Search Results for: armageddon

When Pope John Paul II visited Miami in 1987 a T-shirt maker printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the visit. Instead of “Vi el Papa (I saw the Pope)” the shirts read “vi la papa (I Saw the Potato).” Let’s hope we can do better when the next pope comes to town. Because, let’s be honest, this new pope will come to America. Pope Francis is from South America and Latins are the largest group of Catholics in the world. More importantly, for us Gringos, is that many of those faithful have migrated to our beloved Casa del Norte. In a day filled with papal firsts, (1) 1st pope from the Americas, (2) 1st Latin pope, (3) 1st Jesuit pope, it was also a day that was steeped in tradition. Pope Francis is not going to wander far from church doctrine but he will be far more involved with the laity than any pope in modern history. Which would make him more of a traditionalist than any pope since about 1600.

He takes over a church that is awash in scandal and intrigue. I see no reason to wander down that rat hole now. The facts are known well enough. What is less known is that the traditional Italian hierarchy isn’t actually the history of the church. There had been African and Greek popes until about 800 AD. Well, Jesus was from the Middle East (next door to Africa) and the original Bible was written in Greek.

But then the Italians, essentially, wrested control and outlawed anyone not Italian from holding any position higher than priest. The alleged exception to that would be the Frankish Pope John VIII. I’ll deal with her later.

This was during the dark ages. Far from being the light that led the masses out of their turmoils, the church dramatically reduced access to knowledge, printed materials and money. It became a corrupt power broker. Regular readers already know how that held true until people learned to read thanks to porn.

Molly Oldfield and John Mitchinson, the brains behind the BBC quiz show Q1, took some time out of their busy day to gather some background on the whole pope thing.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album. Rita Rudner

Holy Father
“Pope” comes from the Greek “pappas” meaning father. The term used to be applicable to all bishops, but gradually came to denote the Bishop of Rome. The Pope also holds several other titles: Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of Apostles , Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of Vatican City and Servant of Servants of God. The word papa means pope (Italian), father (English), shark (Swahili), arse (Maori) and potato (Quechua).

Becoming Pope
Theoretically any male, baptised Catholic who has reached the age of reason, is not a heretic, not in schism, and is not “notorious” for simony can become Pope, although for th past 600 years the cardinals have selected one of their own number. The last non-cardinal was Pope Urban VI, elected in 1378.

Dressing the Pope
The newly elected Pope addresses the crowd from the balcony of St Peter’s Basilica but as there is so little time between the election and first appearance there must be three different sets of Papal robes on hand – small, medium and large – which nuns will speedily alter to ensure the new Pontiff looks impeccable for his first public appearance. Benedict XVI sparked a flurry of media attention when it was suggested that his signature red loafers were made by Prada. The Vatican’s newspaper l’Osservatore Romano declared the claims “frivolous” and added that the Pope “does not wear Prada, but Christ”.

Transporting the Pope
The Pope travels in specially adapted cars which allow as many people as possible to see him. John Paul II asked the press to avoid the word “popemobile” as he thought it was undignified, but his wishes were widely ignored. The popemobile he used to travel around Ireland in the 1979 is now owned by the Dublin Wax Museum, who hire it out for around €300 plus VAT. In 2005 Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, later Pope Benedict XVI, sold his 1999 VW Golf for $13,000. It was reported to be in “well-cared-for condition” and was later resold on eBay for $244,000 to the Golden Palace casino of Austin, Texas as a “celebrity status item”.

Antipopes
The antipopes were acclaimed by a large section of the Catholic church to be legitimate candidates for the papacy, while a rival was already in place. As they were unofficial, records aren’t as sturdy as the papal records, but it is thought there were more than 37 antipopes between 217 and 1439.

Four Popes
Fourteen different years have seen three popes hold their position, but 1276 saw four different popes following the death of Gregory X. Innocent V became the next pope; he introduced the wearing of white cassocks (a tradition from the Dominican order he belonged to) but died five months into the job. Adrian V was then elected but died five weeks later. The fourth Pope that year was John XXI, who lasted into 1277 before being crushed to death when his study’s ceiling collapsed.

Pope John XX
There was no Pope John XX. The mistake arose when historians in the 11th century thought there had been another Pope John between the antipope Boniface VII and the true Pope John XV. The latter Johns were adjusted to hold their correct numbers but John XXI and XXII kept the numbers they had taken themselves, as they believed there had been 20 Johns before them.

Papal pay
In 2001, Vatican spokesman Joaquín Navarro-Valls ended speculation about the Pope’s personal wealth by saying: “The Pope does not and has never received a salary.” The Pope-elect’s private property is either donated to the Church or, if it’s hereditary property, transferred to another relative, used to endow a foundation, or placed in trust. When John Paul II died in 2005 he left no possessions and asked that his personal papers be burned.

The Vatican
Vatican City has one of the highest crime rates in the world (608 crimes, 500 people in 2002). The small size (just 0.44sq km) accounts for the anomaly but also means the country has two Popes per sq km.

Let’s wander back up to the whole Pope John XX thing. The reason the numbering is off is because, up until then, the church admitted that there had been a Pope John VIII a/k/a Pope Joan. In fact, most of the modern dogma comes from the church’s dealings with a world that was changing in the 1300s. Gay saints and married popes were accepted until around then.

Many people point to Liber Pontificalis (Book of Popes) as proof that Pope Joan never existed. However, that book is so rife with political alterations and factual errors that it is rendered meaningless as a historical document.

Given the amount of circumstantial evidence, excellently compiled by Donna Woolfolk-Cross in her fiction book Pope Joan (she is a historian, not an idiot), it is far more likely that there was a female pope. Admittedly one elected by accident.

This pope, however, is no accident. If he can emulate Sister Mary Clarence and evangelize the populace, then there may be hope for more than just us after all.

Hope isn’t such a bad thing to have.

Vaya con Dios Padre.

MATER SUSPIRIA VISION – Seduction of the Armageddon Witches {2011} from Diego Barrera on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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I have written about the impending Armageddon so often that it should have it’s own sub-site up here. And when I have avoided Armageddon I’ve written about various forms of the Apocalypse that may befall us. And that’s okay. Everyone needs a good laugh now and then. And God knows the varying responses to the numerous apocalie (is that a word? it is now) have provided gut busting guffaws for the masses. My heroes are still the fun loving, if not all that smart, folks who planned on riding out the last apocalypse in mobile homes. Still and all, much of the gloom and doom associated with those stories has been hypothetical, at best. Rational people knew full well that the Mayans had predicted nothing, that there was no planet Niribu going to slam into us, there are no comets large enough to destroy our sun and so on. Simple physics can prove 99% of the idiots wrong and common sense takes care of the rest.

Until today.

Ms. Marion Webster, no relation to the dictionary, has been fined by an English judge for using her form of vigilante justice to try and stop ninja squirrels from destroying her flowers.

Go ahead and read that again. I didn’t get any of it wrong.

This is pretty nuts.

Marion Webster, a 78-year-old U.K. woman found guilty of tearing up flowers in her neighbor’s garden, may have done it because she believed her own garden had been destroyed by a trained squirrel.

Webster, who has been dubbed a “neighbor from Hell,” according to the Birmingham Mail, was found guilty last week of criminal damage and ordered by a judge to keep the peace for six months.

Prosecuting attorney Kaya Ball told Solihull Magistrates Court that the flowers were not “just an isolated incident.” Since 2002, the West Midlands Police have received more than 40 complaints about Webster’s behavior, a spokeswoman told the Birmingham Mail. Reported incidents have included allegations of Webster yelling and swearing at passers by with no provocation.

“She is very proud of her garden,” one neighbor said, according to the Daily Mail, “and she got it into her head that someone had it in for her and was jealous of her flowers … she became convinced a resident had trained a squirrel to enter her garden after dark and tear up her flowers.”

Ha ha ha, of course the crazy lady is crazy, right?

Maybe. Maybe not.

As has been noted up here before, Chinese scientists, who have way too much time and money, have been trying to genetically alter mice so they can sing. Once they can sing it is hoped they will be able to vocalize. In other words, intelligent, talking mice will be roaming the planet.

Suddenly flower killing ninja squirrels don’t sound so crazy.

And over in Iran, as if our troops don’t have enough problems, various companies have been dumping radioactive waste and other pollutants into the soil and now there is a species of rat that is bigger than a lot of dogs.

Too bad Iran can’t Photoshop its way out of this problem.

Although Tehran has had a decades-long struggle with rats, its rodent problem seems to have grown to epic proportions as of late. Giant rats that have been flushed out of their nests by melting snow are the focus of a renewed extermination effort in the Iranian capital, according to several reports.

Some of the rodents reportedly weigh as much as 11 pounds.

The International Business Times quoted Tehran city council environment adviser Ismail Kahram, who told Iranian news website Qudsonline.ir that the rats “seem to have had a genetic mutation, probably as a result of radiations and the chemical used on them.”

“They are now bigger and look different. These are changes that normally take millions of years of evolution. They have jumped from 60 grams to five kilos, and cats are now smaller than them,” Kahram said, according to the outlet.

The Huffington Post reached out to several rat experts to assess the validity of Kahram’s claim. Dr. David Baker, laboratory animal veterinarian at LSU, told HuffPost that it’s unlikely the rats got super-sized as the result of a mutation.

“Nearly all genetic mutations identified across the field of biology are harmful and confer a disadvantage to the species rather than an advantage. It’s not like in the sci-fi movies,” Baker said in an email.

However, he pointed out that there are several species of “giant” rats found around the world that can achieve the sizes described by Kahram. Because their growth plates don’t fuse after puberty, Baker explained, even common black rats can get very large.

“During the Middle Ages, black rats in Europe reportedly grew large enough — and children were small enough — to carry off babies. Those had to have been some big rats,” Baker wrote.

Regardless of size, Tehran is reportedly ramping up its response to the rodents. Apparently a team of army snipers is now hunting the rats by night, using rifles equipped with infrared scopes. IBT reported that 2,205 rats have been killed so far.

It’s like a warped bonus round of “Big Buck Hunter,” except the only ones scoring points off this emergency are the media. The Times of Israel made a “Princess Bride” reference in its coverage about the rats, whereas the Times of London took aim at Tehran’s “experience when it comes to [exterminating]… its political opponents.”

Whether Tehran’s rats are mutated or not, some scientists have reported that certain rat populations are becoming resistant to poison. In 2012, a researchers in Britain published findings that estimated 75 percent of rats in West England were resistant to rodenticide.

Is it just me or does it make you get all squishy inside knowing that the giant rat killer is a Sox fan. No wimpy Cubs fans for a job like that, no sirree Bob. You got something from a low buck horror flick crawling out of the ground you want a Sox fan to deal with that ….. stuff.

And here’s the scary part. Right here in the U.S. of A. we have the genetic cousins of rats and our little monsters weigh in at around 100 lbs. No, that’s not a typo. Capybaras, the worlds largest rodents, have migrated from their South American jungle homes to Southern California and they have infiltrated the water system.

Yet another reason to stay the hell out of California.

TENEMENT (Roberta Findlay, 1985) (NSFW) from Spectacle Theater on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) this Thursday around 9:10 AM.
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Today’s blog will clearly explain why most scientists are hardened alcoholics by the age of 6. You may think that scientists are just nutty or absent minded but, in reality, they’re either drunk or suffering through the DTs on their way to a bar. You’ll understand why in a moment. My first draft of this blog was about the latest search for alien life. It was based on a great article by Ian O’Neill. Oh, go ahead, click on his name to read it. It will be worth your while. Anyway, it all came down to how SETI is using new techniques and data supplied by the, space based, Kepler telescope to study solar systems that are known to have planets similar to Earth. That will be a great time saver in the future. Even though they did not find anything this first try the fact that they developed the technique is pretty exciting. Anyway, while I was perusing my first draft a gentleman I know marginally came by and asked what I was writing. Being polite, I tipped my lap top so he could read. It quickly became apparent that I had, much to my surprise, written the article in Swahili instead of English. It is even more surprising when you consider that I don’t know a single word in that language. The gentleman was upset that I had written that there was no such thing as extraterrestrials, which is not what I or Ian said. Furthermore, didn’t I know that science had already proved that aliens lived among us? He cited that godawful piece of crap, called Ancient Aliens, on the History Channel as his proof. That show is a combination of bald faced lies and half truths. But it is not a collection of facts or scientific proof of any kind. And, obviously, given the fact that SETI has already discovered the WOW Signal, it’s pretty clear we’re not alone. But not alone does not equal life of the party.

So I trashed that idea. If I couldn’t get across those simple concepts it was just not my day. I then thought about writing about the asteroid that is coming to visit the day after Valentine’s Day, but there isn’t much to say to anyone who lives in the US since we won’t be able to see it.

Then I ran across an article by Ray Villard. It was exactly what I needed. It has a doomsday comet, the possibility of the sun exploding and Jupiter sucking us to our deaths via its evil gravity.

Oh, sure, he debunks every one of those assertions, he is not a fan of Ancient Aliens either, but at least it gave me the lurid content I needed to get through this day.

Take a deep breath; Dec 21, 2012 is behind us. The Mayan calendar end-of-world debacle is over: zip, zilch, gone!

The silliness, anxiety, and paranoia leading up to the predicted end of times was so bad that on Dec. 21st — the appointed doomsday — a worried citizen left a message on my office phone that accused me of skipping town to escape Armageddon.

If history is any example, the next cosmic doomsday prediction is always right around the corner. The Mayan blowout was just the latest in many centuries of bad calls by prognosticators who have the audacity to think they can divine the End of Everything.

So, to be a little preemptive, let’s look at just three cosmic events that might start another pop culture panic. Thankfully these aren’t born out of mythology, psychics, and misinterpreted archeoastronomy. They are real events that will inevitably be embellished by the imaginations of modern day soothsayers.

The Comet of the Century
Last September, the International Scientific Optical Network (ISON) near Kislovodsk, Russia, discovered comet C/2012 S1 (ISON). Though its closest approach to Earth is a year away, the celestial visitor is already billed as the “comet of the century.” That’s because it may be a first-time visitor to the solar system that will warm and then erupt with a lot of outgassing from pristine ices.

On Nov. 28, 2013 the comet will skim above the sun’s surface at a distance slightly greater than the separation of the Earth and moon. Not doubt there will be pseudoscience predictions of the comet wreaking havoc by raising tides on the sun. The exact opposite will be the case. The sun’s tidal pull could tear apart the comet into small pieces, as has been the case for previous sungrazer-class comets.

Comet ISON is due to pass within 37 million miles of Earth in January 2014. I’m expecting to see all types of outrageous claims that the object’s feeble gravity will yank on Earth to trigger volcanoes and earthquakes.

Comet ISON has been compared with the Great Comet of 1680 (click to see an artist’s rendering) which, according to contemporary accounts, caused New Yorkers to be “overcome with terror at a sight in the heavens such as has seldom greeted human eyes.” A day of fasting and humiliation was set-aside in order that “the wrath of God might be assuaged.”

Likewise, soothsayers will quickly note that the comet will be at it brightest one month before Christmas 2013. “This comet, if it lives up to its billing, certainly could point to the glorious soon coming of the Lord Jesus Christ from heaven!” predicts one religious website.

The fact that the comet is anticipated to get as bright as the moon will only fuel religious and mystical speculation about its timing and significance as an omen. Chill out folks, it’s just another 4 billion year-old primeval chunk of ice from the solar system’s deep freeze, the Oort cloud.

Asteroid Apophis
NASA keeps cataloging more Earth-threatening asteroids every year. But the asteroid Apophis, named after the Egyptian spirit of evil and destruction, is legendary because it will be a record-breaker.

On April, Friday the 13th of 2029 Apophis will skim below the orbits of communication satellites and briefly be a naked-eye object scooting over the mid-Atlantic ocean.

Earth’s gravity will deflect the comet’s trajectory. The worst-case scenario is that the chances of it striking Earth on its return on April 13, 2036 will increase to 1 in 5,500.

Apophis is the length of over three football fields. It packs enough kinetic energy to wipe out 10 million people with the power of 100,000 Hiroshima sized atomic bombs. Even in this worst case scenario a direct hit would not obliterate all life on the planet. But it certainly would not be a good day for the human race.

People will get very squeamish over the possibility of Apophisgeddon despite the best low-probability collision estimate from astronomers. Parallels no doubt will be drawn to Biblical prophecy. This is especially true because the potentially destructive path of the asteroid crosses Middle East. South America and the west coast of Africa are also along the ground track.

Congress might even debate if steps should be taken to deflect the asteroid. But given that so many legislators are tone-deaf to global warming, I wouldn’t expect any preemptive actions to be funded.

Planetary Grand Alignment
Like clockwork so-called planetary grand alignments have taken place in 1962, 1982, and 2000. This does not mean that the planets line up like pearls on a string. But they sort of gang up on one side of the sun within an angle of roughly 10 to 30 degrees — so the definition is a but mushy.

The uneventful year 1128 A.D. saw one of the tightest planetary alignments.

The doomsday best seller The Jupiter Effect in 1982 spelled out an improbable chain of events that would be triggered by the planets’ tug-of-war with the sun: tides raised on the sun’s surface would increase sunspot activity, build up the solar wind, that would effect Earth’s weather, and subsequently, Earth’s spin rate, which would then trigger earthquakes.

No geological disasters happened in 1982 short of a 6.0 magnitude earthquake that killed 1,500 people in Dhamar, northern Yemen. In fact the celestial alignment allowed for NASA to pull off the Voyager 2 “grand tour” of the four outer gas giant planets from 1979 to 1989.

Jupiter contains more mass than all the other planets combined, and yet it is still less than 1 percent of the sun’s mass. Therefore Jupiter’s influence on the sun is inconsequential.

Alien astronomers could measure Jupiter’s gravitational tug as an insignificant 270 mile-per-hour cyclic change in the sun’s radial velocity over the planet’s 12-year orbital period. Only if Jupiter was moved so close to the sun that its orbital period was measured in days, would some serious tidal effects be seen. This is observed with so-called “hot Jupiters,” the exoplanet WASP-18 being the most extreme case.

Running an ephemeris forward in time, with the ease of throttling H.G. Wells’ time machine, the next closest thing to a grand alignment comes in 2163. Unless we have bombed ourselves back to pre-Columbian society by then, people in 2163 will be too science savvy to give this any thought. They will be bemused by historical accounts of the feared Jupiter Effect by their science-illiterate ancestors.

What’s ironic is that any casual surfing of the Internet shows that a lot of people are preoccupied with doom and gloom based on mythology, psychics, and patently flaky ideas. The real Earth-threats, such as global warming, seem to be too easily shrugged off as lacking solid scientific evidence. Go figure.

Ogg think sci-enz funny. Ogg no like sci-enz. Sci-enz makes Ogg’s head hurt.

You laugh but you shouldn’t. 25% of Americans think that God decides sporting events. 20% of Americans believe that witches are real. 20% still believe that the Sun revolves around the Earth. I could go on but I’d need to start drinking.

Even for me it’s a little early.

Besides, something tells me that I’m going to need to be sober to come up with a way to overcome the fear mongering liars who keep preying on the ignorant.

Mr. Myster – Exploding the Myth (music video) from Krustaps on Vimeo.

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First off, I have good news for the male readers of this blog. A new study has just been released that shows, definitively, that men who don’t do housework get more sex than those who do. So when you hear a neighbor brag that her hubby helps clean the kitchen or whatever, remind yourself that he may as well be sleeping on the couch for all the good it does him. Nope, the message is clear, go do your manly stuff and then park your butt on the couch and wait your turn. Heck, if you get it right she should even bring you a sammich and a cold beer. Basically it all comes down to role playing, just not like the kind they do in Fifty Shades of Gray. Although if she’s willing to toss in a little of that too don’t turn it down.

See, we’ve barely started and already you’ve learned something.

In that vein Florida’s Gov. Rick Scott, realizing that the state is rapidly becoming an intellectual cesspool is asking the legislature to spend an additional $1.2 Billion on education. Included in his request is a $2,500 per year raise for every teacher. Before you get all impressed, that would still leave teachers in bottom fifth of pay nationally and the school system barely on par for a per student spending average. In other words, they have to raise the bar just to get to the bottom. Oh well, it’s a start.

Yesterday I wrote about the ten year old girl, her ounce of cocaine and how she won a science fair. Some of you were upset that I wasn’t upset. The fact is I feel for the kid. She has to make do with what she’s got and in Florida, as evidenced by the above paragraph, she ain’t got much.

Among the many issues the Florida education system has is that it is nigh on impossible to fire a teacher. So you have the lowest paid, least qualified, people being given absolute authority over your child’s future and there is nothing you can do about it. This problem came to the fore again in the strange case of Paula Prudente.

Long-time teacher Paula Prudente appears to have lost her four year battle to keep her job with the Palm Beach school district.

A state court last month recommended she be fired for misusing district technology to harass and threaten fellow employees. The emails, described as “rambling, sometimes-incoherent,” complained of mistreatment and told employees how to perform their jobs.

On Wednesday, school board members said they’d move to fire Prudente, 57, at the next board meeting.

But Prudente denied the accusations, calling them retaliations for reporting unethical hiring practices and health violations at schools. “My emails were complaints and grievances,” she said, adding that she’s filed multiple lawsuits and grievances against the district.

Prudente, last assigned to Spanish River High School, has been employed with the district since 1978. Her problems began in 2008, when she was accused of sending negative emails to her co-workers about a presidential candidate. In 2009-10, she was again accused of sending co-workers inappropriate and harassing emails.

Both cases were settled out of court, with a 10-day suspension.

But in 2011, the district alleged Prudente had returned to her email attacks. They said she sent numerous hostile and confusing emails to staff and left one employee a three-minute threatening voicemail.

“You are going to have to cease and desist your cafeteria style of … law and agreements cause … you are very wrongful in your misrepresentations … you are very deceitful …” Prudente said.

Other confusing emails were sent to school board members, the area superintendent and district employees who handled her benefits, despite warnings that school email accounts could not be used to bully co-workers.

Administrative law judge Robert Meale wrote that in emails addressed to one of her principals at the time, Prudente “launched into a bewildering set of vitriolic directives, awkward references to herself in the third person, and head-turning claims…”

One thing I learned as I wandered through the limited public documents on this mess is that Ms. Prudente is not a fan of President Obama. I also learned that everyone, but her, is an idiot. It is never made clear what awards she has won, just that has won three of them.

In semi-related news, another teacher, Dean Liptak, is in trouble because his physics test borders on the hyper-violent and seems to advocate killing babies.

I should note that he is also a well respected teacher in Florida. In case you’re wondering how far things have to go down there.

The fate of Florida science teacher Dean Liptak is unclear as parents express concern over violent test questions that involve propelling students and driving over babies.

According to WTSP, the Fivay High School teacher in Hudson, Fla., assigned test questions like:

“A 50 kg student has a momentum of 500 kg m/s as the teacher launches him toward the wall, what is the velocity of the student heading toward the wall?”

“A northbound car with a velocity of 100 m/s ran over a baby with a momentum of 800 kg m/s, what is the mass of the car?”

Parents tell WTSP that the test questions are “violent” and “inappropriate.” School officials have not disclosed the teacher’s status at the school.

Liptak has been teaching in Pasco County Schools for several years and recently moved to Fivay from Ridgewood High School. His students at Ridgewood had positive reviews of his teaching on RateMyTeachers.com. One student calls him the “best teacher in the world.”

A similar incident in Washington, D.C. last march led to a teacher’s termination. Parents were outraged after the educator sent third graders home with morbid math problems that referenced cannibals, baking people in ovens and a child whose brain had become infested with fire ants.

And just two months prior, Norcross, Ga. elementary school parents were upset when math problems that used examples of slave beatings were used in class. The teacher who assigned the problems eventually resigned.

The science test in Florida comes at a volatile time for the school, as the Fivay community continues to remember their late classmate Jessica Laney, who committed suicide last month.

Ah yes, higher math only works if you kill and eat someone. I must have been out the day that lesson was delivered.

But the worst case scenario came to light this week when James Tracy, a professor at Florida Atlantic University, began teaching his students that the Sandy Hook massacre was all staged and no one really died. CNN’s Anderson Cooper took him, and Florida’s education system, to task.

Florida once had a howling wolfpack of higher education reporters competing for scoops about small-time shenanigans. These days, the education beat is pretty much on life support. And in the absence of swift and sure journalism justice, the shenanigans are morphing into national scandals.

Last week, CNN’s Anderson Cooper was keepin’ ’em honest at Florida Atlantic University (FAU). Steam poured out of the silver haired anchor’s nostrils as he channeled the righteous indignation of millions regarding FAU’s James Tracy, a tenured professor of media history who thinks that maybe the Sandy Hook massacre was staged by “crisis actors” and maybe all those first graders aren’t really dead.

“I describe myself as a scholar and public intellectual,” Tracy told Sun-Sentinel reporter Mike Clary as the story was beginning to gather steam. Campus colleagues with higher standards of scholarship and lower quotients of narcissism describe him as Dick Tracy, the comic book detective who solves fictional crimes.

FAU President Mary Jane Saunders took to the CNN airwaves to assure Cooper’s global audience that Tracy “does not speak for the university.”

Maybe not, President Saunders, but his heartless, tone-deaf, self-aggrandizing pouring of salt into the gaping wounds of a Connecticut community still deeply in mourning has dealt yet another blow to the credibility of higher education in Florida.

The embarrassments have been piling up. Two top administrators at Edison State College allowed students to kiss off core classes required for legitimate degrees in three separate majors. Florida A & M is in danger of losing its accreditation. Politician and professor Mike Haridopolos’ $152,000 payday for a “book” resulted in a document as intellectually challenging as My Weekly Reader.

Add to those Florida State University’s selling its soul to the Charles G. Koch Charitable Foundation for $1.5 million to finance a “faculty” position. Of course, the right-wing foundation would name the teacher. And the Koch pledge is so paltry it would barely cover the cost of golden parachutes for any failed or disgraced FSU administrators.

James “Dick” Tracy is not the only accident looking for a place to happen in Florida higher education, and he did not grant himself tenure, either. Florida’s students and taxpayers deserve better than what they’re getting from a system increasingly run by people with Ph.D.s from the University of Educated Fools.

And there, kids, is the problem in a nutshell. Florida allows private financing for schools with no strings attached. If you’ve got enough money, as the Koch brothers do, you too can teach kids that Jesus rode a dinosaur while partying with Thomas Jefferson. And no one can stop you.

However, just as the University of Texas will no longer accept graduates of the Texas High School system unless they pass an entrance exam, so too is the rest of the world putting limits on how much they will tolerate lunacy and ignorance being passed off as knowledge.

Let’s face it, facts are facts and logic is logic. They are the bricks and mortar that all children need to build a future. If you want to wear a tinfoil hat and wait for Armageddon, be my guest. Just don’t take our kids with you.

MATER SUSPIRIA VISION – Seduction of the Armageddon Witches {2011} from Diego Barrera on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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Back in late 2004 Jere McAllister, a/k/a Mr. A.L.I., released a blazing single called Jam Sessions (Round 2). It featured the tag line “Back to reality, back to life.” I’ve always thought that it should be the soundtrack for the Chicago Public School system every fall. Besides being one hell of a groove it sets the right tone for any school year. It also states a clear point. Reality is what it is. It can’t be bent into something else. It is not a rumor or a discussable point, unless said discussion is how to deal with it. It must be dealt with on its own terms. Yet that simple fact seems to elude more and more people each and every day. Just because they want something to be so does not make it so. That has never been more evident than in the recent study released by Fairleigh Dickinson University which showed that people who watch Fox News are less informed than people who watch no news at all. Given the ratings that network pulls down that’s a scary thought. The survey further showed that people who exclusively watch any partisan network were less likely to be sure of the facts surrounding any issue.

One blogger, and long time fan of this fair site, F. Grey Parker, author of The Hand that Feeds You, tried to put some semblance of rationality into the debate on gun control. Then he tried again. Finally he just laid things out in simplistic terms. So far no good has come of it but I do think his attempt is worth sharing.

When I argue that we must close the so-called ‘gun show loophole’ and subject every gun sale to the same rigorous background checks, it is NOT secret code for ‘I want the government to take your guns.’

When I suggest that every firearm sold should be titled and insured for liability in the same way that automobiles are, it is NOT secret code for ‘I want the government to take your guns.’

When I put forward the idea that written and operational proficiency tests should be mandatory for all FOID applicants, it is NOT secret code for ‘I want the government to take your guns.’

When I recommend that extended magazines and drums should be unloaded for transportation outside of shooting ranges, on private property or in hunting areas and carrying them loaded in public should be a crime, it is NOT secret code for ‘I want the government to take your guns.’

When I propose that straw purchasing and failure to report stolen weapons should be federal crimes, it is NOT secret code for ‘I want the government to take your guns.’

When I advocate that all carry permits should require OPEN carry and not concealment so the public is aware whether or not a fellow citizen is armed, it is NOT secret code for ‘I want the government to take your guns.’

When I submit that an applicant’s mental health history should be a factor in all firearms licensing and failure on the part of a FOID applicant to disclose their history should be treated as perjury, it is NOT secret code for ‘I want the government to take your guns.’

I have never endorsed any scheme for the government to take away your guns.

If you want to keep guns in your home, that’s fine. I will not be setting foot in your home.

I don’t know any gun owner who has ever, and I mean EVER, used their weapon for self defense. I have, however, lost five friends to suicide by gun. In the last year, I have lost two friends who were murdered with their own licensed, registered and perfectly legal firearms.

This is, of course, in total accordance with the statistical reality of gun ownership in the United States.

And yet, I STILL have never endorsed, suggested, or recommended ANY proposal that would actually take away anyone’s guns.

Considering the degree of collateral damage I have witnessed, the carnage which has personally affected my life, and the terror I have watched my friends and loved ones endure all due to the availability of firearms, I would like to humbly suggest that the pro-gun crowd which continues to viciously and vacantly attack me should take a moment…

… and then say thank you for my continuing to bend over backwards to accommodate their Constitutional rights in spite of the fact that the 2nd Amendment doesn’t make one bit of sense anymore.

By the way, NONE of this was secret code for ‘I want the government to take your guns.’

— F. Grey Parker

Clearly Grey wants the government to come and take your guns.

He just doesn’t realize it.

In related news, the White House, yes, the one with the black man in it, was forced to announce it will not be building a death star. Why were they forced to make this announcement? Because 34,000 people wanted them to build one. You know, because. That’s why.

The Obama administration will not be starting a new “Star Wars” defense initiative.

The administration responded late last week to an online petition signed by more than 34,000 people. The petition did not call for resumption of the “Star Wars” Strategic Defense Initiative involving nuclear ballistic missiles that began under President Ronald Reagan, but for a far more literal “Star Wars” plan, involving the construction of a “Death Star.”

The petition said the “Death Star” would spur job growth and bolster national defense. But Obama administration adviser on science and space Paul Shawcross responded to the petition with an answer rendered as comically as the idea itself.

“The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon,” Shawcross wrote. “Here are a few reasons:

• The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000 (850 quadrillon.) We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
• The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
• Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?”

Shawcross went on to note that the U.S. is involved in numerous projects involving space exploration already.

The petition response noted that “we already have a giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that’s helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations. The Space Station has six astronauts — American, Russian, and Canadian — living in it right now, conducting research, learning how to live and work in space over long periods of time, routinely welcoming visiting spacecraft and repairing onboard garbage mashers, etc. We’ve also got two robot science labs — one wielding a laser — roving around Mars, looking at whether life ever existed on the Red Planet.”

Furthermore, Shawcross noted, the nation has “floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke’s arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers.”

The response urged those who came up with the “Death Star” idea to pursue careers in science, technology, engineering or mathematics-related fields, and noted President Barack Obama’s strong support of such domains.

The response also casually reminded the petitioners that the Death Star was, in fact, an initiative completed by the Galactic Empire – the villains of the “Star Wars” universe.

“If you do pursue a career in a science, technology, engineering or math-related field, the Force will be with us!” Shawcross wrote. “Remember, the Death Star’s power to destroy a planet, or even a whole star system, is insignificant next to the power of the Force.”

A member of the New York Stars Wars Meetup posted that he loved the “hilarious response” from the White House.

While I admit that the answer is funny, and well thought out, the fact that such an answer had to exist at all is worrisome. Then again, we are talking about Star Wars fans and not real people.

I do find it ironic that the self same people who decry all forms of government waste would like to see an $850 quadrillion dollar boondoggle launched into orbit. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

Besides Armageddon that is.

So what do do? How do we respond to a world filled with short sighted idiots? A New York waitress seems to have as good an answer as any I’ve encountered.

Serve pizza while nude.

Patrons at a restaurant in Bushwick, Brooklyn got a surprise last week when a waitress decided to celebrate her last day on the job by stripping naked as she served her customers.

In the days since, a photo of the racy scene has gone viral.

The waitress at Roberta’s Pizza, at 261 Moore St. in Brooklyn, was spotted taking orders in the buff this past Friday night.

A patron, Vicky Oyomba, captured a photo of the waitress from the back, along with the caption, “So there definitely is a 95% naked waitress serving patrons at Roberta’s in #BK right now!!!”

The photo shows the woman wearing nothing but boots, fishnet stockings and a server’s belt. The words “Peace Out” were written across her back.

Oyomba was not available to speak to CBSNewYork.com Tuesday night, but she said in other published reports that a cheer was heard throughout the restaurant when the woman appeared nearly nude, and that there was nothing covering the front of her body either.

Max Read, a writer for Gawker, also witnessed the scene and blogged about it.

“[W]e only caught the waitress, surrounded by customers taking photos, while walking out, stuffed with pizza and duck and pork, and when we asked we were told that Friday was her last day,” he wrote.

The Web site Grub Street was quick to point out that the display was not acceptable under New York City Health Code, which says “employees who prepare or serve food products, or wash and sanitize equipment and utensils must wear clean outer garments.”

But others in the blogosphere fired back. Gothamist called the staff at Grub Street “Never Nude buzzkills,” and pointed out that the fishnets “look clean enough to us” not to warrant attention from the Health Department.

I’m kind of hoping this becomes a trend.

There’s nothing wrong with reality making me smile once in a while.

Naked drink – performance

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