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Stuff You Want to See

Turnabout is fair play. Image courtesy of Symmetry is Art.
Turnabout is fair play. Image courtesy of Symmetry is Art.

There are a ton of superhero movies headed your way. They’re also headed my way. Which makes me all tingly. A well made superhero flick is a great way to escape for a couple of hours. And they provide inspiration to our youth. Superman is the Christ-like figure we should all aspire to. Except when he’s not. Yeah, that link will ruin your childhood. Batman doesn’t kill. Except when he does, as he did in his very first story. But, in many ways, it’s those flaws and mishaps that keep the characters interesting. They point out, often brutally, that anyone can fail. That doesn’t make the ideals any less laudable. Since the 90’s Hollyweird has finally started figuring that out. Not with the Fantastic Four, sadly, but in general they’ve done a pretty good job.

JUST FYI, FF fans, it seems that Fox is going to go ahead with Fantastic Four II and team them up with the X-Men. That means no neon & concrete clad Dr. Doom (YEAH!) and an actual story for folks to enjoy. I’m not opposed to this in the slightest. The cast in the reboot was solid, some of the premises laid out in that train wreck were actually interesting (Reed Richards new shape changing abilities come to mind) and hitting the ground running and filling in back story as needed never hurt anyone. Plus, we would get a couple of X-Men to hold our attention. Personally I’m hoping for Storm, just because I think she’s hot, but She-Hulk could work her way in here too. In either case that would mean that Sue Storm would have to be more than eye candy for the plot to work and that would be a very good thing.

I mean, c’mon, she’s supposed to be a genius with superpowers who can level city blocks. Why is she always portrayed as a Shrinking Violet?

Okay, so let’s look at what’s coming down the proverbial pike.

Batman -v- Superman: Dawn of Justice is a film designed to serve two, complementary, roles. First, and foremost, it will introduce the world to the Justice League and, second, it serves as Superman II since its whole plot revolves around what happened in Superman. Much to no one’s surprise the cut submitted to the MPAA received a PG-13 rating. Given all the hyper-violence in the first one it’s easy to see why. What I didn’t expect was this quote from the MPAA; “rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, some sensuality and language.” “Sensuality and language,” according to the MPAA, involves profanity, extended kisses, heavy petting and simulated, or clearly implied, sex. If that caveat applies to the relationship between Batman and Superman this could be a much different movie than fans are anticipating. Somehow I doubt it, but you never know.

The next super movie with a super colon in its title is X-Men: Apocalypse. The main complaint from fan boys thus far is that Oscar Isaac is too short to play the role. I’m not sure how to respond to that other than to note that, thus far, every fan boy complaint about every superhero movie, excluding Fantastic Four, has been wrong. Very little is known about this film other than the fact that Archangel, Storm, Psylocke and Magneto will be Apocalypse’s legendary Four Horsemen. That and Apocalypse claims to also be known as Yaweh. Clearly they’re not avoiding the biblical implications that are inherent in the comic.

Dr. Strange is also headed your way. According to the fan boys there will be no origin story attached. According to the people who made it there will.

“For some reason people sometimes talked about how we’re not doing an origin story, we’re bored of origin stories. I think people are bored of origin stories they’ve seen before or origin stories that are overly familiar,” (Marvel President Kevin) Feige told IGN at Tuesday’s press event. “Doctor Strange has one of the best, most classic, most unique origin stories of any hero we have, so why wouldn’t we do that? That was sort of always the plan. How you tell that origin, perhaps there are ways to twist it or play with that, but for the most part, it’s a gift when the comics have something with such clarity of story and of character. That doesn’t always happen in the comics, and when it does, you use it.”

In other words they can slip the origin in while the story progresses. Given how bizarre his origins are I would imagine viewers would like to be in on it.

There’s nothing new to report on Deadpool or Suicide Squad that hasn’t already been reported but, if something comes up, I’ll let you know.

By the way, if you’re a fan of rubber suited monsters and destroying Tokyo, you will not be disappointed. My fave, Ultraman, is getting the pseudo-sequel treatment. The whole plot is, essentially, evil comes back, Ultraman comes back, Tokyo gets leveled. I can’t wait.

Part Two of the Daredevil universe on Netflix, a/k/a Jessica Jones, is set to debut on November 20, 2015. The trailers show her as conflicted, drunk, super powerful, and mercenary to the extreme. This will also be the series used to tell the origin of Luke Cage. Both characters will be in the same universe as Daredevil so expect some borderline R-rated antics. I’m not sure who bought who lunch somewhere but the idea that Netflix committed to four complete series sight unseen (Daredevil reference implied) is amazing.

Jessica Jones is the second of five Marvel series set to debut on Netflix, beginning with Daredevil and ending with an Avengers-style crossover miniseries called The Defenders. As such, it is very possible that Charlie Cox might briefly show up as Matt Murdock to reinforce that connection. What’s more, it helps set up the next series as well—Mike Coulter stars in Jessica Jones as Luke Cage, a man with unbreakable skin and the eponymous star of the next Netflix/Marvel series, slated to debut next year. The fourth is the martial arts-themed Iron Fist. While they’ll all share the same mature tone, what makes all of them interesting individually is the way they all fall into genres independent of “superhero”: the legal drama of Daredevil, the hard-boiled detective story of Jessica Jones, the crime drama of Luke Cage, and the kung fu action of Iron Fist. It’s gonna get wild.

Closer to now, on October 6, 2015, the wildly successful show, Flash, returns to the CW. As noted before, the character’s costume on TV was changed to match the one in the comic book and visa versa. Ooops. This season is going to make fan boys happy, even if they don’t want to be. They will be embracing the multi-dimensional universe implied by Flash’s superpowers and explored in the comic books. That means fans will get to know Barry Allen, our Flash, better and meet Jay Garrick, the Golden Age Flash and Wally West, who is African-American in the comic book reboot and will be in the TV show as well.

Okay, but those are all popular things that you can find anywhere on the interweb. “What about,” you whine while snorting strawberry milk out your nose, “us folks who need to have some Nazis or Zombies or flying sharks?”

Have I ever let you down?

Not only am I going to make you happy, I have another movie with a colon in the title. How fucking cool is that?

Iron Sky: The Coming Race tells the age old story of lizard people pretending to be human so that dinosaur riding Nazis, who live in the center of the Earth, can take over the world. If that doesn’t bring a tear to your eye I don’t know what will. I should note that it looks pretty damn good and I can’t wait to see it. Bonus? It has a soundtrack by, the world’s happiest faux Nazis and North Korea’s favorite band, Laibach.

It really doesn’t get much better than that.

“Okay,” you continue whining, “what about the zombies and flying sharks you promised?”

Not to worry, Sky Sharks is coming to a theater somewhere in the universe. I give you, without comment, the plot.

Deep in the ice of the Antarctic, a team of geologists uncover an old Nazi laboratory, still intact, where dark experiments had occurred. Unwittingly the geologists unleash upon the world a top-secret experiment the Germans had been working on – modified sharks that are able to fly, whose riders are genetically mutated, undead super-humans. The only thing that can stop them, and possibly save the world, is a military task force called “Dead Flesh Four“ – assembled from reanimated U.S. soldiers who fell in Vietnam.

You wanna know the sad part? That trailer looks fucking AWESOME!!!!!!

Another trailer that caught my attention is one for a fan made film that’s 100% illegal. Called Teen Titans: War, yes – another colon, it was developed by Ismahawk Productions. They’re a company that’s been developing a web series based on the Nightwing character and doing a pretty damn good job of it. If you click on that link it will take you to their first episode. There are several more. I can promise you that, if you’re a fan, you’re really going to like this.

Just like a wedding this blog has brought you something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. Have fun clicking the links.

If you want to see how superheroes can get done, horribly, wrong, just watch the video below. It’s mildly NSFW but still’s a lot of fun.

Mondo Superhero Part 2: Superman Is A Pervert from Everything Is Terrible! on Vimeo.

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