Before we being today I think I need to make a confession. I do not have a vagina. At least not one of my own. I have played with other people’s but I’m pretty sure that’s not that same. I bring this up just so we can avoid any confusion. I also bring it up so that we’re clear on another point; since I don’t own one I have no say on what to do with them. Beyond the mutually consensual stuff. In other words, if you want me to do something with your vagina and I’m willing to do so, then we’re good. But I can’t just grab you by the arm and make you do things with your vagina that make you uncomfortable or could cause you harm. As much as I am occasionally called a misogynist jerk – mostly because I’m such a vociferous fan of naked women – even I can grasp these simple truths.

Here in America there are lawmakers, all white and all male, who are trying very hard, if you’ll pardon the expression, to control the vaginae of women they’ve never even met. Some of the stuff, like the mandatory transvaginal ultrasound, sounds a lot like rape to me. Well what else do you call it when you forcibly sodomize women without their permission?

But, as bad as those things are women do have something they can do about them. They can vote. That’s it. If you don’t like something you have the right to go out and cast your vote to enact change.

That’s why I find this story slightly more disturbing. In England, a land with more historical queens than a Ru Paul birthday bash, they have removed women from any reference to money. That’s right, no money for you vagina owners. Emily Dugan, a proud vagina owner in her own right who works at the Independent, reports that the British government is removing the last woman from their money and replacing her with Winston Churchill.

Not a well known feminist in case you slept through history class.

Forget the gender pay gap: the latest feminist concern is the gender money gap. If the Bank of England sticks to the plan it announced on Friday, Winston Churchill will oust the social reformer Elizabeth Fry as the “face” of the £5 note, leaving the Queen as the only woman to feature on the UK’s currency.

Politicians and feminists are among those already campaigning for the Bank to reverse its decision. Online petitions are underway and one of the Chancellor’s close aides intervened on Sunday to demand that women now be considered for other bank notes.

Amber Rudd MP, the Parliamentary Private Secretary to George Osborne, and chair of the All-Party Parliamentary Group on Sex Equality, said: “It would be a mistake not to feature women on any banknote, so let’s find a space on another banknote.”

Ceri Goddard, the chief executive of the Fawcett Society, said: “It’s disappointing that another female face wasn’t added to the banknote roll call but it beggars belief to actually remove the only one we had. Despite the odds being stacked against them there is happily no shortage of exceptional women they could have picked.”

Caroline Criado-Perez, a feminist campaigner who started the Change.org petition, said: “It’s yet another example of how the country we live in just doesn’t seem to value women’s contribution. The note being replaced isn’t even the oldest one – that was Darwin – which is why it seems completely unnecessary.”

There have been 16 historical figures featured on banknotes since the portraits were introduced in 1970 – including only two women: Florence Nightingale was on the £10 note from 1975 to 1994, and in 2002, Fry was introduced on the £5 note.

The Bank of England would not comment, but a spokeswoman pointed out that the proposed Churchill notes would not be introduced until 2016, and that a final decision had not yet been made.

‘Indisputable contribution’: notable contenders

Octavia Hill,  social reformer

Hill ensured a female hand in  the shaping of Britain’s social housing. With the backing of John Ruskin she bought up properties in London and rented them to low-income workers.

Frances buss, educator 

At a time when needlework was considered enough education for girls, she fought for more. A teacher at 14, she attended lectures at Queen’s College in Harley Street before founding the Camden School for Girls  in 1871.

Mary Jane Seacole, pioneer nurse

After being turned down by the War Office, the mixed-race, Jamaican-born nurse made her own way to the Crimean front line, where she tended to wounded British soldiers.

Tanni Grey-Thompson, athlete

One of the most successful Paralympians, winning 16 Paralympic medals, she is also a disability rights campaigner, a presenter and a parliamentarian. Made Baroness Grey-Thompson of Eaglescliffe in 2010.

Rosalind Franklin, scientist

The unsung hero of DNA, Franklin’s X-ray images of the double helix provided the data that Francis Crick and James Watson used to build their hypothesis. She died four years before the Nobel prize was awarded.

Millicent Garrett Fawcett, suffragist

Fawcett led the constitutional faction of the universal suffrage movement and advocated a more peaceful means of winning the vote than some of her contemporaries.

The agency in charge of this has no obligation whatsoever to pay any attention to the protests. They can suffer no repercussions. They are appointed to their posts. That seems to be a theme in a lot of cases like this. A small group of clueless tools just govern by fiat and wonder what all the fuss is about. After all, don’t people realize that these people are smarter than everyone esle?

They must be, by their logic, since they got these jobs and you didn’t.

So what have we learned? Move the hell out of any red state and telling British women that you’re a fan of Millicent Garrett Fawcett will probably get you laid.

Missy Fatale – Fire and Burlesque Showreel (NSFW) from David Tressler on Vimeo.

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There’s nothing I can say about recent events in Florida that will cause you to think of things one way or the other. I will note that when Florida raised the bar on what constituted murder and passed their Stand Your Ground laws I wrote that something like this was bound to happen. Or, simply put, the number of murder cases has gone down but the number of people being killed with guns has steadily climbed each year. However, while thoughts about this will raise your blood pressure I’m not sure it’s a good thing. So, today, I am going to focus on healthy activities. More importantly, I am going to focus on healthy activities that you can participate in right now without needing a credit card or any gear at all. My friend Jacquilyn wrote me this morning about the greatest health news I’ve heard in years.

It turns out that being naked, and doing everything you normally do clothed while naked, is so good for your health that even ugly people should do it.

Hank Pellissier has the whole story.

Is clothing crushing us? Are we trapped in tomb-like textiles, exiling our flesh from experiencing the environment? Are we atrophying our epidermis, our senses, our neuro-intelligence?

If you put a plaster cast on a broken arm the skin starves for Vitamin D, the muscles weaken due to strangled range of motion, the nerve synapses depress to a whimper of their former joy. Twenty-first century hominids? We shroud our entire skin palette except for face, neck and hands – we obliterate symbiosis with the planet.

We hide in cocoons, when we could be free as butterflies.

History reveals many cultures that were not clothes-minded. Spartans were basically bare and their victories in pan-Hellenic sports competitions enticed all neighboring Greeks to exercise nude, creating the word “gymnasium” (Greekgymnos = naked). Romans mingled in magnificent bathhouses, enjoying dense communal nudity as they drank, dined, defecated, bathed, read books, argued politics, and watched theater.

Adamists — naked heretics — performed stripped-down church services in North Africa, Bohemia, the Netherlands, and England. Pre-Hitler Germans were avid adherents of Freikorperkultur (“Free Body Culture”) with 70,000 attending co-ed Nacktkultur schools.

There’s naked Japanese in hot springs, naked Finns in saunas, “sky-clad” Jain monks in India, plus millions of nudists worldwide going to “Nakation” camps, beaches, and resorts.

They’re still sporty as Spartans, eager to hike naked (“free bush rambling”), canoe naked (“canuding”), bicycle naked, ride horses naked, run naked, play volleyball, badminton, ping-pong and chess naked, swim naked, dance naked, do Naked Yoga, Naked Tai Chi, Naked Gardening, Naked Bowling, and of course, many of us, perhaps you and I, dear readers, are NIFOC — Naked In Front of Computers.

Many famous figures were bare-all aficionados; too many politicians to name, so I’ll just list sci-fi and scientists: Leonard Nimoy, Alexander Graham Bell,  Robert Heinlein, and seismologist Charles Richter. Nudism is prominent in Philip Jose Farmer’s Riverworld books and John Varley’s Steel Beach. Celebrities? Many movie stars skinny-dip at the French Riviera, trying to elude paparazzi seeking pix of Bruce WIllis’ willy or Natalie Portman’s port side.

Here’s evidence suggesting that skin-only can be superior:

Born Free.  Pediatricians agree that infants thrive with a daily dose of “naked time” because the unhampered range of motion aids brain development, stimulating neuron growth. Recent discoveries reveal that the “plastic” brain changes and develops throughout our entire lives. Neuroplasticity pioneer Michael M. Merzenich believes,  “Everything that you can see happen in a young brain can happen in an older brain.” Doesn’t this imply that “naked time” is equally valuable for humans of any age, especially the elderly?

Weakened Bodies. A 2003 University of Reading study entitled “A Naked Ape Would Have Fewer Parasites” posits that “humans evolved hairlessness to reduce parasite loads, especially ectoparasites that may carry disease.” Unfortunately, the garments we wear can be a breeding ground for filthy fungi and bad bacterium, causing yeast infections, urinary tract infections, rotting toenails. Lyme Disease deer ticks can grab onto our sweaters and sea lice can sneak into our bathing suit crotches. Cinched-up belts, ties, and clothes impede breathing. Men’s snug pants raise testicle temperature, lowering sperm count and fertility.

Barefoot Medicine. Going shoeless is now recognized as an anti-Alzheimer’s, brain-boosting activity because the sole sensation entices your brain into growing extra, efficient neuron connections. Dr. Norman Doidge (author of The Brain That Changes Itself) believes skipping shoes increases brain flexibility and youthfulness, and many podiatrists now advise going barefoot as much as possible. Bare feet are today’s prescription. Will tomorrow’s elixir take the next step: Bare Body?

Superior Socialization. Self-actualization proponent Abraham Maslow believed “Nudism… is itself a kind of therapy.” Health benefits of social nudity include stress reduction, satiation of curiosity about the human body, reduction of porn addiction, a sense of full-body integration and developing a wholesome attitude about the opposite gender. Research at the University of Northern Iowa discovered that nudists have significantly higher body self-acceptance. Another study concluded that teens at a New York nudist camp were “extraordinarily well-adjusted, happy, and thoughtful.” It’s also excellent for children to grow up free of shame about the human body.

Tolerant Views.A University of Central Florida 2008 study of 384 participants concluded that pro-nudity students “were significantly more accepting of other religious groups and gays and lesbians” when compared to the anti-nudity students. They were also “less prejudiced towards ethnically dissimilar others.”

Soothe Away Your Crazies. Massage is recognized as a therapeutic treatment for mental health issues like depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, bipolarism, borderline personality disorder, learning difficulties, and low self-esteem. Theskin stimulation of massage — improving blood flow and detoxifying the lymph system — is duplicated by the warmth, freedom, and improved circulation generated in nakedness.

Soak Up The Rays Vitamin D deficiency is currently soaring, with up to 75% of USA teens and adults receiving insufficient amounts of the “sunshine vitamin.” Lack of this essential health aid is a factor in numerous ailments, including cancer, heart disease, osteoporosis and diabetes. Anyone who bares all outside as a “naturist” harvests larger amounts of Vitamin D in a quicker time span.

Financial Liberation. Clothes are a huge money and time-suck with shopping, laundry, closets, dressers, and gazillions of hours wasted wondering what so-and-so looks like with their garments removed. Theglobal markets for swimsuits alone is expected to reach $17.6 billion annually by 2015; our carbon footprint would shrink like a wool sweater if fabric was no longer manufactured.

Longevity (just joking!). Have you noticed that the furry Norway Rat only lives 2-3 years, while the Naked Mole Rat survives to be 28?

So… is the future going to be full frontal? Will the post-Singularity planet be stripped? Will everyone in a climate-controlled tomorrow choose to be nude, strutting around like the Nuba dancers and boxers of Leni Reifenstahl?

Trends point to an era where there won’t be a stitch to worry about. Many resort areas are are now offeringnudism to increase tourism, and American naturist clubs claim their enrollment is growing 20% annually. The German airline OssiUrlaub.de offered nude chartered flights to a Baltic sea resort, and today’s lengthy luggage searches at airports are steering travelers to destinations where they only need carry-on towels and sunblock. Twenty million Europeans already go to nude beaches and spas.

Getting goosebumps imagining it, are you?

So there you have it, naked people are happy people and happy people are healthy people and healthy people live longer.

Assuming they don’t get hit by a car when its driver is distracted by all the naked people on the sidewalk.

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I am an adult. I write for adults. I should also note that I don’t have any children. Don’t get me wrong, I love my nieces and nephews and the kids of my friends, I just never think about them when they aren’t around. Or, if I do, it is purely in the abstract. Other mothers’ children, as it were. Over the last few weeks I have broached some more adult themed pieces. And I have posted some more mature, not porn but still for the 21 and up crowd, comments on my Facebook page. There are only 2 people under the age of 21 on my friends’ list. One is my niece who is so used to me at this point she doesn’t even notice. The other is a young lady from Brazil who stumbled across this site a few years back and now uses it to perfect her English. I must admit that her written use of idioms has improved dramatically. Her mother, whom I have spoken with, is a dancer in Carnival every year and was initially worried that some repressed American freak wanted to do bad things to her little girl. I assured her that, of my many social ills, repression wasn’t among them and I wasn’t in to young girls. I mean, sure they’re cute and all, but what the hell can you really talk about? Over the years the young lady has followed this blog I’ve gotten to know the family pretty well. While her mother’s initial concerns have been assuaged I never complained about a mother protecting her child. And I never will.

I have, nevertheless, assembled a list of people who I will not tag in any post that is not of a cute kitten. That list grows each week. I guess I can see why. My buddy, who should know better since he’s been my buddy for 30 years, called me in horror that his 12 year old wanted to “learn how to play bukaki so she could play with Uncle Bill’s friend.” I’m sure that conversation went well. Also, it seems that posting a video (of course I’m sharing that with you) about how anal sex isn’t forbidden in the bible so it doesn’t count as real sex so girls could have all the anal they want and still be virgins, might have gone over the head of another buddy’s 15 year old daughter who brought it up at dinner to see if it was true because it seemed like a great idea to her. I’m sure that conversation went well too.

So I need to be a little more careful.

As you may have noticed, you’re reading all of this on the Internet. But if Governor Rick Scott of Florida can figure how to enforce the most ridiculous law this side of rational thought, you won’t have that problem any more. As Allen Clifton reports, Florida just outlawed the Internet.

I’m from Texas, so I know all about Rick Perry’s ridiculous behavior as governor. But I’ll give him this—at least he’s not Rick Scott.

How Florida ever elected this man is beyond astounding.

Before he was even elected Governor of Florida, the man was CEO of a company which was convicted of defrauding Medicare. It’s absolutely mind-boggling — Florida elected a man who was in charge of a company which was scamming the government, and costing the taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars.

Yet, there he sits as Governor of Florida.

Which means it should come as no surprise when this man acts recklessly and signs a ridiculous bill, which turns out to be worded so poorly that it essentially bans all computers and smartphones in the state of Florida.

It all came about when Florida Lieutenant Governor Jennifer Carroll was caught with strong ties to a charity which was suspected of being an internet gambling front.

The charity was quickly shut down.

Soon after the charity was shut down, the Republican-controlled Florida Legislature passed a bill which banned all illegal slot machines and Internet cafes, and Rick Scott promptly signed it into law.

The passing of this bill by Republicans (you know, the “small government party”) would be enough of a story by itself — except in an irresponsible haste to cover their own butts, the wording of the bill is so broad that it essentially bans every device in the state that can connect to the internet.

The bill defined illegal slot machines as any “system or network of devices” that can be used in a game of chance — vague wording that’s so all-encompassing that virtually anything with internet connectivity could be banned. Smartphones, Smart TV’s, computers, tablets, etc. In effect, if it were followed to the exact wording, it could almost outlaw the internet entirely in the state.

Think about that for a second. Can you imagine the outrage that would follow if a Democratic-controlled state legislature and governor passed a gun control bill that banned any gun that could be used to fire a bullet? There would be immediate and intense backlash and probably riots in the streets. But that would be an attack the Second Amendment, which is one of the few that Republicans actually care about. This Florida law is an attack on the First Amendment, so that’s perfectly fine, right?

Basically, this bill was a quick and pathetic overreaction to the now former Lieutenant Governor Jennifer Carroll (she’s since resigned) being caught connected with a charity that was busted for being a front for illegal online gambling.

It’s one thing to ban illegal gambling, it’s quite another to attack the freedom to access information. Which is essentially what Florida Republicans and Governor Scott did with this bill.

While the law most likely would never be used to confiscate personal computers or smartphones, the fact that it was even worded in a way that it could should concern every resident in the state.

This is just another example in a long line of corrupt, unethical and downright incompetent behavior by Governor Scott. But what more did Floridians expect from a man who was the CEO of a company that defrauded hundreds of millions from Medicare? Strong leadership and a sense of ethics?

Ah yes, Florida, the state that attempted to outlaw bestiality and ended up outlawing sex between mammals except for cases of husbandry. It’s also the state that’s being sued for violating the civil rights of a man who was arrested for having sex with a donkey. No wonder fiction is dying. Who can make up stuff weirder than this?

Allen covers the whole “elected convicted felon” angle very well so we can leave that alone except to note that Florida isn’t the only place where that’s possible. You will be completely not shocked to know that you can be elected to the U.S. Congress as a felon.

But, oddly, you can’t be an elected felon in Texas.

I’m sure they’ll fix that soon enough. How else will they replace Rick Perry?

Lately a lot of Southern Laws have baffled rational folks. Recently North Carolina, in an attempt to ban gay marriage, passed a law so vague that it strips all legal rights from any non-married couple. Yeah, that one’s tied up in court.

Not to be outdone, the great state of Kansas, having clearly identified a problem that never existed, passed a law to prevent the state from being placed under Sharia law. But, and you knew this was coming, the law is so poorly written as to outlaw ANY religious practice from influencing the law. Since only religion prevents gay marriages it would seem to pave a clear path for Adam and Steve to prove how really up to date things are in Kansas City.

All I can say is that, hearkening back to the fine traditions of Huey Long, southerners like their elected criminals and they like them to be really dumb.

PLS PLS with Elijah Jones (The Constellations) “Cocaine” music video uncensored NSFW from Video Rahim on Vimeo.

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You are intelligent, good looking and a gift to the gene pool. This is not about you. Not even a little bit. You know that it is perfectly legal to desecrate an American flag. You also know that there is a Flag Code. It uses terms you may have forgotten. Terms such as “Respect,” “Prohibitions” and so on. In other words it’s not how you HAVE to behave but how you should. It’s kind of a long read but we can skip to the bottom and get to the important stuff.

• The flag should never be displayed upside down except as a sign of distress.
• The flag should never touch anything beneath it.
• The flag should never be worn or used as bedding or drapery.
• The flag must always be allowed to fall free and never displayed furled.
• The flag must not be marked with any insignia, letter, word, signature, picture or drawing.
• The flag may not be used for any advertising purposes; no advertising may be attached to a pole flying a flag.
• The image of the flag may not be printed, embroidered or otherwise impressed on anything designed for temporary use and discard. This includes napkins, paper plates and cups, packaging or stamps. (Exception: USA First-Class stamp, 41-cent 2007.)
• No part of the flag should ever be used as a costume or athletic uniform; flag patches are allowed as part of the uniform of a federal, state, civic or patriotic organization.

Moving on.

Thee are, for reasons that baffle many, people who want to live here. People who want to take advantage of the opportunities our country provides. These people are called “immigrants.” If they want to become citizens they have to pass a test.

Here are some sample questions.

7. What do the stripes on the flag mean?

8. How many states are there in the Union?

9. What is the 4th of July?

10. What is the date of Independence Day?

11. Independence from whom?

12. What country did we fight during the Revolutionary War?

13. Who was the first President of the United States?

14. Who is the President of the United States today?

That is a selection from 100 questions. I am pleased to announce I got them all right.

There are several high school teachers who would be stunned at that.

Actually there are several close relatives who would be stunned at that. I made some bad life choices as a youth. By “some” I mean almost all of them.

I also made some good ones.

Taking 6 lesbians to a strip bar qualifies as both.

As you can tell we are discussing civics.

The nice folks over at Whatever took some time out of their busy day, specifically July 5, 2013, to interview a bunch of 20 somethings in California about the meaning of July 4th.

Literally everyone of these people could not qualify to be citizens if they came in from the outside

Allow me to apologize now if you clicked that link. But we are discussing stupid people so a Poison video seemed appropriate. Here is the description posted by the fun folks at Whatever.

I approached people asking to interview them about the Fourth of July for a funny YouTube video. I just selected the funny responses / clips. I wouldn’t take any of the interviews at face value, probably quite a few were tongue-in-cheek responses. I was out filming for hours, and I didn’t think making a video where a bunch of people answer these questions correctly (which there were plenty) would be particularly interesting or entertaining. Thanks to everyone who let me interview them, they were all great sports!

Here are the interviews.

I got a hate based email that started out with “In the 2013 years America has been a country …..” so there is a level of ignorant you may not be prepared for.

You don’t believe me?

Check out this list of mouth breathing morons who think that the lady who wrote me is 100% right.

This level of ignorance burns.

And the terminology is important. Stupid is a state of being unable to learn. These jag wads are unwilling.

And they want to foist their ignorance on our nation. Or, to be more correct, your nation. Simply put, your vote is the only way to stop them.

Just in case you were planning on staying home that day to Google midget porn.

tsurufoto presents… Angela In The Woods (NSFW) from tsurufoto.

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Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet. According to the song those are the definition of what makes America great. Short of owning a slave that could be the theme music of the modern Tea Party. We’ll get to that omission in a bit. After all, what’s more American than oppressing the rights and humanity of others? Anyway, back to the song. Let’s start with baseball. Nothing is more American than that, right? Gameplay centers around a number of innings, in which teams alternate at batting and fielding. A maximum of nine players are allowed to field at any time. Points are scored by the batting team when one of their players completes a circuit past four bases without being put ‘out’. Yep, that’s the game. Unfortunately those are the rules for an ancient game, played by Irish and English kids, called Rounders. You can also forget all about Abner Doubleday. He no more invented baseball than I posed for Playgirl. The real inventor of the American version of the game was a neat dude named Alexander Cartwright who published the Knickerbocker Rules of Townball (a/k/a Baseball) in 1845. So, in short order, baseball is a British sport that we adopted and perverted (at least according to the British).

Hot dogs? Homer wrote about sausages in the Odyssey so that puts their invention about 900 years before Christ was born. I guess it’s kind of a cool thought that Jesus could have had a hot dog at the Last Supper. Well, without the bun anyway. The bun wasn’t invented until 1880 by a German immigrant named Antonoine Feuchtwanger in Missouri. He put the sausages on a bun because Americans kept stealing the gloves they were given to hold their hot wieners. Yes, you can giggle at that. Just make sure you’re saddened by the fact that Americans were so immoral that 1.000’s of years of friendly traditions had to be altered to deal with their thieving nature.

Apple pie? Not even close. Invented in England, and perfected by the Dutch and the Swiss, it came to America late. The original English version in the 1300’s was made without sugar and was considered a tart treat. I should also note that those are the same three cultures who brought apples to America. The fruit is not native here. A guy named John Chapman, a/k/a Johnny Applpeseed, was primarily responsible for the spread of the popularity of apples in America.

Yes, there really was a dude named Johnny Appleseed.

Chevrolet? This is a company that was started by a failed businessman, William Crapo Durant (yes, you can giggle here too) and a Swiss guy, who raced Buicks, named Louis Chevrolet. Louis never actually had ownership of the company at any level. They just whored his name. He spent his life owning a company that made parts for Ford. So Chevy was built by a failure who screwed over his partner.

How American is that?

All of this brings us to the topic of owning people. And that will bring us to Thomas Jefferson. Here is what Americans know about him; he wrote the Declaration of Independence and was a slave owner.

The first part is 100% wrong and the second part is complicated.

Jefferson wrote “A Declaration by the Representatives of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA in General Congress assembled.” It was, and is, an explanation of the Declaration of Independence which was written by Richard Henry Lee. Here is the actual declaration in its entirety.

Resolved, That these United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States, that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain is, and ought to be, totally dissolved.

There were two more lines added in October.

Lee was also paranoid and was the main reason we have the Second Amendment. But that’s a story for another day. Or you can click the link and read it now.

As to slaves and Jefferson things get dicey. Jefferson was a nuevo-Christian. By that I mean he adhered to the Muslim interpretation of Jesus which holds that Jesus was a divinely inspired prophet but not divine in or of himself. He even went so far as to write his own version of the bible which removed all references to Jesus being the son of God. His preamble to that bible is one of the most famous lines ever written and sums up Jefferson’s belief in personal privacy more than anything I’ve ever read.

Say nothing of my religion. It is known to God and myself alone. Its evidence before the world is to be sought in my life: if it has been honest and dutiful to society the religion which has regulated it cannot be a bad one.

He was also morally opposed to slavery and tried to grant slaves their freedom in both his declaration and later in the Constitution. The fact that slaves were given the minimal rights they were was exclusively due to Jefferson. They were slated to be accorded none.

But, you sputter, he had a slave. Hell, according to legend he banged her like a screen door in a tornado.

You are talking about Sally Hemmings. And you’re being crude.

Sally Hemmings was the family property of Martha Wayles Skelton Jefferson, who was Jefferson’s wife until she died in 1782. Then, by law, Sally became Jefferson’s property.

He then fell in love with her and she bore him six children. Modern DNA testing has already proved that so please spare me your rants.

They spent a large part of their time together in France where interracial relationships were both legal and somewhat common. France did a lot of trading with Africa and had armies in Egypt which was, and still is, on the African continent.

Here’s why things are dicey. He could have, at any time, granted her her freedom but, and this is a huge point, had he done so he could no longer be with her. The only way to legally be with the woman he loved was to own her.

Yes, that’s about as screwed up as things can get.

Hemmings, although literate, never wrote about their relationship and Jefferson, as noted above, fiercely guarded his privacy so we have no record of what they thought but it is pretty clear that they loved each other.

Now that we’ve cleared all that up you can go back to blowing stuff up, burning perfectly good meat and meat by products and making odd noises.

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