Saying Goodbye to a Friend

It was a week before Christmas. This stunning beauty got on the Fullerton bus. She was clearly upset. Listening to her rant on her cell phone I quickly figured out why. Her ex-husband had stolen her purse, but she had her wallet in her jeans so he didn’t get cash or credit cards, her car had broken down and ….. it went on. She put down her phone and, for reasons that elude me now, I spoke to her. What I said must have been one of my better openings…

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You, Me, God & Boobs

A long time ago in a land far, far, away, I wrote a silly little story about God. Well, it wasn’t really about God, it was more about a pseudo-dude who wanted to be God. Unfortunately for it, that position was taken. In the golden days of yore that story would have been read, put on a shelf and forgotten. Or maybe passed around to a few people and then shelved. But we live in the days of the old-fangled interweb. Things get taken off of figurative shelves all the…

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It’s Yearbook Time Again

Every year, whether people want them or not, high schools release yearbooks. These annual compendiums are meant to honor the year’s accomplishments of students and teachers And, in some cases, they attain that lofty goal. Or so I have heard. More often though they are either so vanilla that they are rendered meaningless or they provide so many levels of unintentional humor that the students will require therapy for decades. The mere phrase “class reunion” can cause them hours of twitching. My yearbook picture in 1979 featured me with uncombed…

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No Nukes For You!

When I was 18 I was excited by the many possibilities the world offered. And, by possibilities, you understand that I mean boobs. At that tender age we could drive to Wisconsin for beer since having teenage drunks navigating the highways late at night seemed like such a good idea. So essentially, at 18, I was a beer loving horn dog. Who played bass. I wasn’t a complete drain on society. Anyway, I was, in many ways, a typical 18 year old kid. I had done well in high school,…

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When China Met The World

Until the 1950’s international travel was limited to a select few. It wasn’t just the cost it was also the commitment. It took two days to get from Chicago to NY by train and then another 7 to get to England by ship. So you needed 18 spare days just to go and come back. People didn’t have that kind of free time. Not ones with jobs anyway. So international travel was rare. By the 1950’s that changed. Safe air travel made it possible to go across the continent in…

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The High Cost of Cheap Food

I have been dating a girl. It’s okay, she knows about it. Anyway, since we are responsible adults not all of our time is spent getting drunk and having meaningless sex. I know, responsibility sucks. No, sadly, some of our time is spent doing laundry, making sure her kids’ homework is done and shopping. Speaking of laundry, her teenage daughter recently bought a thong. That made a recent laundry conversation far more awkward than laundry conversations normally are. You see, I thought it belonged to the mom, that would be…

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They Are Going to Screw This Up

A friend of mine called me yesterday. She was excited about 3 things. I will share them in order. (1): she has a new girlfriend who (as far as I can tell) doesn’t seem to be psycho; (2): she found yoga pants that don’t accentuate her camel toe and, (3): she got a gig on the pre-production team for the upcoming Justice League movie. It was #3 that concerned me. She discussed the company viewpoint on the flick. Knowing that I’m a fan of the DC universe she thought, erroneously…

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