The Love Boat, Strippers and a Room Full of Republicans

What an amazing convergance we are witnessing. A tropical storm, and possible hurricane, named after notorious left wing loony Ted Lange’s famous bartender. As is well known Ted’s won awards for supporting crazy crap like equal rights and froo-froo intellectualism with his ongoing teaching of Shakespeare. Like anyone reads any more. What a bunch of silliness. Anyway, as Isaac barrels towards Tampa police realized they had a couple of problems; (1) where to put all the left wing loonies, like Ted, after they get arrested and what to do about…

News 

The Holiday Movie Special

Back in 2012 I wrote a fun little blog about Holiday films everyone needed to see. Most people will point you to the classics like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, a fun story which reminds children that they’re all useless and will be shunned until they provide a service to their overlords, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, which seems like a pedophile’s wet dream today but was actually very sweet when it was first released (and is still a personal fave of mine since I’m not a pervert –…

Reviews 

Your Holiday Shopping Guide

I understand the allure of shopping at big box joints. You know what you’re getting, you know the price will be cheap, and you’re not all that concerned about quality. You also end up in long lines, have the exact same product everyone else has, and, when all is said and done, have purchased a thing that will have no meaning beyond the immediate gratification. Kind of like fast food, but with slightly more health benefits. Today I’d like to offer you an alternative to that. You won’t even need…

Christmas Films You Need to See

Back in 2012 I wrote a fun little blog about Holiday films everyone needed to see. Most people will point you to the classics like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, a fun story which reminds children that they’re all useless and will be shunned until they provide a service to their overlords, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, which seems like a pedophile’s wet dream today but was actually very sweet when it was first released (and is still a personal fave of mine since I’m not a pervert –…

Jihad Me at Anal

I once attended a Republican party sponsored “Family Values” event. This was back before the party had gone completely insane. Anyway, after 8 hours of speeches and catch phrases the event concluded and several gentlemen there asked if I wished to accompany them for a drink or two. Since my brain, at that point, felt as though someone had dragged Brillo over and through it, I said yes. So we toddled out of the hotel and went to one of Tampa’s top tourist attractions, a strip club. No, I’m not…

This Was a Good Idea?

We do seem to live on a world run by idiots. I have long held that the Olympics are the most corrupt and useless display of nothing the world has ever seen. This year, however, the whole thing seems hell bent on proving that I’m the master of understatement. The nice people over at Deadspin have been chronicling each and every misadventure. To summarize, the hotels aren’t built. Sewers are a rumor. If you do get a hotel room it may or may not have running water and if you…

Teach Your Children Well

I’m not good around kids. Oh, I can be if need be but the things I like to do – drink, swear, frolic with naked women – are prohibited by a variety of state and federal laws, not to mention some social mores, in any situation involving kids. I suppose that’s for the best. Nevertheless, since parents are (in the main) reluctant to do the mattress mambo in front of their spawn they occasionally will ask someone to take their darling progenies elsewhere for a nonce or two. And since…

Welcome To The End Times

Sunday was the pride parade. A day when a million people go out to celebrate diversity and then go home and hope none of that diversity stuff happens to them. I was on the bus Sunday morning on my way for my ritual breakfast with a couple of buddies. In case I’d forgotten about the pride parade the citizens on the bus quickly reminded me. Now, normally, when the phrase “hot, black and mini-skirt” gets tied together with “in my lap” I’m a pretty happy guy. However the exception that…

Award Winning Moms

God has decided that my being sick isn’t entertaining enough. So, today, just for funsies, the heat is out. Normally, on those days where I’m not scheduled to be in the office, I like to get the morning papers. However I figure if I walk outside and get even colder, certainly wetter, and then come back to an unheated room I will catch pneumonia and die. I don’t want to catch pneumonia and die. I have too many other things planned. So it’s Internet only for me for a while.…

PRON!

As astute readers here know I am friends with Adam Barta. He’s a great guy. One of the many reasons I consider him a friend. His, inexplicable, fascination with doing the duets with Octomom are an aside as far as I’m concerned. We all have our quirks. I got to thinking about him as I read about how Octomom was going to be stripper in Florida. Given that stripping is the main source of income in most of Florida, this is not a surprise. Of course, as the Octomom shows…