Archives for December 2014

Since we have people from all over the world who seem to drop by here from time to time, I’m not taking any chances. And we don’t want you to take any chances. If you’re going to drink, don’t drive. Not even around the parking lot. You see, while we have never met we have grown close in a way only the internet allows and we’d miss you ever so much, as Shirley Temple used to say, were you to end up dead or something like that.

Also you should keep in mind that, outside of some very weird TV shows and movies, dead people don’t get laid. That alone should give you a reason to live. If that doesn’t work, then stick around long enough to buy me a drink. I may as well get something out of you freeloading around here.

Happy New Year!

in brown: phonetical transcription

AFRIKAANS	gelukkige nuwejaar / voorspoedige nuwejaar
AKPOSSO	ilufio ètussé
ALBANIAN	Gëzuar vitin e ri
ALSATIAN	e glëckliches nëies / güets nëies johr
ARABIC	عام سعيد (aam saiid) / sana saiida
ARMENIAN	shnorhavor nor tari
ATIKAMEKW	amokitanone
AZERI	yeni iliniz mübarək
BAMBARA	aw ni san’kura / bonne année
BASAA	mbuee
BASQUE	urte berri on
BELARUSIAN	З новым годам (Z novym hodam)
BENGALI	subho nababarsho
BERBER	asgwas amegas / aseggas ighudan
BETI	mbembe mbu
BHOJPURI	nauka sal mubarak hoe
BOBO	bonne année
BOSNIAN	sretna nova godina
BRETON	bloavezh mat / bloavez mad
BULGARIAN	честита нова година (chestita nova godina)
BURMESE	hnit thit ku mingalar pa
CANTONESE	sun lin fi lok / kung hé fat tsoi
CATALAN	bon any nou
CHINESE (MANDARIN)	新年快乐 (xin nian kuai le) / 新年好 (xin nian hao)
CORNISH	bledhen nowedh da
CORSICAN	pace è salute
CROATIAN	sretna nova godina
CZECH	šťastný nový rok
DANISH	godt nytår
DARI	sale naw tabrik
DUALA	mbu mwa bwam
DUTCH	gelukkig nieuwjaar
ENGLISH	happy new year
ESPERANTO	feliĉan novan jaron
ESTONIAN	head uut aastat
EWE	eƒé bé dzogbenyui nami
EWONDO	mbembe mbu
FANG	bamba mbou
FAROESE	gott nýggjár
FILIPINO	manigong bagong taon
FINNISH	onnellista uutta vuotta
FLEMISH	gelukkig nieuwjaar
FON	coudo we yoyo
FRENCH	bonne année
FRISIAN	lokkich neijier
FRIULAN	bon an
FULA	dioul mo wouri
GALICIAN	feliz ano novo
GEORGIAN	გილოცავთ ახალ წელს (gilocavt akhal tsels)
GERMAN	Frohes neues Jahr / prosit Neujahr
GREEK	Καλή Χρονιά (kali chronia / kali xronia) / Ευτυχισμένος ο Καινούριος Χρόνος (eutichismenos o kainourgios chronos)
GUJARATI	sal mubarak / nootan varshabhinandan
GUARANÍ	rogüerohory año nuévo-re
HAITIAN CREOLE	bònn ané
HAOUSSA	barka da sabuwar shekara
HAWAIIAN	hauoli makahiki hou
HEBREW	שנה טובה (shana tova)
HERERO	ombura ombe ombua
HINDI	nav varsh ki subhkamna
HMONG	nyob zoo xyoo tshiab
HUNGARIAN	boldog új évet
ICELANDIC	gleðilegt nýtt ár
IGBO	obi anuri nke afor ohuru
INDONESIAN	selamat tahun baru
INUKTITUT (NUNAVIMMIUTITUT)	ᐅᑭᐅᒥ ᓄᑖᒥ ᖁᕕᐊᓱᒋᑦ (ukiumi nutaami quviasugit) – to 1 person ᐅᑭᐅᒥ ᓄᑖᒥ ᖁᕕᐊᓱᒋᑦᓯ (ukiumi nutaami quviasugitsi) – to several persons
IRISH GAELIC	ath bhliain faoi mhaise
ITALIAN	felice anno nuovo / buon anno
JAVANESE	sugeng warsa enggal
JAPANESE	あけまして　おめでとう　ございます (akemashite omedetô gozaimasu)
KABYLIAN	aseggas ameggaz
KANNADA	ಹೊಸ ವರ್ಷದ ಹಾರ್ಧಿಕ ಶುಭಾಶಯಗಳು (hosa varshada hardika shubhashayagalu)
KASHMIRI	nav reh mubarakh
KAZAKH	zhana zhiliniz kutti bolsin
KHMER	sur sdei chhnam thmei
KIEMBU	ngethi cya mwaka mweru
KINYARWANDA	umwaka mwiza
KIRUNDI	umwaka mwiza
KYRGYZ	ЖАӉЫ ЖЫЛЫӉЫЗДАР МЕНЕН (zhany zhylynyzdar menen)
KOREAN	새해 복 많이 받으세요 (seh heh bok mani bat uh seyo)
KURDE	sala we ya nû pîroz be
KWANGALI	mvhura zompe zongwa
LAO	sabai di pi mai
LATIN	felix sit annus novus
LATVIAN	laimīgu Jauno gadu
LIGURIAN	bón ànno nêuvo
LINGALA	bonana / mbúla ya sika elámu na tombelí yɔ̌
LITHUANIAN	laimingų Naujųjų Metų
LOW SAXON	gelükkig nyjaar
LUGANDA	omwaka omulungi
LUXEMBOURGEOIS	e gudd neit Joër
MACEDONIAN	Среќна Нова Година (srekna nova godina)
MALAGASY	arahaba tratry ny taona
MALAY	selamat tahun baru
MALAYALAM	nava varsha ashamshagal
MALTESE	is-sena t-tajba
MANGAREVAN	kia porotu te ano ou
MAORI	kia hari te tau hou
MARATHI	navin varshaachya hardik shubbheccha
MARQUISIAN	kaoha nui tenei ehua hou
MOHAWK	ose:rase
MONGOLIAN	Шинэ жилийн баярын мэнд хvргэе (shine jiliin bayariin mend hurgeye)
MORÉ	wênd na kô-d yuum-songo
NDEBELE	umyaka omucha omuhle
NEPALI	naya barsha ko subhakamana
NGOMBALE	ngeu’ shwi pong mbeo paghe
NORMAN	boune anna / jostouse anna
NORWEGIAN	godt nyttår
OCCITAN	bon annada
ORIYA	subha nababarsa / naba barsara hardika abhinandan
OURDOU	naya sar Mubarak
PALAUAN	ungil beches er rak
PAPIAMENTU	bon anja / felis anja nobo
PASHTO	nawe kaalmo mobarak sha
PERSIAN	سال نو مبارک (sâle no mobârak)
POLISH	szczęśliwego nowego roku
PORTUGUESE	feliz ano novo
PUNJABI	ਨਵੇਂ ਸਾਲ ਦੀਆਂ ਵਧਾਈਆਂ (nave saal deeyan vadhaiyaan)
ROMANCHE	bun di bun onn
ROMANI	baxtalo nevo bersh
ROMANIAN	un an nou fericit / la mulţi ani
RUSSIAN	С Новым Годом (S novim godom)
SAMOAN	ia manuia le tausaga fou
SAMI	buorre ådåjahke
SANGO	nzoni fini ngou
SARDINIAN	bonu annu nou
SCOTTISH GAELIC	bliadhna mhath ur
SERBIAN	Срећна Нова година (Srećna Nova godina)
SHIMAORE	mwaha mwema
SHONA	goredzva rakanaka
SINDHI	nain saal joon wadhayoon
SINHALESE	ශුභ අළුත් අවුරුද්දක් වේවා (shubha aluth awuruddak weiwa)
SIOUX LAKOTA	omaka t’etcha kin washte kte ni / omaka tetcha oi’yokipi
SLOVAK	šťastný nový rok
SLOVENIAN	srečno novo leto
SOBOTA	dobir leto
SOMALI	sanad wanagsan
SPANISH	feliz año nuevo
SRANAN	wan bun nyun yari
SWAHILI	mwaka mzuri / heri ya mwaka mpya
SWEDISH	gott nytt år
SWISS-GERMAN	es guets Nöis
TAGALOG	manigong bagong taon
TAHITIAN	ia orana i te matahiti api
TAMAZIGHT	assugas amegaz
TAMIL	இனிய புத்தாண்டு நல்வாழ்த்துக்கள் (iniya puthandu nal Vazhthukkal)
TATAR	yaña yıl belän
TELUGU	నూతన సంవత్శర శుభాకాంక్షలు (nuthana samvathsara subhakankshalu)
THAI	สวัสดีปีใหม่ (sawatdii pimaï)
TIBETAN	tashi delek / losar tashi delek
TIGRE	sanat farah wa khare
TSHILUBA	tshidimu tshilenga
TSWANA	itumelele ngwaga o mosha
TULU	posa varshada shubashaya
TURKISH	yeni yılınız kutlu olsun
TWENTS	gluk in’n tuk
UDMURT	Vyľ Aren
UKRAINIAN	Щасливого Нового Року / З Новим роком (z novym rokom)
URDU	naya sal mubarak
UZBEK	yangi yilingiz qutlug’ bo’lsin
VIETNAMESE	Chúc Mừng Nǎm Mới / Cung Chúc Tân Niên / Cung Chúc Tân Xuân
WALOON	ene boune anéye, ene boune sintéye
WALOON (“betchfessîs” spelling)	bone annéye / bone annéye èt bone santéye
WELSH	blwyddyn newydd dda
WEST INDIAN CREOLE	bon lanné
WOLOF	dewenati
XHOSA	nyak’omtsha
YIDDISH	אַ גוט יאָר (a gut yohr / a guit your / a guit youai)
YORUBA	eku odun / eku odun tun tun / eku iyedun
ZERMA	barka’n da djiri tagio
ZULU	unyaka omusha omuhle

Happy New Year, Love Pesky (NSFW)

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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It’s very weird getting asked if I can “reprint” something that only exists digitally. But, what the foschnizzle, it’s Christmas so here you go.

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I received a lovely email yesterday from a regular reader. She said some very nice things about me and life in general and then got to the point. The point was that, as informative as this week’s articles have been about the holidays, I was “depressing the (expletive deleted) out of (her).” I guess I can see that. The history of Christmas is one of political compromise, violence and drunken debauchery. Not exactly the first thoughts that spring to mind when you think about ways to celebrate the birth of the Son of God. More likely a way to celebrate a frat party in honor of Biff’s trust fund. But it is what it is. Denying history doesn’t make it suddenly disappear, despite what you may hear from some recent political pundits. Nevertheless, she’s right. There are many aspects of the holiday that are cause for smiles. Honest ones too, not just the rueful ones I usually inspire.

We’ll start with some useless trivia.

Where did the Candy Cane come from? In a small Indiana town, there was a candymaker who wanted to spread the name of Jesus around the world. He invented the Christmas Candy Cane, incorporating symbols for the birth, ministry, and death of Jesus Christ. He began with a stick of pure white, hard candy to symbolize the Virgin Birth. The candymaker formed the stick into a “J” to represent the name of Jesus. It can also represent the staff of the “Good Shepherd.” He thought the candy was too plain so he stained it with a red stripe to symbolize the blood shed by Christ on the cross.

Christmas Games – Weird Ones
Shoe the Wild Mare
Shoeing the Wild Mare is a traditional Christmas game that goes back to at least the early 17th century.

Get a narrow(a few inches wide), strong wooden beam and suspend it from the roof with two even length ropes. The beam is the ‘mare’ of the title and should be level yet high enough above the floor so that a player’s feet are off-ground. A player ‘the farrier’ then sits on the ‘mare’ in the centre, a leg either side. This player has a hammer and has to give the underside of the beam “four time eight blows” at a designated spot. If he falls off, it is someone else’s turn.

Much hilarity, and the odd broken shoulder ensues. (Odd broken shoulders????)

Snapdragons
Apparently this is the best game ever to play on Christmas Eve. Make sure you have the fire department on speed dial though.

Very popular from the 16th to the 19th centuries, Snapdragons (or Flapdragons) has explicably declined in popularity.

Gather everyone around the dining room table, place a large flat dish in the centre. In the dish scatter a good handful of raisins then pour on top a layer of brandy or cognac. Set fire to the brandy and dim the lights. Players take it in turns to pluck a raisin out of the burning liquid and eat it quickly down. For a more competitive edge to the game use larger dried fruit such as apricots, one of which has a lucky sixpence stuffed inside.

Equipment needed: plate, matches, raisins, brandy, address of nearest accident and emergency department

I have actually played Snapdragons. It was how I learned to use saliva to quickly douse my tongue. Oddly enough, and this will be a blog for another day, that knowledge has proved useful.

Here’s some other useless trivia for you. In case Christmas isn’t violent enough for you there’s another game, called “Hot Cockles” which can make your week. One person gets blindfolded and then players give a blow to the blindfolded player, who had to guess the name of the person who gave the blow.

Whee!

Okay, let’s move on to some fun facts about Christmas trees.

Which actually had nothing to do with Christmas for centuries.

• The use of evergreen trees to celebrate the winter season occurred before the birth of Christ.
• The first decorated Christmas was in Riga, Latvia in 1510.
• The first printed reference to Christmas trees appeared in Germany in 1531.
• Nineteenth century Americans cut their trees in nearby forests.
• Christmas trees have been sold commercially in the United states since about 1850. Until fairly recently, all Christmas trees came from the forest. (ED: Not from a parking lot?)
• The first Christmas tree retail lot in the United States was started in 1851 in New York by Mark Carr.
• In 1900, large stores started to erect big illuminated Christmas trees.
• In 1856 Franklin Pierce, the 14th President of the United States, was the first President to place a Christmas tree in the White House.
• President Coolidge started the National Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony on the White House lawn in 1923.
• Teddy Roosevelt banned the Christmas tree from the White House for environmental reasons.
• In 1984, the National Christmas was lit on December 13th with temperatures in the 70’s, making it one of the warmest tree lightings in history.
• Between 1887-1933 a fishing schooner called the “Christmas Ship” would tie up at the Clark Street bridge and sell spruce trees from Michigan to Chicagoans.

My grandmother used to talk about that ship. She said it was so laden with pine trees that you could smell it from blocks away.

Also, just so you know, all of Santa’s reindeer are chicks.

Anyway, here are ten meaningless facts that you’ll use to impress your friends at holiday parties.

ONE
What percentage of mall Santa applicants were discovered to have criminal backgrounds by Pre-employ.com?
7%

Approximate amount generated by photographs with Santa in shopping malls in the USA in dollars:
$2,255,750,000

TWO
How many houses must Santa visit on Christmas?
842,000,000

How fast must he travel to visit all those homes?
4,796,250 Mph

THREE
Percentage of Americans who believe Santa in the off-season drives a sports car:
4%

drives an SUV:
25%

FOUR
How many presents would you receive if you were to get every present in “The 12 Days of Christmas”?
364

How much would all those gifts cost? (according to PNC Financial Services)
$18348.87

FIVE
Percentage of Americans who finish off their Christmas Shopping on Christmas Eve:
20

SIX
Percentage of pet owners who have their dog or cat pose and photographed with Santa Claus:
27

SEVEN
Percentage of Americans who re-gift:
28

EIGHT
Which type of Christmas tree is displayed more during the holiday season, artificial or real?
Artificial trees are the most popular with 40,694,463 on display in comparison to real trees at 34,335,809

NINE
How many Barbie dolls are sold every minute around the world?
180

TEN
How much trash is generated annually from the gift wrap and shopping bags:
4,000,000 Tons

So, burning question of the day, why does Santa wear red? Well, it’s a Catholic thing. You see, Santa is based, in part, on the life of St. Nicholas and he was the bishop of Smyrna, a spot in modern day Turkey. Bishops wore, and still wear, red capes. Then red was the way Norman Rockwell saw it, and red was the color Coca-Cola wanted when it pretty much created the modern image of Santa in 1931. So, Santa wears red.

Got it?

Cool.

Also, he is, depending on where you’re at at the moment, the patron saint of banking, pawnbroking, pirating, butchery, sailing, thievery, orphans, royalty, and New York City, thus making him the most popular, non-biblical, saint in history. Saint Valentine is a distant second.

Some other stuff that will make our reader feel a little better about the holiday. Contrary to popular belief, suicide rates during the Christmas holiday are low. The highest rates are during the spring.

One reason may be that Christmas has better music. It is estimated that the single “White Christmas” by Irving Berlin is the best selling single of all time, with over 100 million sales worldwide and that 50 million of those sales were of the Bing Crosby version.

Bing’s daughter starred in Star Trek and had sex with an android in one episode.

That has nothing to do with the topic at hand, I just thought I’d share.

I will end this blog with a dinner prayer by cartoonist Berke Breathed.

“Dear Lord, I’ve been asked, nay commanded, to thank thee for the Christmas turkey before us — a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird — a social being capable of actual affection, nuzzling its young with almost human-like compassion. Anyway, it’s dead and we’re gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family.”

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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If you’re like me, and I’m guessing you are since you’re reading this, you like to wake up in the morning and Google “naked cosplay” or “nude justice league” and so on. And because the internet is a thing you will be entertained for hours. In fact, if you simply add the word “sexy” to any search you will be entertained. Don’t believe me? Try “sexy baseball.” The point is that we all have our fantasies. And that’s fine. Just because your mom read 50 Shades of Grey doesn’t mean she wants to wrap herself in latex, get chained to a bed and be spanked. Trust me on that. But a rich fantasy life denotes a healthy mind. That would be a good thing for those of you who are new to the human race. A mind that explores and embraces new ideas is a mind that will never grow old or bored. And Hollywood has noticed that. While they’ll never make the Supergirl/Powergirl lesbian porno fans have been clamoring for, they have gone “all in” on the fantasy fulfillment end. Specifically, the growing need for movie audiences to escape into universes larger and more interesting than their own has been duly noted and is the driving force in cinema these days.

You clicked every link didn’t you? That’s okay. That’s what they’re there for.

Anyway, when I said Hollywood went all in I meant it. Culled from numerous sources is the list below. It is every superhero movie I could find that is in development or slated to be so at a definitive time with one exception that is duly noted. There are quite a few more in the advanced rumor stage but I couldn’t get anything on them so I’m just going with this for now.

2015
Feb. 13, 2015: “Kingsman: The Secret Service” (Fox)
May 1, 2015: “Avengers: Age of Ultron” (Marvel Studios)
July 17, 2015: “Ant-Man” (Marvel Studios)
Aug. 7, 2015: “The Fantastic Four” (Fox)
2015 undated: “Popeye” (Sony)

2016
Feb. 12, 2016: “Deadpool” (Fox)
March 25, 2016: “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice” (Warner Bros.)
May 6, 2016: “Captain America: Civil War” (Marvel Studios)
May 27, 2016: “X-Men: Apocalypse” (Fox)
June 3, 2016: “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2” (Paramount)
Aug. 5, 2016: “Suicide Squad” (Warner Bros.)
Nov. 4, 2016: “Doctor Strange” (Marvel Studios)
Nov. 6, 2016: “The Peanuts Movie” (Fox)
Nov. 11, 2016: “Sinister Six” (Sony)

2017
March 3, 2017: Untitled “The Wolverine” sequel (Fox)
May 5, 2017: “Guardians of the Galaxy 2” (Marvel Studios)
June 23, 2017: “Wonder Woman” (Warner Bros.)
July 14, 2017: “The Fantastic Four 2” (Fox)
July 28, 2017: “Thor: Ragnarok” (Marvel Studios)
Nov. 3, 2017: “Black Panther” (Marvel Studios)
Nov. 17, 2017: “Justice League Part One” (Warner Bros.)
2017 undated: “The LEGO Batman Movie” (Warner Bros.)
2017 undated: Untitled female Spider-Man spin-off (Sony)
2017 undated: Venom: Carnage Spider-Man spin-off (Sony) (this one may be defunct)

2018
March 23, 2018: “The Flash” (Warner Bros.)
May 4, 2018: “Avengers: Infinity War Part 1” (Marvel Studios)
July 6, 2018: “Captain Marvel” (Marvel Studios)
July 27, 2018: “Aquaman” (Warner Bros.)
Nov. 2, 2018: “Inhumans” (Marvel Studios)
2018 undated: “Amazing Spider-Man 3” (Sony)

2019
April 5, 2019: “Shazam” (Warner Bros.)
May 3, 2019: “Avengers: Infinity War Part 2” (Marvel Studios)
June 14, 2019: “Justice League Part Two” (Warner Bros.)

2020
April 3, 2020: “Cyborg” (Warner Bros.)
June 19, 2020: “Green Lantern” (Warner Bros.)

Add in the fact that both DC & Marvel have invested heavily into TV shows so that they can showcase lesser known characters and develop them as real people, as it were, and you have all the fantasies you can shake your stick at. So go ahead and fantasize. Even try a few things out in real life.

Just don’t jump off a building thinking you can fly and everything will work out fine.

The Constellations “Afterparty” uncensored music video from Video Rahim on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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