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You, Me, God & Boobs

June 8, 2013 by

God's instant lesbian kit. Just add baby oil.
God’s instant lesbian kit.
Just add baby oil.
A long time ago in a land far, far, away, I wrote a silly little story about God. Well, it wasn’t really about God, it was more about a pseudo-dude who wanted to be God. Unfortunately for it, that position was taken. In the golden days of yore that story would have been read, put on a shelf and forgotten. Or maybe passed around to a few people and then shelved. But we live in the days of the old-fangled interweb. Things get taken off of figurative shelves all the time, whether they need to be or not. Heaven knows what twisted verbiage people are plugging into their search engines but, every now an then, someone comes across my story and asks me a question. It is always the same question. “Do people like you even believe in God?” What they mean by “people like (me)” is left undefined. My best guess would be people unlike them. Which, based on their emails, would seem to be a pleasant type of person to be.

Normally I ignore people who speak in certitudes and define the universe narrowly no matter their ideology. I find fans of Richard Dawkins just as irksome as religious fundamentalists.

However last night forced me to soften that stance. At least a little bit. You see last night I met a pleasant couple who questioned everything. That, to me, is a fun way to spend an evening. But it also got me to thinking. If nothing else I should try to clearly answer those people who keep coming by here and trying to get me to bite on their drool laden ball of vitriol.

So, here goes.

Yes, I believe in God.

Why? Because I’m not arrogant enough to think I’m the most evolved creature in the universe.

I believe in a God who gave us free will. I believe in a God who gave us the tools to build our own futures and to shape our own destinies. I believe in a God who did not make mistakes. Which means that all those who are different than me are still part of Its divine plan.

Which means it’s up to us to deal with them in a positive manner.

Lord knows I am trying here today.

I also believe in a God who clearly understands the motivations It laid deep within our genes.

Breasts are a good example. All the lower, i.e., non sentient, mammals have them but only human females have the glorious works of art that stimulate the soul. Boobs are God’s gift to intelligence. They are meant to be lauded and appreciated. That are also meant, like all God’s creations, to be respected. That means no touching without permission.

Yes, it’s okay to gawk for brief periods of time. After all, you are only appreciating the Lord’s work.

I believe in a God who wants us to question the universe and our place in it. I believe in a God who wants us to challenge the status quo.

Why else would we be gifted with the ability to think if we weren’t supposed to use it?

I believe that God truly did makes us in It’s image. It is simply that we have not evolved enough to see that simple truth. It is only when you look past the color of someone’s skin that you see the true nature of God. Then, and only then, can you begin to recognize our common soul.

I believe that you can distill the Ten Commandments to a single statement; Thou Shalt Not Steal. Don’t steal a life, a home, a marriage and so on. If it’s not yours you don’t have the right to take it. Just leave stuff where it’s at and deal with it.

I believe that the entire New Testament can be summed up with Matthew 7:12. That whole “do unto others” bit works for me.

So there you have it. I believe in a God who wants us to respect others and not steal.

Oh, and I believe in boobs. Big fan of them too.

Which just proves that I am wisely using the intelligence God gave me.

Stars – Changes (nsfw) from Spy Films

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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Filed Under: Uncategorized

BOOBS!

July 3, 2012 by

People always want to see my boobies, well, here you go.
Ever since Ogg saw Ook silhouetted by the evening sun men have been slaves to boobs. It doesn’t matter whose they are either; “Thanks there biker granny, you can roll those back up now.” We can’t help it. Men are hard wired to stare at boobs. Not only is ogling good for our heart rate (click the previous link to find out why) but boobs are fun to play with as well and everyone knows that play is the best thing for a happy soul. Even women will tell you they’d rather you play with their boobs instead of their heart since they have two of the former. However, as time progressed, “boobs” have come to take on other connotations. “He’s such a boob” is not a compliment. As noted in the History of Insults, the word has morphed through the years.

But 1900 launched us into a new series of insult or derogatory terms as well as a new century. The word boob, as a derogatory term, first appeared in 1909. Derived from the much older word booby, coined around 1600, it means a “dull, heavy, stupid fellow,” or a “clown, a nincompoop.” Johnson, in his Life of Boswell, could say (1776): “We work with our heads, and make the boobies of Birmingham work for us with their hands.” Indeed, the origin of the concept of “booby prize” goes back to the 1820s, when booby also referred to the “last boy in a school class, the dunce.” From Charlotte Bronte (1849): “He was the booby of..grammar school” (the actual phrase booby-prize, however, didn’t appear until the 1880s).

By 1909, however, the “y” had dropped out of the word and we just had “boob.” It would not assume its sexual connotation for 40 years, and in 1909 either meant a “prison” or a “fool, simpleton.” Actually, the word “stir” also meant a prison (first attested in 1851) and so a person who went “stir-crazy” is someone who was driven to that state by the realities of prison life. The Saturday Evening Post had this in its March 7, 1909 edition: “I had to tell her the boob had gone for the day.” G. B. Shaw, in his 1930 work Apple Cart could say: “You gave it away, like the boobs you are, to the Pentland Fourth Syndicate.”*

[*As indicated above, it was not until 1949 that the word “boob” first appeared in its current sexual connotation. I love the initial attestation: “I felt her sloshy boobs joggling me but I was too intent on pursuing the ramifications of Coleridge’s amazing mind to let her vegetable appendages disturb me.“]

Obviously the author of that line did not like women.

Still, boobs are here to stay.

Let’s start with the fun usage, porn stars are claiming that Octomom is a useless boob.

The recent decision of “Octomom” Nadya Suleman to release a solo sex video has aroused heated opinions from people who say her debut in adult films is a sign that she’s not a good mother.

Surprisingly, some of the criticism comes from Suleman’s new colleagues in the world of pornography. Actress Amber Peach thinks Suleman was a bad mother before she decided to undress for her film, “Octomom: Home Alone.”

“This is a woman who had children she knew she couldn’t take care of, not by accidentally getting pregnant. but on purpose, and people’s issue is that she did a porn,” Peach said incredulously to The Huffington Post. “There are many porn people who are also great parents. People are acting like her doing porn is what makes her a bad parent, saying things like, ‘What are your kids going to think of you when they get older and find out?’

“My question is, ‘What are those kids going to think of her when they get old enough to realize she had them with no way to take care of them either because she hoped to get a reality show or because she’s…crazy, or both?'”

Suleman is the mother of 14 children. She underwent in vitro fertilization to give birth to octuplets in 2009.

Besides ridiculing Suleman’s parenting abilities, Peach said she didn’t exhibit much on-screen talent.

“The whole video from a porn standpoint just looks awkward and uncomfortable,” Peach said. “And don’t get me started on the part where she’s lying naked in a pile of baby clothes, that’s just disturbing.”

So it’s not just me that thinks this lady is four colors shy of a rainbow. That’s good to know. Someone needs to let her know she keeps making very bad life choices.

Speaking of bad life choices, a lady may go to prison because her dogs busted out of the booby hatch and caused a chicken to die of a heart attack …. again.

It’s understandable if Joy McDonald is dogged by fear these days: She faces possible jail time for the death of a chicken.

But McDonald didn’t kill the chicken. Supposedly, her two chihuahuas, Peaches and Domino, caused the hen to have a heart attack.

Until her untimely death on April 5, the hen belonged to McDonald’s neighbors, George and Nittaya Gamblin, who keep chickens as pets at their Missouri home east of Kansas City.

McDonald’s dogs are usually indoors, but George Gamblin said they got loose and were found inside his chicken coop.

“We’ve run them out of here before,” Gamblin told WDAF-TV, adding that his wife injured her knee chasing away the dogs that night.

McDonald, who is studying to become a veterinarian, believes the penned bird suffered a heart attack when the Chihuahuas barked at it while running loose in the rural neighborhood.

Now she’s charged with misdemeanor animal abuse. The court records say the dogs killed the chicken but don’t explain how. However, the evidence submitted for the case is brutal according to officials.

“There are photos with a poor dead chicken and feathers everywhere,” Lafayette County Prosecutor Kellie Wingate Campbell told the Kansas City Star, which recently broke the story.

If McDonald’s convicted, she could be jailed in the county lockup for a year and fined up to $1,000.

The possibility of jail time for McDonald has generated a tremendous amount of interest in the case.

“I think this is asinine,” McDonald told the Kansas City Star. “I just can’t wrap my mind around it. All of this because of a dead chicken.”

At the time, she found it hard to stop from laughing when Gamblin called and allegedly screamed that her dogs literally scared his chicken to death.

But she took a more conciliatory tone when she spoke with KCTV-TV.

“It makes me feel like a horrible person. I just think this has blown way out of proportion. I said, ‘I was sorry.’ I tried paying for it. I built a dog pen,” she told the station.

The Gamblins insist they don’t want to see McDonald go to jail, but don’t want to see her dogs running around either.

“I don’t want to be paid for the chicken. I just want the dogs off my place and destroying our property,” Gamblin griped to WDAF-TV. “To me, the idea of respecting people’s property is lost in all this.”

Gamblin said that, previously, another dog owned by McDonald also killed some chickens.

Yes, you can laugh. God knows I am. First off, there’s a vet/farmer person named McDonald. Dear God does it get any more cliche than that? Then the killer dogs turn out to be Chihuahuas. And last but not least, they live 2 miles from the Bar-B-Q capital of America. I’m sure that chicken didn’t go to waste.

Okay. I’m better now. You just don’t get stories like that in civilized places.

All right, last but not least, let’s get on down to Australia where a nice lady robbed a gas station, partly using her boobs.

This might not be the breast way to get away with robbery.

Queensland cops in Australia are looking for the so-called “Buxom Bandit,” who robbed a Gold Coast gas station early this morning, according to a police news release.

The blonde-haired woman wearing a low-cut top drove to the gas station with another man, according to the release. She then busted into the station, went behind the counter and threatened the clerk with a knife before making off with an unreported amount of cash, the release said.

News Nine MSN notes that the woman, who is still at large, made a couple of crucial errors that could help police track her down.

She failed to wear anything that disguised her face, which was captured on the gas station’s surveillance camera.

The bandit also wore a fingerprint concealing glove on her knife-wielding hand, using her un-gloved digits to grab the cash and potentially leave other prints behind, MSN reports.

Australia’s Triple M Radio DJ Mick Molloy spoke out in support of the well-endowed robber. If she’s caught, Molloy promised to show up to her trial chanting, “free the Gold Coast two!”

You and I both know that twenty men have called the police saying “I don’t know the face but that rack belongs to ….”

Kristen Pyles (CGOM Mar 2011)

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday except July 6, 2012 around 9:10 AM.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Breasts, Boobs & Belgium

February 18, 2011 by

M I C See these are really cool, K E Y ....
M I C See these are really cool, K E Y ....
Yesterday, my little radio interview got pushed back a few minutes so that JoAnn and Ryan could interview Angie Harmon about her crusade to get kids to eat their veggies. And while all that was cool, and worthy, I really wanted them to ask her about the time she boinked a cartoon Batman. Specifically, in the movie Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker she, in the character of Barbara Gordon (a/k/a Batgirl), has a long conversation with the new Batman, Terry McGinnis, and it becomes apparent that she and Bruce Wayne had been knocking bat-boots back in the day. However, JoAnn and Ryan felt that the welfare of children came before my childish fantasies, so the questions went unasked.

Ah well, the world will never know.

Anyway, moving forward to the pseudo-point here today, let’s take a look at a Florida mom (why is it always Florida?) who went above and beyond the call of duty to make her child proud.

This kind of show-and-tell isn’t allowed in schools.

Police in Florida arrested a mother who allegedly exposed her breasts inside her child’s school during an argument with another woman who she believed was showing too much cleavage.

Law enforcement officials in Manatee County say Laura Campanello was visiting Bayshore High School at around 11:20 a.m. Monday when she noticed something amiss. And that something was another mother’s chest, according to the Bradenton Herald.

After the mothers started arguing, a deputy arrived on the scene and Campanello reportedly begged him to impose a dress code on the other mom.

But according to a police report obtained by The Smoking Gun, the deputy informed the 42-year-old suspect that he “cannot tell her what to wear as long as she is not exposing herself.”

That’s when Campanello allegedly pulled down her blouse and stated, “Oh, then I can.”

According to the Herald-Tribune, the suspect then squeezed her breasts together, adding, “And then I can just do this.”

The deputy apparently disagreed, arresting Campanello on suspicion of disorderly conduct.

Suspicion? What does it take down there to actually get cited for real disorderly conduct?

Never mind, I don’t want to know.

In Brazil, the citizens were so fed up with the status quo that they elected an illiterate clown to Congress. And when you have high quality representation like that, is it any surprise that the boob voted for the wrong party?

A clown who won a seat in Brazil’s Congress by a landslide has stayed true to his former profession by accidentally messing up his first vote.

Francisco Everardo Oliveira Silva, better known by his clown name Tiririca, had pledged to back the government’s austerity proposal for a new national minimum wage in a crucial vote on Wednesday night.

When the time came, however, Tiririca pressed the wrong button on the computerized system and accidentally voted for an opposition proposal for a much bigger increase in the wage than the government wants, according to Brazilian media who spoke to his office.

The leader of the opposition PSDB party in Congress’ lower house, Duarte Nogueira, said he was grateful for the unexpected support, although the government still won the vote.

“I went and thanked him — after all, it’s the support of the deputy who won the most votes in Brazil,” he was quoted as saying by the Agencia Estado news agency.

Tiririca caught the attention of disillusioned voters last October with a campaign slogan “It can’t get any worse” and a promise to do nothing more in Congress than report back on how politicians spend their time.

As long as we’re talking about politics, let’s head over to Belgium where a revolt is taking place. However, unlike the terror sweeping the Mideast, this revolution involves naked people, beards, fries and beer.

Dana Kennedy at AOL News has the whole story.

In sharp contrast to the life-and-death revolutions sweeping the Middle East, there’s a country in Europe about to surpass Iraq for the number of days it’s been without a real government.

Welcome to Belgium, where citizens on Friday will mark 250 days of Belgian-style anarchy with protests that will include stripping naked in the Flemish city of Ghent. French fries will be handed out in Leuven. It’s all part of the so-called “Fries Revolution.”

Beer will also be provided to protesters in several Belgian cities.

Beard-growing and calls to abstain from sex are a few more of the “revolutionary” tools being used to shame the country’s long-warring factions into coming up with a working government. The movement even has the ultimate accessory, a Facebook page, The Wall Street Journal noted.

Thanks to Belgium’s version of the Sunnis and Shiites — the wealthy, conservative Dutch-speaking Flemish of the north and the socialist, French-speaking Walloons of the south — last June’s elections ended in a political deadlock. At stake is Belgian’s unity: The Flemish want to form an independent Flemish state, and the French-speaking Belgians want the country to remain as it has been since 1830.

Belgium has a multiparty system that requires parties to work with one another to form coalition governments. But the Flemish and the French speakers to the south are so far apart that they haven’t been able to work out a political solution.

“We’ve had enough of political games,” said Kliment Kostadinov, one of the organizers, the BBC reported. “We must get a government fast and a reform of our institutions that is good for all Belgians.”

Johan Vande Lanotte, who resigned recently as King Albert II’s mediator tasked with ending the stalemate, urged Belgium’s political leaders not to give up, the BBC said.

“If the gap is so great, the parties should take great steps. That is not easy. Often they don’t realize how hard that is. You don’t make major reform of the state without enormous pain in your own ranks,” Lanotte said.

But Belgians have tried to not take the crisis too seriously.

Cedric Caudelier spearheaded a “protest” movement in January called “Beards for Belgium” (BeardforBelgium.be) in which he called on people not to shave until a government is in place.

Caudelier told Radio Free Europe that the beard-growing movement is “to say that we are still waiting for a government, we are living in Belgium, we are Belgians and we would like you to find a solution.”

They may be the most polite revolutionaries I’ve ever seen. But, I guess nothing says “we’re fed up and not going to take it any more” better than naked people with beards. Obviously, no one’s surprised that beer is involved.

And, bonus, what could be more appropriate than the fact they do want fries with that?

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Don’t Let These Boobs Take Over the World!

November 15, 2010 by

Worth Fighting For!

Ever since pre-history people began walking upright men have noticed women are different. And, like all things that bring pleasure, these differences were vigorously celebrated. As evolution wound its way through the millennia the differences between men and women grew more pronounced. And the more pronounced they became the more each side was attracted to the other. Men imbued with strength and the ability to feed their families became the sought after members of the tribe. Women who showed signs of being strong breeders, robust hips and breasts, became the matriarchs.

Simply put, modern men aren’t ogling breasts; we’re admiring the marvelous handiwork of evolution. It’s a hard wired response at this point.

But, now, the very foundation of evolution itself is being threatened by some psycho group of man hating thugs who probably want insects to take over as the dominant species. These deviants are attempting to cover the gloriously developed result of natural selection.

These terrorists are demanding that women wear a boring camisole like item under their shirts, and pinned to their bras, that would effectively render one of the most magnificent sights known to man into a barely remembered rumor.

Clearly these demented fanatics need to be stopped.

The daft denizens of all that is cold and heartless have a name; they call themselves Cami Secret.

Even their name reeks of evil.

All right thinking people should immediately boycott this company and pass the word along to their friends.

Oh, and ladies, you have a vested interest in this too. Should these radicals succeed in their maniacal quest, then all those men with ripped abs and oiled chests whom you love to admire on those calendars you think we don’t know about will all eventually be covered in burlap.

Support all that is right and good, boycott Cami Secret.

or click here to watch the parody
(viewer discretion is advised)

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Caveant scriptores!

April 22, 2022 by Bill McCormick

First and foremost, now seems to be a good time to point out that the Big Wakeup Call has a new internet home. No longer satisfied with being the king of Aurora radio, it has moved on to be an international podcast. This makes it easier for our global fans to listen in as well as for curious newcomers to get sucked into Ryan’s wonderful web of wackiness. For today’s madcap episode, feel free to listen first and then come back, we decided to take a look at the progress artificial intelligence (AI) has made in the world of literature. Back in 2017 a programmer named Zak Thoutt programmed an AI (that’s what programmers do) to write Game of Thrones. This is why programmers never get invited to parties. Well, that, and no one really cares about how to manipulate Boolean strings. Not even the pretty girl who forgot her bra and desperately needs a drink can be coerced into caring.
[Read more…] about Caveant scriptores!

Filed Under: News Tagged With: AI, artificial intelligence, big wakeup call, game of thrones, literature, robot, robot overlords, writing

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