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A Cowardly New World?

Why do for yourself what machines can do for you?
Why do for yourself what machines can do for you?

We live in interesting times. On the one hand we have tech that can do amazing things. There are machines that can extract water from the air and bring moisture to parched lands. We can harness the wind to power entire cities. There are ships which use the ocean for power leaving a near zero carbon imprint on the planet. I’ve written about all of these things before and humans felt heartened. At the same time we live in a world of science denying vitriol. People who have no clue how even the most basic things work are trying to control how we take care of our essential needs. Denying vaccines to infants due to single research paper, one widely discredited, makes more sense to them than decades of substantive facts. Letting our crops rot in the field, infested with myriads of diseases and insects, is, to them, preferable to any viable alternative. They wallow in fear and cowardice and expect humanity to fall down with them. There are many rational people who feel the cowardly ones might benefit if they were allowed to step back from society and live in a world of their own creation.

Normally when people say this they insinuate some sort of commune in rural Utah or, even better, a small island in the middle of the Pacific. One well clear of the shipping lanes.

The nice people over at Black Science Fiction Society say that science may have options that will make everyone happy.

First up, THE TOUCH. This is a device straight out of your strangest sci-fi movie. It allows you to telepathically control electronic devices. No, I’m not drunk. With very little training you can turn lights on and off, operate drones for a short range, program your phone, and accomplish many other tasks without lifting a finger. The idea is pretty straightforward. Science has been able to discern which part of the brain controls what activities for years now. This device is merely a practical application of all that research. That said, while the idea may be straightforward the technology isn’t. The user is required to wear an electronic tiara, very stylish, features a node that lays across the forehead to direct the brains’ electronic activity to the correct devices.

It also can act as a brain wave regulator so you can concentrate better, calm down easier, and play games on other people’s computers. Essentially, communication could occur mind to mind. Yes, brain sex is 100% doable. Just brain to brain, you never need touch another human again.

Since that type of sex would seem to inhibit procreation, you can see the allure of making this available to the science deniers. It can make plenty of pretty images to keep them ooohing and aaahing for decades.

Another device, the Alpha 2, is the first ever real step to a sentient companion. It has numerous functions which allow it to access any needed data, such as how to plug a leak, and it can perform yoga with you since it has twenty articulated joints.

Look at all it can do.

Alpha 2

With one of these you need never interact with humans again.

If you want to send a few thousand to Trump supporters I wouldn’t stop you.

Now that we have them playing with themselves in the privacy of their own bunkers, how do we make them feel secure? That’s where Angee Security comes in. Angee can scan the cell phone information of any cell phone in your home and discern the difference between your granny bringing over pot roast and a ninja assassin. If a person doesn’t have a cell phone the systems automatically activate.

Because of that nifty feature you can program Angee to watch your, cell phone free, kids while you’re having, hot, survivalist sex with your, family approved, significant other. Angee, despite sounding feminine, is truly the Big Brother everyone’s been waiting for.

Of course, not everyone, no matter how well suited to mingle in the tin foil hat crowd, has a significant other.

Well, according to the nice people at I Fucking Love Science, a name that’s very apropos today, virtual porn is here. As in interactive, not just booty on your Google Glass.

The porn industry has been quick to jump on this new medium, offering a 360-degree experience. Pornhub added their own virtual reality category (NSFW) to their empire, which features over 50 videos after just three months of being live. So far the bulk of users will only be able to enjoy 360-degree videos, whereby viewers can click and drag around the interactive screen to see around the scene. The end hope is that, eventually, we’ll be able to physically move our heads to give the impression we’re looking around the scene. The process involves a huge amount of graphics or numerous cameras to capture every single angle. As VICE reported in their “behind the scenes” with Tori Black’s first VR porn shoot, the shooting itself requires over 70 cameras.

Of course, like most avenues of sexual desire, there are devices for the more “acquired tastes”, so to speak. For example, the Tenga Novint Falcon device; a bizarre hybrid of VR goggles with a robotic fleshlight sex toy. You can see this grueling device in the video below from the VR Jam 2013 festival. Japanese developers have also combined the Oculus Rift VR headset with a LeapMotion pressure sensor to create a bizarre “breast touching simulator”. Pressure pads on a mannequin’s boobs pick up on the user’s touches and grabs, to which the character featured in headset’s responds in real-time.

While that may not be to everybody’s tastes, many technology and business analysts believe that cybernetic sexy time could provide the boost VR needs to break into the mainstream. So far virtual reality has lacked the relevant appeal to get out of the bubble of techy geek circles. But if there’s one thing that’s always helped new technology and mediums break on through, it’s sex.

There’s an urban legend that the videotape supremacy war between VHS and Betamax was won by VHS because Betamax were reluctant to license adult films. That story has since been questioned, but a similar tale is also been told which says the two things that drove demand for the printing press was first The Bible, closely followed by erotica. Many commenters are expecting a similar story from VR.

The erotica mentioned above is a book called I Modi (bottom of link after you click) and it was written by a dude named Agostino Caracci. A combination of pictographs and Latin script, it was the ultimate “how to” manual for sex. Literacy actually increased all across Europe just so people could find out how to perform all the acts in the book.

My guess is, given the nature of the inventions above, you can probably kiss literacy goodbye for a large chunk of the world.

Which is fine by me. If they disappear into their inbred bunkers, that means no one will be around to write the next Fifty Shades of Bullshit.


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