Search Results for: bestiality

There are always times when you see a couple and instantly think, “Wow, when (pick one) sobers up that relationship is going to crash.” People used to say that about my ex and I. And, while it didn’t completely work out we were together for 10 years and I can promise we were sober during most of it. And while she won’t admit it now, there were plenty of good times hidden in there as well. Today’s column isn’t really about odd couples, just about how society has trouble with certain kinds of love. Some people, no matter what, will never accept any relationship they view as unconventional. They have hard and fast rules on what is, or is not, acceptable and they will do all in their power to inflict their beliefs on others while howling maniacally should anyone sane attempt the inverse. The Chicago based Wrigley company, experts on long suffering relationships in their own right, recently released an ad showing a happy woman making out with a walrus. Obviously, One Million Moms are protesting it.

Well, there really aren’t a million of them. As best I can tell they number about 20. But that’s close enough for the media today.

Bobby the walrus has some serious game.

In the latest Skittles ad, the large, flippered walrus is caught making out with an attractive blonde on a couch. But when Bobby’s supposed girlfriend comes home, the woman explains Bobby is not actually Bobby.

The commercial, which is meant to promote new Skittles flavors that don’t match their candy coating, concludes with the tagline “Taste the Rainbow. Deceive the Rainbow.”

And although the ad is a little vague, at least one group has failed to find anything funny about the new spot, calling the ad inappropriate.

One Million Moms, a conservative advocacy group, issued the following statement on its website:

We are not sure of Skittles’ thought process behind their new ad, but if they are attempting to offend customers, they have succeeded… Parents find this type of advertising inappropriate and unnecessary. Does Skittles’ have our children’s best interest in mind? Skittles candies are for all ages, but their target market is children.

The parents also allege the advertising is not just unfunny and offensive, but that it irresponsibly takes “lightly the act of bestiality.” The group is urges like minded citizens to send Wrigley Co. an email demanding “they pull this offensive commercial immediately.”

But in an email to the Huffington Post, a spokesperson for Wrigley defended the commercial, saying:

Skittles has won millions of fans with its unique and unexpected advertising. As a fun-loving candy brand, we never intend to offend people with our irreverent humor and don’t believe this imaginary situation promotes harm or inappropriate behavior with animals.

Merriam-Webster defines bestiality, n., as “sexual relations between a human being and a lower animal.”

While there are no federal anti-bestiality statutes, 30 states currently have criminal laws on the books that prohibit sexual contact with animals, according to Yahoo! Some laws consider the act a felony, while others define it as misdemeanor.

This is not the first time One Million Moms has made headlines for its actions.

The group previously tried (and failed) to get J.C. Penney to drop spokesperson Ellen DeGeneres, condemned America’s Favorite Cookie and most recently slammed NBC’s new show “The New Normal” as part of a network plot to subject Americans to the “decay of morals and values.”

Skittles, on the other hand, is known for its eccentric advertisements, including the vaguely accented “Baby Man Bird” spot, the “Sheep Boy” ad, and, of course, the man with the crazy, trunk-like, Skittles-snatching beard.

Really? They saw that ad and seriously thought that a major corporation was advocating sex with Odobenus rosmarus?

Don’t get too worried, by the Pre-Neanderthal standards of One Million Moms, the Mod Squad promoted race mixing. No, the part that held my attention is where the author noted that there are still twenty states where a man and his cow can openly share their commitment but outlaw gay marriage.

It is exactly that kind of messed up mentality that led to this next train wreck. Chris and Martin, a gay couple who have been together almost a decade, were publicly humiliated in Texas by baggage handlers (who clearly have baggage of their own).

A gay couple is accusing United Continental of “extreme and outrageous” conduct over an alleged incident involving a sex toy taped to their luggage, which the men say caused them severe emotional trauma.

Christopher Bridgeman and Martin Borger of Norfolk, Va., are seeking damages for intentional infliction of emotional distress, invasion of privacy and negligence in a lawsuit filed against the airline on Friday in the District Court of Harris County, Texas.

“It still brings butterflies to my stomach,” Borger, 35, told NBC News when recalling the episode.

United countered that it has conducted a thorough investigation and determined that there is no support for the allegations, spokeswoman Christen David said in a statement.

“United does not tolerate discrimination of any kind,” David said. “We will vigorously defend ourselves and our employees.”

The incident allegedly happened on May 21, 2011, as Bridgeman and Borger were returning from a vacation in Costa Rica. The men — who have been together for almost nine years — were flying back to Norfolk on Continental with a 90-minute layover at George Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston. (Continental merged with United in 2010.)

Once they landed in Houston, the men collected their checked bags, went through customs, rechecked their luggage and boarded their flight to Virginia without incident.

But when they arrived in Norfolk and went to the baggage claim area, the couple discovered a sex toy had been taken from one of their bags, covered in a “greasy foul-smelling substance” and “taped prominently” to the top of the bag, according to the lawsuit.

Borger was the one to first spot the luggage.

“I knew exactly what it was when I saw it,” he told NBC News. “I was absolutely and utterly shocked and embarrassed and humiliated and I didn’t even know what to do at the time.”

Onlookers began laughing when they saw the bag, causing the men severe emotional trauma, according to the lawsuit.

Bridgeman speculated an airline employee went through the bag — which was closed with a simple zipper — found the sex toy, saw that it belonged to a man and decided to humiliate the owner.

“I absolutely, fervently believe that this was intentional,” Bridgeman, 34, told NBC News. “It was very sick and it was very wrong and it was just maliciously taped to the top and targeted because we’re gay.”

Why someone opened the bag in the first place is not clear, said Harry Scarborough, the couple’s attorney. He didn’t know whether the bag was X-rayed at the airport in Houston, but if it was, the sex toy would have been visible, he added.

The airline’s employees had a duty to prevent the bag from being put on display “in such an extremely offensive condition,” according to the lawsuit.
Bridgeman and Borger said they reported the incident to United Continental after the flight, but weren’t satisfied with the response.

The airline countered that it offered the men a gesture of goodwill, which they declined, spokeswoman Christen David said.

Scarborough said the offer didn’t begin to address what his clients had been through. He declined to estimate how much money the couple is seeking from the airline, but the lawsuit is requesting mental anguish damages, attorney fees and expenses and other compensation.

The couple doesn’t travel much anymore because of the psychological impact of the incident, Scarborough said.

“A gesture of goodwill” = Weekend at Fire Island.

Yeah, I can see why they might take issue with that.

While I’m sure the high school dropout who pulled the prank thought he (no way a woman did this) was being funny as heck, the fact is all this does is reinforce the belief that inbreeding is bad.

Well, in that case, at least something good came out of this mess.

Discurso eletrico / Eletric speech from Angelo Luz on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

You’re looking at the pic to the left and wondering what the hell I have to pay to get a grown woman to pose like that. You’ll be pleased to know the answer is nothing. She posted that image all by herself. It seems she lives in Montana and her image has even been used to explain how Indonesian men can be seduced by cows. Udderly ridiculous you say? Sadly, no. It seems there is a whole sub-genre of humanity that finds bovines beautiful. Considering we live in a country where bestiality is legal in 22 states; Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, Hawaii, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Oregon, South Dakota, Texas, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia and Wyoming, for those planning a vacation, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Montana does have a law on the books prohibiting sex with animals, but it includes homosexuals in the list of undesirable beasts. And, as written, seems to provide for situations where innocent people are seduced by animals. See Indonesia for reasons why. No one has challenged the constitutionality of the Montana law. Legal experts say that’s because no one in Montana is actually aware what a constitution is or what it provides for. There’s a whole lot of home schooling going on out there.

Montana has some other laws on the books that are head scratchers as well.

1) It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperon.

2) It’s a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.

3) It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.

4) In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.

5) It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style.

6) Prostitution is considered a “crime against the family.”

Okay, I can see valid reasons for #1 having been to Montana in my lifetime. #2 makes sense when I’m angry at my ex but not outside of that. #3 is funny. Some of the most violent movies in history have been filmed, and are still being filmed, in Montana. As to #4, why? Good luck enforcing #5. #6 may be the only one that makes sense.

In other cow related news in Montana it seems that bovines are attacking humans and hospitalizing them. Police in Billings were finally compelled to use lethal force to stop a mooing terrorist.

A Montana man suffered broken bones and sore ribs after being pummeled by a 1,200-pound black Angus cow that ran amok through downtown Billings on Tuesday, the Billings Gazette reported.

Morgan Logan, 52, was released from the hospital Wednesday afternoon, a day after the cow ran through Billings for nearly two hours before being shot by police.

I’ve been around livestock my whole life, so at first sight I thought it was pretty funny seeing cops chase a cow down the street,” Logan told the newspaper. “But she was like a bull at a rodeo.”

Logan had been driving a gravel truck at the construction site where he works when he spotted police going after the animal and decided to help.

The cow escaped from the Public Auction Yards around 3 p.m. during unloading before going on a two-hour trek through the city’s downtown.

The paper reported the cow knocked over a cyclist, charged at pedestrians and nearly jumped over a police vehicle.

“It’s not like we are out in the pasture,” Lt. Kevin Iffland with the Billings Police Department said Wednesday. “This was a totally different scenario of asphalt and a lot of traffic. We are not equipped to wrangle large animals in a city environment.”

Logan said the cow charged at him “like a bull at a rodeo” from under a tree knocking him into the air.

“I couldn’t believe how fast she came out from under the tree,” Logan said. “I guess I saw her too late because the next thing I knew I was in the air. I had no fence to climb — she caught me right in the open.”

Police requested assistance from the state fish and wildlife parks office and the auction yard where the cow had escaped from.

Bob Gibson, communication and education program manager for Fish and Wildlife Parks, said they were unable to respond to the incident because the agency wouldn’t have been able to act fast enough.

“It’s not like we just go to the cupboard and pull out a dart gun and shoot,” Gibson said. “There are different drugs, concentrations and quantities that are all considerations when darting animals. Wardens do a lot of studying and environmental assessment ahead of time when tranquilizing an animal.

Eventually a police marksman was called and shot the cow through the heart, ending the the rampage. The cow was taken to a city landfill.

Landfill? In Montana? It’s Black Angus dudes, fire up a big grill and throw a party. Oh well, the cops must be home schooled too.

Yet another home grown genius in Montana is Randy Lee Tenley, who dressed up like Bigfoot and then got killed by a 17 year old girl.

Yes, it’s sad and, yes, I feel bad for the young lady and, yes, I laughed my ass off.

A 44-year old Kalispell man is dead after being hit on Highway 93 Sunday night. Troopers say Randy Lee Tenley was wearing an apparently store-bought ghillie suit when two vehicles struck him.

A ghillie suit is a type of three-dimensional camouflage, sometimes worn by military snipers. The suits are available online and at hunting shops. Troopers say the get-up played a big role in his death. They say he was in the right-hand lane of Highway 93 South when a 15-year old Somers girl hit him.

“He probably would not have been very easy to see at all,” said Montana Highway Patrol Trooper Jim Schneider.

Another car swerved, and a third car, troopers say driven by a 17-year old Somers girl, ran him over.

“It appears the pedestrian was well into the driving lane,” said Schneider. Officials closed Highway 93 for two hours on Sunday night, as firefighters directed traffic and officers investigated. What they found is troubling.

“According to his companions, he was out there in the ghillie suit attempting to incite a sighting of Bigfoot, to make people think they had seen a Sasquatch.

But, dispatchers received no calls of the sort, just the one that sent emergency crews rushing to the scene. Sunday night’s investigation is ongoing. Troopers say Tenley likely drank alcohol yesterday, but they’re still waiting on toxicology results to see if he was impaired.

Oh, I’m guessing he was close to sober. Ghillie suits are tough to put on in the best of situations, drunks are probably not going to be able to make it work. And, yeah, it sucks for that kid to have killed a guy but, from her point of view, she hit a shrub that fell on the highway.

No word on whether they threw the ghillie suit in the landfill as well.

Talkin Sasquatch Blues from Trevor Knapp Jones on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

You know it wasn’t that long ago that Florida finally got around to making bestiality illegal. I wrote all about it back on April 11 of this year. Simply put I thought the issue behind us, if you’ll pardon the allusion. But, stop me if you can, it turns out that they needed some time to implement the changes. After all, one does not stop having sex with Flicka overnight. You need to be weened a little at a time. Go from horse, to pony to …. well, you get the idea. That means, until October 1, that you can still head on down to Disney World get your Mouse-Ka-Freak on. I kid you not, Governor Rick Scott was so thrilled to get any such law passed that he neglected to make it active. Well, hell, what fun’s a law if people have to obey it? In Florida that’s almost counter-intuitive.

Even the court system there seems to be having some issues sorting out what is and is not punishable. For example, if you’re an older woman who has sex with a young boy you get 30 years in prison. But, and this is very important distinction, if you are an older man who has sex with a young girl, you get seven years probation.

No, I am not making this up.

I hope Denise Harvey is too preoccupied with her own ongoing legal to dramas to keep abreast of the ones unfolding back home. Remember Denise? She was the 42-year-old Vero Beach baseball mom who was sentenced to 30 years in prison for sleeping with a 16-year-old. Thusly sentenced, she did what any sane person would do: She hit the road. Early this year, authorities found her hiding out in Saskatchewan, where she’s now fighting extradition. She may win. Good for her! (And bad for her bail bond company. Just yesterday, Barnett Bail Bands coughed up $150,000 on Harvey’s account.)

If she’s keeping abreast of the goings-on in Florida, what might she make of this story, published in Tuesday’s Sun-Sentinel: “Drummer gets probation for sex with teen girl from band camp”?

The subject of the story, 23-year-old Clinton Tyquiem Simmons, engaged in an affair with a girl between the age of 13 and 15. (The precise age is redacted from the police report.) She was a “youth counselor” at a band camp; he was an assistant director and therefore in a position of authority over the girl. Even in countries with more liberal ages of consent than this one — Canada, say — there are usually special prohibitions against trans-generational relationships with significant power differentials. The average Joe can sleep with 16-year-olds; a 16-year-old’s teacher, counselor, and band camp director cannot. Too much potential for coercion.

Though his victim was younger than Denise Harvey’s, and though he was in a position of power over the girl, Simmons will not go to prison. He will serve seven years’ probation and perform 100 hours of community service.

What a relief for him! And what miserable news for Denise Harvey, reading the news in unseasonably cold Saskatchewan, knowing that if she ever goes home, she’ll be tossed into prison till she’s an old, old lady for committing almost exactly the same crime in almost exactly the same state at almost exactly the same time as Mr. Simmons. Justice is blind, maybe, but it’s mostly just capricious.

My guess is, given that we are talking about Florida, his community service will involve youth counselling.

In other news related to destroying young lives, Florida is pushing a train wreck called a “parental empowerment bill” that, oddly enough, does nothing to empower parents. It does, however, allow parents to send their kids to schools that have no government oversight. First the story of the bill.

A bizarre showdown is unfolding in Tallahassee this week. Advocates for parents — including the Florida PTA and Parents Across America — are lobbying vehemently against a bill that’s supposed to “empower them.”

The proposed legislation would let parents vote to turn a failing public school into a charter school. Opponents say SB 1718, the “Parent Empowerment in Education” bill, is a thinly veiled attempt to expand charters in a state where the for-profit charter school business is already booming.

“This bill is a hoax to further privatize our public schools,” Rita Solnet, a Palm Beach County parent advocate, wrote in an open letter to StudentsFirst, an organization pushing the bill. “This bill no more empowers me than it does the gecko on my patio from taking over my home.”

So why are Republican legislators pushing the bill? Let’s follow the money.

Last year, the bill’s sponsor, State Sen. Lizbeth Benacquisto (R-Fort Myers), received at least $2,500 in campaign contributions from people in the business of “educational services,” including $500 from StudentsFirst.

Benacquisto got another $500 from Education Partnerships, a joint venture in Tallahassee that is not registered with the Florida Secretary of State’s Office and has no website. The mysterious business gave $15,500 to Florida Republicans last year, including $10,000 to the state Republican Party. It did not give to Democrats.

Benaqcuisto’s other notable donor was Community Education Partners Inc., a for-profit company from Nashville that runs alternative schools and dropout prevention programs. The company gave $10,500 to Republican legislators last year (nothing at all to Democrats). Under the “parent empowerment” bill, a failing school could also be turned over to a private management company.

The rest of the argument is already in court. Florida lawmakers slid a fun note into the school voucher program that allows parents to send their kid to any religious school, even if it’s unaccredited. After all, belief trumps fact, doesn’t it?

Yeah, there is a lawsuit.

Yes, the same people who are still stuck on trying to figure out how to stop you from having sex with animals are in charge of educational standards. As written the law would require more diligence from home schooled kids (who have to meet minimums in reading, writing and arithmetic) and would allow kids in these new private schools to be taught that dinosaurs are an evil conspiracy to keep kids from seeing the truth.

Here’s what the new law, bill, whatever the heck, would do.

The amendment would ask voters if they want to delete the so-called Blaine Amendment provision from Florida’s constitution.

That 39-word sentence has been in Florida’s state constitution since 1885. Known as the “no aid” provision, it states that “no revenue of the state” can be given “directly or indirectly in aid of any church, sect or religious denomination or in aid of any sectarian institution.”

The sentence, like similar language in nearly 40 other state constitutions, is a stricter prohibition against the financial mixing of church and state than is found in the U.S. Constitution. It was named for a U.S. Senator who tried but failed to get similar language in the federal document in 1875.

Advocates of the amendment said they pushed to delete that sentence because it was rooted in anti-Catholic bigotry and led to discrimination against religious organizations seeking to take part in taxpayer-financed programs.

Why do these idiots not see that a government funded religion, at any level, is bad for religion. The Catholic church is having a hissy fit over birth control regulations in the new health bill. But, and they keep neglecting to mention this, they have taken millions of dollars from the government.

Governments get a say in your life when you take their coin. Even Jesus knew that. Matthew 22:1 – Render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s – is pretty clear about the distinction.

God is not the government and the governmeent is not God. Start mixing them and you’ve joined the Taliban.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

A lot of what motivated me today can be traced to Samantha Brick. She’s the moaning cow in England who claims that women hate her because she’s too pretty. By “too pretty” she seems to mean “walks upright and has majority of her original teeth.” She talks about how men give her lots of gifts. That is the textbook definition of how men treat slutty mistresses. So, by “too pretty” we discern what she really means is “puts out on first date with other women’s boyfriends.” Which is fine. There’s nothing wrong with sluts. God knows a couple got me through some needy times. But please don’t confuse the issue. The way men act around her has nothing to do with her looks. Other than in a rudimentary, she’s better than roadkill, sort of way. Of course it doesn’t help that she’s blond and dresses like she just left a thrift store.

That being said, things must be pretty bad in the U.K. is she’s the hottest thing going.

But they’re still better than Kentucky where police arrested a man for watching wrestling videos. Oh wait, I mean they arrested a man at the library for jerking off to wrestling videos. Which, sadly, only reinforces my thoughts on professional wrestling and it’s target market.

And it’s certainly better than in Israel where people have been getting that special feeling by eating Honey Sex.

Scientists tested the “Honey Sex” and discovered the chemical Sildenafil, known as the active ingredient in the erectile disfunction drug Viagra.

The Health Ministry is warning Israelis against using the sweet stimulant. Consuming “Honey Sex” without consulting a medical professional could lead to heart problems or other side effects, the government statement said.

As an alternative, curious individuals who don’t strictly follow the laws of Kashrut might consider Baconlube, a savory sexual lubricant with smokey pork flavoring.

Seriously? Israeli scientists are advising devout Jews to use a pork flavored lubricant? I’m sure they’ll be real popular this Passover.

Not to be outdone, cops in Glenn Falls N.Y. arrested a guy for public fornication in a bar. And then things got weird.

This bartender may start making patrons pinky-promise not to bite him after his harrowing ordeal.

The Times Union reports that a man was kicked out of a Glens Falls, N.Y., bar after he was caught having sex in a designated smoking room.

While he was being escorted out, police say Ernest Vannier bit the pinky finger of a male bartender, almost chomping the finger clean-off.

“He took the whole end of it off and broke the bone,” Police Sgt. Keith Knoop told the Post Star.

Thankfully, doctors were able to re-attach the finger, Knoop told the paper.

This latest finger-biting-battle comes just weeks after the Washington Post reported on a St. Patrick’s Day brawl that ended with one man’s finger being gnawed off.

C’mon people, I thought we all learned not to bite when we were 4. Actually there’s a lot of stuff we were taught when we were young that folks just seem to forget.

Of course, some people forget more than others. For example, who knew that Amish Gone Wild would be the scariest and most perverted thing going?

Who knew you could be so perverted without the use of any electricity?

There’s been a slew of disturbing reports from Amish country, and not the kind that bring in tourists hoping to see how butter is made.

Not that kind of butter, anyway.

This man, 26-year-old Chester A. Mast, is accused of various sex crimes across two states, including statutory rape, statutory sodomy, sexual misconduct involving a child, repeated sexual assault of the same child and incest.

Police say the Curryville, Missouri, man admitted to sex and oral sex with a girl under the age of 17. Police also say Mast also admitted to masturbating in front of a girl under the age of 15, according to Hannibal.net.

But that’s not the only sordid tale from Amish country. No… in fact, this Cousin Mose lookalike might be considered just plain normal compared to this next lot.

Police in Lancaster, Wisconsin, say they’ve arrested two Amish men and accusing them of incest, sex with minors as young as 5 years old and sex with a animals.

I never thought bestiality would be the lesser of the charge in any story in which it appears… but these farmers have managed to pull it off.

The two men charged are brothers: Christian G. Stolzfus, 19, and Dannie G. Stolzfus, 18, both of Fennimore, Wisconsin.

Between the two of them, they’re charged with having sex with at least six family members, a cow and a horse. according to Wisconsin’s Channel3000.com.

The Web site reports that Christian Stolzfus “is charged with repeated sexual assault of a child, four counts of first-degree sexual assault of a child under the age of 13 without great bodily harm; attempted first-degree sexual assault of a child under the age of 13 without great bodily harm; two counts of incest; exposing genitals or pubic area; and two counts of sexual gratification with an animal.”

In addition, Dannie Stolzfus “is charged with two counts of incest and sexual gratification with an animal,” according to the site.

And in case you’re wondering, police believe these alleged acts took place on at least two different farms.

The pair are facing nearly 500 years in prison — 400 for Christian, 90 for Dannie if convicted.

Who knows — they might even be shunned.

No, sorry, I got nothing funny on that one.

But thanks be to God for Florida. I gots lots funny there. First off, a story about beating your meat that puts the phrase in a whole new light.

Elsie Egan faces domestic abuse charges after the meaty onslaught – which followed a row over which kind of bread they should eat.

Disabled boyfriend Peter Schabhuttl, 49, said he was hit ‘on top of his head with an uncooked steak, approximately 10-16oz’ for wanting a bread roll instead of sliced bread.

Egan, 53, of Dunnellon, Florida, denied wielding the steak but said she slapped him several times ‘so he can learn’.

Police noted redness on Mr Schabhuttl’s cheek and crown.

Yeah, she done be learnin’ him up good. She done learned him that he be better off whacking off to wrestling videos than being anywhere near her.

I mentioned sluts earlier and how they like to be showered with gifts. What I did not mention was white trash hookers who turn tricks for Happy Meals.

Of course it happened in Florida.

A woman was arrested in a prostitution sting — but not before she got two double cheeseburgers off the dollar menu at a McDonald’s.

Christine Faith Baker, 47, was walking on a Southwest Florida street last Friday when she was approached by a detective working in the Manatee County Sheriff Office’s special investigations division, according to a sheriff’s office report.

After the undercover detective invited Baker into his car and the talk turned to sex, she said her fee would be two double cheeseburgers from the dollar menu at McDonald’s, the report states.

The detective bought the burgers for $2.75 and then Baker told him that he could also tip her $40 for her services, according to the report. After Baker gave the detective directions to a vacant lot, Baker was arrested by other agents and charged with prostitution, the report states.

Baker was released from jail on Saturday, according to the sheriff’s office website.

$40 tip? For less than $3.00 worth of food? Does she think she works for the government?

Anyway, just as a point of journalistic accuracy, I called the McDonald’s in question and found out that the double cheeseburger is not on the dollar menu, as claimed above, so that was why it was $2.75 instead of $2.07 as it would have been otherwise.

I also found out she’s a regular customer.

But I can’t let you go through your day thinking everyone screws up sex. The story of Rachelle Chapman should give us all

Nearly two years after she was paralyzed in a freak accident at her bachelorette party, Rachelle Chapman looks forward to becoming a mother and continues to show that a woman can be beautiful and confident even in a wheelchair.

TODAY has followed the journey of the 26-year-old from Knightdale, N.C., and her husband, Chris, since her accident on May 23, 2010, through their wedding and honeymoon in July 2011. Since their last appearance on TODAY, Rachelle has learned to drive a specially modified van and has experienced standing and walking with the help of specialized machines at a rehabilitation facility called “Project Walk’’ in Carlsbad, Calif.

She aims to write a book about her experiences to inspire others in similar situations and jokingly told Hoda Kotb on Friday that the working title is “Hot, Sexy, and Rollin’ on 24s.’’

“It’s not just the story about my life, my injury and us; it’s also the story about (how) you can be sexy and you can be pretty in a wheelchair, and you can have confidence,’’ she said. “We’re just normal people, and no matter who you are and what situation you’re in, you can have confidence.’’

Showing that confidence, Chapman entered the Ms. Wheelchair Pageant in North Carolina last week, where she came up short of the first prize. She also plans on going to schools to read students a children’s book titled “New Opportunities’’ to help kids understand spinal cord injuries.

“To be able to start a family would be one of my bigger goals for Rachelle, not only because I know how important it is for her, but I believe she deserves that,’’ her physical therapist, Kimberly Davis, told NBC News. “I know that she and Chris would be wonderful parents.’’

Chapman has radiated confidence since the day she was playfully pushed into a swimming pool at a party in Virginia Beach, Va., by one of her bridesmaids and fractured the C6 vertebra in her neck when her head hit the bottom of the pool. The accident left her paralyzed from the collarbone down.

Her wedding was postponed for more than a year, but Chris stayed by her side and she was eventually pushed down the aisle by her father to become his wife on July 22, 2011.

After an all-expenses paid honeymoon to Fiji courtesy of 1-800 Registry, which also sponsored the wedding, Rachelle continues to inspire with each milestone she achieves. In January, she took her first trip to the spinal cord injury center at “Project Walk” thanks to the charitable group Walking With Anthony, which is devoted to helping people cast aside their wheelchairs.

There’s quite a bit more to this story and some fun video as well. So, if you have the chance, go and read the whole thing.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

We live in a country that espouses family values. Many brandish them like clubs. And, while I might think that such usage would contradict the core idea, enough people do so these days that it seems normal. Which is what makes articles like this one so much fun. As regular readers of this blog know, Florida recently outlawed bestiality. It took them four tries and one try actually outlawed all sex between mammals until someone broke out a 4th grade biology book (from another state) and realized what mammals were. And still are. They’re those hairy things that excrete milk for their young, in case you weren’t sure. Their like include dolphins, kangaroos, dogs and humans. And, while I still oppose kangaroo / human sex, I’m a big fan of human / human sex. In fact, if the producers weren’t such prudes, I could go for a little of that right now. Well, true, I’d need a partner, no fun living with nothing but a left handed love affair, but I’m betting I could figure something out.

That’s why God created credit cards.

Anyway, let’s take a look at some loving families and how they encourage their members to better themselves. Like Curtis Pace and his underage nephew.

A Sarasota man was arrested after encouraging his underage nephew to commit an armed robbery with him, an arrest report shows.

On Feb. 1, Curtis Pace, 45, and his nephew robbed three people at gunpoint in the 4200 block of 53rd Avenue West in Bradenton.

The pair then drove off, but authorities tracked them down through the GPS on one of the stolen cell phones. They were arrested in Sarasota.

Pace later told authorities he and his nephew had been smoking rock cocaine. Pace is now at the Manatee County jail on several charges, including armed robbery, child abuse and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He is being held on bonds totaling $186,000.

Can’t you just feel the love and nurturing there?

Of course, there is no bond like the bond between a mother and her daughter. The entire O Network is built on that bit of treacle. So it’s heartening to see that, even in Florida, this holds true.

The Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office has arrested a mother and daughter for stealing high end electronics and other items and in some cases pawning the goods for cash.

Detectives found 55-year-old Colleen Reiheld and her 20-year-old daughter Taylor, both of 155 Siesta Drive in Sarasota, committed several crimes since January of this year. On at least three occasions, the pair was seen entering the Target store located at 8401 South Tamiami Trail in Sarasota, concealing items in bags or purses, and leaving the store without paying. Stolen items include Go Pro HD cameras, a coffee maker, bottles of champagne, a cell phone charger and a tent.

Both women are charged with two counts of Grand Theft, and Colleen is facing additional charges of Dealing in Stolen Property and Providing False Ownership to a Pawn Broker for selling two Go Pro HD cameras and claiming to be the legal owner.

The Reihelds were booked into the Sarasota County Jail Thursday afternoon and later released on bond.

They pawned the goods for cash? What were they thinking? Don’t they know that you’re supposed to collect the stolen stuff and then keep it in an easy to find location? That’s what Zachary Thomas Jones did.

Divine intervention didn’t protect thousands of dollars that deputies say was stolen from a sacred stash spot Thursday.

A North Naples woman reported about $2,200 she kept inside a Bible in her car trunk was taken.

Zachary Thomas Jones, 18, of the 14000 block of Sterling Oaks Drive, North Naples, and the woman’s daughter, who is 16 years old, were arrested Friday by Collier deputies. They are accused of grabbing the woman’s car keys while she was in the shower and removing the cash from the Bible in the car. The woman told deputies she became suspicious when she saw Jones paying cash for nearly $300 in items from a corner store.

The majority of the money was found inside the teen girl’s bedroom closet, according to arrest reports.

Both teens face felony burglary and grant theft charges, as well as resisting a law enforcement officer without violence after deputies reported they tried to run from the scene.

Of course, not all thefts are self serving. Arnene Stanley, a loving mother of one, ripped off Wal-Mart for a ton of cash and prizes so she could care for her daughter.

On Thursday, March 29, detectives arrested Arnene Stanley, W/F, 37, for grand theft. On March 19, a loss prevention officer at the Wal-Mart on SW HWY 200 reported to detectives that Stanley, an assistant manager at the store, had stolen more than $6,000 from the store by creating false return transactions.

During the investigation, detectives collected receipts for returned jewelry items that had conflicting signatures. They also observed surveillance video that showed Stanley performing the transactions with no customers present. Detectives confirmed that Stanley used the identities of at least five victims to make numerous fraudulent transactions.

Stanley told detectives she stole the money to pay for her daughter’s medical bills. She worked for Wal-Mart for more than 20 years. Stanley was arrested and charged with Grand Theft (1 count) and Misuse of Personal Identification (9 counts). Her bond was set at $95,000.

And if she had $95,000 she wouldn’t have needed to steal to pay her daughter’s medical bills.

Just saying.

Of course no about Florida would be complete without boobs and poetry.

And burglars. Have to have burglars.

Roses are red, violets are blue, your poem is nice but we’re still arresting you.

Florida police say a drunk and disorderly 31-year-old woman allegedly tore off her shirt, and flashed her tattooed breasts, revealing a poem, during a burglary investigation.

Susan Stickle and her 44-year-old friend Eric Bachman were allegedly smashing glass and screaming inside a Vero Beach home last Sunday, so neighbors called police to report a possible burglary, according to arrest reports obtained by TCPalm.com.

When cops showed up, the pair was allegedly on the porch screaming expletives and appearing to “be intoxicated by drugs and alcohol.” An officer tried to talk to Bachman, but the suspect told him to go away.

That’s when things got scandalous.

When asked for her name, Stickle allegedly took off her shirt, revealing a completely exposed chest and a tattoo listed as “Poem of a dead tree,” the news website reported.

It’s yet unclear whether Stickle’s tattoo was her own composition or a reference to the Chinese poem by Yang Jian, which makes reference to an abrasive lifestyle:

“I no longer have any leaves, only thorns remain.”

Bachman refused to explain why the two were at the residence. Cops arrested both on charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

Neighbors later told officers that the house belonged to Bachman, no burglary charges were filed.

That’s right kids, this fine example of the best the gene pool has to offer robbed his own home and trashed it. As to the poem, I’m going to go out on a limb and say this nice lady has never even heard of ancient China let alone read poetry from there.

Here’s a nice song from a Texan that he dedicated to his son. It’s got a nice Floridian blues vibe.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.