Dem’s Difrunt Dan Us

What was your first date like?
What was your first date like?
We’ve been touching on some serious stuff like science and reality and stuff. And we have noted that there are people who are not convinced that this whole reality thing exists. Bigfoot? Sure. Science? Well that’s just a theory. So I thought that today might be a fun day to take a look at these reality deniers. And where do we find them? Well, sure, we could head to any Tea Party rally but that’s picking low hanging fruit. So where then? Well, you know us, we are going to look for even lower hanging fruit. We want that stuff scraping the ground. Therefore I direct your jaundiced gaze south to the lovely realm of Florida. An empathetic state that has made it legal for the police to confiscate the clothes and personal possessions of homeless people. No, seriously, they did that. Specifically in Ft. Lauderdale because all the poor people their economy created make the rich people queasy. Yes, you may feel free to insert a “head desk” here. While I’m here I should note that Florida’s bestiality law is still being challenged in court as an infringement on personal freedoms. Just in case you were worried I was going to the wrong place to look for morons.

So let’s get this party started.

As an intelligent adult you may have figured out that getting arrested is not a good thing. Furthermore, asking the arresting officer to drop down and blow you might, just might, lead to additional charges. You would know that. Charles Bolen has no such limitations.

A South Florida man is accused of being a nuisance and then making some pretty serious threats to the arresting officer.

Charles Bolen, 53, of Pompano Beach, was arrested Friday in Palm Beach Gardens.

He’s accused of yelling at customers in front of a Walgreen’s store on Northlake Boulevard, and threatening to hurt them.

Bolen then took his act down the street to Pep Boys, where he “demanded money for beer,” according to his arrest report.

Once he was convinced to leave the store, he told officers to “wait until I get across the street and you will see what I am going to do,” the report said.

That’s when the officer started to arrest him, prompting Bolen to say “you are not taking me to jail.”

As he was being taken to jail, Bolen told the officer he was going to “****” the officer’s “wife in the ***,” according to the report.

And the final insult came when Bolen was in his holding cell, when he “unzipped his pants” and told the officer to perform a sex act on him, the report said.

Bolen is charged with disorderly conduct and exposure of sexual organs.

Of course, since this is Florida, the incident is far from isolated, as evidenced by the tawdry tale of The City Pimp.

A homeless man who goes by the nickname “City Pimp” was arrested after allegedly eating fast food from Wendy’s while lying in front of another business with his pants down and his genitals exposed.

Anthony Johnson, 54, was arrested in front of a Walgreen’s store in the 1200 block of Palm Beach Lakes Boulevard on Wednesday afternoon.

According to the arrest report, Johnson “was laying in the front of the business with his pants around his knees, exposing his genitals.”

The arresting officer also wrote in the report that the Walgreen’s manager said Johnson “is a constant problem to the business, and they receive numerous complaints a day about him on the property.”

Johnson was charged with lewd or lascivious exhibition.

Well, to be fair, Wendy’s does make one of the best fast food chain burgers in the country. I’m not sure I’d get that excited about them, but that’s just me.

Of course not all food related police calls involve genitalia, I know – you’re shocked, sometimes it just involves some crack and linguine. With the linguine being used as a weapon.

Yeah, this is the state that just keeps on giving.

A woman described as a “crazy” acting “crackhead” got locked up after accusations she hurled pasta at a man, punched him in the mouth and busted a coffee cup, according to a recently released affidavit.

What could be called the case of the linguine launching lady began boiling late on April 5 as Port St. Lucie police went to an address in the 2400 block of Southeast Garden Terrace.

A man identified as the victim said he was expecting Jeri Rossello, 45, to drop by and get some of her stuff. She came in and walked to the kitchen. Rossello, he said, grabbed a pasta meal from the refrigerator and threw it at him.

Pasta is a general term for a variety of thin, dough-based foodstuffs of Italian origin sometimes served with meatballs. Available in a cornucopia of shapes and dimensions, pasta typically is rigid until boiled. It’s often served with a sauce, such as marinara, pesto, bolognese, alfredo or Fra Diavolo, with types of pasta including angel hair, linguine and elbow macaroni.

Meanwhile, the victim said, Rossello smashed a coffee mug and pulled phone wires from the wall. He said she punched him in the mouth and took off in a U-Haul van.

He described Rossello as a “crack head” who acted “crazy,” telling police she may have gone to a different address where she’s staying with another dude.

Investigators eventually found Rossello, who said she tried some leftover linguine but put it back in the refrigerator. She said there was no physical or verbal altercation.

Asked about the victim’s injured lip, Rossello said he must have done that to himself.

Rossello, of the 1500 block of Southeast Balcourt Court in Port St. Lucie, was arrested on a misdemeanor battery charge.

Go back and read that again. The author felt that he needed take an entire paragraph to explain what pasta is and how it’s used.

That’s what’s called “speaking to your target audience” i.e., morons.

But what do all these fine citizens have in common? Well, (1), they’re citizens of Florida and, (2) they are products of the Floridian educational system. And who’s the shining example of that fine institution? Nancy Louise Vaughn would be a good contender. After all not many teachers are so hammered at 7:00 AM that they get a DUI on their way to school.

An Estero High School teacher was arrested and charged with driving under the influence Monday morning.

Just before 7 a.m., a deputy was dispatched after receiving calls about a reckless driver on Imperial Parkway and Terry Street. The callers advised that the driver of a red car was going 20 mph and was swerving in both lanes.

The deputy caught up to the red vehicle and observed the same behavior as described by the callers. Subsequently, the deputy conducted a traffic stop.

The driver identified herself as Nancy Louise Vaughn, 56, and asked the deputy why she was being stopped, claiming she was not speeding and only going 45 mph.

While talking to Vaughn, the deputy said she had a glassy look in her eyes and had a slow reaction to his questions. The deputy said she could not keep her balance when she was asked to step out of the vehicle.

Vaughn was asked to perform some sobriety exercises, which the deputy says she failed.

The deputy concluded that she was impaired and she was arrested.

When asked if she had been drinking or possibly taking any prescription drugs, Vaughn told the deputy she had not.

She then told the deputy that she was a school teacher and was on her way to work at Estero High School.

Over two hours after she was stopped, deputies say Vaughn’s breathalyzer test readings were .258 and .273 – three times the legal limit.

The school’s website lists Vaughn as an Intensive Reading teacher, with the goal of improving reading comprehension and FCAT scores. The FCAT testing started for Lee County students on Monday.

“She was my favorite. She was awesome, not only did she care about me as a high school student but what was to come of me in college also,” said Emma Kenline, a former Estero High student.

“[She] needs to learn from her mistakes. She did it before this is the second time,” said Estero High School senior, Austin Roberts.

This is Vaughn’s second DUI in Lee County in less than one year.

Students say in the classroom, Vaughn was nice, but strict. Outside, she had tons of school spirit.

“She didn’t really talk about her family life at all. It was very professional didn’t really talk about her personal life,” said Estero High School junior, Maddie Dawson.

“I mean everybody makes mistakes. I guess this is hers. But what she needs is our help, not our criticism,” Kenline said.

We asked students if Vaughn ever seemed drunk in the classroom before–the kids we spoke with said no.

Vaughn is no longer teaching her classes and has been reassigned to another position outside of the school.

The district is investigating the incident.

Note number one; there were several typos in this article that I fixed so my readers would not think I was an idiot. Number two, this is why you hire someone with, at least, a high school education to proof your work.

Now, again, go read this one more time. It took them two hours to administer a sobriety test. Plus this is her second go round with a DUI and he students are aware of them both.

But I’m not done.

The town where she lives, Estero, was founded by a complete whack job, Dr. Cyrus Reed Teed, who proposed a theory that we live on the inside of the Earth’s outer skin, and that celestial bodies are all contained inside the hollow Earth.

To be fair, Estero has a high employment rate, a nice fire department and 98% of its population is white, which is why drunken teachers who could cause kids to die get a pass.

I don’t need to tell you who doesn’t get a pass.

Bikini Bowfishing Official DVD Trailer from Florida Bowfishing on Vimeo.

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