Do you like horror movies? I hope so, because we’re about to live in one. we’re going to do a deep dive into this but, for now, this sentence sums up the idiocy we’re facing; “For the recent public forum regarding Oxitec’s recent permit application in the US, there were 31,174 comments opposing the release of the mosquitos and only 56 in support.” What are we yammering on about? The United States Government, with the blessing of the governments of Florida and Texas, are going release genetically modified mosquitoes into the population. They are doing this over the objections of scientists, ecologists, people with more than a fourth grade education, anyone who’s read The Brittle Riders, and others. It’s a long list. You see, not only is this a bad idea, and I’ll explain why as I go on, it was a bad idea when I first wrote about it in January of 2015. [Read more…] about You Knew It Was Florida, Didn’t You?
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While the nice people at WalMart may think that they are a great place to shop and that people go there because it’s a great way to save 19% versus shopping at Jewel, the reality speaks otherwise. In Illinois, for example, you get a lot of people who wear tinfoil bikinis or big fuzzy bird outfits. These people, while bizarre as hell are usually harmless. The same applies to the folks out in Wyoming or Nevada (where bunghole fingering seems to be a state wide hobby). While you might not want to shake hands with these people, and you certainly wouldn’t let them near your food or your children, there’s no real reason to call 911 upon sight. Let’s be honest, for all their talk about reasonably priced, deep fried, frozen foods they are really just a destination for folks in need of cheap guns and bad flannel jammies. And people often wear the latter when purchasing the former.
But, in Florida the reality is far darker. When WalMart opened the day after Thanksgiving several people were shot while arguing over parking spaces. Yes, you read that right. Of course your shock level goes way down when you realize that a Google search for meth labs inside WalMarts turns up 277,000 hits. That is considerably more than tap dancing Islamic fundamentalists by the way. Just in case you wondered what the real threats to our land are.
Police in Orange City Florida are still sorting out the story of the guy who unloaded a full clip into a moving car in a crowded parking lot because he wanted to mark it for the cops.
A man arrested for opening fire in a busy Walmart parking lot said he was trying to stop a shoplifter and is now defending his actions.
Orange City police arrested Jose Martinez, 35, after they said he unleashed at least five bullets in the parking lot of the Walmart on Veterans Memorial Parkway.
Martinez told Local 6, he was defending himself from a shoplifter who nearly ran him over and injured him.
“The guy put me in danger and other people,” said Martinez as police hauled him off to jail Wednesday evening. “He tried to run me over.”
But police said Martinez only was bumped by the shoplifter’s getaway car because he was chasing after the car and even tried to open the door to the moving vehicle before he opened fire.
Eddie McKee, 42, was caught shoplifting groceries at the Walmart and took off when security confronted him, knocking down a woman, according to police.
Several other people chased after the alleged shoplifter, Eddie McKee, and another man was armed but he never drew his gun. McKee was arrested in DeLand shortly after.
Police said McKee then jumped in his car and took off, but bumped into another car in the parking lot, that’s when police say bullets started flying.
“If the shoplifter was an aggressor towards him, then yes. If he wasn’t, then no, he shouldn’t have discharged his firearm,” said Tasha Olkowski.
“I saw one black gentleman running from the parking lot, he dove in his car. And there were two older gentlemen chasing him down. One drew a gun, ripped open the guys car door and screamed, ‘Freeze, freeze, don’t move!’ And then fired shots,” said one 911 caller.
As the bullets hit the getaway car — piercing the trunk and shattering the back window — police said bullets also hit at least two other cars.
Martinez said to Local 6, he thought nobody else was in danger by his gunfire and he was surprised police arrested him. Martinez started opening fire because he said he wanted to mark the suspect’s car as he fled from the scene. He has his concealed weapons permit but has been charged with two felonies, aggravated assault and shooting into an occupied vehicle.
After reviewing store security video, police said Martinez’s story doesn’t add up. They believe he was never in danger because the shoplifter was driving away from him and everyone else.
The one good thing that has come out of the Trayvon Martin affair is that Florida cops are far less likely, for now anyway, to write off hunting black people as acceptable. We take our progress where we find it.
Where we don’t find it is in Crawfordville, Fla. That is where a nice WalMart customer pulled a .38 on the staff because they wouldn’t honor a bogus coupon.
Some people will do anything to save a buck — even wave a gun at a Walmart employee.
Officials in Crawfordville, Fla., say when Mary Frances Alday, 61, was told she couldn’t use an Internet coupon at Walmart, she got angry. Real angry.
She allegedly called the manager who denied the dollar-off coupon “a bitch,” and then intentionally stuck her with a shopping cart, according to The Smoking Gun.
Alday was escorted out of Walmart, but she went to her car, grabbed a loaded Smith & Wesson .38 Special and came back in the store and threatened employees with it, WTXL-TV reported.
She left the scene, but was later arrested during a traffic stop, and reportedly had to be tased to get her out of her 2011 Ford Escape. She also allegedy hit the investigating officer several times, according to the arrest report obtained by The Smoking Gun.
Alday faces four counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, one count of battery, one count of battery on a law enforcement officer, and resisting arrest with violence.
Reports are still not clear but, as best as I can tell, the coupon was expired and for a different chain.
So there you have it kids. WalMart is a dangerous place if you’re in Florida and a silly one everywhere else.
Before we begin I just want to ask the nice people at the NRA a simple question; Not to say that you’re all racist, self serving, sociopaths who have no regard for humanity, but where was the call to arm all hoody wearing Skittle lovers when Trayvon Martin was shot? I’ll hang up and wait for your response. Moving on. It has to suck to be John Boehner right now. Believe it or not he’s not a moron. He has a narrow point of view, that is true, but he’s not stupid. However his entire political career is built on appeasing people who make the NRA look enlightened. Good for him. But his job title is Speaker of the House of Representatives for the United States of America. And it is Americans who elected President Obama. And those people are in the majority and they disagree with Speaker Boehner’s constituents. Vehemently in many places. Worse, for him, these new Americans are growing in number, voice and strength. Now, how does he keep getting re-elected while not flushing the country he allegedly serves down the drain. I don’t believe he can do both.
But those are minor concerns. It is the end of the year and that means I need to cough up the annual hair ball known as the “end of the year” list. I hate those lists but they are expected, like 3rd date sex. Fortunately for me WTSP (Tampa) published an awesome list of stupid stuff Floridians did in 2012.
Small fact; Floridians make up the largest percentage of guests on the Jerry Springer Show.
Small fact number 2; Jerry Springer released a country album.
Yes, those two small facts are related.
In 2012, Florida was a state where a lifeguard got fired for saving a life, a woman got arrested for riding a manatee and a man repeatedly used 911 as a phone sex service.
Think that’s weird? It gets worse and more tragic.
In one of the state’s most horrifying stories of the year, a man stripped a homeless man naked and attacked him in Miami, chewing off most of his face before police fatally shot him. And it wasn’t the only story of its kind. In Manatee County, deputies used multiple Tasers to subdue a naked man who bit off part of another man’s arm.
Later in the year a man won a roach-eating contest outside a Deerfield Beach pet store and then dropped dead in front of the store when body parts of the dozens of roaches he swallowed blocked his airway.
“We tend to be a magnet from every direction for all kinds of sketchery,” said Billy Corben, a documentary film director whose works include “Cocaine Cowboys” about Miami’s cocaine wars in the 1980s. “It’s very late in the game where we go, `That dude? I guess he seemed kind of weird.'”
Corben, whose “The Billy Pulpit” website compiles weird Florida news, said Floridians tend to show up in high numbers on “The Jerry Springer Show” and “America’s Most Wanted.”
And odd stories elsewhere always seem to have a Florida tie – like former CIA director David Petraeus’s extramarital affair being exposed through a Tampa socialite. And when anti-virus software founder John McAfee ran from Belizean authorities who wanted to question him about the slaying of a neighbor, he wound up in Miami Beach, where he shopped, ate sushi and posed for photos with tourists.
“The state seems to either passively or directly endorse all of this lunacy in some way or another,” Corben said.
Then again, this is the state where Gov. Rick Scott mistakenly gave the media a phone sex number to promote a meningitis hot line. After a broadcaster posted it, at least one caller was greeted with a recording of “Hello boys…” from a lusty sounding lady.
Several gaffes involved hunting Floridians.
There were the two guys in Santa Rosa County who used a bow and arrow to kill a neighbor’s pet turkey, which they planned to eat on Thanksgiving. Then there was a Flagler County man who shot his girlfriend in the legs because he thought she was a wild hog.
A mother and daughter were sentenced to two months in jail for using two dogs to kill a farm-raised pig in their backyard. They posted video of the attack on Facebook, which led to their arrest.
Ah, Facebook! It caused trouble for several other Floridians.
A Sarasota County man was kicked off a jury after a judge learned he sent the defendant a Facebook friend request. The juror further infuriated the judge with a Facebook post bragging about getting dismissed from jury duty. He was given three days in jail.
A Manatee County music teacher was issued a verbal warning for a Facebook conversation in which she described an 8-year-old student as the “evolutionary link between orangutans and humans.” A high school science teacher also had some explaining to do when she put a cone-shaped dog collar on at least eight students and the “cone of shame” photos appeared on Facebook.
Those weren’t the only strange events in Florida schools.
A Plant City teacher was charged with trying to hire a hit man to kill another teacher he suspected was spreading rumors about him.
And a man showed up at his kindergartener’s school to retrieve a bag of marijuana and a scale he left in the boy’s backpack. More evidence that pot affects short-term memory? An 18-year-old Tampa woman wascharged with DUI and marijuana possession three times in less than three weeks, the last two times on back-to-back days.
Bunnell police charged a man with riding a horse while intoxicated after he led officers on a half-hour chase, while a 52-year-old St. Petersburg woman was arrested after police foundphotos of her riding a manatee.
Floridians also showed that they’ll steal just about anything. An Ocala woman told police thieves stole her Thanksgiving turkey from a freezer in her garage; a man was charged in Lakeland after police said he stole two swan eggs from a nest and cooked them; about 150,000 baby clams were reported stolen in Lee County; and a South Florida woman had hundreds of parrots stolen from her home.
Perhaps the oddest was a Reddick woman who drove home to findsomeone stole her driveway, carting away 300 square feet of brick pavers.
And it’s not as if Florida authorities don’t take theft seriously. A judge in Ocala sentenced a homeless man to 180 days in jail and fined him $500 for stealing $2 worth of candy.
Then there was the guy accused of selling methamphetamine in Polk County who swiped the recorder with his confession and flushed it down a toilet. The suspect told the detective, “Tighten up on your job, homie.”
Even more embarrassing, a Broward County deputy was fired for repeatedly visiting strip clubs while he was on duty and wearing his uniform, sometimes skipping official calls. A West Palm Beach strip-club owner unsuccessfully sued a competing club to block the appearance of Nadya Suleman, claiming the woman best known as “Octomom” agreed to strip at his club first.
Speaking of celebrities and sex, former pro wrestler Hulk Hogan sued a DJ named Bubba the Love Sponge Clem over a secret tape of Hogan having sex with Clem’s wife.
While not quite sex on tape, 911 audio recordings were released of a Tampa man who repeatedly called the emergency line and asked the operator to come over for sex.
A Florida legislator suffered some embarrassment after “selfies” that showed him posing in his underwear made the rounds online. In a statement, he said the pics were only meant to show weight loss and how he was in good health while fighting diabetes.
Florida’s unique wildlife always finds a way into the news. An airboat captain near Everglades City was showing an Indiana family how tofeed alligators when a 9-footer bit his left hand off. Authorities later charged him with illegally feeding an alligator.
A man strolling along Pompano Beach found a giant blue eyeballand turned it over to authorities. Wildlife officials said it likely came from a swordfish. This story ended up topping National Geographic’s “10 Weirdest stories of the Year.”
A rhesus macaque dubbed “The Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay” was caught after several years on the loose, weeks after the primate attacked a St. Petersburg grandmother. The monkey now has a new home in Dade City.
On another South Florida beach, a lifeguard was fired for helping save a man from drowning. It turns out the man he saved was just outside the area that Hallandale Beach hired a private company to protect. The company said it was at risk once the lifeguard crossed the boundary.
In miscellaneous Florida weirdness:
– A man who won an auction for the contents of a Pensacola storage unit discovered it contained dozens of preserved human brains, hearts, lungs and other organs that had been collected by a former medical examiner.
– A teenager is recovering after shooting off his penis and testiclewhile cleaning a gun he just bought.
– A Jacksonville man was arrested after he allegedly used enemas and then returned them to pharmacies resealed, claiming they were unused.
– An 18-month-old girl was pulled off a flight in Miami because the airline thought she was on the U.S. no-fly list of suspected terrorists.
– An Orlando couple was caught having sex in public… on a patio table… at a restaurant… in full view of children.
And finally, in what will go down in the first date from hell hall of fame, Boca Raton police say a 35-year-old woman attacked a man with a knife and smashed his windows after he refused to say they were boyfriend and girlfriend at the end of their first date.
The First Date From Hell Hall Of Fame.
I win. Or, at least, I’m a member.
In 1981 I met a nice young lady at a bar (I had a fake ID). We laughed, we joked, we agreed to see each other the next Saturday. She seemed sane. Well, keep in mind that I was 20 years old, horny as any healthy 20 year old male, and she had a rack you could land aircraft on, so my sanity meter might have been off.
So Saturday arrived. We had dinner, drinks, desert and she asked me back to her place.
I mentally high fived myself and agreed.
Clothing became optional and we ended up in her bedroom. I let her get on top, you would have too, and then she suddenly pulled a .38 from under the mattress, stuck it in my mouth and said “Promise me you love me.”
Long story short, I professed love at a a level not seen since Heathcliff.
Before I could leave she took my ID. So, somewhere, there is a young (then) lady who is waiting for a return call from Mike McConnell, a 23 year old AT&T employee.
Thank God she’s not looking for me.
The answer to your obvious question, “Hell Yeah it was worth it.” She did things that are illegal in many states.
Normally I would not be the first in line to champion the concept of getting heavily armed people drunk. I try not to be the font of very bad ideas. Yet, today, I am going to forgo common sense and advocate allowing police in Florida to carry a half pint in their patrol cars. Or at their desk or anywhere else they may feel it prudent. You see, after years of writing this blog it finally occurred to me that the men and women in blue who patrol Florida’s vast tracts of ineptitude have got to be one step from going postal. As it were. Think about it, in just the last week they have arrested four different naked people involved in various criminal acts, one of whom defecated on himself while being detained. You never hear stories like that on the local news. Not once have you heard (YOUR FAVORITE NEWSCASTER) say “Chicago police arrested a naked man who was carrying a water pistol loaded with taco sauce just outside a nunnery in Hyde Park. The man attempted to elude police by running into the nunnery screaming a request for sanctuary. He was quickly returned to the police by irate, ruler wielding, nuns.” Not once. But, in Florida, this kind of stuff happens daily.
In fact, the whole “naked Floridian criminal” thing has gotten so out of hand that I’ve stopped writing about it unless it involves something truly spectacular.
But even without the nudity and public defecation, cops in Florida deal with stuff other police departments don’t even see in sit-coms.
For example, Police in Tampa had to run down a criminal – in court.
A defendant became belligerent and ran through the Hillsborough County Courthouse, striking a police officer, according to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office.
Adam Manuel Lee Raicies, 25, reportedly appeared irritated during his sentencing on Tuesday on a charge of giving false information to a law enforcement officer. When the judge sentenced Raicies to probation, he allegedly refused to sign the paperwork before taking off.
Bailiffs and Tampa police officers chased Raicies through the courthouse. When they caught up with him, he allegedly struck an officer in the face with his elbow.
The judge scheduled a contempt of court hearing and filed additional charges against Raicies, including battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest without violence.
Just where did he think he was going? He was in a building where everyone BUT HIM carries a gun and a radio. Those are not good odds.
But, I would still have to say that he had a better plan than these two gentlemen who were arrested in Naples. They thought that the quiet room in the back of the squad car was the best place to smoke a joint and discuss their crimes.
Jacques Leonce Saintil, 19, and Vernon Denard Jones, 21, two suspects in an East Naples home burglary, were picked up after a concerned neighbor saw them enter a house while the the home’s residents were away, reports the Naples Daily News.
They reportedly told authorities they didn’t know anything about the break-in.
But while the duo were being hauled off to the the slammer, they were taped on an in-car video system discussing the burglary and passing a joint back and forth in the backseat of the patrol car, according to an arrest report.
Gotcha! Pass the joint and go directly to jail.
Have you noticed that the newspapers in Florida don’t even bother with words like “jail” anymore? Nope, these dudes were hauled off to the “slammer.” I guess at some point it all becomes somewhat overwhelming having too write about these yahoos day after day after day …..
While we’re here, maybe we should add 911 operators to our list as well. Broward County Sheriffs had to take time out of their busy day to go arrest a woman who was in love with a bologna sandwich.
No, I am not making this up.
Christine Lee Brown was busted for repeatedly calling 911 to thank the Brevard County Sheriff for bologna sandwiches she was served at the jail, reports WKMG CBS News-6 in Orlando.
When Palm Bay cops showed up at the 51-year-old’s home, she was chatting with a 911 dispatcher, records show.
Now she’ll be getting even more bologna sandwiches.
They’re not that good people, trust me on this one. No one, and I mean NO FREAKING ONE, goes to jail for the cuisine.
While I have made fun of Florida’s politicians, rightly so I might add, for being dunderheads when it comes to writing laws, their police deserve to be lauded for one ongoing program they have had in place for a while now. They run one of the best anti-child sex operations in the country. The latest sting in Valusia County netted some real winners.
Psst, cyber perverts, get a clue: No mom in the real world wants you to have sex with their 14-year-old daughter.
But men seem to continually fall for this undercover online sex sting, actually believing moms would allow their 14-year-old daughters to have sex with a stranger they have connected with online.
And it just happened again in Florida.
This time 23 men were nabbed in Volusia County, traveling as far as 120-miles believing they would have sex with a 14-year-old girl, according to a news release from the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office.
The latest roundup included three students from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University.
Most of the men brought condoms, which shows intent, according to the release.
Way…as in Paul D. Way, a 36-year-old Army reservist from Melbourne, even brought a teddy bear, along with a couple of hydrocodone pills (and) a handwritten, signed contract with blanks for both mom and daughter to sign giving him permission to perform sex acts on the phantom 14-year-old girl, the release stated.
John F. Williams, 66, a semi-retired doc from Port Orange, reportedly brought a whole box of condoms, a couple of bottles of vino, some sex toys…and Viagra.
Here are some men that fell for the ‘family fun’ sex sting in the past.
It looks like this Naples firefighter’s career just went up in flames: Firefighter falls for family fun sex sting, deputies say
NASA cop busted: Accused of trying to have sex with ‘teen’ and ‘mom’
Minneola: Firefighter sought sex with woman and daughter, 7. This civilian fire captain at a North Carolina Air Force base traveled all the way to Lake County for his “hookup.”
Osceola County: PGA golfer fell for ‘family fun’ sex sting, deputies say
Those are just the recent busts from the last couple of months.
Anyway, kudos to the Florida cops for keeping those creeps in jail where they belong.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
I have written on a few occasions about how it took Florida four tries to pass a law outlawing bestiality. We all had a good laugh at the time when they outlawed all sex between mammals until they found out that humans are mammals too. But, eventually, they got it right and it is now illegal in Florida to frolic with a filly in a flirtatious manner. Naturally, becasue this is Florida we’re talking about, someone is upset at the government’s intrusion into their private life. It should be noted that said “private life” was witnessed by several people who called the cops. And the man who owned the farm had no qualms about firing this person for enjoying his “private life” with the company’s critters. So, there is hope for Florida. Yet, somehow, Floridians seem unable to grasp some basic concepts. Earlier this week a dude died in a parking lot after eating hundreds of live cockroaches and worms. Why did he do that? To win an expensive snake, which he couldn’t afford otherwise. So it would probably end up in the swamps with the other snakes which are multiplying at a rate that makes me think that Florida is ground zero for Armageddon.
But one animal law that Florida has had on the books for decades finally got put to the test. While you may have been allowed to do the horizontal mambo with a moo moo, you have never been allowed to ride a matinee.
Kids, have your parents explain the word “priorities” to you. It will be fun.
A woman who police said was seen touching and riding a manatee in Fort De Soto Park in Pinellas, Fla., over the weekend turned herself in to the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office, Tampa Bay Times reported.
Ana Gloria Garcia Gutierrez, 52, told police Tuesday that she wasn’t aware what she did was against the law, the report said.
Witnesses gave authorities her description and photos of her riding the sea cow, which is a second-degree misdemeanor. She was seen riding the manatee at 1 p.m. Sunday in the water north of Gulf Pier, authorities said.
Gutierrez was not arrested or charged, but the charges were referred to the state attorney’s office, according to the Times.
The Florida Manatee Sanctuary Acts states that: “It is unlawful for any person at any time, by any means, or in any manner intentionally or negligently to annoy, molest, harass, or disturb or attempt to molest, harass, or disturb any manatee.”
Authorities say the penalty for the woman could be up to 60 days in jail and a possible fine of $500.
Authorities don’t believe any manatees were injured.
“It’s a wild animal. It’s not something to be ridden,” Susan Butler, a manatee expert with the U.S. Geological Survey in Gainesville, told the Times. “I can’t say that as a biologist I would ever, ever condone that, or say that (the manatee) wanted them to do that.”
Here’s where we find out about statutes of limitations and extradition laws. When I was a kid I would visit relatives in Florida and we rode manatees all the time. They’re friendly and, as long as you don’t startle them, reasonably safe to be around. Also, they tend to live in and around harbors so they are pretty used to people.
Not that I want to advoacte anyone trying for a Humanatee hybrid, but swimming around them seems fine.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the law. It was designed to keep yahoos from harming these gentle beasts. People used to deliberately hit them with their boats and leave horrible gashes on their flesh which would, sometimes, kill them.
The manatees, not the yahoos. Sadly.
Anyway, the law, like most laws in Florida, is poorly written and erratically enforced. I doubt that anything will happen to the fun loving lady.
But up in the land of super strip clubs and pawn shops, they have a different problem with an animal whose name starts with “m.”
That’s right, the Mysterious Monkey of Mongo Mongo (actually, Tampa Bay) has decided to attack the local residents.
Well, one of them anyway.
A woman who fended off an attack by a celebrity simian known as the ‘Mystery Monkey of Tampa Bay’ was recovering from her injuries on Wednesday as authorities searched for the wild animal, Florida wildlife officials said.
The woman, who said she didn’t want her name to be released, was reportedly sitting on her front porch on Monday when the monkey jumped on her back and began scratching and gnawing on her skin. She reached behind, grabbed the monkey’s leg and tossed him in to the bushes before he ran off, Gary Morse, a spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission told the Tampa Bay Times.
“She could hear the clicking of teeth,” the woman’s daughter told the newspaper, who said she was inside cooking when she heard her mother scream.
The woman suffered several puncture wounds and scratches and was taken to the hospital, where doctors gave her shots to prevent infections.
The monkey, which has gained notoriety in recent years after numerous sightings throughout the area, is a 40-pound wild rhesus macaque, which officials believe may have been cast out of a colony in Silver Springs near Ocala, Fla.
Officials in the area were attempting to track and trap the monkey Wednesday morning. Morse said they will try to trap the monkey alive, but given the attack it’s possible that trappers will have to kill it, he said.
Residents say the monkey has never been aggressive until now, the Times reported.
Officials said in the past year, the monkey has settled quietly into the area where residents have given him food despite warnings from authorities about coming into contact with the animal.
“The public was warned about the dangers of feeding this animal,” Morse told the Times. “It is a shame that it has come to this. Human kindness and food cannot overcome millions of years of genetic evolution.”
The monkey has become something of a celebrity, the Tampa Bay Times reported. A Facebook page for the mystery monkey has been featured on Comedy Central’s “Colbert Report” and in a National Geographic special.
Officials are asking anyone who sees the monkey to stay away and call police immediately.
Forget the monkey, here’s where I call BULL***T.
- (1) Monkeys, pound for pound, are four times stronger than humans. If it has you in its grasp you aren’t just going to grab the monkey’s leg and toss it in the bushes.
- (2) monkeys that are used to humans only attack for four reasons
(a) They are provoked
(b) they are insane (this does happen often enough to make it a concern)
(c) If they are teased with strong smells or shiny objects
(d) If they see food
None of the above seem to apply to her story. Just a sittin’ & a grinnin’ won’t set a monkey off. If this woman was really attacked by a monkey she wouldn’t have minor scratches, she’d be hooked up to tubes while doctors grew her new skin.
What probably happened was she was a sittin’ & a grinnin’ on her porch a=waving some food at the poor little dude and he got tangled up. He would be easy to disengage then since he would want off just as much as she wanted him off.
Of course, I’m looking for logic and facts in Florida.
That monkey’s doomed.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
Back on April 26th of last year I noted that Florida was a fun place to go if you wanted to have sex with your pet. After that Florida went into full on defense mode and tried to outlaw bestiality. They, in the process, outlawed all sex between mammals unless it was specifically for husbandry. When it was pointed out that humans are mammals and that selling your wife or significant other for sex violates other laws it was quickly rescinded. I should note that this had to be pointed out to them. Not one single, allegedly college educated, politician in Florida knew this. The whole reason Florida’s politicians got interested in outlawing bestiality in the first place was because a lady was selling videos of her having sex with two dogs and they discovered that was perfectly legal in the Sunshine State. Her kiddie porn collection, on the other hand, wasn’t. So Florida bumbled and tumbled into the 20th century, or thereabouts, and passed some laws.
In the case of outlawing bestiality it took them a total of four tries.
No, I’m not kidding.
But they got it done.
In any other state that would be the end of the story. But “any other state” doesn’t have to contend with Floridians as its residents. You see a gentleman named Carlos Ramiro is upset that he is no longer allowed to have sex with menstruating donkeys.
No, I am not making this up.
Regardless of what you think of Carlos Romero’s penchant for donkey sex, he certainly has courage in his convictions.
Romero, 31, was arrested Monday and charged with misdemeanor sexual activity with an animal, by officials in Ocala, Fla., but believes the real outrage is that the Sunshine State is “backwards” towards zoophilia.
The charges stem from an incident last month where a witness reportedly saw Romero with his pants down “up against the rear of the donkey,” TheSmokingGun.com reported.
Romero reportedly stepped away from the donkey and pulled up his pants when he saw the witness.
However, when Marion County detectives questioned him on Friday, he admitted that when the donkey is in heat, he will stand behind her, scratch her withers, and masturbate. He says he “likes the way her fur feels” on his privates,” according to WSTP-TV.
Romero told detectives he had done this five or six times and added that “Florida is a backwards state and people frown on zoophilia here,” according to the arrest report.
The victimized animal is a 21-month-old miniature donkey named Doodle he purchased two months ago, according to Ocala.com. The animal has since been removed by animal control, much to Romero’s dismay.
“I want my donkey back. There’s got to be due process here. I paid $500 for her,” Romero told a judge at the Marion County Jail Tuesday morning according to Ocala.com.
In a jailhouse interview, Romero told the website that he doesn’t “feel comfortable around people” and has “never been a people person.”
In addition, he says that animals “are usually there for you,” “do not seek other pleasures” and their feelings are “100 percent honest,” compared to humans who “stab you in the back, give you diseases, lie to you” and are “promiscuous.”
Romero told the website he’d been having sex with horses since he was 18, but didn’t feel Doodle was ready since “she’s blooming into maturity.”
At Romero’s first court appearance, Romero entered a plea of not guilty. Bail remained at $2,000, and his next court appearance on Oct. 9.
Bob Nelson, an overseer at the farm, said he has told sheriff’s deputies that he does not want Romero there.
“I don’t want to be associated with anyone like that,” Nelson told the website on Tuesday.
Well, it’s good to know that he’s not a pedophile animal moelster. Doodle will attain her majority without being violated.
And that is the only good news in that mess.
For Mr. Romero, I believe a vacation is in order. Bestiality is still legal in 22 states; Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, Hawaii, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Oregon, South Dakota, Texas, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia and Wyoming.
Oddly enough, and I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, most of them outlaw gay sex.
In other words, they made a conscious choice to allow their citizens the joys of doing the mattress mambo with a moo moo.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
You’re looking at the pic to the left and wondering what the hell I have to pay to get a grown woman to pose like that. You’ll be pleased to know the answer is nothing. She posted that image all by herself. It seems she lives in Montana and her image has even been used to explain how Indonesian men can be seduced by cows. Udderly ridiculous you say? Sadly, no. It seems there is a whole sub-genre of humanity that finds bovines beautiful. Considering we live in a country where bestiality is legal in 22 states; Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, Hawaii, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Oregon, South Dakota, Texas, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia and Wyoming, for those planning a vacation, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Montana does have a law on the books prohibiting sex with animals, but it includes homosexuals in the list of undesirable beasts. And, as written, seems to provide for situations where innocent people are seduced by animals. See Indonesia for reasons why. No one has challenged the constitutionality of the Montana law. Legal experts say that’s because no one in Montana is actually aware what a constitution is or what it provides for. There’s a whole lot of home schooling going on out there.
Montana has some other laws on the books that are head scratchers as well.
1) It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperon.
2) It’s a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
3) It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.
4) In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
5) It is illegal for a man and a woman to have sex in any other position other than missionary style.
6) Prostitution is considered a “crime against the family.”
Okay, I can see valid reasons for #1 having been to Montana in my lifetime. #2 makes sense when I’m angry at my ex but not outside of that. #3 is funny. Some of the most violent movies in history have been filmed, and are still being filmed, in Montana. As to #4, why? Good luck enforcing #5. #6 may be the only one that makes sense.
In other cow related news in Montana it seems that bovines are attacking humans and hospitalizing them. Police in Billings were finally compelled to use lethal force to stop a mooing terrorist.
A Montana man suffered broken bones and sore ribs after being pummeled by a 1,200-pound black Angus cow that ran amok through downtown Billings on Tuesday, the Billings Gazette reported.
Morgan Logan, 52, was released from the hospital Wednesday afternoon, a day after the cow ran through Billings for nearly two hours before being shot by police.
I’ve been around livestock my whole life, so at first sight I thought it was pretty funny seeing cops chase a cow down the street,” Logan told the newspaper. “But she was like a bull at a rodeo.”
Logan had been driving a gravel truck at the construction site where he works when he spotted police going after the animal and decided to help.
The cow escaped from the Public Auction Yards around 3 p.m. during unloading before going on a two-hour trek through the city’s downtown.
The paper reported the cow knocked over a cyclist, charged at pedestrians and nearly jumped over a police vehicle.
“It’s not like we are out in the pasture,” Lt. Kevin Iffland with the Billings Police Department said Wednesday. “This was a totally different scenario of asphalt and a lot of traffic. We are not equipped to wrangle large animals in a city environment.”
Logan said the cow charged at him “like a bull at a rodeo” from under a tree knocking him into the air.
“I couldn’t believe how fast she came out from under the tree,” Logan said. “I guess I saw her too late because the next thing I knew I was in the air. I had no fence to climb — she caught me right in the open.”
Police requested assistance from the state fish and wildlife parks office and the auction yard where the cow had escaped from.
Bob Gibson, communication and education program manager for Fish and Wildlife Parks, said they were unable to respond to the incident because the agency wouldn’t have been able to act fast enough.
“It’s not like we just go to the cupboard and pull out a dart gun and shoot,” Gibson said. “There are different drugs, concentrations and quantities that are all considerations when darting animals. Wardens do a lot of studying and environmental assessment ahead of time when tranquilizing an animal.
Eventually a police marksman was called and shot the cow through the heart, ending the the rampage. The cow was taken to a city landfill.
Landfill? In Montana? It’s Black Angus dudes, fire up a big grill and throw a party. Oh well, the cops must be home schooled too.
Yet another home grown genius in Montana is Randy Lee Tenley, who dressed up like Bigfoot and then got killed by a 17 year old girl.
Yes, it’s sad and, yes, I feel bad for the young lady and, yes, I laughed my ass off.
A 44-year old Kalispell man is dead after being hit on Highway 93 Sunday night. Troopers say Randy Lee Tenley was wearing an apparently store-bought ghillie suit when two vehicles struck him.
A ghillie suit is a type of three-dimensional camouflage, sometimes worn by military snipers. The suits are available online and at hunting shops. Troopers say the get-up played a big role in his death. They say he was in the right-hand lane of Highway 93 South when a 15-year old Somers girl hit him.
“He probably would not have been very easy to see at all,” said Montana Highway Patrol Trooper Jim Schneider.
Another car swerved, and a third car, troopers say driven by a 17-year old Somers girl, ran him over.
“It appears the pedestrian was well into the driving lane,” said Schneider. Officials closed Highway 93 for two hours on Sunday night, as firefighters directed traffic and officers investigated. What they found is troubling.
“According to his companions, he was out there in the ghillie suit attempting to incite a sighting of Bigfoot, to make people think they had seen a Sasquatch.
But, dispatchers received no calls of the sort, just the one that sent emergency crews rushing to the scene. Sunday night’s investigation is ongoing. Troopers say Tenley likely drank alcohol yesterday, but they’re still waiting on toxicology results to see if he was impaired.
Oh, I’m guessing he was close to sober. Ghillie suits are tough to put on in the best of situations, drunks are probably not going to be able to make it work. And, yeah, it sucks for that kid to have killed a guy but, from her point of view, she hit a shrub that fell on the highway.
No word on whether they threw the ghillie suit in the landfill as well.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
We live in a country that espouses family values. Many brandish them like clubs. And, while I might think that such usage would contradict the core idea, enough people do so these days that it seems normal. Which is what makes articles like this one so much fun. As regular readers of this blog know, Florida recently outlawed bestiality. It took them four tries and one try actually outlawed all sex between mammals until someone broke out a 4th grade biology book (from another state) and realized what mammals were. And still are. They’re those hairy things that excrete milk for their young, in case you weren’t sure. Their like include dolphins, kangaroos, dogs and humans. And, while I still oppose kangaroo / human sex, I’m a big fan of human / human sex. In fact, if the producers weren’t such prudes, I could go for a little of that right now. Well, true, I’d need a partner, no fun living with nothing but a left handed love affair, but I’m betting I could figure something out.
That’s why God created credit cards.
Anyway, let’s take a look at some loving families and how they encourage their members to better themselves. Like Curtis Pace and his underage nephew.
A Sarasota man was arrested after encouraging his underage nephew to commit an armed robbery with him, an arrest report shows.
On Feb. 1, Curtis Pace, 45, and his nephew robbed three people at gunpoint in the 4200 block of 53rd Avenue West in Bradenton.
The pair then drove off, but authorities tracked them down through the GPS on one of the stolen cell phones. They were arrested in Sarasota.
Pace later told authorities he and his nephew had been smoking rock cocaine. Pace is now at the Manatee County jail on several charges, including armed robbery, child abuse and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He is being held on bonds totaling $186,000.
Can’t you just feel the love and nurturing there?
Of course, there is no bond like the bond between a mother and her daughter. The entire O Network is built on that bit of treacle. So it’s heartening to see that, even in Florida, this holds true.
The Sarasota County Sheriff’s Office has arrested a mother and daughter for stealing high end electronics and other items and in some cases pawning the goods for cash.
Detectives found 55-year-old Colleen Reiheld and her 20-year-old daughter Taylor, both of 155 Siesta Drive in Sarasota, committed several crimes since January of this year. On at least three occasions, the pair was seen entering the Target store located at 8401 South Tamiami Trail in Sarasota, concealing items in bags or purses, and leaving the store without paying. Stolen items include Go Pro HD cameras, a coffee maker, bottles of champagne, a cell phone charger and a tent.
Both women are charged with two counts of Grand Theft, and Colleen is facing additional charges of Dealing in Stolen Property and Providing False Ownership to a Pawn Broker for selling two Go Pro HD cameras and claiming to be the legal owner.
The Reihelds were booked into the Sarasota County Jail Thursday afternoon and later released on bond.
They pawned the goods for cash? What were they thinking? Don’t they know that you’re supposed to collect the stolen stuff and then keep it in an easy to find location? That’s what Zachary Thomas Jones did.
Divine intervention didn’t protect thousands of dollars that deputies say was stolen from a sacred stash spot Thursday.
A North Naples woman reported about $2,200 she kept inside a Bible in her car trunk was taken.
Zachary Thomas Jones, 18, of the 14000 block of Sterling Oaks Drive, North Naples, and the woman’s daughter, who is 16 years old, were arrested Friday by Collier deputies. They are accused of grabbing the woman’s car keys while she was in the shower and removing the cash from the Bible in the car. The woman told deputies she became suspicious when she saw Jones paying cash for nearly $300 in items from a corner store.
The majority of the money was found inside the teen girl’s bedroom closet, according to arrest reports.
Both teens face felony burglary and grant theft charges, as well as resisting a law enforcement officer without violence after deputies reported they tried to run from the scene.
Of course, not all thefts are self serving. Arnene Stanley, a loving mother of one, ripped off Wal-Mart for a ton of cash and prizes so she could care for her daughter.
On Thursday, March 29, detectives arrested Arnene Stanley, W/F, 37, for grand theft. On March 19, a loss prevention officer at the Wal-Mart on SW HWY 200 reported to detectives that Stanley, an assistant manager at the store, had stolen more than $6,000 from the store by creating false return transactions.
During the investigation, detectives collected receipts for returned jewelry items that had conflicting signatures. They also observed surveillance video that showed Stanley performing the transactions with no customers present. Detectives confirmed that Stanley used the identities of at least five victims to make numerous fraudulent transactions.
Stanley told detectives she stole the money to pay for her daughter’s medical bills. She worked for Wal-Mart for more than 20 years. Stanley was arrested and charged with Grand Theft (1 count) and Misuse of Personal Identification (9 counts). Her bond was set at $95,000.
And if she had $95,000 she wouldn’t have needed to steal to pay her daughter’s medical bills.
Of course no about Florida would be complete without boobs and poetry.
And burglars. Have to have burglars.
Roses are red, violets are blue, your poem is nice but we’re still arresting you.
Florida police say a drunk and disorderly 31-year-old woman allegedly tore off her shirt, and flashed her tattooed breasts, revealing a poem, during a burglary investigation.
Susan Stickle and her 44-year-old friend Eric Bachman were allegedly smashing glass and screaming inside a Vero Beach home last Sunday, so neighbors called police to report a possible burglary, according to arrest reports obtained by TCPalm.com.
When cops showed up, the pair was allegedly on the porch screaming expletives and appearing to “be intoxicated by drugs and alcohol.” An officer tried to talk to Bachman, but the suspect told him to go away.
That’s when things got scandalous.
When asked for her name, Stickle allegedly took off her shirt, revealing a completely exposed chest and a tattoo listed as “Poem of a dead tree,” the news website reported.
It’s yet unclear whether Stickle’s tattoo was her own composition or a reference to the Chinese poem by Yang Jian, which makes reference to an abrasive lifestyle:
“I no longer have any leaves, only thorns remain.”
Bachman refused to explain why the two were at the residence. Cops arrested both on charges of disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.
Neighbors later told officers that the house belonged to Bachman, no burglary charges were filed.
That’s right kids, this fine example of the best the gene pool has to offer robbed his own home and trashed it. As to the poem, I’m going to go out on a limb and say this nice lady has never even heard of ancient China let alone read poetry from there.
Here’s a nice song from a Texan that he dedicated to his son. It’s got a nice Floridian blues vibe.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
I couldn’t hop on the internet this morning so I was forced to wail and gnash my tooth in anguish that the world might be doing something interesting without me. HAH! Like that could ever happen. I am the most interesting thing in my universe. Well, the second most. Florida holds the main title. No matter how odd the things in my life may be they pale in comparison to things in Florida. I recently tried to explain Florida to some of our new Asian readers. It seems I made some inroads but they still have questions. And, to be fair, they are really good questions. The most common one is “what makes them act that way?” To that I have no ready answer. It is a behavior pattern that has been generations in the making. The biggest factor might be that Florida only attracted two kinds of people for many, many years; those that were avoiding the government and those who were going to die. Not exactly the best and the brightest. Certainly not that spark you need for the next generation. Or any generation for that matter.
So, when people in Florida commit a crime they tend to do it with a different flair than you’re used to. For example, lots of women shoplift. Very few tag-team to steal thongs. That they tried on first. That they tried to hide in their purses. In front of security. Who saved everyone some time and just arrested them.
Or, another example, men and women argue all the time. Sometimes some men will try and hurt their women. But only in Florida do they light themselves on fire after attacking a car. You’re going to have to read the whole story.
A Wesley Chapel man was critically burned after investigators say a plan to torch his estranged wife backfired.
From her upstairs apartment, Capitola Scott could hear her neighbor, 47-year-old Gloria Davis, shrieking for help and then saw Davis being chased. Scott opened the door, yelling at her to get inside.
Police say the man chasing Davis with a jug full of gasoline was her husband of 25 years, 50-year-old Matthew Wong. The two had been separated since October.
Detectives say Wong had apparently planned to ambush Davis. They say he rented a car and blacked out the windows. But Davis spotted Wong and immediately began to run, screaming for help.
As he frantically chased his wife, investigators say Wong inadvertently splattered gasoline all over himself, and when he went to torch the apartment where his wife was seeking refuge, it was Wong who went up in flames.
Neighbors used fire extinguishers to put out the fire that was consuming him and some nearby bushes. A scorched patch of grass now marks the spot where he fell to the ground.
Investigators say Wong was rushed to Tampa General Hospital with life-threatening burns. They say the couple has two older children who also live in the Bay area.
The incident comes just days after a high-profile trial, during which Chris Hanney was convicted of dousing his wife, Audrey Mabrey, with gasoline.
Investigators say they’re not yet sure if the timing of the cases is a coincidence, or if this was a copycat type of attack.
Well, if it was it was a bad copy. Which is good news for the woman who, I believe, just might be justified for not wanting to hang around with this guy any more. Don’t you agree?
Let’s try another. People get pulled over all the time for driving under the influence. Only in Florida would the driver blame her inability to function on her big breasts.
A Port St. Lucie woman facing DUI charges told arresting officers her “big boobies” were to blame for her inability to perform sobriety tests, according to an arrest report.
Maureen Jane Raymond, 49, was arrested in Jensen Beach on Jan. 29 after she was stopped by cops who responded to a reckless vehicle call, according to the Martin County Sheriff’s Office report.
According to the report, a deputy saw Raymond driving over 50 mph in a 35 mph zone in her grey Camry and crossing over the double yellow line twice before parking in two spots at a Walgreen’s.
The deputy smelled an odor of alcohol on Raymond and noticed she had slurred speech, glassy eyes and staggered when she walked, the report said.
According to the report, Raymond started drinking out of a glass, telling the deputy it was tea. A second glass found in the car smelled like an alcoholic beverage, the deputy wrote in the report.
Raymond was asked to get out of the car for tests and she started to give her top heavy excuse.
“When I told her we were going to do some roadside tasks she told me that I needed to understand that she is big chested and if I asked her to close her eyes and balance she is not going to balance well,” the deputy wrote. “She told me ‘big breast you don’t balance well.'”
Asked if she had any injuries, Raymond replied she had big breasts and whiplash, the report said.
The report said Raymond had a hard time following directions and that when she was asked to walk a straight line, she began to dance.
“When I told her she had to keep her hands at her side she stated hell no not with these. Telling me again she can’t do it, not with her big boobies,” the deputy wrote, adding Raymond “began to take her clothes off to show me her breast and I stopped her.”
Raymond was asked to count and “she seemed to sing the numbers while counting,” the report said.
The deputy arrested Raymond for DUI, and she was taken to the station for a breath test.
But before the breath test, Raymond insisted she pray, the report said.
“She told me she was praying and that I need to relax because she is praying and God is first,” the deputy wrote.
Raymond wasn’t able to provide a valid breath sample, and was booked into jail, the report said. She was released on bond the next day.
Ah yes, the “my boobs are ginormous and God is good defense.” Lawyers all over the world are anxiously waiting to see how this one plays out.
Sadly, for the lawyers tasked with representing Stanley B. Ramos, there will be no fun in the courthouse for them. You see their client was arrested for possession of drugs and related paraphernalia and showed up for his hearing with a crack pipe. So said the nice police officers who allowed him to be sentenced first and then arrested him.
Okay, one more for the road. Lots of people take those online quizzes. Some pass, some fail. Only in Florida do they try and kill a cat for being the reason of their failure.
The beating of the girlfriend was just a bonus.
A Gainesville man went to jail on a charge of animal cruelty after admitting to police that he tried to kill his girlfriend’s cat because he said it made him fail an online test.
In addition to the animal cruelty charge, the Gainesville Police Department arrested Marvelle Stephon Rucker, 21, of 1000 SW 62nd Blvd., on charges of false imprisonment and battery.
The cat’s owner told police that she found the animal lethargic and unresponsive when she got home from work around 4:50 p.m. Sunday. She also said Rucker cornered her and poked her in the face for 10 or 15 minutes until a roommate intervened.
Officer Keith Carlisle said Rucker admitted to poking the woman in her face, but said he did not think it was a crime if he was not beating her.
In an arrest report, Carlisle wrote that, when he asked Rucker why he put a pillow over the cat, Rucker “laughed as he said he was trying to kill the cat” because the cat made him fail an online test.
Rucker was booked into the Alachua County jail.
And ladies, word is he’s single again. I’m just saying.
Anyway, as you can see, two truths are self evident; (1) people in Florida shouldn’t be allowed to breed as rapidly as they do and; (2), your world is really empty without me.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Friday morning around 9:10!
My beloved White Sox have been cursed by a Big Donkey and relegated to a baseball afterthought. My new neighbor refuses to remove his wind chimes when he goes to bed because of religious reasons. As I noted yesterday, that would have something to do with the Church of Satan as far as I’m concerned. The Bulls appear to be set for a winter in Mexico since they won’t be playing basketball and the Hawks look to emulate the Charlestown Chiefs, which is actually cool with me. It’s hockey, not Disney on ice. In other words, it looks like I’ll have some free time. One thing I won’t be doing with my free time is visiting New Mexico. Not even on a fly over.
Let’s start at the top.
A New Mexico mayor has admitted that he was hammered when he entered his fair metropolis into a long term contract with a California company. Now he wants out of that contract.
Mexico border town mayor and congressional candidate Martin Resendiz was drunk when he signed nine contracts with a California company that is now suing the city for $1 million, according to a deposition in the case.
“The day I signed, I had way too much to drink. It was after 5 p.m. and I signed it (the contracts) and I didn’t know what I was signing,” the Sunland Park mayor wrote in response to questions from lawyers for the architectural design firm Synthesis+. “My sister had to pick me up.”
The lawsuit claims the company is owed $1 million for work performed under the nine contracts, according to a report Thursday in the Albuquerque Journal. Sunland Park contends the contracts were not valid because they weren’t approved by the City Council.
Resendiz, a former El Paso, Texas, police officer and Sunland Park municipal judge, has been mayor since March 2008 and has said he plans to seek the Democratic nomination to challenge Republican U.S. Rep. Steve Pearce.
Resendiz could not be reached Thursday morning, but his office said it expected to issue a statement.
According to a transcript of Resendiz’s June 2010 deposition by attorney Victor Poulos, Resendiz acknowledged signing the documents in May or June 2008 after several hours of drinking with Sythesis+ executives at Ardovino’s Crossing, an Italian restaurant in Sunland Park. Among the executives present was architect Daniel Soltero.
“Again, this was after two or three hours of us drinking, not exactly the best time to do business, not exactly the best time to read over legal documents, which he (Soltero) did not portray at any time to be legal documents,” Resendiz said, according to a transcript of the deposition.
And, Skippy, also not the best time to be signing anything. But I am curious what he thought he was signing? I’ve been to many establishments where drinking was a pass time and none of them handed me documents at any point of my stay. I have been handed contracts to review, which I neatly put in my briefcase, took home and read in the morning. It’s not that hard if you’re not stupid to begin with.
Of course, in Santa Fe, cops have the difficult issue of firing one of their own for breaking the law. First his story, then mine.
A New Mexico state police officer has been fired after security cameras caught him having sex with a woman on the hood of a car.
Officer Bert Lopez’s dismissal from the New Mexico state police was confirmed by The Santa Fe New Mexican (http://bit.ly/oIqKyd ) on Saturday. The newspaper said Lopez has 30 days to appeal the firing.
The surveillance photos were taken from a motion-triggered security camera positioned at the front gate of the county-owned La Bajada Ranch south of Santa Fe. The encounter was at the remote Canyon Ranch.
Two photos showing a uniformed officer having sex on the hood were forwarded to Santa Fe Sheriff Robert Garcia, who identified the officer as being with New Mexico State Police. He forwarded the images to State Police Chief Robert Shilling.
An internal investigation was immediately launched, and Lopez, an eight-year veteran, was put on paid administrative leave for about three weeks.
Police officials would not comment on whether the dismissal was an indication whether the officer was on duty at the time of the incident.
The dismissal came days after investigators said the officer didn’t commit a crime. Officials were assured the sexual encounter was not in exchange for anything related to his position as a law enforcement officer.
My turn. Many years ago I met a comely young lass who begged me to take her to the Planetarium. It was around 4 AM at the time. So, we went. When we got there we walked around and saw an empty Chicago police car. I looked at her, she at me and we were doing the horizontal bop on top of the car within minutes.
Unfortunately, it seems that the officer who belonged to the car had merely been answering an urgent call from nature and he returned to find us polishing his hood. A few embarrassed phone calls later we were let out of jail and no charges were filed. I was never allowed to see her again. Her parents sent her to a nice school somewhere in Europe a few days later.
However, I should note that I wasn’t doing this on the taxpayer’s dime.
Oh well, things could have been worse. In the case of the next story, they could have been MUCH WORSE!!!! It seems that a woman was detained, given a body cavity search and then charged for the experience. Yep, definitely take Las Cruces off of your New Mexico travel plans.
Should a drug suspect have to pay the bill for undergoing a court-ordered cavity search that finds nothing?
No, says a New Mexico woman who wants Doña Ana County officials to pay the $1,122 hospital bill she received after undergoing such a search on suspicion she was hiding heroin, The Las Cruces Sun-News reported.
The woman’s identity was not being released.
Her lawyer, Michael Lilley of Las Cruces, filed a claim Aug. 30 against the county to justify her demand that authorities pay for her forcible body cavity search, according to the newspaper. Here’s what happened, the newspaper said:
The Metro Narcotics Agency had “credible information from a reliable source” that the woman had concealed up to an ounce of heroin, which led to a search warrant on July 1, said Metro Sgt. Mike Alba.
- The woman was searched at Memorial Medical Center, which then billed her for $1,122.
- No heroin or any other narcotic was recovered from the exam.
- The woman was not arrested or charged.
- The woman had no criminal history in New Mexico.
County officials would not comment on a pending lawsuit, the newspaper reported.
In New Mexico “credible information from a reliable source” really means “we met this guy at a bar and he seemed cool.”
It’s also how they select their mayors.
Nevertheless, no story about New Mexico would be complete without a fun look at Roswell. I think I understand this state much better just knowing that it is full of people who think a UFO crashed and managed to leave no debris. Even though a craft hitting a planet at any speeds near those required for re-entry would leave a trail for miles. Okay, here’s the story.
A military fighter plane crashed Wednesday in southern New Mexico after the pilot ejected safely, Air Force officials said.
The QF-4 Phantom from Holloman Air Force Base crashed in grasslands between Roswell and Artesia, sparking a fire that burned 28 acres before it was contained.
The pilot was in good condition, according to a statement from Col. David Krumm, commander of the 49th Wing.
KOB-TV reported there was live ammunition aboard the plane, and rescue crews were being asked to approach the crash site with caution. Holloman officials declined to confirm that report, but Krumm said in his statement that the base was “asking the public to cooperate with military and civilian authorities at the scene to ensure the safety of everyone involved.”
The aircraft was assigned to and operated by Detachment 1, 82nd Aerial Target Squadron.
The QF-4 is used as a target for weapons testing. It can be flown by remote control or with a pilot.
This incident comes on the heels of the annual Roswell UFO Festival that was celebrated in the small town over the July 4 weekend.
The festivities commemorate one of the most debated and legendary events in the history of UFO studies: the alleged crash of an alien spaceship and its otherworldly crew on a ranch just outside Roswell in early July 1947, followed by a press conference confirming the crash.
Wanna have some fun? Point out to Roswell heads that the actual alleged crash was in Corona, New Mexico which is about 75 miles away. Wanna have more fun? Ask them to show you the debris trail. You’ll end up buying a souvenir and laughing at them for the rest of your life.
That being said, I’m glad the pilot’s okay. I don’t need anyone to die to make me laugh. Rappers using the desert to pretend they live in the hood are good enough for me.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG AM 1280, every Thursday morning around 9:10!