Search Results for: mcdonald's

You’re an adult. I make that bold assumption based on the fact that kids don’t wander over here. At least not on purpose. Which, given the numerous references to boobs and penises that festoon this site, I find kind of perplexing. I guess they’re getting their boob and penis needs fulfilled at some younger, more hip, site. Besides, the one time a teenager did send an email to me it was to complain that I used too many words. In other words, this is probably all for the best. Nevertheless, as I noted before, you’re an adult. You do adult things. You have adult needs. If you want a bourbon fro breakfast then, BY GOD, you’re putting away the pop tarts and having at it. Lord knows you deserve it. In fact, go ahead and pour another, I’ll wait. Because when you read today’s blog you may need it and more.

For those who have missed the last 20 or so years, allow me to fill you in. In Asia there is a phenomena called Hello Kitty. It is a mouth-less toy that has no special skills whatsoever. The creators license the cute image to anyone with money, so you can buy a Hello Kitty 9mm Revolver, a Hello Kitty Vibrator, a Hello Kitty Wedding Dress, in case the vibrator isn’t satisfying enough, and, of course, a Hello Kitty Vajazzle Kit. Before you click that last link, note that the word Vajazzle is a blend of Bedazzled and Vagina.

Think Amanda Palmer without the sense of humor.

But, for whatever the reasons, the damn thing is wildly popular over there.

Another thing that is popular over there is McDonald’s.

So, naturally, these two evils needed to be marketed together. And the result was predictable.

Riots and violence.

Eveline Danubrata reports from Singapore.

Singapore residents braved hazardous air, bid hundreds of dollars and queued for hours to lay their hands on a special Hello Kitty stuffed toy, swept up in a craze for the mouthless Japanese cat that peaked this week in the city-state.

The frenzy began at the end of May, when U.S. fast food giant McDonald’s began selling the toys in outfits inspired by fairy tales, such as “The Ugly Duckling”. The six toys were released in phases, at S$4.60 ($3.63) each with a meal, or S$10 on their own.

But it was the final offering, the “Singing Bone” toy – a black Hello Kitty with a white skeleton and pink bow, based on a German tale – that set the hearts of Kitty lovers pounding.

Hundreds lined up to get first crack at the midnight launch of the toy on Thursday, with police called in to control shouting and queue-jumping, but stocks ran out in a day.

“I am speechless,” said university student Quek Hui Ying, 22. “In some cases it turned quite ugly and people argued with each other.”

On McDonald’s Facebook page a customer lamented his failure to get one of the toys for his 3-1/2-year-old grand-daughter.

“I am one unhappy grandfather! I had deliberately taken public transport in the haze to buy the ‘Ugly Duckling’,” he wrote, referring to hazardous levels of smog from Indonesian forest fires that recently wreathed Singapore before scattering.

“I tried 3 outlets without success.”

With all versions now sold out, a market in the toys has flourished on the Internet, with some sellers demanding hundreds of dollars on auction sites. One fetched S$126,000 on eBay, but it is not clear if the bid was genuine.

In a statement, McDonald’s said the demand had exceeded its expectations and it would take steps to improve its services.

Singapore’s previous mania for Hello Kitty, put out by Japanese toy firm Sanrio, was in 2000, when McDonald’s sold the toy in wedding dresses.

Really? A hundred grand for a freaking doll? If you’ve got that kind of money and you spend it on a doll you should be neutered immediately.

Never mind. That almost seems redundant.

And, McDonald’s has to be kidding. Having a business in Singapore and claiming not to know Hello Kitty is popular is beyond dense.

And I’m sure they were upset by all the free publicity this little stunt generated.

Not that I’m cynical when it comes to the motives of multi-national corporations.

But, before we condemn their faddish devotion to a soulless toy, keep in mind we have Honey Boo Boo.

Hello Kitty Little Taps from Hello Kitty Junkie

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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Regular readers know that I am not a big fan of McDonald’s. There is a whole section of our search engine dedicated to eviscerating them. I have written about everything from how their food will not decay, which is not natural, to how performance artists use Mc-food to kill insects. Just so we’re clear, I am not a fan. Now, that being said, I must give credit where credit is due. Charles Ramsey, the hero in Cleveland who rescued those three young women, has turned down reward money and tried to live a normal life. But there is one reward he will not be able to ignore. He likes to eat his lunch at McDonald’s. Well, someone has to or they’d go out of business. Anyway, without any fanfare or fuss McDonald’s quietly gave Mr. Ramsey a gift certificate which will allow him to have free burgers for the rest of his life. It was only when a reporter followed up with Mr. Ramsey did the world find this out. That was a classy move by a company not exactly known for its subtlety. So, for today, McDonald’s get a pass from me. I might even try a burger.

Well, let’s not get crazy.

Now let’s look at a few companies that could take lessons from the nice folks at Mc-Corporate. First up are the owners of the Russian ship, Lyubov Orlova, which was being sent to Canada for scrapping due to debts. It’s filled with toxic waste and is in poor shape. Naturally they lost it. That’s right, somewhere in the Atlantic is a ship full of poison that, if it sinks, could do untold amounts of damage to the ocean and the life it contains. You might think that knowledge would spur them into action to find it. You would be wrong, but you can be forgiven for thinking it.

Canada, for its part, doesn’t seem too broken up over the loss, as the boat had been abandoned in Canadian waters in 2010 after a reported financial dispute between the owner and a charter company, per Fox News. Once the ship drifted into international waters, the Canadian government largely washed its hands of the issue. As The Globe and Mail reported back in February, Canada’s transportation department said in a statement it was “very unlikely that the vessel will re-enter waters under Canadian jurisdiction.”

The boat’s whereabouts have received a good deal of attention in the international pressu, and the mystery surrounding the vessel has even spawned a website, “Where is Lyubov Orlova?”

On a sobering note, however, if the boat has wrecked somewhere, it could be leaking toxic fluids into the water, according to French environmental organization Robin du Bois.

“In case of a collision or sinking or any accident, the Lyubov Orlova will immediately release fuel … other toxic liquids, asbestos … mercury and other non-degradable floating waste,” the group declared in a statement, according to LiveScience.

But other than that everything’s fine.

Speaking of catastrophic meltdowns, I would be remiss if I ignored the fun loving couple who owns Amy’s Bakery in Arizona. After getting dissed on national TV by Gordon Ramsey (no relation to Charles) and issuing one of the most profanity laden Facebook rants in history, which they blamed on a hacker who seemed to imitate their speech patterns perfectly (sure, I believe them, and I believe in the Easter Bunny, and ….), they decided to reopen their restaurant. They did this quietly since people didn’t show up.

Finding out how the place is run by douchebags will do that to a business.

But, to make matters even more fun, it turns out that the husband half of that daffy duo may be in the country illegally.

Oops.

Ryan Grenoble has the whole story.

Amy’s Baking Company has had a rough go recently, and it may yet get worse: Sami Bouzaglo, one of the restaurant’s owners, may be facing deportation.

According to a report in The Arizona Republic, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials are investigating Bouzaglo, an Israeli citizen, regarding time he spent in prison prior to his immigrating to the United States. Bouzaglo’s immigration lawyer did not disclose details of the case to the Republic, but the paper, citing a “high-ranking law enforcement source,” reports that Bouzaglo’s international record hints at involvement in “drug distribution, threats, and extortion.”

The Scottsdale, Ariz., restaurant originally soared to infamous heights after a disastrous “Kitchen Nightmares” episode appeared to trigger a self-destruct sequence on the company’s Facebook page. Owners Sami Bouzaglo and his wife, Amy, later stated the bizarre, profane posts (“You people are all s**t,” “I AM NOT STUPID ALL OF YOU ARE,” among others) were the work of a hacker.

More recently, the restaurant’s PR firm, Rose+Moser+Allyn, which was hired specifically to manage the resulting storm of negative publicity, quit. Company spokesman Jason Rose diplomatically explained to Fox News, “It’s fair to say, that while we were in agreement on some approaches, there was disagreement on others.”

The report of Bouzaglo’s deportation hearings comes less than a day after Amy’s Baking Company marked its “grand reopening.”

I know someone who lives in Arizona and had eaten there before. He said it was bland food for bland people and the service was sketchy. He would not go back a second time.

All things considered their bankruptcy would be a gift from above.

I’m just saying that anyone stupid enough to steal their staff’s tips while being filmed deserves what they get.

But the biggest meltdown appears to have started when a guy’s speech from 2006 resurfaced a couple of weeks back. Mike Jeffries, the C.E.O. of Abercrombie & Fitch, claimed that his store only cared about selling clothes to the “cool kids.” I once did a video for an A&F party in NYC, so I guess I was, for a brief shining moment, a cool kid.

Anyway, since the speech reared it’s self absorbed head on the internet A&F sales have plummeted.

Abercrombie and Fitch suddenly has much bigger problems to deal with than an overly-opinionated CEO.

The retailer announced Friday that U.S. sales fell 17 percent in the first quarter of the year, and that future profit forecasts have been cut, according to the Los Angeles Times. On a conference call, the company’s CEO, Mike Jeffries, cited inventory shortages as the root of the problem.

The declines in sales actually came before controversy erupted over Jeffries’ 2006 remarks, in which he defended the exclusivity of his brand and said the company markets to “cool, good-looking people.” The comments’ reemergence sparked massive protests from teen activists, bloggers and media personalities alike, who called on Jeffries to start making plus-size clothing for women.

Abercrombie was forced to issue not one, but two apologies about its CEO’s off-the-cuff remarks. In the first apology, which was met with severe opposition on Abercrombie’s Facebook page, Jeffries said that he “seriously regrets” that his “choice of words was interpreted in a manner that has caused offense.”

The retailer was forced to make another apology after a group of teen activists went to Abercrombie’s headquarters in Columbus, Ohio, to protest Jeffries. After meeting with the activists, Abercrombie issued a statement stating that the brand is committed to “anti-bullying in addition to our ongoing support of diversity and inclusion.”

They’re diverse as long as you wear a medium or smaller and their inclusive as long as you have cash to buy their tiny clothes.

Look, A&F have never hidden the fact that they have a target market. They want the young and edgy. Why else would the release an ad that bordered on gay teen porn? And that was one of their more normal ads.

What happened here is the perfect storm. People are suddenly far more sensitive to the feelings of others and are trying to be more inclusive of various lifestyles and suddenly here’s this narcissistic billionaire jerk saying how he only takes money from worthy people.

By the way, to the guy who gave A&F clothes to the homeless, I got the joke. Unfortunately I think that using homeless people as props so you can make a political statement is degrading to them and counter-intuitive to your purported statement since you are clearly saying “Here are the ugly and unworthy people and I’m making them dress up like emo whores!”

You might want to try that again.

Kat Curtis – Screw You, Times Square (NSFW) from steve prue on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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Happy Tuesday ya’ll. As those of you who heard the radio show last Friday are aware, I’ve been fighting off a nasty cold. Today is the first day in a bit where I woke up and didn’t cough up a phlegm ball the size of my head. Yep, things are looking up. In any case I figured today would be a good day to stick to a lighter topic. Something fun and frivelous. I found a story about why people like puppies. That seemed to qualify. A nice little piece about evolution and companionship. But it was really short and required lots of video. So, as you can see, I just popped up a link for you to enjoy and looked for related stories. That was a mistake. As it turns out the human race is a very disturbed group of people. If aliens landed today their first response to humans would probably be “Oh hell no, these have got to go.” So maybe we should be grateful they haven’t arrived yet. At least not until we can do a little cleaning in the gene pool. We wouldn’t want our new neighbors being covered in moldy slime.

What am I talking about?

How about shooting dogs as performance art?

This fall has been a rough month for animals in the art world. First, we found out that British bad boy Damien Hirst killed 9,000 butterflies for a questionable installation at the Tate Modern. Then we came across Belgian artist Jan Fabre’s cat-throwing performance video, in which he, well, throws cats up a flight of stairs. This disappointing pair of artsy acts against animals got us thinking… Have artists always been this insensitive to animals’ rights?

We did some digging and found 15 instances of artists abusing or at least questionably involving animals in their artwork. From forcing ants to consume McDonald’s food in an enclosed tank to shooting a dog as art, the projects span the spectrum of slightly cringe-worthy to downright horrifying. They make us wonder, should animals be left out of art all together or is there a place for this type of transgressive work? It’s certainly difficult to justify any sort of violence against defenseless animals, but what about when an artist cooks rats for a dinner party? Can we draw a line here? Does all art have to be moral?

Does all art have to be moral? Of course not. However, neither does it need to be homicidal or sadistic. If you click on the link above there’s a slide show. It’s not for the squeamish. And, as far as I can tell, none of it is art either.

Would you like further proof that the world has gone to hell in a handbasket? Germany, the new Florida, is attempting to outlaw beastilaity and is getting blowback from people who own erotic zoos.

No, you didn’t misread that. We’re talking about places where llama love takes on a whole new, and disturbing, meaning.

It turns out “erotic zoos” are tough to ignore.

The Daily Telegraph reports that bestiality laws have been off the books in Germany since 1969, but Agriculture Minister Ilse Aigner has agreed to support a law that would make it illegal for people to “use (animals) for their own sexual activities or sexual acts of third parties.” The proposed law would also ban the “pimping” of animals to others.

The Daily Mail ties this decision to address bestiality to the recent rise of erotic zoos, where “people can visit to abuse animals ranging from llamas to goats,” the paper reports.

The proposed legislation has ruffled the feathers of zoophilia advocates such as Michael Kiok, who told the German newspaper die Tageszeitung that “mere morals have no place in law.”

The group Veterinarians Against Zoophilia told Europe Online Magazine that thousands of Germans exchange information online about sex with animals and that some farms rent out animals for sexual exploitation.

The new law would ban these so-called “animal brothels” and also make it illegal to train animals for sex with humans.

Ahem. The famous Electech Video about a petting zoo gone horribly wrong was supposed to be satire, not an ad.

So, when you get right down to it where could our hypothetical aliens find pschologically well adjusted people whose sex lives are not horror stories? Easy, visit the set of any porno.

No, I am not kidding.

Maybe all the self-loathing associated with porn emanates from those watching it on their computer screen, not those performing on it.

A new study challenges stereotypes of porn stars having poor self-images and a history of sexual abuse. The research, which is published in the latest edition of the Journal of Sex Research, suggests that porn stars have higher self-esteem, a better quality of life and body image, and are more spiritual than their non-adult entertainment counterparts.

Researchers compared the self-reports of 177 porn actresses to a sample of women matched on age, ethnicity, and marital status. Comparisons were conducted on sexual behaviors and attitudes, self-esteem, quality of life and drug use.

The study found that porn actresses were more likely to identify as bisexual and to say they enjoyed sex. They also reported having sex for the first time at a younger age, 15, than their counterparts in the control group, 17. Porn stars were no more likely to have had endured sexual abuse than those in the control group, according to the Digital Journal. The actresses did report using more drugs than the control group.

Feminist commentator Dawn Foster criticized the study for whitewashing some of the porn industry’s seedier aspects.

“It is dangerous to generalize about a huge industry: women who are successful and in control of their careers in one pocket don’t speak for women in the less scrutinized parts,” Foster told the Independent. “The study’s main objective seems to be to prove that not all women in porn are exploited: no one has argued that. But glossing over the exploitative aspects helps no one.”

The Sun reports that the actresses in the study had all been paid to work on at least one X-rated movie and ranged in age from 18 to 50. Their average career in the industry was 3.5 years.

Dawn Foster is correct about the seedier aspects. However, what she misses is the fact that the porn industry has been diligently wiping those aspects out, especially over the last decade. The thinking being, if people want home made porn, let them make it themselves. And, as anyone with access to the internet knows, people have. The porn insdustry has loftier goals.

No, that previous link isn’t even a little safe for work. Wait until you’re all alone before you click that sucker.

So there you have it. We live on a planet where porn stars are the stable ones and your neighbor shouldn’t be left alone with Fido.

Not ever.

Matta – Release The Freq from Kim Holm on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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I don’t know about you but I have had sex. An unofficial poll of our readers last year showed that 100% of them had also experienced the joys of the occasional mattress mambo. That’s a healthy amount. Now, before you get the idea that I’m about to make fun of some backwards group of morons, I remind you that, in Illinois, it is illegal to be caught nuzzling or kissing a reptile and that having an erection in public is also illegal. I actually am guilty of both. Hey! Don’t judge. It wasn’t at the same time. Anyway, I was young and she was willing to get naked but she wanted me to kiss her iguana first. There’s nothing in the bible about iguana smooching so I just followed my heart, which just happened to be following my erection and the iguana got smooched. The iguana seemed pleased. I know I was. She seemed to be as well. I guess she was since I got seconds.

But you never really know. She could have just been filling her calendar.

I brought that up to bring this up. When I was younger I worked with some ladies who worked in the adult entertainment industry. In the late 70’s and early 80’s the industry was changing dramatically. It was becoming more involved in creating technology specifically designed to enhance the erotic experience. Everything from video cameras to most of the Internet owes its existence to porn. Click the previous link to see what I mean.

As porn came out from under the couch and parked itself in our living rooms people became more aware of the intricacies involved in creating it. And, what seems to have been a blindingly obvious result in retrospect, more people, both male and female, decided they wanted a piece of that pie. And as more people got involved more health precautions needed to be put in place. Unlike the 60’s and 70’s, when everyone knew everyone else, the entire porn industry couldn’t fit in a restaurant.

Yes, it would have needed to be a big restaurant, but you get the idea.

So, now, porn has become so entrenched in our lives that the government sees the need to get involved. Allegedly due to a (nonexistent) “public health” issue but, really, for money. Think “red light cameras” meet “red light district.”

Our buddy David Moye has the complete story.

Porn performers Jessica Drake and James Deen are hoping to raise awareness — and possibly other things — with a new political ad that protests a controversial condom-only porn measure on the ballot in Los Angeles.

Under Measure B adult film producers must obtain a health permit before filming and performers must use condoms while engaged in sex. It also calls for health officials to be on working sets.

Violators would be subject to fines and criminal charges.

The measure is arousing the ire of porn performers like Deen and Drake who have filmed a satirical public service announcement depicting future porn, wherein sex workers perform with safety goggles and protective headgear while getting down to business.

The climax of the porn film PSA is when Deen almost chokes on a dental dam.

“We’re not mocking safe sex,” Deen stressed to The Huffington Post. “It’s supposed to be a satirical look at government interference.”

James Lee, chief spokesman for the No on B campaign, appreciates the importance of promoting safe sex, but he argues that the proposed measures could screw the industry financially.

“In 1998, the industry went condom only [for a brief time],” he told The Huffington Post. “Business dropped 25 to 30 percent. America isn’t the only place that makes porn. It’s a competitive issue and consumers don’t buy condom-only porn.”

The condom-only policy in 1998 was rolled back.

Lee said the industry now does a good job policing itself with rules that requires performers to get tested every 14 to 28 days “so far beyond what other industries are doing.”

“No other population is tested more frequently except convicts,” he said.

Lee said that the last time a porn performer tested positive for HIV was in 2004.

Deen said that New York Times science correspondent Donald McNeil visited him on set and told him that he considers the Los Angeles porn industry to be “technically a scientific marvel” because there are so few cases of cases of STDs and HIV considering how much sex is being had.

Earlier this summer, a porn performer named Mr. Marcus became infected with syphilis and falsified the results so he could work.

This caused the whole industry to shut down. Although that would seem to make a case for laws such the one proposed in Measure B, Deen thinks the industry reaction to the outbreak actually proves the current policy is working.

“What other industry shuts itself down if there’s a scare?” he said. “McDonald’s doesn’t shut down if someone gets sick from a hamburger. The NFL knows the head gear is not designed to withstand the concussions suffered by players, but it doesn’t shut down.”

Drake believes the outbreak showed that the system for containment and tracking exposures worked, but adds that “crisis is opportunity for growth and change” and the testing has become more rigorous since then.

Drake considers herself a unique spokeswoman for the No On B campaign she is under contract to Wicked Pictures, which makes condoms mandatory for all films.

She admits the policy has hurt the company’s bottom line the way that Deen suggests, but the company thrives, in part, because “perseverance” and because Wicked’s films are plot-driven and cater to couples.

However, if the measure passes, all porn sets will have to have health inspectors on set to ensure that condoms are being used.

“We’re not mocking safe sex,” she told HuffPost. “But we want to show that things will definitely change.”

An earlier, less satirical ad featuring Ron Jeremy and Tera Patrick suggested that passage of measure B could lead to porn companies closing down shop in Los Angeles and moving to places without condom-only rules, which would result in the loss of a $20 billion industry and 10,000 jobs.

Most of the porn industry is against the measure, as are media outlets like the Los Angeles Times, but some porn stars do support it, such as Aurora Snow.

She recently wrote a piece in The Daily Beast saying the proposed law makes sense, even if it isn’t “sexy.”

“Safety isn’t sexy. Wearing a helmet while riding a motorcycle makes me feel like a dork, but I do it because I know what’s at risk if I don’t,” she said. “No one feels or looks sexy wearing a safety hat or knee pads. That’s what the condom is for the porn industry, it’s our safety hat.”

Deen considers Snow to be a good friend, but finds her argument illogical.

“People use the analogy that if you should wear a helmet if you ride a motorcycle, but stuntmen don’t wear helmets. They’re trained professionals working with other trained professionals. Like we are — we’re the stuntmen of sex,” he told HuffPost. “What people see in movies is not real. Adult entertainment is entertainment.”

First off, I’d like to remind you that Jessica Drake is smarter than most of you. Admit it, you would never have thought of the stuntman analogy.

That being said, I would never have casual sex without protection but that’s not the topic here today. Even in the 80’s the girls I knew were insanely careful. They called the act of having sex with a non-porn star “amateur night” and they made sure the rubber raincoats were in full use.

No glove, no love unless you were a member of the professional family.

So, if you have a soul and live in Cali, do whatever you can to kill Measure B.

Secrets of Tantra – Magic in Practice from Asia (Trailer) from Angela Mahr

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

First off, for those looking for some cheap Sarah Palin jokes, I suggest you look elsewhere. I only make fun of relevant people. Like Katie Holmes. Katie, darling, boobalah, sweetheart, did you not see video of that couch humping maniac on Oprah? That alone should have been worth a restraining order. And, come one, quit playing with us, your kid has fewer genetic markers in common with Tom Tom than I do. Unless he has an Asian granny hidden somewhere. Just admit it, you were picking up the laundry, things got out of hand with that “ancient Chinese secret” and the next thing you knew you had to marry Tom Tom to make him appear to be occasionally hetero. Look, it could happen to anyone, we understand. Anyway, let’s move on to the topics at hand.

In the “Are people really this dumb” category, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration was forced to take time out of its busy, busy, day to categorically deny the existence of mermaids.

Discovery News writes that the denial reportedly came after the airing of a recent Animal Planet TV show “Mermaids: The Body Found.” The special, which aired as part of the network’s annual “Monster Week,” apparently fooled a number of viewers with its use of computer imagery to depict the mythical creatures. The faux-documentary seems to have created a big enough splash with its audience that NOAA felt it needed to address questions about the alleged authenticity of mermaids.

Okay, people, simple rule of thumb; the giant evil media oligarchy isn’t hiding this stuff from you. If mermaids were found Dianne Sawyer would be on a row boat in the freaking ocean ten minutes later. And she would be closely followed by a representative from Starkist looking to find out about her diet.

The mermaid’s that is, not Ms. Sawyer’s.

Alaska has had a tough time of things these last few years. It is truly a state full of people who just wish you’d go the f**k away. They’re all nice enough, they just don’t like you. Or me. For example, the city / town of Anchorage elected Dan Sullivan to a second term as mayor. When it cam time to swear him in he was in Hawaii. Well, who can blame him? Would you want to be in Alaska? So, they did a video conference and pretended like he was somewhere in the state.

If you ignored the leis.

Dan Sullivan was 4,664 miles from home. But thanks to video conferencing technology, the re-elected mayor of Anchorage, Alaska, was able to take his oath of office from Honolulu, Hawaii.

It was 80 degrees in Honolulu, the Associated Press reported, compared with the seasonal highs of the mid-50s in Anchorage. Sullivan wore a Hawaiian shirt for his oath, signed off by saying “Aloha,” then he and his wife were adorned with leis.

“I’m very pleased that we’re able to have this technology,” 61-year-old Sullivan, a Republican, said. “It’ really an honor for me today to be able to share this experience with my Hawaiian family and friends.”

Sullivan was in Honolulu for a scheduled family vacation and reunion. He isn’t scheduled to be back in Alaska until July 16, and said taking the oath remotely was just easier than flying back to the city where he was elected to serve a second term.

“It really doesn’t matter where you do the swearing in, what room you’re in or where you’re located,” Sullivan told reporters back in Alaska. “What really matters is the words that you swear and affirm to, to uphold the constitutions of the country, the state and, of course, the charter.”

Alaska law does not forbid remote oaths of office and it’s unlikely the unusual choice will stir any serious controversy. A Honolulu attorney signed the oath of office legal forms. But just to be safe, Sullivan says he will sign the oath again when he returns to Anchorage.

Because, you see, he got the vacation on Hotwire and couldn’t get a refund.

Oy.

But, despite not having their mayor around, Anchorage does have five Taco Bells. I have a funny story about Alaskan Taco Bells, but first a story about the Alaskan town that almost rioted because they didn’t have any.

Residents of Bethel, Alaska, know from cable TV ads what the major fast-food chains offer: chicken at KFC, burgers at McDonald’s and tacos at Taco Bell.

They just haven’t been able to get any of it.

The city of 6,200 people is about 40 miles inland from the Bering Sea in far western Alaska, and the closest fast food other than a Subway sandwich shop is in Anchorage, 400 miles and a $500 round-trip plane ticket away.

So they were elated to learn that Taco Bell was soon going to open a restaurant.

The joy, however, turned into disappointment. The flyers announcing the chain’s arrival were a hoax — the result, police say, of a feud between two residents.
But all was not lost.

Taco Bell executives learned of the mix-up and arranged an enormous feast for Sunday. They flew in enough ingredients in from Anchorage to make 10,000 Doritos Locos Tacos.

Taco Bell will offered its fare for free for the city’s residents. There were 950 pounds of seasoned beef, 300 pounds of lettuce, 150 pounds of cheddar cheese, 500 pounds of reduced fat sour cream and 300 pounds of tomatoes.

The chain is accustomed to feeding large groups of people in far-flung places.

“If we can feed people in Afghanistan and Iraq, we can feed people in Bethel,” company CEO Greg Creed said, declining to discuss the cost of the feast.

The community-wide event comes at the right time.

Since it is the start of the Fourth of July holiday, the population was expected to rise, up to 10,000, as people from outlying villages arrive for the week.

Police Sgt. Chris Salyers said the hoax appeared to be the result of one resident retaliating against another.

Flyers went up in June, announcing the opening and including a phone number to call to inquire about a job at the new restaurant. The number belonged to the targeted person.

Bethel has a large transient population, with people moving from the Lower 48 to work in the hub city. The city has no bars, and will soon have its first movie theater, said Angela Denning-Barnes, news director at radio station KYUK.

There are a dozen or so restaurants, most with similar menus. A couple of restaurants offer some Mexican food, but the price is prohibitive — $15 for a burrito and rice.

The Subway is quite popular, but getting a taco means flying to Anchorage.

“It’s kind of an expensive taco,” said Sam Blankenship, who works for the city.

Okay, kids, if Taco Bell is a major step up in your local cuisine, you might, just might, consider some new life choices.

Now my funny story.

Back in the 80’s as Taco Bell was looking to expand they had mini-restaurant / tasting centers in Alaska. I happened to be there so I decided to go to one. Regular Alaskan food tends to be a choice of fresh fish or deep fried everything. Anyway, I went and the local manager, trying to make the alien food palatable to the locals was offering whale blubber chunks with taco sauce as a taste treat.

Yes, I did and no I won’t do it again.

Not unless it was deep fried.

Anyway, here’s a typical dinner at the World News Center. We somehow survive without Taco Bell.

Julien-K “Kick The Bass” (Explicit) from Ryan Rickett on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.