Everything you want to know about anything that's meaningful
I, like approximately 1/3 of Americans, have a job. It requires me to interact with other people. To present myself in a courteous and professional manner and, no, I don’t wear a paper hat or a name tag. It’s a grown up job in a company staffed by grown ups ….. and me. No matter what I’m always going to have that one part of me that’s just that side of goofy. Depending on your point of view that’s either child-like or childish. That allows me to kind of take…
Read MoreI have a new neighbor. He moved in a couple of months ago. It took me about 11 seconds to decide he was a douche. Maybe 12. Anyway, 2 weeks ago he introduced me to his girlfriend. She, politely, pointed out that they were on their way to their first date (Olive Garden according to him) and weren’t actually in a relationship. Just consider this moment as added evidence to his douche-baggery. Especially the whole Olive Garden thing. Set aside the fact that the food sucks, “Here baby, have some…
Read MoreFirst off I have to admit that I am friends with two, professional clowns. Specifically the legendary cow punk Pioneer, Pete Berwick, who moonlights as a clown for children’s parties. I am also friends with Happy The Drunken Clown who will come to your event and insult the living hell out of everyone. As you might surmise, he and Pete have slightly different target audiences. Still, they’re both clowns in the formal sense. In the 80’s I drove a forklift for Sears and was friends with the late Bobbo the…
Read MoreAs things become more public the public learns to deal with them in one way or another. Unless you’re a lawmaker in Kansas, then you just try and make reality go away. It never works but, BY GOD, they do try. They actually have my favorite law in America. In an attempt to ban Sharia Law, a problem that did not and does not exist, they passed a law banning any religion from influencing the laws of their shiny land. A move which could legalize gay marriage there now. It’s…
Read MoreI wrote the below column a year ago today. Since nothing lasts on the Internet I have been asked to repost it. And I’m happy to oblige. Each year Valentine’s Day brings its own unique set of challenges. Especially to us single dudes. You don’t want to do too much for fear of coming off like a stalker but you don’t want to do to little for fear of appearing disinterested. And it’s not just guys. If my email is to be believed women are just as insecure as men.…
Read MoreI normally avoid writing about Black History Month for a couple of reasons. Mostly it’s because I’m not black. It’s basically the same reason I never write about menstrual cramps. I simply have no history with the cause. Still these lacks on my part have not prevented me from becoming friends with black people or women. Sometimes I hit the jackpot and became friends with a black woman. That’s called covering all your bases. Anyway, recently, I have been following the efforts of two people I respect and like, Jiba…
Read MoreWe do seem to live on a world run by idiots. I have long held that the Olympics are the most corrupt and useless display of nothing the world has ever seen. This year, however, the whole thing seems hell bent on proving that I’m the master of understatement. The nice people over at Deadspin have been chronicling each and every misadventure. To summarize, the hotels aren’t built. Sewers are a rumor. If you do get a hotel room it may or may not have running water and if you…
Read MorePeople are gullible. They see something on the internet and assume it’s true. This is called “stupid.” For example, many of you have been passing around the nice picture of Colombian torero Álvaro Múnera with the attenuate story of how he looked into the bull’s eyes and quit bullfighting. It’s a lovely story. It’s also complete bull. The sitting crying thing? That’s actually called “desplante” (defiance) and is used to taunt the bull. Also the guy named in the picture isn’t the guy in the picture. But, other than that…
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