Why yes Mr. Akin, I can turn it back on.What an amazing convergance we are witnessing. A tropical storm, and possible hurricane, named after notorious left wing loony Ted Lange’s famous bartender. As is well known Ted’s won awards for supporting crazy crap like equal rights and froo-froo intellectualism with his ongoing teaching of Shakespeare. Like anyone reads any more. What a bunch of silliness. Anyway, as Isaac barrels towards Tampa police realized they had a couple of problems; (1) where to put all the left wing loonies, like Ted, after they get arrested and what to do about ugly whores. After all, there are God-fearing Republicans coming to town. They have jobs and money so there can’t be any ugly whores cluttering up the festivities. Fortunately for all Americans, Tampa police are well prepared for all such contingencies.
Left wing lunatics invading your fine city? Not a problem, just empty the jails of the hardened criminals and use the beds for the tourists.
No, I am not making this up. Adam Peck of ThinkProgress has the odd story.
Thousands of Republicans from around the country will descend upon Tampa, Florida next week for the Republican National Convention, and if recent history is any guide, so too will hundreds of protesters.
To prepare, Hillsborough County Sheriff David Gee has ordered the Orient Road Jail, a 1,700 bed prison in Tampa, emptied, relocating some inmates to another nearby prison and releasing others on bond. The entire facility has been transformed into a one-stop booking, detention, and bond-issuance center capable of handling large numbers of arrests, which begs the question: will Tampa police keep demonstrators on a short leash?
Sheriff Gee says no, but also indicated in a letter posted on a county website that his department would have very little tolerance for anything more than chanting and holding up signs:
To the agitators and anarchists who want only to bring a dark cloud to this event, let me be clear: criminal activity and civil disturbances will not be tolerated and enforcement actions will be swift.
Four years ago, police in Minneapolis, Minnesota were criticized for their treatment of protesters and reporters covering the RNC, and were even forced to settle in an excessive force lawsuit. And in 2004, police in New York City were found to have been surveilling dozens of protest groups for months leading up to the RNC, even embedding undercover officers within several larger groups.
Why do I hear echoes of the 1968 Democratic convention?
“The policeman is not here to create disorder. The policeman is here to preserve disorder.”
I’m sure everything will be fine. Especially since Tampa strip clubs are hiring like maniacs and cops are rounding up the unapproved whores and strippers. Especially that real ugly one over 60 years old.
Tampa cops conducted a two-day sweep, dubbed “Keep it Clean,” to deter prostitution and human trafficking during the upcoming Republican National Convention, according to a news release from the Tampa Police Department.
Undercover officers conducted compliance checks at 12 adult establishments after receiving tips that hookers may be coming into Tampa to work in adult establishments during the RNC.
The operation netted a total of 16 women charged with Offering to Commit Prostitution from the following clubs: The Pink Pony (1), Alibi Lounge (4), Scarlett’s (3), Skin Tampa (4), Play Pen (3) and Emperor’s Club (1), according to the release.
The youngest, 18-year-old Dallas M. Boswell, of Auburndale, was busted at Skin Tamp; the oldest, Leslie Ann Herrin, 61, also known as Shawna, from Davenport, FL was busted at the Alibi Lounge.
61-years-old.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Please feel free to use the club names above to plan your vacation events. But make sure to leave time for THEE DOLL HOUSE, which will feature Sarah Palin.
Oops, I mean a Sarah Palin look-alike, doncha know.
Sarah Palin fans who are disappointed that the former vice presidential candidate won’t be speaking at the GOP convention in Tampa next month won’t be left hanging because her stripper look-alike will be entertaining hard-working Republicans at a local “gentleman’s club.”
WFLA learned last week that a “dead ringer” for Palin will stripping at Tampa’s Thee Doll House, only 5 miles from the the Tampa Bay Times Forum convention site.
Owners of Thee Doll House and 2001 Odyssey strip club both told the WFLA that they expect business to quadruple during the convention. Not the real Sarah Pailn.
And that’s not a surprise because conservatives have a reputation for being great for the adult entertainment business.
“Hands down, the Republicans have always been our best customers,” Association of Club Executives Executive Director Angelina Spencer recently told WFAE. “We get clients from all walks of life, but for whatever reason… I have heard club owners say, ‘Boy, those Republicans really are great customers.’”
Newsweek‘s Peter Boyer reported last week that presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney appeared poised to snub Palin at this year’s convention, leaving Palin supporters like The National Review‘s Rich Lowery without the eye candy they enjoyed when she was on the ticket during the last election. Nope. Still not Sarah Palin.
“Palin too projects through the screen like crazy,” Lowry wrote in 2008. “I’m sure I’m not the only male in America who, when Palin dropped her first wink, sat up a little straighter on the couch and said, ‘Hey, I think she just winked at me.’”
“And her smile. By the end, when she clearly knew she was doing well, it was so sparkling it was almost mesmerizing. It sent little starbursts through the screen and ricocheting around the living rooms of America. This is a quality that can’t be learned; it’s either something you have or you don’t, and man, she’s got it.”
But that’s then. What can God fearing Republicans do before they get to Tampa? Thaks to the nice people at the 2001 Odyssey Strip Club, they can go online with something safe like Facebook and talk to strippers directly so they can – ahem – make appointments.
Doncha know?
In a private room at the 2001 Odyssey strip club, dancers with names like Candy, Bella and Ferrari sit on a high-backed velvet bench and video chat with online customers from across the country. For a price, they’ll disrobe and move into an adjacent room to dance.
Web customers pay a monthly membership fee for these virtual interactions. And some of them, the club says, end up coming to Tampa for a trip inside the spaceship-topped nude club on N Dale Mabry Highway where they can visit the strippers in person.
By August — just in time for the Republican National Convention — operators of Club Cam Systems plan to roll out similar ventures at two other Tampa adult clubs. Their goal: drum up thousands of dollars online while giving some of the estimated 50,000 GOP convention visitors a taste of the adult entertainment awaiting them when they arrive.
“For the RNC, people need places to go. We’re trying to create the awareness for people who come to Tampa that Tampa has a lot of things to do,” said Russ Bruno, an owner of Club Cam Systems.
It’s a true “hub and spoke” model of social media marketing that’s being synchronized just in time for arriving delegates, politicians, lobbyists and other tourists. Like other businesses pitching for convention visitors, the clubs are updating their Facebook pages and Twitter accounts to drive traffic to their websites, which drives foot traffic to the clubs.
“I think Tampa may be breaking new ground with this,” said Glen Gilmore, a consultant and digital marketing professor at Rutgers University. “It’s a dramatic shift in marketing, and I guess what’s happening in Tampa just reinforces the fact that traditional marketing is yielding to new media and new marketing.”
• • •
The Odyssey’s journey into live streaming started about a decade ago but didn’t go far because of $110,000-a-month broadband costs and dial-up customers who wondered why “the girl hasn’t moved in 25 minutes,” said Don Kleinhans, a club co-owner.
“Technology has now caught up,” he said.
In the 5,113-square-foot club, cameras are perched above the dressing room’s entrance watching the women apply makeup or change out of lingerie. Another sits above the main stage not far from neon signs hailing the “Make It Rain Machine.” Repeat customers get perks.
Controlled by an ATM-like kiosk, the Make It Rain Machine allows customers online and in the club to drop as much as $2,000 in dollar bills from 2001’s ceiling onto dancers. Rolling thunder accompanies the lucrative storm while the DJ announces the rainmaker’s name and dedication. Performers can be tipped over the Web.
The cameras are tightly focused on the stage and patrons are never shown.
Tucked away behind a frosted glass door is the “Studio,” where strippers video chat offstage with customers who pay a $19.95 monthly membership fee to access the site. For another $4 a minute, they can ask for a personal striptease. Many of the club’s 300 dancers have profiles that inform viewers when their favorite entertainer is online. She accepts cash, Amex, VIsa, Discover, MasterCard, gold, bullion or bars .....
Some strippers believe this “virtual club” is the answer for politicians who come to town and are scared of being seen in the club.
The service also draws clients into the Odyssey in person. That’s what club operators are hoping happens during the RNC. “People coming down for the RNC can log in online and see what’s going on at the club so they can bring parties to the club during the convention,” Bruno said.
• • •
Club Cam Systems, developed at 2001 Odyssey with its club owners staking a claim, is now being sold worldwide. The Mons Venus, the Odyssey’s longtime rival across the street, hopes to have its Club Cam system operating by next month, said Toni Derby, director of operations. It will not include video chat services because the 3,100-square-foot club doesn’t have enough room for a Web studio.
At the 2001, the club’s staff stays tethered to laptops to monitor, chat and keep the Web operation running. In an instant, they can access the club’s Facebook and Twitter accounts, and post updates and tweets to thousands of followers. It’s a direct-marketing tool club operators will aim at conventiongoers using political keywords and hashtags to draw them in.
When they leave, Kleinhans hopes, visitors will go home with beach memories, a souvenir or two and a membership in the virtual club to “stay in touch” with some of the people they’ve met.
Republicans love pen pals. Pen pals are a pure example of American history done right. Charlie Brown had a pen pal. Well, he tried. He ended up having a pencil pal. Which, when I was a kid, was one of the saddest things I ever read.
Republicans also love strippers. And, if a high quality news source like The Onion can be believed, they are quite fond of gay prostitutes too.
Maybe that can be the tie that binds and gets them talking to each other.
“Senator? Have you tried Gary over on G Street? No? What a shame. He does this wonderful flippy thing with his tongue … By the way, do you have some time Saturday to go over the budget?”
Until then, how about some socially acceptable Duran Duran with traditional naked women and body oils?
Back in 2012 I wrote a fun little blog about Holiday films everyone needed to see. Most people will point you to the classics like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, a fun story which reminds children that they’re all useless and will be shunned until they provide a service to their overlords, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, which seems like a pedophile’s wet dream today but was actually very sweet when it was first released (and is still a personal fave of mine since I’m not a pervert – well, not that kind of pervert), Frosty the Snowman, a fun story that reminds kids how much fun it can be to hop a freight train with a stranger, and, of course, A Christmas Story, the first holiday special to ever feature bad lingerie and guns. Certainly there are others, from It’s a Wonderful Life to Die Hard there are plenty of movies for the older viewers who need chronic depression and death with their holiday.
Unwrapping locally sourced gifts has never been more fun.
I understand the allure of shopping at big box joints. You know what you’re getting, you know the price will be cheap, and you’re not all that concerned about quality. You also end up in long lines, have the exact same product everyone else has, and, when all is said and done, have purchased a thing that will have no meaning beyond the immediate gratification. Kind of like fast food, but with slightly more health benefits. Today I’d like to offer you an alternative to that. You won’t even need to get out of your Barca Lounger. You can support independent artists simply by having an internet connection. And, bonus, you’ll look smarter, and be cooler, than all your neighbors when you’re done.
This Might Hurt a Bit – Steve Silver
I’ve had the pleasure of knowing Steve since before God lost his tennis shoes. Folks have been hectoring him to write his many stories out in a book and now he has. While, ostensibly, a book about being a bouncer, it is far more than that. He tells the story of what it was like growing up poor, living with a divorced mom when such a thing was still a scandal, and how he came through it all knowing how to knock your fucking teeth out or give you a hug, depending on the situation. Steve’s style is as raw as the stories. Absolutely worth your time.
Paintings by Graham Elvis
Besides being a founding member of, internationally renowned pop icons, The Elvis Brothers, Graham is also a visual artist worthy of your attention. Vibrant pop-scapes layered with meaning are a fine addition to any home.
Hybrid Zero by Cyril Brown
Called the “last web comic you’ll ever need,” Hybrid Zero is an eye popping blast into the future you always feared, but secretly hoped, could exist. Rude, raunchy, and beautiful, this is exactly the kind of artistic product the internet was built for.
Clarity Girl by Chris Thomasma
Yes, I wrote some of the stories attached to this comic book series, but those are a small part of the universe Chris is creating. Clarity Girl is a wonderful way to introduce younger readers to an exciting adventure built around diverse characters who love, and respect, each other. Plus, it’s got giant robots. What more could you ask for?
Apparel by Crixtopher Edwin Uregbu
Crixtopher is a young, South African, artist who has combined his talents with a keen, commercial, instinct. His work is both eye catching and meaningful. He is using the money he earns to put his way through college, just like that stripper your dad likes but for real this time, and manages to highlight social issues along the way without being preachy. You’ll be the best dressed person this holiday if you grab one of his shirts. and, I guarantee you, no one else will even try to out-cool you.
Out of the Wreck I Rise: A Literary Companion to Recovery – Neil Steinberg & Sara Bader
Addiction takes many forms and is often relegated to some dirty secret families are loathe to discuss. Steinberg, a popular columnist at the Chicago Sun Times, and Bader, creator of Quotenik.com and an editor for the Princeton Architectural Press, craft a book woven with stories and quotes from those who’ve been through it. Most notably Steinberg himself. If you, or someone you know, is working through recovery this book can help you on the journey with a combination of laughter, honest insights, and gut punching clarity.
Isle Squared Comics
This company, founded by Chuck Amadori, is dedicated to sexy, surreal, comics. I’ve reviewed Pale Dark, Bang Bang Lucita, Tether, and Empress and have only scratched the surface. With taut writing, and art that more resembles paintings than comics, there isn’t a bad issue here. If you like your titillation both visual and visceral, this is the place for you.
Art by Shay Jones
A popular, and widely sought, vocalist, Shay has also made a name for herself creating sculpted paintings and other works of art. Her personal creations tend to be expressions of her deep faith and are the kinds of things which make you feel better about being a human no matter your beliefs. She also accepts custom commission requests.
Delinquent Records
Goth and Glam never died. They just went to Alabama to spark an underground revolution. Delinquent has been pushing edges since 1986 and shows no signs of letting up. Pretty much any band with long hair and lipstick has made its way onto their roster at one point or another. With a deep catalog, and continuing new releases, they can satisfy all those urges you never knew you had.
Bloodshot Records
Home to a style of music where punk, country, soul, pop, bluegrass, blues and rock n roll mix and mingle and mutate (their words), Bloodshot has been the place to go if you’re looking for innovative music created by amazing musicians. Impress your friends, quash your enemies, and enjoy some of the coolest shit around.
EZYWRK Music Group
If you’re like me, although the odds are you aren’t, you’re tired of boring hip hop. The nice people at EZYWRK agree. I first discovered them a couple of years back when they began working with, Chicago’s very own, Kidd Bode, and have been stalking everything they do ever since. From hardcore rap to pop influenced hip hop, they bring a breath of fresh air to every release. If you want to be a fan of rap again click their link.
I’m not going to list individual bands since that would take years and I’d still end up missing someone. Instead the labels I’ve posted have deep, indy, roots and solid connections to Chicago’s music scene. You can’t go wrong by supporting them or any of the other creators I’ve listed above.
Oh well, as long as you’re still here, I may as well throw my hat into the ring. In 2015 I made the conscious decision to be more than a blogger, and occasional article dude, and delve, full time, into writing. Why not? I’d lost my job, my home, and pretty much everything else I could think of. It seemed like a good time to try something new. Obviously something old wasn’t working. So I jumped into the deep end and managed to stay afloat. Along the way I’ve managed to write everything from a children’s story to some of the most disturbing sci-fi around.
And there’s more on the way. Personal bonus? I found a girlfriend by impressing her with my throbbing brain. Much to my surprise life is pretty damn good. In other words, you can now wander over to Bill McSciFi, yes – that’s really the name of my site, and read short stories for free, buy other stuff I hope you’ll like, and get to know a little bit more about my literary side.
So there you go. A great way to support independent artists of all stripes without having to put on pants. If even that much effort is too much for you, just send me your credit card and I’ll take care of the rest.
I’m kidding. Don’t send me your fucking card. I’d just use it for stupid shit like food and you wouldn’t have the gifts you so sorely need.
Santa’s little helpers are wonderful.Back in 2012 I wrote a fun little blog about Holiday films everyone needed to see. Most people will point you to the classics like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, a fun story which reminds children that they’re all useless and will be shunned until they provide a service to their overlords, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, which seems like a pedophile’s wet dream today but was actually very sweet when it was first released (and is still a personal fave of mine since I’m not a pervert – well, not that kind of pervert), Frosty the Snowman, a fun story that reminds kids how much fun it can be to hop a freight train with a stranger, and, of course, A Christmas Story, the first holiday special to ever feature bad lingerie and guns. Certainly there are others, from It’s a Wonderful Life to Die Hard, there are plenty of movies for the older viewers who need chronic depression and death with their holiday.
But the list I created had nothing to do with any of them. Any third rate blog could cough them up. No, my list is for those among you who are connoisseurs of cinema. Who are willing to experiment with your palate. For those who might prefer a moment off the beaten path.
You know who you are.
Merry Christmas!
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By now you’ve opened the gifts, had your Christmas breakfast and settled in for another year of holiday entertainment. At least until the NBA takes over your TV. This is truly a magical time. The toys haven’t been broken yet. Uncle Ned is still mostly sober. Aunt Edna, still aglow from the kisses from the kids, has yet to begin her annual screed about what a failure you are. Cousin Tony seems to have taken his meds today so that’s one less thing to worry about. As I said, it’s a magical time. But you and I know that if you have to watch A Christmas Story or Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer one more time it is quite possible that you will react badly. Not to worry, it is exactly moments like this that the World News Center was designed to address. Well, these and stripper based funerals. Below you will find an alphabetical list of 11 movies, because Top 10 lists are for amateurs, that will brighten up your day.
Babes in Toyland
All you need to know about this super-happy film, beyond the songs, toy soldiers and dancing puppets, is the super-happy story line. “On the eve of their wedding, evil miser Barnaby hires two henchmen to drown Tom and steal Mary’s sheep, cared for by Little Bo Peep, thus depriving Mary and the children she lives with of their livelihood, forcing her to marry Barnaby.” Kind of makes you misty, doesn’t it? Your kids will be in therapy for decades.
Christmas that Almost Wasn’t (The)
“It is the week before Christmas, and Santa Claus visits attorney Sam Whipple, asking for his help. It turns out that the evil businessman Phineas T. Prune holds the lease on the North Pole, and is about to kick Santa out for nonpayment of rent! As such, there will be no more Christmas!” It is never explained why Santa needed the cash and took a mortgage on the North Pole and Phineas T. Prune is so over the top evil, right down to his mustache, you’ll forget to worry about it. The film has every Christmas cliche, including the bad guy who falls in love with a toy, so it may be the only Christmas movie you’ll ever need to see.
Ernest Saves Christmas
Oh, this is a joyful mess. Santa goes to jail because this guy (a children’s show host) thinks his name is Santos, no racism there, and Ernest loses his job for giving a free ride to Santa and Santa seems to suffer from Alzheimer’s. Nothing like creeping dementia to make your holiday joyous. Plot points include this heart warming gem; “Ernest and Harmony (whose real name is later revealed by Santa to be Pamela Trenton) discover the magic power of Santa’s sack, and immediately Pamela starts to abuse it. She steals the sack, and attempts to run away yet again.” Santa’s magical sack is clearly different than mine.
Eight Crazy Nights
Yeah, it’s a Hanukkah movie, so what? A plate of latkes warm the tummy no matter your religion. And it’s Adam Sandler, that master of subtlety and gentle wit. Doesn’t this plot just scream ‘group hug’? “Davey Stone, an alcoholic with a criminal record, is sentenced to community service under the supervision of an elderly referee. Davey is then faced with trying to reform and abandon his bad habits.” The special part are the songs, all of which sound like they were written by an inmate with anger issues.
Fitzwilly
This movie has everything you could possibly want in a holiday movie. Dick Van Dyke had yet to join A.A. and he is clearly drunk in this film. Add in a soundtrack that was obviously mailed in after a month-long bender by John Williams, who would later redeem himself with that whole Star Wars thing, and you have oodles of family fun. But wait! There’s More! There’s a plot too; “Claude Fitzwilliam, leads the household staff to rob from various businesses by charging goods to various wealthy people and misdirecting the shipments, all to keep Miss Vicki’s standard of living.” Gosh, it’s like every role model you want for your kids in one film.
Fred Claus
“A garrulous hustler running from the emotional fallout of the ultimate sibling rivalry, poor Fred keeps trying to find happiness through one failed scheme after another, pushing away the people who care about him most.” This movie is so grandly contrived that you can pick out what will happen next in every single scene. It even has Santa’s boss. You might be forgiven for thinking that Santa doesn’t have a boss, but Kevin Spacey exists to prove you wrong. Not for anything else that I can see, but there you are.
Great Rupert (The)
Forget the plot on this one I’ll tell you all you need to know. This film has a magic squirrel, Jimmy Durante doing barroom versions of Christmas carols and lots of plucky poor people. Oh, and it has a dude who talks to the magic squirrel and plays a concertina too. Did I mention that the magic squirrel steals money from their landlord so the family can eat and pay rent to the landlord the squirrel just stole from? No? I probably should have. Lots of feel good stuff here.
Polar Express
“On Christmas Eve, a doubting boy boards a magical train that’s headed to the North Pole and Santa Claus’s home.” Oh, that only scratches the surface. This movie has Tom Hanks in full on schizophrenic mode. All of the adult male characters are played by Hanks. So we get him as a condescending prick who doubles as a train conductor and as a drunken hobo. The kids in the film are subjected to horror after horror, all needlessly, until they succumb and believe in Santa again. The films modernized version of rotoscoping gives it a nightmare feel. It is a must see film in my home.
Santa Claus (1959)
What can I say about this masterpiece? Shot in Mexico and dubbed into English it takes the myth of Santa to logical, if unusual, conclusions. Santa knows if you’ve been bad or good because he has a telescope in his space station (what do you mean you never heard of Santa’s space station?) and he peeps into bedrooms. This classic features Santa versus Satan for control of the holiday. Satan, the bad guy in the red suit, tries to turn kids against the holiday by giving them stark nightmares where they are attacked, and possibly eaten, by their dolls. The plot line doesn’t do this work of art justice, “With the aid of Merlin, Santa Claus must defeat the evil machinations of the devil Pitch to ruin Xmas.” The whole Merlin thing is never explained and, by the end, you just won’t care.
Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
This incredible film used to be an annual staple on WGN until someone sobered up. There’s just not enough space to capture everything worth seeing but here’s a start; the Martians come to Earth to kidnap Santa so their kids, who are suffering from planetary depression, can learn to laugh and play like earth kids. The Martians have technology that could lay our planet to waste but they keep forgetting to use it. So, they are immediately discovered by the U.S. Department of Defense and are forced to land and hide. On an on it goes. Add in the fact that Santa smokes and his wife is a controlling bitch and you have holiday magic. The opening theme song is so bad as to sound as if it were imported from a Jap/Pop satire. The fact that this was Pia Zadora’s big screen debut is only a minor bonus. And, no, she couldn’t act then either.
Year Without Santa Claus
“Mrs. Claus tells us about the time Santa had a bad cold and decided to take a vacation from Christmas. Two of his elves, Jingle Bells and Jangle Bells decided to go out (with Vixen) to find children to convince Santa that the Christmas spirit is still important to everybody else. But they have to get past Heat Miser and Snow Miser, first, before they land in Southtown, USA, where it never snows for Christmas. But the Miser Brothers can’t agree to let it snow in Southtown. But Mrs. Santa knows their mom–Mother Nature.” The songs by the Miser brothers alone make this a must see but the Santa themed jail break in Southtown make this must see TV on an epic scale. Also it is the first clearly feminist Christmas film. Mrs. Claus and Mama Nature don’t take no guff, no sirree bub I tell you what. A friend of mine claims this movie was written by a bitter lesbian, but I don’t think so. It has a weird sweetness that permeates throughout. Maybe a bitter lesbian who got a second date then.
So there you have it, 11 films to fill your holiday with heretofore unimagined joy. You can thank me later.
Well, we have to do SOMETHING with all the oil over here!I once attended a Republican party sponsored “Family Values” event. This was back before the party had gone completely insane. Anyway, after 8 hours of speeches and catch phrases the event concluded and several gentlemen there asked if I wished to accompany them for a drink or two. Since my brain, at that point, felt as though someone had dragged Brillo over and through it, I said yes. So we toddled out of the hotel and went to one of Tampa’s top tourist attractions, a strip club. No, I’m not kidding. Don’t get me wrong, I like strippers. Hell, I’m a big fan of naked women in general. But I was the only one who saw a disconnect. To them this was just as God intended. You chat about the sanctity of marriage for a bit and then stuff dollars in the g-string of a stranger. What made the whole thing even more fun was the fact that I happened to know one of the dancers. She was, and still is, the daughter of a buddy of mine. I instantly became the coolest human on Earth when she walked over and said “Hi Uncle Bill, what brings you here?”
So there I sat, watching my buddy’s daughter give a lap dance to my new drinking partner. My therapist loves me just because of shit like this. On the plus side I couldn’t pay for a drink if I tried and, eventually (as in immediately), I quit trying.
Valerie Tarico, over at Salon.com says what I witnessed isn’t new or strange. In fact, the largest procurers of porn live in. so called, Red States.
Red-state conservatives may insist that the rest of us should keep aspirin between our knees and be forced to bear Divine Justice Babies if we don’t. They may refuse to provide cake or flowers for gay weddings, or even to attend. They may pretend that teens won’t do it if we just don’t tell them how. They may adopt the Church Lady posture if anyone mentions sex that doesn’t involve one man, one woman, the missionary position and a pulsing desire for more offspring.
But online search traffic from behind closed doors in Jesusland suggests that the bad, nasty, sexual impulses righteous believers are trying so hard to shut down may be their own. And if Google search patterns mean anything, they’re not succeeding too well: studies consistently demonstrate that people in conservative religious states search for adult materials online far more often than people in blue states.
Ever since Freud first started publishing his theories, psychologists have had a fascination with what he called “defense mechanisms“:
Denial means simply refusing to acknowledge that some event or pattern is real.
Repression involves pushing uncomfortable thoughts and feelings to the far recesses of the subconscious mind.
Reaction formation is saying or doing the opposite of what you really want but won’t allow yourself to express.
Projection means assuming that others share the impulses, feelings, and vices that you find unacceptable in yourself.
Freud had a lot of ideas that haven’t withstood the test of time or the scientific method, but defense mechanisms have stuck, in part because they are so useful for explaining some of humanities’ more bizarre behaviors. Like, perhaps, the conservative obsession with controlling everyone else’s sexual behavior.
For almost two centuries, what happened in the Bible Belt, sexually at least, stayed in the Bible Belt. Oh sure, there was the odd scandal involving a small-town preacher and the pretty young wife of a deacon or youth minister, or a big-name televangelist who, for example, asked male followers to get vasectomies and then examined their swollen willies. And there were the shocking-shocking-I-tell-you revelations of evangelical leaders feeling up young female interns or paying male call boys or even behaving like Catholic priests. But most people, for some reason, have had a hard time considering the possibility that conservative religion might actually augment sexual obsessions rather than icing them, that there might be a pattern of correlation between authoritarian religion, sexual repression, and sneaky sex.
The pattern of repression prompting deviant behavior isn’t new. Ancient Roman society was very authoritarian, to the point of forcing women to look pleasing for their husbands upon penalty of death. So when you read that the Apostle Peter advised women not to wear makeup and to dress modestly he wasn’t being a fuddy duddy. He was advocating a revolutionary idea, that women could control what happened to their bodies.
That still hasn’t caught on in some places.
Oh, and in case you missed that day in Bible study, the Romans killed Peter for that. But it was too late, the damage had been done.
Anyway, I’ve shared all of this to get us to the point of this article. Carrie Weisman, also at Salon.com, says that knowing what we know we shouldn’t be surprised by this, but we are.
The Middle East, home of ISIS & Al Qaeda, is the fastest growing porn market in the world.
The world is a big place, and cultural gaps are vast. But there are a few things that connect people across borders. Some people argue food is the best glue while others say it’s education. But there’s a new contestant: online porn.
Porn is being made and watched in the Middle East, and millions more are watching it around the planet. In fact, some of the world’s top porn consumers come out of the Middle East. According to data released by Google, six of the top eight porn-searching countries are Muslim states. Pakistan tops the list at number one, followed by Egypt at number two. Iran, Morocco, Saudi Arabia and Turkey come in at numbers four, five, seven and eight, respectively. Pakistan leads the way in porn searches for animals like pigs, donkeys, dogs, cats and snakes.
According to research put out by PornMD, the terms “creamy squirt,” “blowjob” and even “Kendra Wilkinson” (Hugh Hefner’s former girlfriend) appear on the top 10 most-searched terms coming out of countries like Iraq, Syria and Iran. The word “Arab” is the number-one searched porn term in Egypt, Iran and Syria. Some get a little creepier. “Pain” lands at Iraq’s fourth most-searched term, while “father daughter” and “brother sister” come in at numbers four and five for Syria. Both the words “mother” and “mom” appear on Egypt’s top 10 list.
The specifics are representative of a broader change taking place in a society all but defined by extreme “moral” standards. The fact that porn trends within the region can even be tracked is impressive, given that the sale of erotic material is banned in nearly every Arab country except Lebanon and Turkey.
In 2009, Iraq’s government moved ahead with new censorship laws, prohibiting material deemed harmful to the public. Taher Naser al-Hmood, the country’s cultural minister, claimed, “Our Constitution respects freedom of thought and freedom of expression, but that should come with respect for society as a whole, and for moral behavior. It is not easy to balance security and democracy. It is like being a tightrope walker.”
Ahmed Mohammed Raouf, chief engineer for the State Company for Internet Services, told the New York Times, “I don’t want to stop a person from seeing a certain thing, but I also want to protect society.”
More recently, the Saudi Arabian government announced that it had hacked and disabled about 9,000 Twitter accounts associated with the publication of pornography and arrested many of the handles’ owners. The move was organized by the Commission for the Promotion and Prevention of Vice, also known as Haia, the Saudi religious police.
The good news for porn fans in the region is that a lot of these restrictions seem fairly easy to overcome. It’s not uncommon to find vendors lining the streets armed with pornographic videos. Nor is it rare to find young men hanging around popular shopping centers, selling cards to disable Internet blocks.
Meet the Stars
Mia Khalifa, a 21-year-old born in Lebanon, has just been voted the “Number 1 Porn Star” on Pornhub, a free website that is the 73rd most popular site on the Internet, according to analytics company Alexa. Khalifa moved to the United States at the age of 10 with her family. Corey Price, vice president of PornHub, told Buzzfeed that the site has seen more than 750,000 searches for Khalifa since Saturday.
Khalifa plays up her Middle Eastern heritage in her movies, sometimes wearing a hijab and sporting heavy eyeliner to emphasize her “exotic” look. The raw sexuality of Khalifa’s work literally strips away common western stereotypes of Muslim women. In his piece, “In Praise of Vulgarity” Charles Paul Freund argues, “Broad-based culture, popular and vulgar, is far from being a mere distraction or a source of self-absorption. As Islamists have learned, it can function as a bulwark against coercion. More than that, it can even be a means of democratic resort.”
But then there are those in the opposing court. NOW Lebanon’s Juliana Yazbeck wrote, “For someone who has struggled so much to assert their presence as a human being with a working, thinking brain, I cannot deny that I felt a pang of despair when Mia erupted across social media and entertainment news. It never even crossed my mind to think, ‘She doesn’t have the right.’ What did cross my mind was: Really? Of the very few Lebanese women who are making global headlines, it had to be a porn star?”
Yazbeck’s response was fairly mild compared to other more extreme protesters. Many conservative Muslims have targeted Khalifa via Twitter, writing things like, “@miakhalifa You do realize that you’ll be the first person in Hellfire right?” Another user posted a manipulated image of an Isis militant holding Khalifa’s decapitated head.
And she’s not alone. After Sila Sahin, a Turkish-German actress, posed nude for the German edition of Playboy, she received a slew of criticism. Threads on Islamic websites read, “She must pay” and “She needs to be careful.” One user wrote, “I would kill her. I really mean that. That doesn’t fit with my culture.”
Is this a sex problem? Or is it a porn problem? Or is it just another hiccup in the long, thorny path to gender equality? Women are given center-stage in a lot of pornography, after all. Maybe some in the Middle East aren’t interested in seeing that happen. Or maybe they feel that sex should be restricted to a more private and procreative space. Many Muslim states declare that cemented social morals should not be violated. The data out there, however, suggest their public may feel otherwise.
Mia has been using her new-found celebrity status to, as you might have guessed, help recruit football players for Florida State University.
You just can’t make stuff like that up.
Nevertheless, the overall point is that repression represses nothing. It’s like squeezing a tube of toothpaste very hard and then trying to get everything back in when you’re done.
XVIDEOS (NSFW, or school, or ….) has surrendered and set up a dedicated page for Middle Eastern amateur porn videos. Actually, they have dozens of pages of it. And they aren’t the only ones.
A quick Google search for “middle eastern porn” will keep you reading for hours, if not days.
One thing you’ll note right away, if you watch any of the videos, is that they come with male narration. Usually the camera guy trying to figure out if the model speaks English. Everything else is porn like you’re used to, but that little oddity drives home the point. They’re not used to this and are still trying to figure out what works best.
Judging by the couple of videos I viewed while researching this today, they’ll get there sooner rather than later.
So if seeing a hot young lady in a hijab do the nasty with some random guy makes your day, you can thank the nice terrorists for that.
One thing’s for certain. That toothpaste ain’t going anywhere.
