your hot gal pal naked, I get. Wanting to see her naked with kids, I don’t.

Hopefully I’m not alone on that one.

What Mike Saw #11 from What Mike Saw on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
Visit us on Rebel Mouse for even more fun!
contact Bill McCormick