I admit to having my fair share of quirks. Some are socially acceptable others are not. That puts me on par with pretty much everyone else. The trick we learn as we grow up is when it’s okay to share those charming tidbits of your personality. For example, it is considered impolite to share your epic fart making ability in church. It is, however, a skill well lauded at a frat party. In France one has to draw a fine line between what is and is not acceptable. It is clearly against the law to sell breast milk over there but a lady has come up with a unique way around it. She is offering to let gay couples rent her milky breasts to feed their kids. Since she is, technically, selling a service and not the milk she’s legal. If, however, she were to offer her milky breasts to adults for a fee that would be illegal. It’s all so confusing. It’s no wonder therapy is the fastest growing profession.
Since we’re in Europe and discussing breasts, let’s head over to Jolly Old England where cops are hunting for a woman who maliciously flashed a car full of kids.
British police said they don’t get many female flashers but they have the photos to prove just such an incident occurred at a West Midlands supermarket.
The woman who allegedly exposed herself to a car full of children recently also had her picture taken by the kids’ mom before she fled, the BBC reported.
“This is a very serious crime and we would appeal to anyone who may know this woman to call us,” Police Sgt.. James Proffitt said. “Why she did this still remains unclear and this is now an opportunity for her to contact us and explain.”
The incident appeared to have its roots in a minor parking lot tiff in Smethwick between the woman and the 33-year-old mother. Words were exchanged and the alleged flasher unzipped her jacket to reveal she was wearing nothing else, the report said.
The flasher then took off but not before the victim snapped two photos of her, which were turned over to police.
Proffitt said the mom and her kids – ages 13, 12, 10 and 4 – were “shocked” and the incident was being treated as a sexual assault.
Ah yes, you nicked my car I’ll show you my boobs. That makes perfect sense to me.
Almost as much sense as our next story. Closer to home, in the great state of New Jersey, 56 year old Wendy Tucker flashed a set of security cameras.
Police in New Jersey said they arrested a woman accused of flashing her breasts to security cameras being monitored by dispatchers.
Barnegat police said dispatchers saw Wendy Tucker, 56, “get out of a car in the middle of Lexington Boulevard, pull up her shirt and bra, exposing her breasts while facing several security cameras” around 2 a.m. Wednesday, the Asbury Park (N.J.) Press reported Tuesday.
Lt. Keith Germain said the video footage also depicts Tucker “looking up at the cameras while extending her middle fingers to the cameras.”
Patrolman Michael Diblasi located Tucker’s car and took her into custody. Police said she was wanted on an outstanding warrant from Atlantic County and was charged with an additional count of lewdness.
A word of advice for those of you playing along today; if you have outstanding warrants, attracting police attention is a bad idea.
Still and all our flashers thus far have been relatively harmless. Thankfully, we’ve still got Florida so we can change that. This next story speaks for itself.
Police in Florida said a man ran up to a woman on a beach trail while garbed in nothing but a homemade mask.
St. Lucie County sheriff’s deputies said a woman told police she was walking on a South Hutchinson Island beach access trail Wednesday when a man wearing nothing but a mask ran toward her and stopped a few feet away, TCPalm.com reported Friday.
Deputies stopped a white pickup truck matching a description of the suspect’s vehicle and a mask found on the truck was identified by the victim as the one worn by the flasher.
Augustine Whelan, 42, was arrested and charged with indecent exposure. Police said he admitted to the incident.
“Whelan advised he has urges to expose himself to others in public,” the arrest report states, “and that he has been arrested previously for the same thing.”
Well, since we’re in Florida and discussing criminal penises, let’s just head down the road a spell and catch up with Broderick Cameron Furlow who exposed himself to a child and then, because him smart, hunted her down on Facebook and asked her to drop the charges.
This went about as well as you might expect.
Police in Florida said a man accused of exposing himself to an underage girl sent her a Facebook message asking her to “please drop the charges.”
The Bradenton Police Department alleges Broderick Cameron Furlow, 25 — who was arrested in May for allegedly exposing his genitals to the girl at a bus stop — sent her a Facebook message Tuesday asking her to drop the charges, or at least fail to show up in court, the South Florida Sun Sentinel reported Friday.
“Hey, I don’t mean to bother you, and if you don’t respond I won’t bother you again,” the message reads. “But is there anyway possible that you could please drop the charges against me, or not show up in court. I’m doing really good with my life now. I’m going to school at MTI now. I started in August and I really, really want to finish school so I can start a career and move on with my life and start a family. I’m really a good man, and if you knew me, u would think the same.”
The message, which asked the girl not to “show this to the cops,” resulted in the man being arrested again Tuesday on a charge of tampering with a victim, police said.
Well, darn! She showed it to the cops anyway. You never know who you can trust these days.
Okay, those people creeped me out. Let’s get back to Illinois where the flashers are fun. Shelley Lewis and Alicia Binford decided that golf was dull but that topless golf had hopes. Sadly, police disagreed with them.
Police in Illinois said two women accused of exposing themselves on a golf course were arrested on indecent exposure charges.
The Madison County Sheriff’s Office said deputies responded to a call around 2 p.m. Monday about two women allegedly exposing their “sexual organs” to golfers at the Woodlands Golf Course in Alton, KMOV-TV, St. Louis, Mo., reported Tuesday.
Deputies said they arrived to see Alicia Binford, 43, and Shelly Lewis, 45, both of O’Fallon, Mo., exposing their breasts.
The women were each charged with public indecency and ordered held in lieu of $100 bond.
There is no way that a group of middle aged golfers called the cops on that. Especially when they are both pretty good looking. You could prove it to me and I still wouldn’t believe you.
Oh well, let’s close as we began, with a woman flashing other people’s kids.
A couple were arrested in Davis, Calif., after the woman allegedly flashed juveniles riding by on bicycles while the man videotaped the action, police said.
As young bicyclists on a popular Davis bike trail rode by Wednesday morning, Wenyi Xu, 30, opened her jacket to show she was wearing nothing underneath, and her accomplice, Nicholas Bowen, 61, recorded the action. The peep show had a specific target audience, juveniles, and one young rider fell off his bike when he saw the nude woman, police said.
A city parks worker allegedly saw the pair and called police. Xu and Bowen were arrested and charged with indecent exposure, annoying a child and engaging in lewd acts in public, KOVR-TV, Sacramento, reported.
Okay, see, here’s where this goes off the rails. Wanting to see your hot gal pal naked, I get. Wanting to see her naked with kids, I don’t.
Hopefully I’m not alone on that one.