Normally Naked With Toys Can Be Fun

Remember when this was a good thing?
Remember when this was a good thing?
Have you ever been naked with another person? Of course you have. Odds are you enjoyed the experience. I am excluding prison showers and other related experiences. I am also excluding any visit you may make to Tulsa, Oklahoma where robbers tend to steal your pants as well as your money. Okay, so, yeah, sometimes being naked with someone else isn’t all that fun. Still, overall, it’s a positive experience. You and your special someone get all giggly and warm and then you find a private place or, if you’re me and in a bit of a pinch, the top of a police car and have at it. Then, once you get out of jail, you get to smile and have memories that will last you a lifetime. Also, getting naked with your special someone, even if that special someone is someone you just met, is a time honored way to get to know them better.

But, in Florida, it only seems to lead to trouble.

David Moye is reporting that Shaun Paul Williams met his special someone and, before he had an ounce of fun, found himself beaten, robbed and stripped naked.

A lot of guys would love to end up stripped naked on the first date, but not in the way experienced by a man in Florida.

Shaun Paul Williams, 34, told deputies in Flagler County, Fla., that he was beaten, robbed, forced to strip naked and abandoned on the side of a road Friday evening during a first date with a woman named “Tree.”

Authorities found Williams nude and bloodied walking on the shoulder of a road in Bunnell, Fla., late Friday near a cow pasture, NBC News reported.

According to the police report, Williams met Tree two weeks ago and they set a date for June 14. When she picked him up, there were two other men in the vehicle and Tree explained that one of them was her brother and she was going to drop him and the other guy off at his home.

Instead, the brother asked to stop at a cow pasture and Williams chose to jump out and urinate. At that point, he said he was hit in the head with a hard, metal object while one of the men yelled, “Give me all your money and your clothes,” RawStory.com reported.

Williams looked up and saw a semi-automatic pistol pointed directly at his face, so he took off all his clothes and gave his assaulters $200 in cash, a cell phone, his Florida driver’s license, a gray tank top, a pair of black Dickie shorts and a pair of gray and black DC sneakers. The two men — who were both described as being around 30 — then fled with Tree, FlaglerLive.com reported.

Williams, a professional painter, told the Daytona Beach News-Journal that, unless he gets surgery, he could lose his right eye and that his cheekbone and jaw are fractured.

He’s also expressing regrets at how the date turned out.

“I was going to take the girl on a nice dinner, trying to be a nice guy and next thing I know, I got beat up over a couple dollars,” Williams told the Daytona Beach News-Journal. “Basically, it was my stupidity,” Williams said. “I should have realized there was something funny about it.”

Police are looking for an African American woman and two African-American men in a late-1990s model dark blue four-door sedan.

Her name was “Tree?” That is never a good sign. Willow I could understand, but Tree? And, yes, first dates that include two armed chaperons rarely turn out well unless your dating the president’s daughter.

Also in Florida, a nice man went to a nice motel with a nice young lady who only cost a nice $500 and she, much to his surprise, turned out to not so nice after all.

A Florida woman and her buddy were arrested Friday after attacking and robbing a man who thought he was going to have sex for money, police said.

Jennifer Leigh Robbins, 20, lured the victim to a Melrose Super 8 motel room at about 6:30 p.m., according to the Gainesville Sun. The victim placed $500 in $20 bills on the microwave and closed the blinds, but when he turned around Robbins allegedly attacked him with pepper spray.

Moments later, Robbins’ alleged accomplice, Matthew Stuart Pauley, 24, entered the room. The three started fighting, and the melee spilled out into the hallway. Other hotel guests separated the two men. Robbins and Pauley then fled.

But they left some of the cash and a motel key card, which led police to the suspects, the Sun-Sentinel reports. Robbins and Pauley were arrested after police interviews.

Theft and sex never mix.

Nobody knows that better than Chelsey Coutts, whose $500 worth of sex toys were stolen from the trunk of her car earlier this month. The hot-and-bothered victim had been saving the toys for a bachelorette party in Oregon.

Okay, let’s recap; both thefts involved $500. The first with cash in a microwave (??) and the other a box full of sex toys that this woman was planning on sharing with a room full of other women.

Okay, yeah, I want to party with her.

So do you.

Now, what have we learned here today? Probably nothing you didn’t know already.

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