Archives for April 2014

You want to be all athletic and stuff. You know that exercising with friends builds camaraderie and helps people learn to work together. You have heard rumors that athletes, even golfers, develop friendships that last a lifetime. That way when they get too old to be of use to their teammates they still can get together over a nice game of cribbage and reminisce about the good old days. These are all laudable things. Unfortunately you have all the athletic skills God gave a tree stump. So what to do? Well, you’re in luck.

The nice people at Buzz Feed have just the thing to get you off the couch and keep you from embarrassing yourself.

Oh, I’m kidding. You’re friends will be on the floor howling at you.

1. Quidditch

Via quidgif.tumblr.com

Fans of the Harry Potter series have built Quidditch into a legitimate sport that’s taking off on college campuses around the country. Don’t be fooled by the broom you have to carry between your legs — this is a legit sport with hard hits.

2. Tournament Rock-Paper-Scissors

staplesaustralia / CC BY / Via youtube.com

There’s a skill to Rock-Paper-Scissors that’s often overlooked by novices. Supposedly the sport’s greatest competitors can anticipate your next throw by subtle arm twitches and facial expressions.

3. Pop-Up Urban Football

Via tumblr.4gifs.com

OK, so this is more of a prank than a sport. Hand the ball off to an unsuspecting friend and see how they respond to a stampeding defensive line.

4. Roller Derby

Boston Derby Dames / Via bostonderby.tumblr.com

This sport has seen a resurgence in recent years with amateur and pro leagues popping up around the country. Roller derby players throw hard elbows; it’s a far cry from fake pro wrestling.

5. Bubble Soccer

Via gifak-net.tumblr.com

Someone figured out that it’s fun to fall down and not get hurt. This full-contact spin on soccer is quickly growing in popularity.

6. Flaming Soccer

Barcroft TV / youtu.be / Via daleconcomba.com

If bubble soccer is too bland for your taste, you can spice up the game by simpmly lighting the ball on fire. Disclaimer: Do not try this at home.

7. Segway Polo

SegwayToday, International Segway Polo Association / Via thewhistle.com

If you’re an eccentric millionaire, don’t let your Segway gather dust in the garage. Join a Segway polo league with your millionaire friends.

8. Freestyle Water Jetpacking

Via ohmagif.com

This sport is a little pricey, too. Specially designed water-powered jetpacks will let you fly though the air. Those lucky enough to participate compete by choreographing aerial routines.

9. Trampoline Dodgeball

tumblr.4gifs.com

tumblr.4gifs.com

Dodgeball quickly becomes an extreme sport when you play it on a trampoline and incorporate elements of gymnastics and parkour.

10. Fish Netting

Via thewhistle.com

Fishermen in certain parts of the country with large fish migrations have created a unique sport out of netting fish in midair. You’ll need a helmet, unless you’re especially brave.

11. Tomato Fighting

Via gifsoup.com

Every year in Buñol, Spain, residents gather for a free-for-all tomato fight. It’s catching on in cities around the U.S., most notably with an annual event in Colorado.

12. Frisbee Obstacle Course

Via gifbin.com

Unlike ultimate Frisbee or Frisbee golf, this sport is based on creating and defeating a progressively harder set of obstacles.

13. Dirt Bike Jump Roping

Via gifak-net.tumblr.com

OK, this is clearly a bit of niche sport. All you need is a dirt bike, some balance, and a couple friends with a long rope.

14. Tricycle Racing

Via thewhistle.com

Most thrift shops carry old plastic tricycles, which is all you need for a day of fun. This has become a big event in San Francisco where, every Easter Sunday, residents hold a race down Potrero Hill.

Roller derby is not a fool around sport. Chicago’s Windy City Rollers will damage your spine. But the basic premise is still the same. There are many non-traditional activities that can get you out and about and having fun.

So, go, pick one and have at it.

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We’ve been touching on some serious stuff like science and reality and stuff. And we have noted that there are people who are not convinced that this whole reality thing exists. Bigfoot? Sure. Science? Well that’s just a theory. So I thought that today might be a fun day to take a look at these reality deniers. And where do we find them? Well, sure, we could head to any Tea Party rally but that’s picking low hanging fruit. So where then? Well, you know us, we are going to look for even lower hanging fruit. We want that stuff scraping the ground. Therefore I direct your jaundiced gaze south to the lovely realm of Florida. An empathetic state that has made it legal for the police to confiscate the clothes and personal possessions of homeless people. No, seriously, they did that. Specifically in Ft. Lauderdale because all the poor people their economy created make the rich people queasy. Yes, you may feel free to insert a “head desk” here. While I’m here I should note that Florida’s bestiality law is still being challenged in court as an infringement on personal freedoms. Just in case you were worried I was going to the wrong place to look for morons.

So let’s get this party started.

As an intelligent adult you may have figured out that getting arrested is not a good thing. Furthermore, asking the arresting officer to drop down and blow you might, just might, lead to additional charges. You would know that. Charles Bolen has no such limitations.

A South Florida man is accused of being a nuisance and then making some pretty serious threats to the arresting officer.

Charles Bolen, 53, of Pompano Beach, was arrested Friday in Palm Beach Gardens.

He’s accused of yelling at customers in front of a Walgreen’s store on Northlake Boulevard, and threatening to hurt them.

Bolen then took his act down the street to Pep Boys, where he “demanded money for beer,” according to his arrest report.

Once he was convinced to leave the store, he told officers to “wait until I get across the street and you will see what I am going to do,” the report said.

That’s when the officer started to arrest him, prompting Bolen to say “you are not taking me to jail.”

As he was being taken to jail, Bolen told the officer he was going to “****” the officer’s “wife in the ***,” according to the report.

And the final insult came when Bolen was in his holding cell, when he “unzipped his pants” and told the officer to perform a sex act on him, the report said.

Bolen is charged with disorderly conduct and exposure of sexual organs.

Of course, since this is Florida, the incident is far from isolated, as evidenced by the tawdry tale of The City Pimp.

A homeless man who goes by the nickname “City Pimp” was arrested after allegedly eating fast food from Wendy’s while lying in front of another business with his pants down and his genitals exposed.

Anthony Johnson, 54, was arrested in front of a Walgreen’s store in the 1200 block of Palm Beach Lakes Boulevard on Wednesday afternoon.

According to the arrest report, Johnson “was laying in the front of the business with his pants around his knees, exposing his genitals.”

The arresting officer also wrote in the report that the Walgreen’s manager said Johnson “is a constant problem to the business, and they receive numerous complaints a day about him on the property.”

Johnson was charged with lewd or lascivious exhibition.

Well, to be fair, Wendy’s does make one of the best fast food chain burgers in the country. I’m not sure I’d get that excited about them, but that’s just me.

Of course not all food related police calls involve genitalia, I know – you’re shocked, sometimes it just involves some crack and linguine. With the linguine being used as a weapon.

Yeah, this is the state that just keeps on giving.

A woman described as a “crazy” acting “crackhead” got locked up after accusations she hurled pasta at a man, punched him in the mouth and busted a coffee cup, according to a recently released affidavit.

What could be called the case of the linguine launching lady began boiling late on April 5 as Port St. Lucie police went to an address in the 2400 block of Southeast Garden Terrace.

A man identified as the victim said he was expecting Jeri Rossello, 45, to drop by and get some of her stuff. She came in and walked to the kitchen. Rossello, he said, grabbed a pasta meal from the refrigerator and threw it at him.

Pasta is a general term for a variety of thin, dough-based foodstuffs of Italian origin sometimes served with meatballs. Available in a cornucopia of shapes and dimensions, pasta typically is rigid until boiled. It’s often served with a sauce, such as marinara, pesto, bolognese, alfredo or Fra Diavolo, with types of pasta including angel hair, linguine and elbow macaroni.

Meanwhile, the victim said, Rossello smashed a coffee mug and pulled phone wires from the wall. He said she punched him in the mouth and took off in a U-Haul van.

He described Rossello as a “crack head” who acted “crazy,” telling police she may have gone to a different address where she’s staying with another dude.

Investigators eventually found Rossello, who said she tried some leftover linguine but put it back in the refrigerator. She said there was no physical or verbal altercation.

Asked about the victim’s injured lip, Rossello said he must have done that to himself.

Rossello, of the 1500 block of Southeast Balcourt Court in Port St. Lucie, was arrested on a misdemeanor battery charge.

Go back and read that again. The author felt that he needed take an entire paragraph to explain what pasta is and how it’s used.

That’s what’s called “speaking to your target audience” i.e., morons.

But what do all these fine citizens have in common? Well, (1), they’re citizens of Florida and, (2) they are products of the Floridian educational system. And who’s the shining example of that fine institution? Nancy Louise Vaughn would be a good contender. After all not many teachers are so hammered at 7:00 AM that they get a DUI on their way to school.

An Estero High School teacher was arrested and charged with driving under the influence Monday morning.

Just before 7 a.m., a deputy was dispatched after receiving calls about a reckless driver on Imperial Parkway and Terry Street. The callers advised that the driver of a red car was going 20 mph and was swerving in both lanes.

The deputy caught up to the red vehicle and observed the same behavior as described by the callers. Subsequently, the deputy conducted a traffic stop.

The driver identified herself as Nancy Louise Vaughn, 56, and asked the deputy why she was being stopped, claiming she was not speeding and only going 45 mph.

While talking to Vaughn, the deputy said she had a glassy look in her eyes and had a slow reaction to his questions. The deputy said she could not keep her balance when she was asked to step out of the vehicle.

Vaughn was asked to perform some sobriety exercises, which the deputy says she failed.

The deputy concluded that she was impaired and she was arrested.

When asked if she had been drinking or possibly taking any prescription drugs, Vaughn told the deputy she had not.

She then told the deputy that she was a school teacher and was on her way to work at Estero High School.

Over two hours after she was stopped, deputies say Vaughn’s breathalyzer test readings were .258 and .273 – three times the legal limit.

The school’s website lists Vaughn as an Intensive Reading teacher, with the goal of improving reading comprehension and FCAT scores. The FCAT testing started for Lee County students on Monday.

“She was my favorite. She was awesome, not only did she care about me as a high school student but what was to come of me in college also,” said Emma Kenline, a former Estero High student.

“[She] needs to learn from her mistakes. She did it before this is the second time,” said Estero High School senior, Austin Roberts.

This is Vaughn’s second DUI in Lee County in less than one year.

Students say in the classroom, Vaughn was nice, but strict. Outside, she had tons of school spirit.

“She didn’t really talk about her family life at all. It was very professional didn’t really talk about her personal life,” said Estero High School junior, Maddie Dawson.

“I mean everybody makes mistakes. I guess this is hers. But what she needs is our help, not our criticism,” Kenline said.

We asked students if Vaughn ever seemed drunk in the classroom before–the kids we spoke with said no.

Vaughn is no longer teaching her classes and has been reassigned to another position outside of the school.

The district is investigating the incident.

Note number one; there were several typos in this article that I fixed so my readers would not think I was an idiot. Number two, this is why you hire someone with, at least, a high school education to proof your work.

Now, again, go read this one more time. It took them two hours to administer a sobriety test. Plus this is her second go round with a DUI and he students are aware of them both.

But I’m not done.

The town where she lives, Estero, was founded by a complete whack job, Dr. Cyrus Reed Teed, who proposed a theory that we live on the inside of the Earth’s outer skin, and that celestial bodies are all contained inside the hollow Earth.

To be fair, Estero has a high employment rate, a nice fire department and 98% of its population is white, which is why drunken teachers who could cause kids to die get a pass.

I don’t need to tell you who doesn’t get a pass.

Bikini Bowfishing Official DVD Trailer from Florida Bowfishing on Vimeo.

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If you were a kid in the 60’s you did this. You grabbed a towel, pinned it around your neck and became a super hero. For millions of kids that hero was Batman. While the TV show was a far cry from the tormented and dark hero who appeared in Detective Comics, the character resonated with kids and hipsters. The former because of his high moral standings coupled with his ability to kick serious butt. The latter just got a kick out of the bright colors and had a good laugh. But that show laid the groundwork for all that followed. As fans got older and discovered the earlier, gritter, Batman stories they started wanting their Batman comics to bear a similar tone. That led to the legendary Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller. That led directly to the Tim Burton movies and those led to the godawful Joel Schumacher films. But the backlash from fans, and the popularity of the darker animated shows, led directly to the Dark Knight trilogy from Christopher Nolan. And those pretty much bring us up to date and set the tone for anything that comes after.

For the most part Batman is viewed as a character who refuses to kill. Thus the many times he has had to face the same enemies over and over. But there have been attempts by some authors to take Batman to a darker place and they’ve had him kill his nemesis du jour. Sometimes brutally. Click on the link if you don’t mind hanging, as in by the neck and until dead, the mentally challenged for no reason.

Seriously, I did say “brutal.”

But for all of the reinventions of Batman it’s his brooding image of a protector of the innocent that reverberates with the majority of the public and has helped cement the character as a pop culture icon.

Susan Karlin, over at Fast To Create, writes that “The Dark Knight’s 75th anniversary is spawning a year-long celebration. We asked some Batman notables to spill some behind-the-scenes tales from bringing the Caped Crusader to life.”

Holy shuffleboard! Batman is 75?

Batman–the creation of artist Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger–made his first appearance Detective Comics #27 in May 1939.

In honor of the Caped Crusader’s 75th anniversary, Warner Bros. and DC Entertainment are planning a year-long celebration: a slate of new Batman comic titles beginning with Batman Eternal, an April 19 WonderCon panel, partnering with comic book stores and libraries for Batman Day on July 23, art exhibit and panels at San Diego Comic Con, new animated DVD films and shorts, and home video release of the 1966-8 Batman TV series and 25th anniversary edition of Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman movie.

On May 5, the Paley Center in New York will live stream a Batman At 75session. A documentary, Legends of the Knight, is in theaters, while a successful Kickstarter project hopes to realize another, The Cape Creator: A Tribute to Bat-Maker Bill Finger.

For our part, Fast Company rounded up some notable Batman covers through the years (see slide show), and asked some Batman luminaries to describe their encounters with the Dark Knight.

ADAM WEST
Starred as Batman in the ABC TV series Batman, and Batman: The Movie.

“One time, I was at Shea Stadium, doing a live show. I took five, told the band to relax, and went backstage. It was kind of dark, under this tent. I took off the Batman cowl, and suddenly, two hands reached out of the gloam and grabbed it. I heard this man say, “I created you. I created you!” And it was Bob Kane. The man who created it all. Then Bob and I became friends. What a character!”

LEN WEIN
Writer/editor of Batman comics and animated Batman TV shows since the late ’70s. He’s best known for co-creating, with artist John Calnan, the character of Lucius Fox, who runs Bruce Wayne’s business and is played by Morgan Freeman in the films.

“Batman literally saved my life. At age 17, I was misdiagnosed as having the flu. When I was finally correctly diagnosed, as having blood poisoning from a staph infection, the doctors were convinced I had hours to live. The only drug available at that time was penicillin, which I was deathly allergic to. Except the Batman TV series was going to premier in three weeks, and I was not going to miss that show. I hung on by sheer force of will. During that time, the doctors found out about a new antibiotic, Keflin, which they tried on me and I recovered–in time to see the show. The fact that I would later go on to write and edit Batman comics is amazing to me.”

NEAL ADAMS
Legendary Batman illustrator, who redirected Batman from its TV show camp to its Dark Knight origins; illustrator of the Batman Illustrated collection and author/illustrator of Batman Odyssey.

“By the time I started working for DC Comics in 1967, they had takenBatman down some strange trails–like introducing Bat Mite and Bat Hound–and debating how to respond to the TV show’s satire. I wanted to save DC Comics from flushing the Batman created by Bob Kane and Bill Finger down the toilet. So I asked Batman editor, Julius Schwartz, if I could work for him. He said, “Get the hell out of my office!” in his trademark charm. So I went down the hall to Murray Boltinoff, who edited The Brave and the Bold, which featured Batman. He paired me with an excellent writer, Bob Haney, and asked if I wanted to make changes to Haney’s script. I told him, ‘I’m not going to let any scenes take place in the daytime. I won’t have Batman entering through doors–only windows and shadows.’ So I began drawing Batman. And three months later, I walk into DC Comics, and there’s Julie, holding sheets of fan mail, snarling, ‘They wanna know how come the only real Batman is in The Brave and the Bold?’ I laughed, and said, ‘Every kid knows who Batman should be. The only people who don’t seem to know are the folks at DC Comics.’ He growled back, ‘You’re working for me now, Adams.’”

JIM LEE:
DC Comics co-publisher and artist best known for Batman: Hush, Batman and Robin, and various Justice League and Batman covers to the present.

“I was five when my family moved to the U.S. from Korea, and I learned how to read from comic books. My dad was a doctor, so every summer, he took my sister and me sightseeing on the way to medical conventions. He kept me quiet by giving me comics, so I spent summers reading and drawing Batman in the back of our station wagon. I remembered the Batman stories more than Mount Rushmore or the Alamo. I was such a huge fan of the 1966 TV show that, in 2001, I found a guy who knew a seamstress with access to the original patterns of Batman’s costume. So I had her make a custom costume in the same material and color saturation, down to the shoes and utility belt. It cost me $1,400. It was an awesome costume. It went over so well, that my friends would invite me over to their kids’ birthday parties to entertain.”

MICHAEL USLAN
Executive producer of executive producer of Batman, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, The Dark Knight Rises, and upcoming Batman vs. Superman; author of The Boy Who Loved Batman.

“I fell in love with Batman at eight years old, because he was the only superhero with no superpowers and fought the greatest supervillains in the history of comic books. Batman’s greatest superpower is his humanity. The Batman TV show happened when I was in eighth grade. I waited for months for it to premiere. When it did, I was simultaneously thrilled and horrified. The show was in color, and the animated credits and sets were really cool. But it was too much like a cartoon. The entire world was laughing at Batman. At that point, I made a vow. Somehow, I was going to show the world the real Batman–a creature of night, who stalks criminals from the shadows–and figure out how to erase the words Zap! Pow! and Wham! from the collective consciousness. That path would become my life’s journey and career.”

BILL SIENKIEWICZ
Artist of several Batman covers from the ’80s onward, including Batman Anniversary: Issue 400, and the Kevin Smith series Batman: Cacophony and Batman: The Widening Gyre.

“For Batman: Cacophony, I got an email from [DC Comics’ art director]Mark Chiarello that said, ‘Cover. Joker. Stabbed in the heart. Interested?’ I wrote back, ‘Absolutely.’ I came up with an idea of, in typical Joker fashion, holding his own heart and taunting Batman, ‘You missed!’ Getting stabbed in the heart is pretty ballsy, so I figured, why not go for it? Mark wrote back, ‘This is so sick. I love it. We can’t use it.’ It was just too macabre. So I redrew the picture with him with a knife plunged into his chest, with no blood and suffering no ill effects. That was the cover they went with. I knew there was no chance the first one was going to be used, but it was so insanely Jokeresque, I had to draw it.”

WALT SIMONSON
Artist of several Batman stories and covers from the ’70s onward.

“Bernie Wrightson and I had a competition going–who could draw the longest cape on Batman. Bernie’s longest cape appeared in Swamp Thing issue 7, of Batman looking past his left shoulder with a long cape flowing over the city. My response was in Detective Comics #443, of Batman standing on a beam across a narrow alley with a cape that looks like cardboard, compared to the beautiful silky style that Bernie drew. It was the longest Batman cape I’d ever seen and I just thought it was incredibly funny.”

For more covers, check out industry trade Comic Book Resources’ list of the 75 greatest Batman covers.

[Images courtesy of DC]

The new Superman versus Batman movie that’s coming out appears tilted to the dark side as well. Considering how the first Superman ended it would be kind of hard to follow it with a comedy.

Batman, though, is in a place all his own. He has taken his mere human abilities about as far as any human can take them. He is a shining example of what hard work can accomplish. Also he’s a shining example that not all billionaires are jerks.

Both messages need to be heeded.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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