Did you see the Oscars last night? Me neither. Having a complete stranger tell me how much they love me, when they really just love the $10 I paid for the damn ticket, is not as heartwarming as these professional sociopaths seem to think. Add in the fact that they expect me to make a time commitment that lasts longer than most dates, and that includes the sex, and you can see why I might find something else to do with my time. I rearranged my sock drawer and cheered on the Blackhawks. Also there’s the Les Miz factor. Anyone who has anything to do with Les Miz is too stupid to be supported. It’s a rule. Look it up. Seriously, this is a musical for people who thought that Cats had too much plot and oatmeal has too much flavor.
Why don’t red states have to worry about a zombie apocalypse? Because zombies need brains to survive. Back on May 9th, 2012, North Carolina passed a GREAT law called “Amendment 1.” It effectively makes any relationship, other than heterosexual marriage, and only marriage, illegal. 61% of the mouth breathers that call NC home voted in favor of this law. As of now the law has had no effect on anything. It hasn’t been challenged since it hasn’t been enforced. [Read more…] about Fast Food, Slow Brains
Around the turn of the century a buddy of mine decided to get married and do the whole family thing. Considering that he, much to the surprise of the gene pool, had actually found someone to procreate with, we – his friends – all gave our support. Long story short, he now has a 10 year old daughter, a 9 year old son and a vasectomy. All good calls. What that means is that for the last decade his view of pop culture has been Sesame Street and, now, Nickelodeon. Nothing wrong with that. However he has missed a memo or two. In his case he missed the memo that the DC universe released a cartoon called Justice League Unlimited from 2001 to 2006. The series was geared towards more mature viewers with a slant to keep it acceptable for those 12 and above. My smart readers may have noted that my buddy’s kids are younger than that. That is now a salient point.
Now is the time I must disclose that I am a fan of the series and have the DVD collection. It is reason #127 why I am not allowed to procreate.
Now is also the point where I note that my buddy, like millions of others, stopped thinking about Batman when Adam West stopped portraying him. This is also very important here today.
In that TV series everyone spoke in HERO VOICES. When the cartoon Superfriends, also a collection of HERO VOICES, came out in the 70’s a lot of people, including my buddy, equated it with The Justice League. They were wrong.
That was a extremely homogenized, acceptable to 6 year olds, version of what was going on. The Wonder Twins were not that family friendly in the comic book universe.
Anyway, the latest version of Justice League Unlimited, sans Wonder Twins, has recently started to be re-broadcast on WGN here in Chicago.
Thus doth our story begin.
My buddy figured that Batman, et al, was safe TV and used the time-slot to baby sit his kids while he did important stuff like make breakfast.
First off the new cartoon, unlike the old TV show, introduced the world to a character called “The Question.” Unlike the goody two shoes mythos that permeated the TV when you were a kid, he would kill people. A great example is when he handed a group of villains their grenades and then, after a wonderful pause, tossed the pins to them. People who know what hand grenades can do can figure out the rest.
In other words, screw incarceration or rehabilitation, just kill the SOB’s.
In other words, she kills too.
Their love story is a second string plot in the series.
In other words this is a much darker, but not as explicit, cartoon than you might expect.
We can even ignore the whole Wonder Woman + mind control episode that immortalized the greatest chick fight in history. As to why a muscular woman who likes to hang out with other muscular women and likes to run her fingers across the skin of young muscular girls (episode 10, Paradise Lost, where she is exiled for working with men) wants to have sex with Batman all you really get is …
Well, jeez, he’s the freaking Batman.
Anyway, I bring all this up to mention to parents that they should not make assumptions based on their childhood. If they do they will end up calling me in a panic asking why the hell Green Arrow is a horn dog and there’s there is a nutcase named The Question on their TV who is willing to kill and wants to get in the leather panties of the hot chick who has issues and …..
Oh, and no, I don’t do house-calls.
You can figure it out with five minutes of research all on your own.
And, if you have kids, that research is worth your time.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
Every year we send our kids off to school to learn about the history of this great land of ours and every year teachers lie to our treasured genetic spawn. So, last year, in an effort to curtail the abuse, I wrote a definitive history of the Declaration of Independence. It is one of the most important documents in the history of our country and absolutely no one knows anything about it. The document you do know isn’t it. Call it “close, but no cigar.” Here is the original article.
On July 2nd, every year, I celebrate the Declaration of Independence. The seminal document that officially severed ties between England and the American colonies. You’re probably reading that and laughing. How could a smart man like me get the damn date wrong? Easy, I didn’t. You did. In fact almost everything you claim to know about the holiday and its history is horribly wrong. When John Adams wrote his wife Abagail stating that America would celebrate this day throughout history, he was talking about July 2nd, not July 4th. Nor was he talking about the document Jefferson had authored. That document, the one you’re thinking of, was not the Declaration of Independence. Jefferson’s had the clunky title of “A Declaration by the Representatives of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA in General Congress assembled.”
Nope, the actual Declaration of Independence was written by an aristocrat named Richard Henry Lee in June of 1776 and was delivered officially to British authorities on July 2nd of the same year. Unlike the document you learned in school, Lee’s letter, such as it was, was a simple one sentence resolution. Two more sentences were added later in the year. Of the 13 colonies at the time, only New York abstained from signing it. Even back then it was a useless state with too many people.
Anyway, here’s the text of the entire document, including the later addenda.
- Resolved, That these United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States, that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain is, and ought to be, totally dissolved.
- That it is expedient forthwith to take the most effectual measures for forming foreign Alliances.
- That a plan of confederation be prepared and transmitted to the respective Colonies for their consideration and approbation.
Lee was an interesting cat. He was a hard-line believer in individual and state rights and thought there should be little or no federal oversight. He felt that any such move would be a move in the wrong direction. Or, as he famously said, “The first maxim of a man who loves liberty, should be never to grant to rulers an atom of power that is not most clearly and indispensably necessary for the safety and well being of society.”
In fact, on October 16, 1787 he wrote a letter fundamentally objecting to the whole idea of a U.S. Constitution. Given that Lee fostered a near paranoiac belief that all government was out to harm or oppress the individual, it’s not surprising that he firmly believed in the right of each individual to carry a weapon.
The Second Amendment to the Constitution – A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed – was clearly written to appease Lee and his followers since many representatives wanted to limit the use and ownership of firearms.
The document you were erroneously taught was the Declaration was actually an explanation for why Lee’s July 2nd document needed to exist.
The whole “When in the course of human events ….” language that you were forced to memorize as a child was a detailed, and severely edited, document explaining why Americans could no longer suffer British rule.
The parts that were edited out included granting slaves rights and freedom, anything that censured the people of England (since many colonists had English friends) and the idea of “sacred and undeniable truths” became “We hold these truths to be self-evident…”
In other words, the Declaration of Independence that you think you know and love was actually a political compromise that started a war but could have just as easily allowed for negotiations for reconciliation.
Had the latter happened we’d all be sipping tea and watching cricket on ESPN.
And while I know that I’m facing a Sisyphean task in attempting to set the record straight it just wouldn’t be America if someone didn’t try.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!
Fans of this blog, both of you, have written us elegant elegies expressing your enraged exasperation that the “Facebook Like” button at the bottom of each article isn’t working. My favorite was, by far, the most poignant.
“Button no work.”
Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?
[Read more…] about Bird Brains May be Better than Your Brains