Dating is Hard

First dates are usually awkward like this.
First dates are usually awkward like this.
I’ve been single for a few years now. And, yes, I have dipped my toe in the dating waters. One thing that hasn’t changed since I was younger is that some people feel the need to shade the truth a little or couch the truth in phrases that make things seem different than they are. For example, I went on a date with a woman who said “legally separated” but I heard “still married.” She said “new job” and I heard “unemployed for years.” She said “small family” and I heard “four young kids with no direction.” Oddly enough there wasn’t a second date. On the plus side, she paid since I’d bought her drinks the night before. So, all in all, free food and being seen in public with a beautiful woman wasn’t painful. So there’s always that. Unfortunately for her drama is on my No Fly list.

Here’s a quick fun fact for you that has nothing to do with dating but will give you pause for thought. New York City lost to Utah when it tried to set a record for the number of people who were willing to parade around in public with nothing on but their underwear. Over 2,000 Mormon participated compared to around 700 New Yorkers. You will never think of Mitt Romney the same way again.

Anyway, speaking as I was of dates gone wrong I fiure we should start out with a date that went so wrong that the police became involved. Paul Marquez, a clearly rational person of high moral turpitude, became upset at his girlfriend so he tried to sell her baby on Craig’s List.

A 22-year-old man angry with a woman he dated posted photos of her 2-month-old daughter in a Craigslist ad and tried to sell the baby for $100, prosecutors said Monday.

Paul Marquez posted an ad entitled “baby for sale,” prosecutors said. Marquez’s posting acted as if he were the parent, said the baby loved to play and have fun, but had asthma and was “really getting on my nerves.”

“I don’t want her Please email me,” it read, authorities said.

Marquez was charged Thursday by Staten Island prosecutors with endangering the welfare of a child, harassment and a social service violation of authority to place or board out children. He was being held in lieu of $1,000 bail. A call to his attorney wasn’t returned.

According to the criminal complaint, Marquez, who works as a stockperson at a Victoria’s Secret, admitted he posted the listing just to get back at the woman. The two met online and had been out a few times, but he apparently was angry because she wouldn’t pay him enough attention, authorities said.

Prosecutors say Marquez gave the mother’s phone number to a person who answered the ad, who then called the mother. She notified police. Staten Island investigators are looking into that person’s request – the call may have been out of concern and not an illegal attempt to purchase a child.

There was no indication Marquez actually meant to sell the infant.

The posting was located in the Staten Island section of Craigslist under baby and kid stuff, for sale by owner. It was flagged and taken down at least once, but Marquez reposted it, authorities said.

Marquez faces up to a year behind bars if convicted.

Really? A year? You’d think it would be more. I mean people are drawing hard time for having a joint, selling a baby seems to be worse. But that could just be me.

Just FYI, there are web sites dedicated to Clown Dating, people who love hot sauces (a site my boss avoids like the plague), a site limited to people who will beautify the gene pool (not too arrogant are they?) and many, many, more.

In other words, if it’s your kink there’s someone willing to share.

There’s even a site dedicated to clown porn, so you’ll never feel alone.

But what about our young? Do we jut leave them to discover sex in the backseat of a car like we did?

Of course not. We live in an enlightened society where we groom our young to be excellent citizens. Well, you do and I do. Citizens in Florida, and those located elsewhere for whom WalMart is too uppity, send their kids to camp to learn how to kill ala the Hunger Games.

Ever dream of becoming Katniss Everdeen? Well, now you have a chance to be just like her in real life. Sort of.

According to the Tampa Bay Times, kids at a “Hunger Games” camp in Logo, Fla., can now channel their inner tributes by participating in athletic and intellectual activities inspired by the hugely popular series.

Watch in the video above.

The camp, however, has raised concerns, as children were reportedly describing how they would “kill” and “stab” each other. Susan Toler, a clinical psychologist, called the camp “unthinkable,” while Julie Miller of Vanity Fair described it as “disturbing.”

After noting that the “violence the kids had expressed was off-putting,” the camp announced a change to the rules: Instead of “killing” each other, campers would “collect” lives. Still, during a recent tournament, one crying 11-year-old claimed that he was kicked and “stepped on.”

“I’m not entirely sure that isn’t normal kid behavior,” writes Rebecca Pahle at The Mary Sue. “All I really know about kids is that they’re little humans and that I used to be one. I never pushed anyone to the ground and stepped on them… “

Ah yes, stomping on the injured is just kids tugging on pigtails, the modern version.

By the way, lazy linguists, “collecting lives” is a euphemism for killing. You’re just lucky that your clients are too stupid to know what a euphemism is.

Oh well, it’s Florida. Thanks to the educational system there none of their kids have ever read Lord of the Flies or this could be a lot worse.

TSURUFOTO Presents… Tabs in Where The Wild Things Go (NSFW) from tsurufoto. on Vimeo.

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