Your 2016 Mapped Out

One of the fun parts about doing The Big Wake Up Call every Friday, at 9:10 AM (CT/US), is interacting with the listeners. They call, they write, they send smoke signals. Whatever they can think of to get my attention. I even had one young lady figure out which bar I frequented and show up there. I’m sure I won’t need a restraining order. But there is one thing we do on the show that I kind of gloss over here. And that is stuff about superhero movies. It’s not that I don’t like writing about them, it’s just that there are so many click-bait sites dedicated to them that I hate to end up lumped in with them. Still, every now and then it’s worth the risk. Since this is a holiday week, and you’ve got some time to kill, I figure today’s as good a day as any to jump into the fray.

Before we get you into 2016 however we need to get you through 2015. First off, if you’re over 18 tears of age, and not easily offended, you need to start with Jessica Jones.

Everyone knows the taboos that exist in Hollywood. White women can’t date black men. No woman can be truly flawed. Booze is only consumed in moderation unless the character is going to die or become Tony Stark. Can’t do both. Any minority character is either a pimp or a saint. And on and on it goes. Jessica Jones ignores every single one of those to create a world where things aren’t always pretty but they sure as hell are interesting. Some of it borders on NC-17, so try not to watch it with your kids. But you still should watch it.

The next little film, a small indy adventure set in space, has garnered a modicum of attention. You may have heard of it. Star Wars: The Force Awakens has more fans drooling on their underwear than any film in recent history.

So what do we know about this bad boy? Not a lot. JJ Abrams has been tighter than a virgin in the back of a Chevy when it comes to sharing details. But there are a few things that have leaked. If you’ll pardon the visual. First off, the black storm trooper is named Finn Calrissian, making him the son of Lando Calrissian, a character who first appeared in The Empire Strikes Back. Han Solo, Princess Leah, and Luke Skywalker also are all coming back. In order, he’s a retired general now, she’s an active general now, and he may have turned to the dark side. One other thing we know is that this film will be doing everything in its power to distance itself from the toy infused train wrecks that George Lucas foisted off as prequels.

Now that we got you through 2015, let’s get you prepped for 2016.

In order, you can have the perfect Valentine’s Day date by taking your significant other to see Deadpool.

FYI, this trailer is NSFW.

Ryan Reynolds has been trying to get the Merc with the Mouth made into a film for a long time. He even went so far as to create a trailer to show movie studios how cool it could be. This movie will be rated R and will border on NC-17. And, yes ladies, Reynolds does have a nude scene. The film was made on a tight budget but everyone involved wanted it done. This looks like it will be a lot of fun. Well, fun, if you like sex, carnage, and cheap jokes. I do, so I’ll be there.

Next out will be Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. This film will hew closely to Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns. If you don’t know that story it’s pretty straight forward. Batman is older, jaded, and has a bad heart. He feels that Superman is a threat to humanity and works up a way to take him on in battle.

This film will be dark. It will also set up the Justice League, starting with Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, and Aquaman. The basic premise, that Batman and Superman realize there are bigger threats to the world than each other is the foundation here. In this case that threat will be a truly psychotic Lex Luthor who has gotten his hands on Kryptonian technology. I have a friend who has been working on this film and has seen a cut. She says, and she eschews hyperbole like the plague, that it’s “the greatest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.” Based on that alone I’m stoked to see this puppy.

Next up is Captain America: Civil War. Yes, we live in a world of colons. Just go with it. I’ll give you a taste before I continue.

This is an interesting film for Marvel to make. Until now their movies have tended towards bright colors and clearly defined enemies. Good guys win. Bad guys lose. Life goes on. This time around the lines are blurred. Loosely based on the comic book of the same name, it features some heroes deciding to out themselves to the U.S. government and allow them to control the use of their powers. Others feel that aligning with any government puts them at odds with the concept of saving the whole world. While Spiderman was the focus of the comic book Bucky, a/k/a The Winter Soldier, will be the focus here. I know about as much as you do about this one but word from the lot says this will be amazing.

When you finally come down from all those rushes it’ll be tie to see X-Men: Apocalypse. This film brings the X-Men’s ultimate big bad to life. Apocalypse is ancient, immortal, and has his own moral code. Not much to share here other than a post credits scene from X-Men: Days of Future Past which shows Apocalypse in ancient Egypt.

There was a trailer shown at Comicon earlier this year but that’s not been released and the leaked version is so low-rez I hate sharing it. It’s almost an insult to the work they’ve put into the film. There will be something coming out after the first of the year but, for now, this should give you an idea of what you’re getting into.

The next one on your agenda is Suicide Squad. This is one of those films that no one can believe actually got made. Ignoring the A-level cast for a moment, think about this pitch; “I want to do a movie that involves known comic book characters killing randomly and having sex. Oh, just FYI, we’re really leaning toward a graphic mind-rape scene. Sign here.”

The movie somewhat follows the 2014 animated classic, Batman: Assault on Arkham. Not so much in plot as in tone. Harley Quinn likes her violence and her sex, preferably mixed together. She’s also a former psychiatrist and one of the smartest comic book characters ever created. This movie ties in directly with Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. How they’ll use these characters in the future remains to be seen, but something tells me this won’t be the last we see of them.

Gambit and Dr. Strange will follow but they are barely into filming at this point so there’s not much to talk about.

Even so, this should be enough for you to start budgeting for 2016. Or, at the very least, to bust out a towel, make yourself a cape, and save the world.

tsurufoto presents… Sheila Savage Saves The Day!!! (NSFW) from tsurufoto. on Vimeo.

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