For Moms and Dads …. Only

I am an adult. I write for adults. I should also note that I don’t have any children. Don’t get me wrong, I love my nieces and nephews and the kids of my friends, I just never think about them when they aren’t around. Or, if I do, it is purely in the abstract. Other mothers’ children, as it were. Over the last few weeks I have broached some more adult themed pieces. And I have posted some more mature, not porn but still for the 21 and up crowd, comments on my Facebook page. There are only 2 people under the age of 21 on my friends’ list. One is my niece who is so used to me at this point she doesn’t even notice. The other is a young lady from Brazil who stumbled across this site a few years back and now uses it to perfect her English. I must admit that her written use of idioms has improved dramatically. Her mother, whom I have spoken with, is a dancer in Carnival every year and was initially worried that some repressed American freak wanted to do bad things to her little girl. I assured her that, of my many social ills, repression wasn’t among them and I wasn’t in to young girls. I mean, sure they’re cute and all, but what the hell can you really talk about? Over the years the young lady has followed this blog I’ve gotten to know the family pretty well. While her mother’s initial concerns have been assuaged I never complained about a mother protecting her child. And I never will.

I have, nevertheless, assembled a list of people who I will not tag in any post that is not of a cute kitten. That list grows each week. I guess I can see why. My buddy, who should know better since he’s been my buddy for 30 years, called me in horror that his 12 year old wanted to “learn how to play bukaki so she could play with Uncle Bill’s friend.” I’m sure that conversation went well. Also, it seems that posting a video (of course I’m sharing that with you) about how anal sex isn’t forbidden in the bible so it doesn’t count as real sex so girls could have all the anal they want and still be virgins, might have gone over the head of another buddy’s 15 year old daughter who brought it up at dinner to see if it was true because it seemed like a great idea to her. I’m sure that conversation went well too.

So I need to be a little more careful.

As you may have noticed, you’re reading all of this on the Internet. But if Governor Rick Scott of Florida can figure how to enforce the most ridiculous law this side of rational thought, you won’t have that problem any more. As Allen Clifton reports, Florida just outlawed the Internet.

I’m from Texas, so I know all about Rick Perry’s ridiculous behavior as governor. But I’ll give him this—at least he’s not Rick Scott.

How Florida ever elected this man is beyond astounding.

Before he was even elected Governor of Florida, the man was CEO of a company which was convicted of defrauding Medicare. It’s absolutely mind-boggling — Florida elected a man who was in charge of a company which was scamming the government, and costing the taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars.

Yet, there he sits as Governor of Florida.

Which means it should come as no surprise when this man acts recklessly and signs a ridiculous bill, which turns out to be worded so poorly that it essentially bans all computers and smartphones in the state of Florida.

It all came about when Florida Lieutenant Governor Jennifer Carroll was caught with strong ties to a charity which was suspected of being an internet gambling front.

The charity was quickly shut down.

Soon after the charity was shut down, the Republican-controlled Florida Legislature passed a bill which banned all illegal slot machines and Internet cafes, and Rick Scott promptly signed it into law.

The passing of this bill by Republicans (you know, the “small government party”) would be enough of a story by itself — except in an irresponsible haste to cover their own butts, the wording of the bill is so broad that it essentially bans every device in the state that can connect to the internet.

The bill defined illegal slot machines as any “system or network of devices” that can be used in a game of chance — vague wording that’s so all-encompassing that virtually anything with internet connectivity could be banned. Smartphones, Smart TV’s, computers, tablets, etc. In effect, if it were followed to the exact wording, it could almost outlaw the internet entirely in the state.

Think about that for a second. Can you imagine the outrage that would follow if a Democratic-controlled state legislature and governor passed a gun control bill that banned any gun that could be used to fire a bullet? There would be immediate and intense backlash and probably riots in the streets. But that would be an attack the Second Amendment, which is one of the few that Republicans actually care about. This Florida law is an attack on the First Amendment, so that’s perfectly fine, right?

Basically, this bill was a quick and pathetic overreaction to the now former Lieutenant Governor Jennifer Carroll (she’s since resigned) being caught connected with a charity that was busted for being a front for illegal online gambling.

It’s one thing to ban illegal gambling, it’s quite another to attack the freedom to access information. Which is essentially what Florida Republicans and Governor Scott did with this bill.

While the law most likely would never be used to confiscate personal computers or smartphones, the fact that it was even worded in a way that it could should concern every resident in the state.

This is just another example in a long line of corrupt, unethical and downright incompetent behavior by Governor Scott. But what more did Floridians expect from a man who was the CEO of a company that defrauded hundreds of millions from Medicare? Strong leadership and a sense of ethics?

Ah yes, Florida, the state that attempted to outlaw bestiality and ended up outlawing sex between mammals except for cases of husbandry. It’s also the state that’s being sued for violating the civil rights of a man who was arrested for having sex with a donkey. No wonder fiction is dying. Who can make up stuff weirder than this?

Allen covers the whole “elected convicted felon” angle very well so we can leave that alone except to note that Florida isn’t the only place where that’s possible. You will be completely not shocked to know that you can be elected to the U.S. Congress as a felon.

But, oddly, you can’t be an elected felon in Texas.

I’m sure they’ll fix that soon enough. How else will they replace Rick Perry?

Lately a lot of Southern Laws have baffled rational folks. Recently North Carolina, in an attempt to ban gay marriage, passed a law so vague that it strips all legal rights from any non-married couple. Yeah, that one’s tied up in court.

Not to be outdone, the great state of Kansas, having clearly identified a problem that never existed, passed a law to prevent the state from being placed under Sharia law. But, and you knew this was coming, the law is so poorly written as to outlaw ANY religious practice from influencing the law. Since only religion prevents gay marriages it would seem to pave a clear path for Adam and Steve to prove how really up to date things are in Kansas City.

All I can say is that, hearkening back to the fine traditions of Huey Long, southerners like their elected criminals and they like them to be really dumb.

PLS PLS with Elijah Jones (The Constellations) “Cocaine” music video uncensored NSFW from Video Rahim on Vimeo.

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