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Family Fun & Biblical Plagues

April 17, 2014 by Bill McCormick

Who knew pestilence was sexy?
Who knew pestilence was sexy?
It’s nice to know that people pay attention. This year I received quite few emails over the last couple of weeks regarding my happy post about Biblical plagues. They all wanted to see it again so they could share it with family and friends. While we do have a search engine on the right hand side of the page I get the fact that some people think that’s a nuisance. And then there’s that whole forwarding links thing and the fact that not everyone is internet savvy and re-posting just makes things simpler for folks. And, as any woman who dated me in the 80’s can attest, I’m all about the easy. Anyway, all that aside, back on March 26 of last year I wrote about a scientific publication that enumerated the legendary plagues of Egypt. And, as it toddled on, put them all in a real world perspective. While I’ll be the first to acknowledge that the Bible is more allegory than fact that doesn’t bother me. The stories were intended to make points not act as historical treatises. Still, the stories come from somewhere. Yes some came from other religions, like Noah and the gang, and others came from various traditions that became codified as law, such as Leviticus. But some, such as Kings (think the Godfather series if you haven’t read it), are lightly embellished recitations of facts.

Where does Exodus fall in that pantheon? Closer to fact than you might have thought.

***********************************

It’s Lenten season and devout Christians surrender pleasures to remind them of their religion’s humble origins. Devout Christians and Jews recently celebrated Passover, the holiday that celebrates (if that’s the right word) the fact that God “passed over” the homes of the faithful during the legendary 10 plagues of Egypt. So the faithful lived. Then they escaped from Egypt. Then they lived in the desert for 40 years and needed food to fall from heaven so they wouldn’t die. That part doesn’t sound like fun. Deserts just aren’t that interesting. Lots of sand, a couple of crazy Bedouins and more sand. The thing is that most people do when they read Exodus’ account of the plagues and so on is assume they’re allegories. There’s a lot of good reasons for that. They sound like they were conceived by some really stoned desert dwellers. Then again 40 years in the desert might melt a few brain cells. Back on February 11, 2011, I wrote about a modern version of the plagues. Back then I noted I still wasn’t circumcised.

For the record, I’m still not.

In Exodus there were 10 plagues rendered by God upon the peoples of the earth. Well, to be more specific, plagues 1, 2 & 3 were for everyone. Plagues 4, 5, 6, 7 & 9 were for everyone but the Children of Israel (hmm, now might be a good time to get circumcised) and the 10th plague would kill the first born child of every family except for those who marked their door with lamb’s blood. The 8th plague, locusts, is kind of unclear on who was meant to be its target. For our purposes here today let’s just assume that the 8th plague is for everyone and deal with the theology later.

In Exodus 7:14-25, the first plague is enumerated; BLOOD. More specifically, blood that fouls waters and kills all the fish and causes birds to drop from the sky. Well, I’m pretty sure we can check that one off as millions of fish and thousands of birds have been dying, en mass, the world over.

In other words we have proof that some of the biblical weirdness can happen. It has happened in our times.

But what about the 10 plagues? Could they have happened?

Richard Gray, who writes for Telegraph UK, says they not only could, they did.

Researchers believe they have found evidence of real natural disasters on which the ten plagues of Egypt, which led to Moses freeing the Israelites from slavery in the Book of Exodus in the Bible, were based.

But rather than explaining them as the wrathful act of a vengeful God, the scientists claim the plagues can be attributed to a chain of natural phenomena triggered by changes in the climate and environmental disasters that happened hundreds of miles away.

They have compiled compelling evidence that offers new explanations for the Biblical plagues, which will be outlined in a new series to be broadcast on the National Geographical Channel on Easter Sunday.

Archaeologists now widely believe the plagues occurred at an ancient city of Pi-Rameses on the Nile Delta, which was the capital of Egypt during the reign of Pharaoh Rameses the Second, who ruled between 1279BC and 1213BC.

The city appears to have been abandoned around 3,000 years ago and scientists claim the plagues could offer an explanation.

Climatologists studying the ancient climate at the time have discovered a dramatic shift in the climate in the area occurred towards the end of Rameses the Second’s reign.

By studying stalagmites in Egyptian caves they have been able to rebuild a record of the weather patterns using traces of radioactive elements contained within the rock.

They found that Rameses reign coincided with a warm, wet climate, but then the climate switched to a dry period.

Professor Augusto Magini, a paleoclimatologist at Heidelberg University’s institute for environmental physics, said: “Pharaoh Rameses II reigned during a very favourable climatic period.

“There was plenty of rain and his country flourished. However, this wet period only lasted a few decades. After Rameses’ reign, the climate curve goes sharply downwards.

“There is a dry period which would certainly have had serious consequences.”

The scientists believe this switch in the climate was the trigger for the first of the plagues.

The rising temperatures could have caused the river Nile to dry up, turning the fast flowing river that was Egypt’s lifeline into a slow moving and muddy watercourse.

These conditions would have been perfect for the arrival of the first plague, which in the Bible is described as the Nile turning to blood.

Dr Stephan Pflugmacher, a biologist at the Leibniz Institute for Water Ecology and Inland Fisheries in Berlin, believes this description could have been the result of a toxic fresh water algae.

He said the bacterium, known as Burgundy Blood algae or Oscillatoria rubescens, is known to have existed 3,000 years ago and still causes similar effects today.

He said: “It multiplies massively in slow-moving warm waters with high levels of nutrition. And as it dies, it stains the water red.”

The scientists also claim the arrival of this algae set in motion the events that led to the second, third and forth plagues – frogs, lice and flies.

Frogs development from tadpoles into fully formed adults is governed by hormones that can speed up their development in times of stress.

The arrival of the toxic algae would have triggered such a transformation and forced the frogs to leave the water where they lived.

But as the frogs died, it would have meant that mosquitoes, flies and other insects would have flourished without the predators to keep their numbers under control.

This, according to the scientists, could have led in turn to the fifth and sixth plagues – diseased livestock and boils

Professor Werner Kloas, a biologist at the Leibniz Institute, said: “We know insects often carry diseases like malaria, so the next step in the chain reaction is the outbreak of epidemics, causing the human population to fall ill.”

Another major natural disaster more than 400 miles away is now also thought to be responsible for triggering the seventh, eighth and ninth plagues that bring hail, locusts and darkness to Egypt.

One of the biggest volcanic eruptions in human history occurred when Thera, a volcano that was part of the Mediterranean islands of Santorini, just north of Crete, exploded around 3,500 year ago, spewing billions of tons of volcanic ash into the atmosphere.

Nadine von Blohm, from the Institute for Atmospheric Physics in Germany, has been conducting experiments on how hailstorms form and believes that the volcanic ash could have clashed with thunderstorms above Egypt to produce dramatic hail storms.

Dr Siro Trevisanato, a Canadian biologist who has written a book about the plagues, said the locusts could also be explained by the volcanic fall out from the ash.

He said: “The ash fall out caused weather anomalies, which translates into higher precipitations, higher humidity. And that’s exactly what fosters the presence of the locusts.”

The volcanic ash could also have blocked out the sunlight causing the stories of a plague of darkness.

Scientists have found pumice, stone made from cooled volcanic lava, during excavations of Egyptian ruins despite there not being any volcanoes in Egypt.

Analysis of the rock shows that it came from the Santorini volcano, providing physical evidence that the ash fallout from the eruption at Santorini reached Egyptian shores.

The cause of the final plague, the death of the first borns of Egypt, has been suggested as being caused by a fungus that may have poisoned the grain supplies, of which male first born would have had first pickings and so been first to fall victim.

But Dr Robert Miller, associate professor of the Old Testament, from the Catholic University of America, said: “I’m reluctant to come up with natural causes for all of the plagues.

The problem with the naturalistic explanations, is that they lose the whole point.

“And the whole point was that you didn’t come out of Egypt by natural causes, you came out by the hand of God.”

Dr. Robert Miller misses the beauty of the concept of God. It’s not that He creates crap out of nothing, it’s that He can alter what exists to do what He wants. Aside from the whole create the firmament thing, every miracle in the Bible can be recreated. Does that mean they are proof that God doesn’t exist?

Oh wait, science has figured out how nothing becomes something.

Guess what, it could simply reaffirm what I just said. That is what faith means. It doesn’t mean hating anyone or fearing anyone or hiding from anyone. It just means that you can live with the idea that you’re not the most developed being in the universe.

God knows I’m not.

Moby – Natural Blues from Sendero Indie Blog on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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Filed Under: News

You Memorized the Wrong Document

July 4, 2012 by Bill McCormick

Pucker up America, you've earned a wet one!
Every year we send our kids off to school to learn about the history of this great land of ours and every year teachers lie to our treasured genetic spawn. So, last year, in an effort to curtail the abuse, I wrote a definitive history of the Declaration of Independence. It is one of the most important documents in the history of our country and absolutely no one knows anything about it. The document you do know isn’t it. Call it “close, but no cigar.” Here is the original article.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

On July 2nd, every year, I celebrate the Declaration of Independence. The seminal document that officially severed ties between England and the American colonies. You’re probably reading that and laughing. How could a smart man like me get the damn date wrong? Easy, I didn’t. You did. In fact almost everything you claim to know about the holiday and its history is horribly wrong. When John Adams wrote his wife Abagail stating that America would celebrate this day throughout history, he was talking about July 2nd, not July 4th. Nor was he talking about the document Jefferson had authored. That document, the one you’re thinking of, was not the Declaration of Independence. Jefferson’s had the clunky title of “A Declaration by the Representatives of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA in General Congress assembled.”

Nope, the actual Declaration of Independence was written by an aristocrat named Richard Henry Lee in June of 1776 and was delivered officially to British authorities on July 2nd of the same year. Unlike the document you learned in school, Lee’s letter, such as it was, was a simple one sentence resolution. Two more sentences were added later in the year. Of the 13 colonies at the time, only New York abstained from signing it. Even back then it was a useless state with too many people.

Anyway, here’s the text of the entire document, including the later addenda.

  • Resolved, That these United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States, that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain is, and ought to be, totally dissolved.
  • That it is expedient forthwith to take the most effectual measures for forming foreign Alliances.
  • That a plan of confederation be prepared and transmitted to the respective Colonies for their consideration and approbation.

Lee was an interesting cat. He was a hard-line believer in individual and state rights and thought there should be little or no federal oversight. He felt that any such move would be a move in the wrong direction. Or, as he famously said, “The first maxim of a man who loves liberty, should be never to grant to rulers an atom of power that is not most clearly and indispensably necessary for the safety and well being of society.”

In fact, on October 16, 1787 he wrote a letter fundamentally objecting to the whole idea of a U.S. Constitution. Given that Lee fostered a near paranoiac belief that all government was out to harm or oppress the individual, it’s not surprising that he firmly believed in the right of each individual to carry a weapon.

The Second Amendment to the Constitution – A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed – was clearly written to appease Lee and his followers since many representatives wanted to limit the use and ownership of firearms.

The document you were erroneously taught was the Declaration was actually an explanation for why Lee’s July 2nd document needed to exist.

The whole “When in the course of human events ….” language that you were forced to memorize as a child was a detailed, and severely edited, document explaining why Americans could no longer suffer British rule.

The parts that were edited out included granting slaves rights and freedom, anything that censured the people of England (since many colonists had English friends) and the idea of “sacred and undeniable truths” became “We hold these truths to be self-evident…”

In other words, the Declaration of Independence that you think you know and love was actually a political compromise that started a war but could have just as easily allowed for negotiations for reconciliation.

Had the latter happened we’d all be sipping tea and watching cricket on ESPN.

And while I know that I’m facing a Sisyphean task in attempting to set the record straight it just wouldn’t be America if someone didn’t try.

Whole Day Nude from Paradise Studios Hollywood on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!

Filed Under: News Tagged With: articles, independence, jefferson

The Gift of Santa

December 20, 2011 by Bill McCormick

Santa’s upgraded his elves
Yesterday I took a stroll down memory lane to bring everyone up to date on the history of wassailing. If you need a short answer just remove the “w” from the word and you’re left with “assail,” which is a form of “assault” which describes the tradition nicely. As you may have figured out Christmas wasn’t always a time of sweetness and nice. The original holiday was glommed onto a pagan holiday, Saturnalia to be specific, to try and convert pagans to Christianity. Despite all the TV specials and holiday decorations you will cite in your emails to me, this was not as successful as it seems. For the first part, the Christmas celebration – from the Old English Cristes Mæsse, which literally means Mass of Christ – was supposed to be a day of quiet reflection that would be spent in church contemplating the birth of the Savior. Instead, the symbols of the Saturnalia and other pagan rituals all got tossed into the fray and the holiday ended up being such a drunken revelry that it was outlawed in Europe and America in the 1500’s and 1600’s. By the 1700’s people had calmed down some and a few traditions had been worked out so that you might recognize the holiday. The first was the addition of Santa Claus.

I know, I know, many people are shocked to find out there is no Santa in the New Testament. Just as they are shocked by the exclusion of the Little Drummer Boy. Well, they’ll have to get over it. The nice people over at All Things Christmas have a succinct and accurate history of Santa Claus, so let’s let them tell it.

The origin of Santa Claus begins in the 4th century with Saint Nicholas, Bishop of Myra, an area in present day Turkey. By all accounts St. Nicholas was a generous man, particularly devoted to children. After his death around 340 A.D. he was buried in Myra, but in 1087 Italian sailors purportedly stole his remains and removed them to Bari, Italy, greatly increasing St. Nicholas’ popularity throughout Europe.

His kindness and reputation for generosity gave rise to claims he that he could perform miracles and devotion to him increased. St. Nicholas became the patron saint of Russia, where he was known by his red cape, flowing white beard, and bishop’s mitre.

In Greece, he is the patron saint of sailors, in France he was the patron of lawyers, and in Belgium the patron of children and travellers. Thousands of churches across Europe were dedicated to him and some time around the 12th century an official church holiday was created in his honor. The Feast of St. Nicholas was celebrated December 6 and the day was marked by gift-giving and charity.

After the Reformation, European followers of St. Nicholas dwindled, but the legend was kept alive in Holland where the Dutch spelling of his name Sint Nikolaas was eventually transformed to Sinterklaas. Dutch children would leave their wooden shoes by the fireplace, and Sinterklaas would reward good children by placing treats in their shoes. Dutch colonists brought brought this tradition with them to America in the 17th century and here the Anglican name of Santa Claus emerged.

In 1822 Clement C. Moore composed the poem A Visit From Saint Nicholas, published as The Night Before Christmas as a gift for his children. In it, he portrays Santa Claus:

He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly,
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

Other countries feature different gift-bearers for the Christmas or Advent season: La Befana in Italy ~ The Three Kings in Spain, Puerto Rico, and Mexico ~ Christkindl or the Christ Child in Switzerland and Austria ~ Father Christmas in England ~ and Pere Noël, Father Christmas or the Christ Child in France. Still, the figure of Santa Claus as a jolly, benevolent, plump man in a red suit described in Moore’s poem remains with us today and is recognized by children and adults alike around the world.

Yes, even then, the French were wrong on too many levels to matter.

Really, the patron saint of lawyers? That’s how you honor the birth of Christ?

Okay, why not? Nevertheless, the concept of Christmas spread right along with the various missionaries who traveled the globe. Many countries took some or all of the traditions and adapted them to their own. Some of the results are amusing to us and others are just baffling. Port Harbor has the politically correct look at each country’s customs.

Show that to the kids and then keep reading.

In middle Europe, Austria and the like, they took the ancient legend of Krampus and welded it to the legend of Saint Nicholas. So, if you’ve been a good little girl or boy, St. Nick brings you a gift. If not Krampus rips you from your home, throws you in a sack and then nothing but bad things happen to you for all eternity. Or he eats you. One way or the other you’re not having a good day.

No pressure there, is there kiddies?

The legend of Krampus pre-dates Christianity by centuries. He has always been a fearful, goat like, creature who punished sinners and the like. Locking him up with St. Nicholas was just a way to shut up the priests and keep the tradition going. In fact, to this day, many rural areas in Europe do not even bother with the whole St. Nick part and just celebrate Krampus and his demonic friends.

In case you’re wondering why Austria has been the start of two world wars, I think you need wonder no more.

Another part of the world where Christmas got a little twisted is Japan. They don’t believe that Jesus was the Son of God or any of the other stuff in the Bible, but they really liked the whole concept of universal love. In fact they liked it so much that Christmas in Japan has become a very romantic holiday and one that is sponsored by Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Wait? What?

Well, you see, as Americans and other foreigners landed in Japan after the Second World War they went looking for traditional foods for their holiday meals. Since there are no turkeys in Japan they settled on the next best thing, Colonel Sander’s famous recipe. The people at KFC, realizing a gold mine when they saw one, quickly noted how much the dear Colonel looks like Santa and they were off to the races. American traveler, Billy Hammond, wrote a nice diary about Christmas in Japan.

Christmas in Japan is quite different from the Chrismas celebrated in most countries in which the population has a large percentage of Christians or a Christian heritage. Only 1/2 of 1% of the Japanese population is estimated to be Christian, with the majority of Japanese being tolerant of all faiths: Buddhism, Christianity, Shinto, etc. In spite of this, the Japanese are great lovers of festivals and celebrations, including Christmas.

December 25th is not a national holiday in Japan, although December 23rd, which is the birthdate of the present emperor, is. Although it is not an official holiday the Japanese tend to celebrate Christmas, especially in a commercial way. The Japanese celebrate Christmas Eve by eating a ‘Christmas Cake’ which the father of the family purchases on his way home from work (or his wife does in the case where he has to work on Christmas Eve). Stores all over carry versions of this Christmas cake and drop the price of it drastically on December 25th in order to sell everything out by the 26th. This has resulted in a rather interesting expression in which young girls are referred to as a ‘Christmas cakes’: marriageable until their 25th birthday and requiring heavy discounts to get married after their 25th birthdays.

In recent years, thanks to the marketing prowess of the folks at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Christmas Chicken Dinner has become quite popular. Many Japanese even make reservations for their “Christmas Chicken” ahead of time. People line up at their outlets to pick up their orders. As a result of KFC’s brilliant advertising campaign, most Japanese now believe that Westerners celebrate Christmas with a chicken dinner instead of the more common ham or turkey.

Christmas Eve has been hyped by the T.V. media as being a time for romantic miracles. It is seen as a time to be spent with one’s boyfriend or girlfriend in a romantic setting, so fancy restaurants and hotels are often booked solid at this time. It is often also a time when girls get to reveal their affections to boys and vice versa. Because of this, extending a girl an invitation to be together on Christmas Eve has very deep, romantic implications.

When you get to be my age you don’t complain so much about the stale Christmas cakes. In fact you tend to enjoy them more fully.

Huh, oh, yeah, sure, I’m talking about that thing made with flour and eggs. Really I am.

So, as you can see, while everyone has managed to get every aspect of the holiday wrong, starting with the fact that Jesus was born in in April and not December, there is still a lot of good that has come out of the day. And any holiday that can get the message of universal love across 24 time zones and hundreds of languages can’t be all bad, can it?

Editorial Page, New York Sun, 1897

We take pleasure in answering thus prominently the communication below, expressing at the same time our great gratification that its faithful author is numbered among the friends of The Sun:

Dear Editor—

I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, “If you see it in The Sun, it’s so.” Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?

Virginia O’Hanlon

Virginia, your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the scepticism of a sceptical age. They do not believe except they see. They think that nothing can be which is not comprehensible by their little minds. All minds, Virginia, whether they be men’s or children’s, are little. In this great universe of ours, man is a mere insect, an ant, in his intellect as compared with the boundless world about him, as measured by the intelligence capable of grasping the whole of truth and knowledge.

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus! It would be as dreary as if there were no Virginias. There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The external light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.

Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies. You might get your papa to have men to watch in all the chimneys on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus, but even if you did not see Santa Claus coming down, what would that prove? Nobody sees Santa Claus, but that is no sign that there is no Santa Claus. The most real things in the world are those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no proof that they are not there. Nobody can conceive of imagine all the wonders there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest mean, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love romance, can push aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding.

No Santa Claus! Thank God! He lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.

Filed Under: News Tagged With: chicken, Christmas, kfc, love holiday, sanat, saturnalia

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