Making Lesbians One At A Time

Last year, after a lengthy court battle, Greek courts ruled that residents of the Isle of Lesbos could not sue women who called themselves lesbians. Yes, that was a real lawsuit. And, yes, that was a real result. So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on to other women’s issues. As the more astute among you may have noticed, despite the fact that I really, really like the feminine form, I am not a woman. Yet, despite that horrid shortcoming, I can, and do, sympathize with the plight of women in our modern society. Erik Berkowitz has a brilliant article about how modern attempts to limit women’s ability to control their bodies would fit in well with the Roman oppressions that required women to please their husbands no matter what. Which led to the Apostle Peter heading up the strangest feminist movement ever which, pretty much, led the Romans to martyr him. As Erik notes, “The recent comment of the Fox News guest Rev. Jesse Lee Petersen, that “Wherever women are taking over, evil reigns,” would have been well received in the Roman senate, the Greek agora, or most halls of religious power in Europe.” That is especially true since there are no, as in zero, facts to support Rev. Petersen’s claim. In the history of matriarchies they have never, as in “not once,” started a war. Although they did end a few.

However, lately, as LGBT rights become more a part of our everyday lives I can easily see why some women might just throw their hands in the air and, as Ellen DeGeneres once famously noted, earn a girlfriend a toaster.

Recently, TV Evangelist Pat Robertson took some time out of his busy day filled with gay bashing and hate mongering to remind women that everything that is wrong with their married lives is their fault.

Pat Robertson has many opinions on subjects including homosexuality, politics and the coming of the Mark of the Beast, but it was the famous televangelist’s opinion on marriage that took center stage during Wednesday’s episode of his daily television program, “The 700 Club.”

Responding to a question from a viewer, Robertson said that married men “have a tendency to wander” and it is the spurned wife’s job to focus on the positive and make sure the home is so enticing, he doesn’t want to stray.

“I’ve been trying to forgive my husband for cheating on me,” the viewer writes. “We have gone to counseling, but I just can’t seem to forgive, nor can I trust. How do you let go of the anger? How do you trust again?”

While Robertson’s co-host hedged on the question, calling forgiveness “difficult” and spousal infidelity “one of the ultimate betrayals,” Robertson got right to the point.

“Here’s the secret,” the famous evangelical said. “Stop talking the cheating. He cheated on you, well, he’s a man.”

The wife needs to focus on the reasons she married her spouse, he continued.

“Does he provide a home for you to live in,” Robertson said. ‘Does he provide food for you to eat? Does he provide clothes for you to wear? Is he nice to the children… Is he handsome?”

Robertson also offered a little advice on the “tendency of man.”

“Recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit,” Robertson said. “What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander” or give in to the “salacious” magazine pictures and Internet filled with porn.

This is certainly not Robertson’s first foray into anecdotal marital counseling, however.

In January, Robertson told viewers that “awful-looking” women can cause marriages to lose their spark.

“It just isn’t something to just lie there, ‘Well, I’m married to him so he’s got to take me slatternly looking,'” he said. “You’ve got to fix yourself up, look pretty.”

Similarly, in 2010 the host advised a woman complaining about her husband’s flirtatious ways not to “hassle him about it” and just make herself as attractive as possible.

He also once told a husband upset that his wife didn’t respect him that he could always just “become a Muslim and you could beat her.”

That’s right ladies, it’s not because your husband’s a dick, it’s because your not servicing his dick. Of course, as a Minister of Christ there is no way any of us could expect him to know the teachings of the Apostle Peter or …. oh, wait.

But it’s not just religious jerks who give women fits. Dr. J. Peter Zegarra recently told a woman with a pronounced gag reflex to blow her hubby twice a week until she could control it so she could have her needed procedure.

No, I am not making this up either.

Dr. Deep Throat, I presume?

J. Peter Zegarra, a California doctor, has been publicaly reprimanded by the state’s medical board after he told a patient to practice oral sex on her husband. The patient had expressed concerns her gag reflex would interfere with an upper-gastrointestinal endoscopy, according to CBS affiliate KOVR.

The patient, an unidentified woman, complained that the Sacramento-based colo-rectal surgeon told her to practice oral sex on her husband “twice a week” prior to the procedure as a way of allaying the reflex.

According to CBS Sacramento, Zegarra made the suggestion in front of the woman and her husband “several years ago.” The station also noted Zegarra had tried twice to expunge the complaint from the public record. Zegarra’s name appears on a summary of administrative actions taken by the California board of medicine in 2007.

CBS Sacramento reports that a spokesperson for the state board of medicine called the doctor’s suggestion inappropriate, even if it was meant as a joke.

As a matter of perspective, doctors have been caught doing much worse than dispensing questionable advice.

In September 2012, an Illinois doctor faced federal charges after he allegedly traded prescription drugs for sexual favors from 30 different patients. According to ABC affiliate KCRG, Dr. David Gierlus’ sexual encounters with patients ranged from “oral sex, both during medical appointments and outside the office in [his] vehicle, to intercourse in the examination room during medical appointments.”

In April 2012, a British general practitioner went before a medical counsel to face allegations from three female patients, who made separate complaints about his conduct between 2003 and 2005. One patient complained that the family doctor had molested her and had sex with her several times on his surgery table during appointments, claiming that it would “help save her marriage.”

Although suspensions are common in cases like these, they aren’t always permanent. In August 2012, a Lodi, Calif., doctor had his license reinstated by a judge, despite the doctor’s admitting to taking mood-altering inhalants and masturbating in his office. Opponents of the decision called it an example of the California medical board’s “lax approach to getting rid of doctors who pose a harm to patients.”

Yes, those are real doctors. You are supposed to be able to trust them. You take your family to them to heal their ills, not create more.

That’s a soapbox for another day.

Nevertheless, as I said earlier, I wouldn’t blame a woman if, after attempting to fit in with modern society, she just said the hell with it and handed out that toaster.

Or a bicycle. That’s an acceptable alternative as well.

Best Bike Rental (Director’s version) . from Stason bros.

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