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Christmas Films You Need to See
But the list I created had nothing to do with any of them. Any third rate blog could cough them up. No, my list is for those among you who are connoisseurs of cinema. Who are willing to experiment with your palate. For those who might prefer a moment off the beaten path.
You know who you are.
Merry Christmas!
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By now you’ve opened the gifts, had your Christmas breakfast and settled in for another year of holiday entertainment. At least until the NBA takes over your TV. This is truly a magical time. The toys haven’t been broken yet. Uncle Ned is still mostly sober. Aunt Edna, still aglow from the kisses from the kids, has yet to begin her annual screed about what a failure you are. Cousin Tony seems to have taken his meds today so that’s one less thing to worry about. As I said, it’s a magical time. But you and I know that if you have to watch A Christmas Story or Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer one more time it is quite possible that you will react badly. Not to worry, it is exactly moments like this that the World News Center was designed to address. Well, these and stripper based funerals. Below you will find an alphabetical list of 11 movies, because Top 10 lists are for amateurs, that will brighten up your day.
Babes in Toyland
All you need to know about this super-happy film, beyond the songs, toy soldiers and dancing puppets, is the super-happy story line. “On the eve of their wedding, evil miser Barnaby hires two henchmen to drown Tom and steal Mary’s sheep, cared for by Little Bo Peep, thus depriving Mary and the children she lives with of their livelihood, forcing her to marry Barnaby.” Kind of makes you misty, doesn’t it? Your kids will be in therapy for decades.
Christmas that Almost Wasn’t (The)
“It is the week before Christmas, and Santa Claus visits attorney Sam Whipple, asking for his help. It turns out that the evil businessman Phineas T. Prune holds the lease on the North Pole, and is about to kick Santa out for nonpayment of rent! As such, there will be no more Christmas!” It is never explained why Santa needed the cash and took a mortgage on the North Pole and Phineas T. Prune is so over the top evil, right down to his mustache, you’ll forget to worry about it. The film has every Christmas cliche, including the bad guy who falls in love with a toy, so it may be the only Christmas movie you’ll ever need to see.
Ernest Saves Christmas
Oh, this is a joyful mess. Santa goes to jail because this guy (a children’s show host) thinks his name is Santos, no racism there, and Ernest loses his job for giving a free ride to Santa and Santa seems to suffer from Alzheimer’s. Nothing like creeping dementia to make your holiday joyous. Plot points include this heart warming gem; “Ernest and Harmony (whose real name is later revealed by Santa to be Pamela Trenton) discover the magic power of Santa’s sack, and immediately Pamela starts to abuse it. She steals the sack, and attempts to run away yet again.” Santa’s magical sack is clearly different than mine.
Eight Crazy Nights
Yeah, it’s a Hanukkah movie, so what? A plate of latkes warm the tummy no matter your religion. And it’s Adam Sandler, that master of subtlety and gentle wit. Doesn’t this plot just scream ‘group hug’? “Davey Stone, an alcoholic with a criminal record, is sentenced to community service under the supervision of an elderly referee. Davey is then faced with trying to reform and abandon his bad habits.” The special part are the songs, all of which sound like they were written by an inmate with anger issues.
Fitzwilly
This movie has everything you could possibly want in a holiday movie. Dick Van Dyke had yet to join A.A. and he is clearly drunk in this film. Add in a soundtrack that was obviously mailed in after a month-long bender by John Williams, who would later redeem himself with that whole Star Wars thing, and you have oodles of family fun. But wait! There’s More! There’s a plot too; “Claude Fitzwilliam, leads the household staff to rob from various businesses by charging goods to various wealthy people and misdirecting the shipments, all to keep Miss Vicki’s standard of living.” Gosh, it’s like every role model you want for your kids in one film.
Fred Claus
“A garrulous hustler running from the emotional fallout of the ultimate sibling rivalry, poor Fred keeps trying to find happiness through one failed scheme after another, pushing away the people who care about him most.” This movie is so grandly contrived that you can pick out what will happen next in every single scene. It even has Santa’s boss. You might be forgiven for thinking that Santa doesn’t have a boss, but Kevin Spacey exists to prove you wrong. Not for anything else that I can see, but there you are.
Great Rupert (The)
Forget the plot on this one I’ll tell you all you need to know. This film has a magic squirrel, Jimmy Durante doing barroom versions of Christmas carols and lots of plucky poor people. Oh, and it has a dude who talks to the magic squirrel and plays a concertina too. Did I mention that the magic squirrel steals money from their landlord so the family can eat and pay rent to the landlord the squirrel just stole from? No? I probably should have. Lots of feel good stuff here.
Polar Express
“On Christmas Eve, a doubting boy boards a magical train that’s headed to the North Pole and Santa Claus’s home.” Oh, that only scratches the surface. This movie has Tom Hanks in full on schizophrenic mode. All of the adult male characters are played by Hanks. So we get him as a condescending prick who doubles as a train conductor and as a drunken hobo. The kids in the film are subjected to horror after horror, all needlessly, until they succumb and believe in Santa again. The films modernized version of rotoscoping gives it a nightmare feel. It is a must see film in my home.
Santa Claus (1959)
What can I say about this masterpiece? Shot in Mexico and dubbed into English it takes the myth of Santa to logical, if unusual, conclusions. Santa knows if you’ve been bad or good because he has a telescope in his space station (what do you mean you never heard of Santa’s space station?) and he peeps into bedrooms. This classic features Santa versus Satan for control of the holiday. Satan, the bad guy in the red suit, tries to turn kids against the holiday by giving them stark nightmares where they are attacked, and possibly eaten, by their dolls. The plot line doesn’t do this work of art justice, “With the aid of Merlin, Santa Claus must defeat the evil machinations of the devil Pitch to ruin Xmas.” The whole Merlin thing is never explained and, by the end, you just won’t care.
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
This incredible film used to be an annual staple on WGN until someone sobered up. There’s just not enough space to capture everything worth seeing but here’s a start; the Martians come to Earth to kidnap Santa so their kids, who are suffering from planetary depression, can learn to laugh and play like earth kids. The Martians have technology that could lay our planet to waste but they keep forgetting to use it. So, they are immediately discovered by the U.S. Department of Defense and are forced to land and hide. On an on it goes. Add in the fact that Santa smokes and his wife is a controlling bitch and you have holiday magic. The opening theme song is so bad as to sound as if it were imported from a Jap/Pop satire. The fact that this was Pia Zadora’s big screen debut is only a minor bonus. And, no, she couldn’t act then either.
Year Without Santa Claus
“Mrs. Claus tells us about the time Santa had a bad cold and decided to take a vacation from Christmas. Two of his elves, Jingle Bells and Jangle Bells decided to go out (with Vixen) to find children to convince Santa that the Christmas spirit is still important to everybody else. But they have to get past Heat Miser and Snow Miser, first, before they land in Southtown, USA, where it never snows for Christmas. But the Miser Brothers can’t agree to let it snow in Southtown. But Mrs. Santa knows their mom–Mother Nature.” The songs by the Miser brothers alone make this a must see but the Santa themed jail break in Southtown make this must see TV on an epic scale. Also it is the first clearly feminist Christmas film. Mrs. Claus and Mama Nature don’t take no guff, no sirree bub I tell you what. A friend of mine claims this movie was written by a bitter lesbian, but I don’t think so. It has a weird sweetness that permeates throughout. Maybe a bitter lesbian who got a second date then.
So there you have it, 11 films to fill your holiday with heretofore unimagined joy. You can thank me later.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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Stuff That Makes You Go Hmm

People always ask me why I tend to favor pictures of sexy women on my blogs. The answer is easy, I like sexy women. If you like pictures of sexy men I suggest you go visit my buddy David Onassis. His pages are festooned with them. He’s also a nice guy and it won’t kill you to meet a nice person once in a while. Anyway, sexiness aside, there’s been a lot happening in the wonderful world of science and I thought today might be a good day to fill in some gaps. NO! Not the sexy gaps! Sheesh, I leave you alone on the interweb for a lousy minute and you get all pervy on me. No, I mean the gaps in your knowledge. I’m tired of writing about mass shootings. Let’s just admit it. If people truly want change they need to get out and vote. If they don’t, just get used to the weekly “thoughts and prayers” bullshit. And then buy bullet proof everything. Or move. Either works. I’m also a little burned on the whole super hero thing right now. Don’t get me wrong, I will see every single film and show as they come out, but writing about them becomes redundant after a while. I’ve completely stopped writing about Florida and its ilk simply due to the fact there are only so many ways to make the phrase “Wal-Mart meth lab” funny. Worse still is Texas which has fallen into the realm of self parody. I wrote a blog once entitled Nude Texas Ugly Bacon Vibrators and it made sense.
So, instead, I’d like to take a moment to talk about useful stuff.
Let’s start with something simple. M. M. Sullivan wrote about a handy invention that allows people to turn polluted water into pure drinking water. Even better, it tells them all sorts of stuff about water safety and other hygienic issues.
Each year, 3.4 million people die from water-related diseases, and many of those deaths are the result of a lack of knowledge about what water is safe to drink.
Finally, there is an affordable and effective answer to solving the world’s drinking water crisis. The Drinkable Book is the first-ever education-water filter hybrid. Not only do the pages teach readers about water safety, but the pages themselves are filters that can reduce waterborne bacteria by over 99.99%!
That’s right, a simple book with synthetic pages could save over three million lives a year. He’s got videos and more so make sure to check it out. And, yes, it’s available now if you’re thinking about a cool holiday gift for the Red Cross or something like that.
Speaking of synthetics, Justine Alford writes that science is pretty darn close to creating synthetic shrimp.
Shove over those lab-grown burgers; we need to make room for the synthetic shrimp on the barbie. Yep, scientists are no longer just working on trading our beloved beef for a greener alternative, but seafood too. Rather than trying to grow a meaty feast from stem cells, though, startup New Wave Foods has opted for a slightly different approach: algae. And while the team hopes to eventually create a range of faux seafood, they are focusing on shrimp for now, and for good reason.
The world has developed a real hankering for these crustaceans. Over the past few decades, global production of shrimp has more than tripled, and it’s estimated we now eat more than 6 million tons of them each year. It’s popular worldwide, but it’s the favorite seafood in the U.S., with citizens peeling their way through about 2 kilograms (4.1 pounds) each per year.
Needless to say, our hunger for shrimp is a big problem. We could try and reduce our consumption to tackle these issues, but trying to take meat away from man is about as easy as taking a bone from a dog. Opting for a similar approach to the veggie burger that “bleeds,” New Wave Foods is going for natural sources and trying to mush them together into a meaty, flavorful formulation. Their ingredient of choice is algae, or more specifically those that shrimp typically dine on anyway. This means getting a similar nutritional value to real shrimp is fairly easy, the team reported to Motherboard, but as always texture is proving tricky. Apparently, they’ve also managed to nail the flavor, but they won’t spill the beans as to how they did this.
At the moment our two main sources of shrimp are farming and trawling, both of which have serious repercussions on the environment and ecosystems. You’re probably aware of the consequences of trawl fishing: catching unwanted species, or bycatch. Shrimp trawling is said to have the worst rates for this out of all fishing techniques, with up to 2.7 kilograms (6 pounds) of unintended species per half kilogram (one pound) of shrimp sometimes caught up in nets, which includes turtles, sharks, dolphins and small whales. Not only that, but dragging the nets along the seabed also destroys it.
But by no means is farming a sustainable alternative. Important habitats are sometimes cleared to make way for shrimp farms, including mangroves, the loss of which can have a huge impact on coastal areas given their role as wildlife havens and buffers from the effects of storms. In addition, huge amounts of pollution, including waste and antibiotics used for growth, can leach out and contaminate other water systems.
I have friends who have tried the vegan meat products listed above and claim they’re, finally, the real deal. Since one friend is a cattle rancher, I’ll take their word on it. Anyway, one side benefit of synthetic shrimp is that people with shellfish allergies will now be able to eat shrimp until they can’t eat shrimp no mo.
In other synthetic news, a few weeks ago I wrote about how science had found a way to send huge amounts of data via light, instead of radio, waves. Victoria Ho writes that some other scientists said, “Ah, hell, that’s easy” and went and developed Li-Fi.
The world might eventually have to shift its reliance on Wi-Fi to Li-Fi, an alternative technology that scientists say can reach speeds of 1 Gbps in real-world use — 100 times faster than average Wi-Fi speeds.
At those speeds, you could download a high-definition movie in just a few seconds.
A company called Velmenni told the IBTimes UK that it took the technology out of the labs and into real-world offices and industrial environments in Estonia, where it was able to achieve those speeds.
Li-Fi transmits data using LED lights, which flicker on and off within nanoseconds, imperceptible to the human eye. It was invented in 2011, and in the lab, has been able to reach a mindblowing 224 Gbps.
Unlike Wi-Fi signals which can penetrate walls, Li-Fi is based on light and can’t, so its range is theoretically more limited. However, because of that limit, Li-Fi is also potentially more secure from external sniffing.
Li-Fi also opens more possibilities for smart home appliances. In the future, LED lightbulbs for the home could serve two functions — lighting up a room and helping to create a network in the house for devices to talk to each other.
Traditional cable companies are bidding on the tech now. Believe it or not they can use existing technologies to make it all work. The expense would be minimal.
So what else has science done with light? Would you believe “invent time travel?” Mary-Ann Russon says you should.
The (University of Queensland) scientists simulated the behaviour of two photons interacting with each other in two different cases.
In the first case, one photon passed through a wormhole and then interacted with its older self.
In the second case, when a photon travels through normal space-time and interacts with another photon trapped inside a closed timeline curve forever.
“The properties of quantum particles are ‘fuzzy’ or uncertain to start with, so this gives them enough wiggle room to avoid inconsistent time travel situations,” said co-author Professor Timothy Ralph.
“Our study provides insights into where and how nature might behave differently from what our theories predict.”
Although it has been possible to simulate time travel with tiny quantum particles, the same might not be possible for larger particles or atoms, which are groups of particles.
As she notes elsewhere in the article, there are reasons time travel is problematic.
The grandfather paradox states that if a time traveller were to go back in time, he could accidentally prevent his grandparents from meeting, and thus prevent his own birth. However, if he had never been born, he could never have travelled back in time, in the first place.
The paradoxes are largely caused by Einstein’s theory of relativity, and the solution to it, theGödel metric.
They won’t know what the results of their experiments will cause until they replicate them in different labs. But the basic idea is that you can go back and not cause your own death. Which is a good start.
Okay, but what about sound? Can’t we do anything with sound? I saw a sonic screwdriver on Dr. Who and that seemed kind of cool. It was and it is and Science Alert says it might be the way we cure Alzheimer’s.
No, I’m not kidding.
Publishing in Science Translational Medicine, the (Queensland Brain Institute) team describes the technique as using a particular type of ultrasound called a focused therapeutic ultrasound, which non-invasively beams sound waves into the brain tissue. By oscillating super-fast, these sound waves are able to gently open up the blood-brain barrier, which is a layer that protects the brain against bacteria, and stimulate the brain’s microglial cells to activate. Microglila cells are basically waste-removal cells, so they’re able to clear out the toxic beta-amyloid clumps that are responsible for the worst symptoms of Alzheimer’s.
The team reports fully restoring the memory function of 75 percent of the mice they tested it on, with zero damage to the surrounding brain tissue. They found that the treated mice displayed improved performance in three memory tasks – a maze, a test to get them to recognise new objects, and one to get them to remember the places they should avoid.
“We’re extremely excited by this innovation of treating Alzheimer’s without using drug therapeutics,” one of the team, Jürgen Götz, said in a press release. “The word ‘breakthrough’ is often misused, but in this case I think this really does fundamentally change our understanding of how to treat this disease, and I foresee a great future for this approach.”
The team says they’re planning on starting trials with higher animal models, such as sheep, and hope to get their human trials underway in 2017.
I think that’s enough for one day. I don’t want to cause permanent brain freeze for anyone. Suffice it to say some people have done some very cool stuff that will benefit us all.
By the way, should you run into an idiot who claims we don’t need science, just send them here and ask them when’s the last time ignorance saved millions of people.
Romance In Plastic Minor from SHOOT THE BOSS on Vimeo.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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Radio Stuff
All that being said an email came in this week that I have to share, with the authors’ permission. Yes, authors, plural.
Hi Bill:
Jen and I have been fans of yours for a few years now. We first heard one of your Valentine’s shows and have been hooked ever since. You have a fun, yet unusual, look on life. Last year she and I came out to our, Tea Party loving, parents. Suffice it to say things have been stressful. That’s not your fault, you seem very LGBT friendly, but I am hoping you can help us a little.
You recently have posted several blogs about how the human race is going to die in short order. Unfortunately you write well so Jen and I had nightmares for days. It probably has to do with all the stress because we know you’ve tackled stuff like this before and it scared us but not like this. Can you mark your columns with a rating or somehow note that they won’t send us screaming from the room?
Thanks.
Your fans,
Cathy & Jen
Since they clearly read this blog, and I was nice enough to ask before I did anything, I’ll put the answer here.
Dear Ladies:
The short answer is no. Because this blog gets translated all over the world a ratings system would do more to confuse than clarify. That said, others have hinted that they wouldn’t mind a radio specific blog and that I can do. Just look for posts with the word “radio” in the title from now on and you should be good to go.
As to the rest, live, love, laugh. Those who wish to join you will make your life better by their presence and those that don’t will enrich your world with their absence. My best to you both.
Send vodka,
Bill
So, with that caveat in mind I figured I’d mix things up today so everyone could play along without fear of ending up in therapy. We’ll start with something that will tie this all together nicely.
I happened to be out with some friends when the Supergirl commercial came on CBS. Three of the ladies who were with us suddenly said “Oh, she’s so hot!”, “Damn, those boots!”, and, of course, “I’m straight and I’d do her.”
There’s one in every crowd.
That aside, the creators of Supergirl announced that they have some new super villains and fans and newbies alike are digging the fact that Red Tornado is coming to the screen.
Besides being a longtime member of the Justice League, Red Tornado served as a mentor to Young Justice when that team first assembled under the pen of longtime Supergirl writer Peter David.
In addition to Red Tornado and the previously-announced Livewire and Reactron, the Supergirl Twitter account confirmed that General Sam Lane will appear on the series, along with the Kryptonian villain Non.
The presence of both Non and General Lane will likely lead many fans to the conclusion that Lucy Lane, recently cast in the series, will indeed take up the mantle of Superwoman. In the comics, she was briefly given artificial “Kryptonian” powers by one of her father’s military projects.
It’s likely also worth noting that the Earth-2 version of Red Tornado, who has had a significant presence in The New 52: Futures End and Earth 2: Society, houses the personality of Lois Lane, Lucy’s sister and Sam’s daughter.
Non was a brilliant scientific mind and soldier on Krypton before he was lobotomized to make him a more perfect weapon. He first appeared in Richard Donner’s Superman II before being adapted by Donner and DC Entertainment Chief Creative Officer Geoff Johns into the comics during their short-lived Action Comics run. That same run, collected as Superman: Last Son, featured the Kryptonian Phantom Zone prison which will be introduced in the series’ pilot.
There are more comic book references in that little post than you’ll find in most comic book stores. That said you’ll also note that the female super-villains listed above are all smart. Even the bad girls are good role models.
Speaking of female superheroes, Isis Wenger became the unwitting target for assholes when her company used her face as part of a recruitment drive to attract female engineering students. Most of the comments were along the lines of how she “didn’t look like an engineer.”
This pic was her response.
Not all heroes wear capes. I’m just saying.
Speaking of superheroes who don’t wear capes, Warner Bothers Films and DC Comics have announced that they will be making a new Booster Gold / Blue Beetle movie.
It appears that time travel is in the DCEU’s future. The Tracking Board has revealed that Warner Bros. is currently developing a live-action Booster Gold/Blue Beetle film. The project that will team-up Michael Jon Carter & Jamie Reyes is just another film joining the already massively diverse DCEU line-up which includes films such as Aquaman, Suicide Squad, Cyborg and Wonder Woman. The film will be helmed by Greg Berlanti and is being pitched as a “superhero buddy-cop movie” which is something quite different than we’ve seen before and offering up the opportunity for tons of fun.
Berlanti’s a big name when it comes to Warner Bros. DC properties, having both worked on both Arrow, The Flash and 2011’s Green Lantern, as well as being behind the upcoming Legends Of Tomorrow and Supergirl series. The director, producer, and writer is even such a big fan of the character that he even scripted the pilot for a Booster Gold series over at Syfy.
The site also added:
“The dynamic duo are also members of the Justice League and are being planted now to appear in a future JL film.”
DC has wanted to push both of the characters on-screen for quite some time with them both appearing in Smallville and plans for each to receive their own series at one point. Could Booster end up being Warner Bros. equivalent of Tony Stark? Will these characters be involved in the upcoming Justice League in any capacity? This news raises a lot of questions.
These two characters have a very unusual relationship. Many consider them to be the Laurel and Hardy of superheroes. Given the dark nature of most of the DC Universe (HI BATMAN!) this could be a nice respite.
Some superheroes don’t wear uniforms at all. Get your mind out of the gutter, I’m not talking about super porn. I’m talking about regular Joe’s and Jane’s who wear hard hats and coveralls and, in this case, deliver entire school systems in a pick up truck.
Disassembled, each Solar Classroom in a Box can fit in the bed of a pickup truck. According to Aleutia’s website, the cinder block, and steel structures take about a day to contstuct—no cranes necessary—and another day to fully wire. But it’s not simply the structure that makes the Solar Classrooms in a Box so impressive. Each comes complete with 11 desktop computers designed specifically to operate in the dusty heat of rural Africa, as well as a server, a projector and monitor, and 3G and Satellite connectivity, all powered by the classroom’s pre-installed rooftop solar panels. The only things missing are the students. Each Solar Classroom in a Box runs $20,000, with half of that accounting for the structural costs, and the other half for the included technology.
Aleutia, which focuses on bringing computers and health care technology to developing communities, announced recently that they would be shipping a Classroom in a Box to each of Kenya’s 47 counties, servicing an estimated 20,000 children, as a result. While it isn’t the company’s first batch of classrooms delivered to African nations, this latest initiative is being called Kenya’s largest solar classroom project to date. As FastCo points out, Aleutia’s classrooms have been optimized for this particular rollout, with company founder Mike Rosenberg explaining:Usually when we install solar, there are issues with the panels pointing the wrong way or at the wrong angle. Here, because it’s all pre-installed and optimized, there’s no need for a site survey and other retrofitting costs.
As long as you’ve come this far, allow me to share a few more things you might be interested in;
The Space Tiara: It cures migraines and looks just like you think it would. That said, it works, so get on your fabulous glitter, bust out the crinoline and feel better.
Elvira is getting her own animated series. You either pushed up your boobs in anticipation or you probably shouldn’t be reading this stuff in the first place.
In, seemingly, related news, the Chinese have built an automatic sperm extractor. The instructions, literally, say “just plug it in and it works.”
Okay, back to capes and leather, Warner Television appears to have greenlighted a new version of Justice League Unlimited. Since that show was able to tackle some adult themes without losing its younger audience, and since the people who control it now are the ones who controlled it then, fans are understandably stoked.
Speaking of stoked, Lexus just made every single person who saw the Back to the Future movies start tingling in all their fun places; they have unveiled a functioning hoverboard.
Speaking of tingling, have you ever had a memory of a previous life? Many people have. Now, science may have figured out why. Aaron Kase has a great article showing how primal, and possibly subtle – yet related, memories can be handed down from generation to generation without anyone from any generation actually meeting.
Lastly, you know how your parents used to tell you “TURN THAT SHIT DOWN! YOUR SCARING THE COCKROACHES!” Well, now, you can simply tell them, “It’s okay mumsy and daddums, I’m just curing Alzheimer’s.”
Science Alert reports that scientists have used pulsed ultra-sound waves to break up the plaque that surrounds neurons in the brain when Alzheimer’s sets in. The result is a return of lost memories an functions. Human trials will start soon.
Still not in a good mood? Okay, you’ve left me no choice. Turn up your speakers really loud, strip down to your skivvies and try not to dance when you play the video below.
blur – girls and boys (hq).mp4 from Ruben Arlote on Vimeo.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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Some Surprising Things That Won’t Kill You

Before I get to today’s topic I’d like to address some things that can kill you. Stuff that you see in your email every fucking day that will do way more harm than good. Pomegranate juice has been touted as a cure for everything from skin cancer to depression. While it is a fine source of anti-oxidants and has been shown to slow one type of cancer, prostrate in men, it is not a cure for anything. People who avoid medical treatment to just use this as a cure, and they are legion, tend to die in short order. Faith healers. Sorry, I don’t care which god you endorse, if this shit worked these asshats would be in hospitals and not on TV begging for your money. African Mango Diet Pills, Garcinia Cambogia Extract, Wholemega Diet Pills, or Green Coffee Bean Extract, or the Raspberry Ketone Diet. Usually attributed to “a scientific study done by Men’s Health” these things can do everything from nothing at all to causing severe gastrointestinal problems. Bonus? Well, you get two here; (1) Men’s Health doesn’t endorse any diet aids, and; (2) the only weight you’ll lose will come from being hospitalized with all sorts of bizarre aliments. Marijuana cures cancer. No, it doesn’t. Processed Canabanoids, an ingredient of marijuana, have shown promise in that regard and can be very effective at controlling seizures, but most modern pot, a/k/a Cheech and Chong Therapies, are low in that regard and high in THC. In other words, you’ll feel great for a few hours but you’re still going to die.
There are more but allow me to give you a helpful hint to avoid being conned. If you read anything that contains the phrase “Big Pharma doesn’t make cures, they make customers” or anything similar, it’s full of shit.
Just FYI, if you ever are full of shit two, non-menthol, cigarettes a day will clear that right up. That is true. Downside? Well, you’ll start smoking and increase your chances of catching cancer and dying.
Okay, back to Big Pharma. First off there is no such thing. There are several large pharmaceutical companies, true, but they compete against each other for profits and killing people is bad for business. Also, there are these little things called facts and history. When cures have become available, such as the polio vaccine, they have been pushed to market to help as many people as quickly as possible.
Are drug prices in America too high? That’s a common complaint and one that bears looking into. Yes, American’s pay more for prescription drugs than any other nation. But, and this is important, other nations subsidize medicine and the U.S. doesn’t. This is done to “prevent the spread of socialism” but, in reality, just causes people to die needlessly or go hopelessly into debt.
Ask any licensed medical professional and they’ll tell you that this country should be strengthening the Affordable Care Act, not gutting it. Go ahead, do that. I’ll wait.
Cool. Welcome back.
Now, let’s get you healthy.
To start, just for fun, I’m going to inject you with lethal wasp venom.
NO! WAIT! COME BACK! It’s fine. As Caroline Reid, over at IFL Science, reports, Brazilian wasp venom kills cancer cells.
Wasps get their fair share of bad press.
They have painful stingers, and they’re not as useful to us (or as cute) as bees. Their time to step in the spotlight, however, may be just around the corner: Their venom has been shown to attack cancer cells while leaving healthy cells alone.
The cancer-targeting toxin in the wasp is called MP1 (Polybia-MP1), and until now, how it selectively eliminates cancer cells was unknown.
According to new research, it exploits the atypical arrangement of fats, or lipids, in cancer-cell membranes. Their abnormal distribution creates weak points where the toxin can interact with the lipids, which ultimately pokes gaping holes in the membrane.
These are sufficiently large for essential molecules to start leaking out, including proteins, which the cell cannot function without.
The wasp responsible for producing this toxin is the Polybia paulista. The toxin has so far been tested on model membranes and examined using a broad range of imaging techniques.
You can see the team’s research results in the Biophysical Journal.
Aren’t you glad you kept reading? Okay, how about if I told you I was going to take cells from Alzheimer’s’ patients and inject them into your brain?
You’re trying to run away again, aren’t you?
Well, as Justine Alford rightly points out, you shouldn’t. This could be the best way to save your brain should the need arise.
While an extremely useful technique, its potential therapeutic applications have been limited by the fact that it often necessitates the introduction of transgenes, which carries a cancer risk should they end up in an off-target location and switch on genes that can cause cell replication to go awry. Using small chemical molecules to achieve the same outcome, however, attempts to overcome this issue and offers numerous advantages.
Namely, avoiding genetic manipulation and the need to pass through a stem cell phase reduces some safety concerns, and because the molecules can slide through the cell’s membranes to reach the DNA, they don’t require the use of viruses for delivery. Furthermore, they’re cheaper, easy to synthesize and produce reversible effects.
The first of the two studies to probe the potential of these molecules involved adding a chemical cocktail to skin cells derived from healthy patients and individuals with Alzheimer’s. By adding them in two different stages, the researchers were able to dampen skin cell-specific genes and then drive expression of native neuronal transcription factors. In just a few weeks, the cells assumed a new neuronal identity, looking and behaving like neurons produced using the transgenic approach.
In the second, researchers achieved the same feat with mouse skin cells, but using a different combination of small molecules. Impressively, in just 16 days, 90% of the initial cell population was positive for a neuron-specific protein called TUJ1. Furthermore, the cells could generate action potentials that are critical to neuronal firing, and they formed functional junctions with one another across which information can be transmitted.
While the researchers need to fine-tune the processes, the proof-of-concept work is certainly encouraging. If researchers are able to generate personalized batches of cells, it may be possible to graft them into patients as a means of disease treatment. Furthermore, using patients who already suffer neurological diseases, such as Alzheimer’s, researchers may be able to learn more about these conditions by studying their cells in the lab.
See? That wasn’t so bad.
Back on July 8th I wrote about how a teenager, Jack Andraka, had found a way to detect pancreatic cancer in its early stages. That’s important because pancreatic cancer rarely has symptoms until you have six months or less to live.
Now, according to Josh Davis science has found the perfect way to turn that death induced frown upside down; science can make pancreatic cells revert to healthy cells if they find them.
A new study has, however, shown that pancreatic adenocarcinoma cells can be coaxed to revert back to normal cells — a discovery that could possibly lead to new treatment therapies. The research was carried out in a collaborative effort between Sanford-Burnham, UC San Diego, and Purdue University, and published last week in the journal Pancreas.
“For the first time, we have shown that overexpression of a single gene can reduce the tumor-promoting potential of pancreatic adenocarcinoma cells and reprogram them toward their original cell type,” said Pamela Itkin-Ansari, an adjunct professor at Sanford-Burnham and author of the study. “Thus, pancreatic cancer cells retain a ‘genetic memory’ which we hope to exploit.”
The team started off by growing human pancreatic cancer cells in the lab, and then inducing them to produce more of a protein called E47. This protein binds to a specific sequence of DNA that controls the genes involved in growth and differentiation. As a result, the cells stalled in their growth phase and began to revert back to non-cancerous cells. They were then able to take the reprogrammed cancer cells and introduce them into mice, where their ability to form tumors was greatly reduced.
Okay, so we’re curing cancer like a bunch of sciencey motherfuckers here today, and that’s a good thing, so let’s tackle one more health nightmare.
Full disclosure here. Back in 1967 my aunt Ginger, an Elizabeth Montgomery look-alike, came down with Multiple Sclerosis. Within a year she was dead. So, let’s just say, this next article held my interest.
Your athlete’s foot and itchy skin may help cure MS.
Our pal Caroline Reid says I’m not crazy.
The team, who published the study in Nature, wanted to find a drug that would encourage stem cells in the brain and spinal cord to become the type of cell that produces myelin, which are called oligodendrocytes. With more myelinating cells on board, the damage to nerve cells should slow down, and hopefully further damage will also be prevented. Ideally, the candidate drug would even start to reverse paralysis in multiple sclerosis sufferers.
The two drugs used in the trial were miconazole, which is found in over-the-counter antifungal treatments such as athlete’s foot, and clobetasol, which is used to treat skin conditions such as eczema. These might seem like unlikely candidates to coax stem cells to become the important myelin cells in the brain but, of course, there is method behind the madness. The team tested the effects of different drugs (727 to be precise), which all had a history of use in patients, on laboratory-grown stem cells called ‘oligodendrocyte progenitor cells,’ or OPCs for short. Out of all the drugs investigated, the two drugs selected—miconazole and clobetasol—were best at stimulating the conversion of these blank stem cells into myelinating cells.
The effect of these versatile drugs on restoring myelin in the brains of mice with multiple sclerosis-like disease was remarkable. As Robert Miller, a neuroscientist at Case Western Reserve, said: “It was a striking reversal of disease severity in the mice.”
Whilst this was very promising with mice, it will be more difficult to evaluate in humans. It is extremely difficult to assess the reversal of brain damage and restoration of myelin reliably in living humans. Another hindrance in the evaluation of recovery is that progress takes a long time. It could take years, not months, to see the effects of myelin restoration, which means that trial studies will take a while and results won’t be quick. However, the team is enthusiastic that they can develop optimized versions of these drugs in the future.
The public are advised not to take the current versions of these drugs to alleviate the symptoms of multiple sclerosis. The forms of drugs being tested have not been refined for the purpose of remylenation yet.
The additional emphasis is mine. Promising is not the same as cured. But for all those who have suffered, or will in the future, here’s hoping they figure it out.
In case you’re new here you’ll note that every claim made has been, or is being, backed up with research and that research has been, or is being, vetted by disinterested professionals. This is how science works. The fact that something helped your Aunt Gertie back in 1987 is not science. It could be luck, a combination of facts that Gertie forgot, or any number of things. Whatever it is it ain’t science.
That’s why many of these alleged cures are dangerous. No one really knows what they can or cannot do.
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