Archives for May 2013

First off a quick warning for the more adventurous among you. More and more people are tossing up your sexy pics on sites without your permission. And, since people give them to them there is nothing you can do about it. Not really anyway. You can threaten and you can sue and, when all is said and done, your naked booty is still online. So you might want to consider if that candid of your privates is really that important to send. Can’t you just show your special someone in person? And, if not, should you be showing them in the first place? That public service announcement is tangentially related to today’s blog. That’s the good news. The better news is that I have never sent anyone a naked pic off my cell phone. So, even if you do surf those type of sites, there is no chance your eyes will bleed after seeing me nude.

You’re welcome.

Back on December 8 I mentioned a mother / daughter porn team. Of course they’re from Florida, why even bother asking? Anyway I figured that their moment of fame would fade quickly. It turns out I was wrong.

Our old pal, David Moye, reports that they are upping the ante by trying to hook up with a father / son porn team.

A mother and daughter duo who make porn films together are looking for a father-son team willing to join them on camera.

Jessica Sexxxton, 56, and her daughter, Monica, 22, have been shooting sex scenes together for the last 18 months for their own self-titled website, sometimes sharing the same partner, but not at the same time and never with each other — a technicality that keeps their films from being legally considered incest.

Now the Tampa, Fla.-based twosome are hoping to take their unorthodox relationship to the next level, with a nationwide search for a real father and son willing to shoot a porn film scene with them.

“It’s something we’ve considered for a while,” Jessica Sexxxton told The Huffington Post. “We once dated brothers in real life on and off for a couple of years. They were closer to [Monica’s] age, but we haven’t done a father and son in real life or on camera.”

Like the Sexxxtons, the father and son won’t have sex with each other, but Monica already has the scenario for this sordid family affair in mind.

“Something like, ‘Hey Dad, my girlfriend’s got a hot mom,'” Monica hypothesized to HuffPost. “But we’d probably cater to the fantasy by having the father have sex with me.”

The Sexxxtons tried casting a scene before using non-related actors as the father and son, but Monica said she didn’t like the results, because the man cast as the “Dad” “looked too much like the “Cockroach” guy from that movie, ‘Men In Black.'”

Family-oriented porn is a common fantasy scenario. But it’s rare to have real family members work together in movies.

In 1998, “Three Brothers,” a gay porn film, featured three real-life brothers, Vince, Shane and Hal Rockland, in a sex scene with an unrelated male. The brothers didn’t have sex with each other.

The Milton twins, Cali Marie and Cherish, have done scenes together since 2004, usually not touching. In 2008, porn star Elli Foxx filmed a scene with her mother, Desi, for a film called “Wanna F*** My Daughter Gotta F*** Me First 2.” They made sure to stay at least 10 feet apart while filming.

Adult industry historian Bill Margold said he’s “never even heard of rumors involving a father/son entity in porn.” He said the closest was an uncle and nephew who worked together.

The Sexxxtons may change that with their campaign, which will end, appropriately (or inappropriately) enough, on Father’s Day.

The women will then decide which father-son duo fits the bill and arrange a test scene, provided the son is of legal age and both the dad and son successfully pass tests for sexually transmitted diseases.

Jessica Sexxxton said she is not attracted to a particular type — although she wouldn’t turn down Sean Connery. She said she hopes any applicants are “somewhat good-looking and not fat.”

“Obviously, they’d have to be somewhat open-minded sexually in order to be okay doing this with their son,” Jessica Sexxton said. “I do prefer men who are clean-shaven. And that means the face and the whole body — anywhere but the arms and legs.”

Monica Sexxxton said she wants any dads and sons who work with her to be able to do the job.

“They need to be able to perform so I’m not standing around,” she said. “This is a little different than sex in real life. People don’t kiss. They don’t really make eye contact. They just go at it. [Filming porn] takes the spontaneity out, but it’s still sex, so it’s still good.”

The Sexxxtons said if they don’t find a father-son team that appeals to them, they won’t shoot a scene. Even if it happens, there’s no guarantee the movie will be a hit.

In fact, there is evidence to suggest the opposite, according to Nicole Prause, an assistant researcher at UCLA in the Department of Psychiatry who studies sexual arousal in response to porn.

“Research shows sexual acts between any parent and child leads most people to report feeling high levels of disgust, especially women, so the strong reaction to their films is unlikely to be seen as more acceptable over time,” Prause said.

Yeah, I have no idea who the target market for this stuff is but I’m pretty sure they should be locked up.

Or at least come with warning signs.

Now, question of the week: At what point do you ask your kid to star in a porno with you and think that it’s a good idea? How do you even begin that conversation?

“Honey, now that you’ve flunked high school again, what say we do tag team porn?”

“Wow, you’re such a great mom!”

2 Latina Lesbo’s and 1 Creepy Old Dude from Timmy T

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Oh joy. It’s time, once again, for the idiot infused fear mongers to pollute our universe. Not satisfied with reality these losers will waste perfectly good oxygen by continuing to breathe. You know the miscreants I am loathing. The ones who prey on the gullible with their preposterous “end of times” scenarios. Bible.ca has listed 242 alleged occurrences of Armageddon. In case you’re easily confused, not one of them caused the end of the world. However, we live in a world where people think that “governments” can cause tornadoes, so we are clearly not surrounded by geniuses. Sadly, I came down with an incurable case of scruples years ago or I’d be a zillionaire thanks to these morons. Just Google Armageddon Survival Kits to see what I mean. People are tossing millions of dollars at stuf they will never, ever, need. The odds are better that I will have sex with Miley Cyrus and Katy Perry at the same time than the world ending due to a prophecy. And I have never even met the young ladies.

Still, that doesn’t slow down the dense among us. Ray Villard, at Discover News, has a list of the impending Amrageddons you’ll need to plan for.

Take a deep breath; Dec 21, 2012 is behind us. The Mayan calendar end-of-world debacle is over: zip, zilch, gone!

The silliness, anxiety, and paranoia leading up to the predicted end of times was so bad that on Dec. 21st — the appointed doomsday — a worried citizen left a message on my office phone that accused me of skipping town to escape Armageddon.

If history is any example, the next cosmic doomsday prediction is always right around the corner. The Mayan blowout was just the latest in many centuries of bad calls by prognosticators who have the audacity to think they can divine the End of Everything.

So, to be a little preemptive, let’s look at just three cosmic events that might start another pop culture panic. Thankfully these aren’t born out of mythology, psychics, and misinterpreted archeoastronomy. They are real events that will inevitably be embellished by the imaginations of modern day soothsayers.

The Comet of the Century
Last September, the International Scientific Optical Network (ISON) near Kislovodsk, Russia, discovered comet C/2012 S1 (ISON). Though its closest approach to Earth is a year away, the celestial visitor is already billed as the “comet of the century.” That’s because it may be a first-time visitor to the solar system that will warm and then erupt with a lot of outgassing from pristine ices.

On Nov. 28, 2013 the comet will skim above the sun’s surface at a distance slightly greater than the separation of the Earth and moon. Not doubt there will be pseudoscience predictions of the comet wreaking havoc by raising tides on the sun. The exact opposite will be the case. The sun’s tidal pull could tear apart the comet into small pieces, as has been the case for previous sungrazer-class comets.

Comet ISON is due to pass within 37 million miles of Earth in January 2014. I’m expecting to see all types of outrageous claims that the object’s feeble gravity will yank on Earth to trigger volcanoes and earthquakes.

Comet ISON has been compared with the Great Comet of 1680 (in above illustration) which, according to contemporary accounts, caused New Yorkers to be “overcome with terror at a sight in the heavens such as has seldom greeted human eyes.” A day of fasting and humiliation was set-aside in order that “the wrath of God might be assuaged.”

Likewise, soothsayers will quickly note that the comet will be at it brightest one month before Christmas 2013. “This comet, if it lives up to its billing, certainly could point to the glorious soon coming of the Lord Jesus Christ from heaven!” predicts one religious website.

The fact that the comet is anticipated to get as bright as the moon will only fuel religious and mystical speculation about its timing and significance as an omen. Chill out folks, it’s just another 4 billion year-old primeval chunk of ice from the solar system’s deep freeze, the Oort cloud.

Asteroid Apophis
NASA keeps cataloging more Earth-threatening asteroids every year. But the asteroid Apophis, named after the Egyptian spirit of evil and destruction, is legendary because it will be a record-breaker.

On April, Friday the 13th of 2029 Apophis will skim below the orbits of communication satellites and briefly be a naked-eye object scooting over the mid-Atlantic ocean.

Earth’s gravity will deflect the comet’s trajectory. The worst-case scenario is that the chances of it striking Earth on its return on April 13, 2036 will increase to 1 in 5,500.

Apophis is the length of over three football fields. It packs enough kinetic energy to wipe out 10 million people with the power of 100,000 Hiroshima sized atomic bombs. Even in this worst case scenario a direct hit would not obliterate all life on the planet. But it certainly would not be a good day for the human race.

People will get very squeamish over the possibility of Apophisgeddon despite the best low-probability collision estimate from astronomers. Parallels no doubt will be drawn to Biblical prophecy. This is especially true because the potentially destructive path of the asteroid crosses Middle East. South America and the west coast of Africa are also along the ground track.

Congress might even debate if steps should be taken to deflect the asteroid. But given that so many legislators are tone-deaf to global warming, I wouldn’t expect any preemptive actions to be funded.

Planetary Grand Alignment
Like clockwork so-called planetary grand alignments have taken place in 1962, 1982, and 2000. This does not mean that the planets line up like pearls on a string. But they sort of gang up on one side of the sun within an angle of roughly 10 to 30 degrees — so the definition is a but mushy.

The uneventful year 1128 A.D. saw one of the tightest planetary alignments.

The doomsday best seller The Jupiter Effect in 1982 spelled out an improbable chain of events that would be triggered by the planets’ tug-of-war with the sun: tides raised on the sun’s surface would increase sunspot activity, build up the solar wind, that would effect Earth’s weather, and subsequently, Earth’s spin rate, which would then trigger earthquakes.

No geological disasters happened in 1982 short of a 6.0 magnitude earthquake that killed 1,500 people in Dhamar, northern Yemen. In fact the celestial alignment allowed for NASA to pull off the Voyager 2 “grand tour” of the four outer gas giant planets from 1979 to 1989.

Jupiter contains more mass than all the other planets combined, and yet it is still less than 1 percent of the sun’s mass. Therefore Jupiter’s influence on the sun is inconsequential.

Alien astronomers could measure Jupiter’s gravitational tug as an insignificant 270 mile-per-hour cyclic change in the sun’s radial velocity over the planet’s 12-year orbital period. Only if Jupiter was moved so close to the sun that its orbital period was measured in days, would some serious tidal effects be seen. This is observed with so-called “hot Jupiters,” the exoplanet WASP-18 being the most extreme case.

Running an ephemeris forward in time, with the ease of throttling H.G. Wells’ time machine, the next closest thing to a grand alignment comes in 2163. Unless we have bombed ourselves back to pre-Columbian society by then, people in 2163 will be too science savvy to give this any thought. They will be bemused by historical accounts of the feared Jupiter Effect by their science-illiterate ancestors.

What’s ironic is that any casual surfing of the Internet shows that a lot of people are preoccupied with doom and gloom based on mythology, psychics, and patently flaky ideas. The real Earth-threats, such as global warming, seem to be too easily shrugged off as lacking solid scientific evidence. Go figure.

If you want to jot this down on an index card to help you through your day, feel free.

(1) Global warming is real. It is not all man made, this is true, but enough of it is to cause serious concern. The natural ebbs and flows of the planet are being severely impacted by pollution and that is a solvable problem.

(2) As of today, not one single biblical prophecy has come true.

(3) As of today, not one single Mayan prophecy as come true.

(4) As of today, not one single televangelist’s prophecy has come true.

Are you beginning to see a trend here?

Sadly, while Ray may think that we will be a smarter race in 2182, science says otherwise. Research shows that humans are getting dumber with each passing generation.

Human intelligence may have actually peaked before our ancient predecessors ever left Africa, Gerald Crabtree writes in two new journal articles. Genetic mutations during the past several millennia are causing a decline in overall human intellectual and emotional fitness, he says. Evolutionary pressure no longer favors intellect, so the problem is getting exponentially worse. He is careful to say that this is taking quite a long time, so it’s not like your grandparents are paragons of brilliance while your children will be cavemen rivaling Hartman’s SNL character. But he does posit that an ancient Athenian, plucked from 1000 BC, would be “among the brightest and most intellectually alive of our colleagues and companions.”

In other words, in am millenia or so, people will look back and marvel at the genius who wrote this blog.

Millionaires “Party Like A Millionaire” from millionaires tsm on Vimeo.

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Regular readers know that I am not a big fan of McDonald’s. There is a whole section of our search engine dedicated to eviscerating them. I have written about everything from how their food will not decay, which is not natural, to how performance artists use Mc-food to kill insects. Just so we’re clear, I am not a fan. Now, that being said, I must give credit where credit is due. Charles Ramsey, the hero in Cleveland who rescued those three young women, has turned down reward money and tried to live a normal life. But there is one reward he will not be able to ignore. He likes to eat his lunch at McDonald’s. Well, someone has to or they’d go out of business. Anyway, without any fanfare or fuss McDonald’s quietly gave Mr. Ramsey a gift certificate which will allow him to have free burgers for the rest of his life. It was only when a reporter followed up with Mr. Ramsey did the world find this out. That was a classy move by a company not exactly known for its subtlety. So, for today, McDonald’s get a pass from me. I might even try a burger.

Well, let’s not get crazy.

Now let’s look at a few companies that could take lessons from the nice folks at Mc-Corporate. First up are the owners of the Russian ship, Lyubov Orlova, which was being sent to Canada for scrapping due to debts. It’s filled with toxic waste and is in poor shape. Naturally they lost it. That’s right, somewhere in the Atlantic is a ship full of poison that, if it sinks, could do untold amounts of damage to the ocean and the life it contains. You might think that knowledge would spur them into action to find it. You would be wrong, but you can be forgiven for thinking it.

Canada, for its part, doesn’t seem too broken up over the loss, as the boat had been abandoned in Canadian waters in 2010 after a reported financial dispute between the owner and a charter company, per Fox News. Once the ship drifted into international waters, the Canadian government largely washed its hands of the issue. As The Globe and Mail reported back in February, Canada’s transportation department said in a statement it was “very unlikely that the vessel will re-enter waters under Canadian jurisdiction.”

The boat’s whereabouts have received a good deal of attention in the international pressu, and the mystery surrounding the vessel has even spawned a website, “Where is Lyubov Orlova?”

On a sobering note, however, if the boat has wrecked somewhere, it could be leaking toxic fluids into the water, according to French environmental organization Robin du Bois.

“In case of a collision or sinking or any accident, the Lyubov Orlova will immediately release fuel … other toxic liquids, asbestos … mercury and other non-degradable floating waste,” the group declared in a statement, according to LiveScience.

But other than that everything’s fine.

Speaking of catastrophic meltdowns, I would be remiss if I ignored the fun loving couple who owns Amy’s Bakery in Arizona. After getting dissed on national TV by Gordon Ramsey (no relation to Charles) and issuing one of the most profanity laden Facebook rants in history, which they blamed on a hacker who seemed to imitate their speech patterns perfectly (sure, I believe them, and I believe in the Easter Bunny, and ….), they decided to reopen their restaurant. They did this quietly since people didn’t show up.

Finding out how the place is run by douchebags will do that to a business.

But, to make matters even more fun, it turns out that the husband half of that daffy duo may be in the country illegally.

Oops.

Ryan Grenoble has the whole story.

Amy’s Baking Company has had a rough go recently, and it may yet get worse: Sami Bouzaglo, one of the restaurant’s owners, may be facing deportation.

According to a report in The Arizona Republic, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement officials are investigating Bouzaglo, an Israeli citizen, regarding time he spent in prison prior to his immigrating to the United States. Bouzaglo’s immigration lawyer did not disclose details of the case to the Republic, but the paper, citing a “high-ranking law enforcement source,” reports that Bouzaglo’s international record hints at involvement in “drug distribution, threats, and extortion.”

The Scottsdale, Ariz., restaurant originally soared to infamous heights after a disastrous “Kitchen Nightmares” episode appeared to trigger a self-destruct sequence on the company’s Facebook page. Owners Sami Bouzaglo and his wife, Amy, later stated the bizarre, profane posts (“You people are all s**t,” “I AM NOT STUPID ALL OF YOU ARE,” among others) were the work of a hacker.

More recently, the restaurant’s PR firm, Rose+Moser+Allyn, which was hired specifically to manage the resulting storm of negative publicity, quit. Company spokesman Jason Rose diplomatically explained to Fox News, “It’s fair to say, that while we were in agreement on some approaches, there was disagreement on others.”

The report of Bouzaglo’s deportation hearings comes less than a day after Amy’s Baking Company marked its “grand reopening.”

I know someone who lives in Arizona and had eaten there before. He said it was bland food for bland people and the service was sketchy. He would not go back a second time.

All things considered their bankruptcy would be a gift from above.

I’m just saying that anyone stupid enough to steal their staff’s tips while being filmed deserves what they get.

But the biggest meltdown appears to have started when a guy’s speech from 2006 resurfaced a couple of weeks back. Mike Jeffries, the C.E.O. of Abercrombie & Fitch, claimed that his store only cared about selling clothes to the “cool kids.” I once did a video for an A&F party in NYC, so I guess I was, for a brief shining moment, a cool kid.

Anyway, since the speech reared it’s self absorbed head on the internet A&F sales have plummeted.

Abercrombie and Fitch suddenly has much bigger problems to deal with than an overly-opinionated CEO.

The retailer announced Friday that U.S. sales fell 17 percent in the first quarter of the year, and that future profit forecasts have been cut, according to the Los Angeles Times. On a conference call, the company’s CEO, Mike Jeffries, cited inventory shortages as the root of the problem.

The declines in sales actually came before controversy erupted over Jeffries’ 2006 remarks, in which he defended the exclusivity of his brand and said the company markets to “cool, good-looking people.” The comments’ reemergence sparked massive protests from teen activists, bloggers and media personalities alike, who called on Jeffries to start making plus-size clothing for women.

Abercrombie was forced to issue not one, but two apologies about its CEO’s off-the-cuff remarks. In the first apology, which was met with severe opposition on Abercrombie’s Facebook page, Jeffries said that he “seriously regrets” that his “choice of words was interpreted in a manner that has caused offense.”

The retailer was forced to make another apology after a group of teen activists went to Abercrombie’s headquarters in Columbus, Ohio, to protest Jeffries. After meeting with the activists, Abercrombie issued a statement stating that the brand is committed to “anti-bullying in addition to our ongoing support of diversity and inclusion.”

They’re diverse as long as you wear a medium or smaller and their inclusive as long as you have cash to buy their tiny clothes.

Look, A&F have never hidden the fact that they have a target market. They want the young and edgy. Why else would the release an ad that bordered on gay teen porn? And that was one of their more normal ads.

What happened here is the perfect storm. People are suddenly far more sensitive to the feelings of others and are trying to be more inclusive of various lifestyles and suddenly here’s this narcissistic billionaire jerk saying how he only takes money from worthy people.

By the way, to the guy who gave A&F clothes to the homeless, I got the joke. Unfortunately I think that using homeless people as props so you can make a political statement is degrading to them and counter-intuitive to your purported statement since you are clearly saying “Here are the ugly and unworthy people and I’m making them dress up like emo whores!”

You might want to try that again.

Kat Curtis – Screw You, Times Square (NSFW) from steve prue on Vimeo.

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The world has never stopped looking for alternative food sources. And they have found some doozies. From the deep fried bug market in Thailand to the horse sashimi fetish in Kazakhstan, it seems that humans are always finding ways not to starve. And, I suppose, that’s a good thing. If we all starved to death who would we make fun of? Or, more importantly in our self centered world, who would make fun of us? For the record, I have tried a wide variety of foods. Including bugs and horse. For the most part, except for raw horse, you probably wouldn’t know you were eating anything odd unless someone told you or your counted the legs and feelers before you chewed. Back in 1973 Richard Fleischer directed a film about how to recycle humans into food called Soylent Green. It scared the living bejeezus out of a lot of folks. My mom wouldn’t touch chili for years after that.

Of course that was back in the day when world hunger was just becoming an international issue. Now things are okay, right?

Wrong.

Thanks to greedy dictatorships, inefficient distribution methods and downright corruption the world’s food is not getting to the world’s hungry. And, don’t get me wrong, there is enough food to go around.

So what to do?

Scientists at NASA have decided that throwing a little money at the problem might lead to a big solution. And by “little” I mean about what one third of what an NFL rookie makes at league minimum.

Eric Pfeiffer, at Yahoo News, has the whole story.

Call it food for thought. Or perhaps thought for food: NASA has given a six-month grant to a company developing what could be the world’s first 3-D food printer. And the project’s developer, reports Quartz, an online digital news site, believes the invention could be used to end world hunger.

Quartz explains that the printer is the brainchild of mechanical engineer Anjan Contractor. Being developed by Contractor’s company, Systems & Materials Research Corp., it will use proteins, carbohydrates and sugars to create edible food products.

Contractor says one of his primary motivations is a belief that food will become exponentially more expensive in the near future. The average consumer, he told Quartz, will need a more economically viable option.

Some alternative food source options that may be used with the printer include algae, duckweed, grass, lupine seeds, beet leaves and even insects, according to TNO Research, which is working with Contractor on the project.

“I think, and many economists think, that current food systems can’t supply 12 billion people sufficiently,” said Contractor. “So we eventually have to change our perception of what we see as food.”

One of Contractor’s first prototypes will be a 3-D pizza printer, and he hopes to begin building it over the next couple of weeks. Contractor, reports Quartz, explained that it will print “a layer of dough, which is baked at the same time it’s printed, by a heated plate at the bottom of the printer. Then it lays down a tomato base, ‘which is also stored in a powdered form, and then mixed with water and oil.'” Lastly comes the “protein layer.”

Contractor also hopes that people will be able to share recipes via an open source coding system.

“One of the major advantages of a 3-D printer is that it provides personalized nutrition,” Contractor told Quartz. “If you’re male, female, someone is sick—they all have different dietary needs. If you can program your needs into a 3-D printer, it can print exactly the nutrients that person requires.”

NASA is certainly a believer: The six-month grant comes to $125,000. The agency specifically interested in using the 3-D printer to feed astronauts on long space voyages.

“Long distance space travel requires 15-plus years of shelf life,” Contractor said to Quartz. “The way we are working on it is, all the carbs, proteins and macro and micro nutrients are in powder form. We take moisture out, and in that form it will last maybe 30 years.”

You will notice that taste wasn’t mentioned. Ever since THX-1138 presented the idea of food paste as opposed to Star Trek’s version of a replicator that could make a gourmet meal, people have held low hopes for flavor in space.

But, more importantly and closer to home, if this works these printers could easily be distributed throughout the world and the hungry would need be hungry no more.

And, as I have noted before, people who aren’t hungry or desperate tend to concentrate on living normal lives and not fomenting rebellion.

Oh, and they frolic. In fact, we should all frolic right now in a show of non-hungry unity.

Caged Animals : ‘All the Beautiful Things In The World’ (NSFW)
from the album EAT THEIR OWN

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We live in very odd times. There are people who are, flat out, convinced that the government (a/k/a Obama) can create tornadoes at will. This is despite the fact that salting, or seeding, clouds is so wildly unpredictable (it can cause anything from rain to drought) that no one does it any more. So if something that simple eludes science I sincerely doubt they have secret tornado generating machines hidden somewhere. It isn’t like they can just toss a propeller in the atmosphere and have at it. This isn’t like twirling your finger in a bathtub. But, stupid people aside, there is one guy who has caught a ton of ridicule for his, allegedly, infantile take on the geo-political realities in which we live. I am, of course, talking about Dennis Rodman. In March, D-Rod said that he had made a “friend for life” with Kim Jong Un, the undisputed ruler of North Korea. Then his friend for life immediately thanked him for that shout out and threatened to nuke Texas. Also Japan, South Korea, anyone named Elroy (allegedly) and so on down the list. He even went so far as to trot out an, alleged, nuclear missile, which stayed on a rack for a couple of days and then was taken away. All along Rodman has insisted that Kim Jong Un is just a soul whose intentions are good; Oh Lord, please don’t let him be misunderstood. And it’s easy to see how Americans might misunderstand someone who recently released a book entitled Let Us Carry Out the Great Leader Comrade Kim Il Sung’s Instructions for National Reunification. Zay Smith wants you to know that it’s available in Bangladesh if you can’t find it on Amazon.

But, and this is a big but (and we all know that big butts cannot lie), what if Little Kim, we can call him that because we’re buds by association (journalistic transparency moment, D-Rod has bought me beer before), really isn’t an insanely evil dictator of an impoverished country? What if D-Rod was right and Little Kim is just a nice guy who likes chocolate? What if, after all the posturing to make the military wonks happy, all Little Kim really wants is an amusement park and some friends?

Tom Phillips, from the Telegraph U.K. office in Shanghai, says there may be more than a grain of truth to that.

Pyongyang’s take on Augustus Pugin’s iconic clock tower will feature in a theme park that is planned to open this year, the Associated Press reported on Monday.
The “miniature world” park, which will also boast a replica of Paris’ Eiffel Tower, is reportedly part of a construction boom that began in the capital in 2010.

Last year, North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-un vowed to bring to an end decades of austerity and hardship with the slogan: “No More Belt-Tightening.”

The Associated Press, which is the only western news organisation allowed to operate permanently inside the secretive state, reported that Pyongyang’s “transformation” had seen its downtown areas spruced up with “glossy construction” including “department stores, restaurants and high-rise apartments.” At the centre of this construction frenzy is Changjon street, in downtown Pyongyang, where a brand-new supermarket trades in Hershey’s Kisses, Coca-Cola and Doritos.

“Inside supermarkets where shopgirls wear French designer labels, people with money can buy Italian wine, Swiss chocolates, kiwi fruit imported from New Zealand and fresh-baked croissants,” the Associated Press reported.

“They can get facials, lie in tanning booths, play a round of mini golf or sip cappuccinos and cocktails while listening to classical music.”

Last month the China Daily newspaper said North Korea was also a building a “mini-golf theme park” in order to boost tourism.
But despite attempts to give Pyongyang a makeover, conditions outside the capital remain dire with food rationing widespread and the supply of electricity sporadic.

Last month, the United Nations’ Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs reported that around 2.8 million North Koreans were “in need of regular food assistance amid worrying levels of chronic malnutrition and food insecurity.” Twenty-five per cent of North Korean children suffered from “chronic malnutrition,” the report said.

“Supplies of medicine and equipment are inadequate; water and heating systems need repair, and the infrastructure of schools and colleges is deteriorating rapidly.”

Kenneth Bae, a 44-year-old ethnic Korean with US citizenship, is currently facing a possible death sentence in North Korea on charges that he attempted “to topple the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea” during a visit last November.

The details of Mr Bae’s alleged crimes are unclear but reports have suggested he may have angered authorities by taking photographs of impoverished children.

For the record, as of this writing, Rodman has, correctly, noted that no one is doing anything to free Mr. Bae. He has asked his BFF for Mr. Bae to be released and has been granted a return visit to North Korea on August 1. Since this the only topic listed on the itinerary that could get interesting.

I have no idea how the world will react if professional diplomacy fails and Rodman succeeds. But I sincerely doubt if Mr. Bae’s family will be all that upset.

On the other hand, I could learn to like a world that celebrated peace through partying.

CLUBKOREA from COMMUNICATION

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When I was a younger B3 I played team sports in school. I wasn’t real good at any of them but I tried, I had fun and I made friends. Which, when we’re discussing kids is probably the more valuable experience. Of course there was that one kid that everyone could tell was special. The kid who had real talent. And you all remember what parents and coaches would say to that kid; “You’d better keep your grades up or you’ll never get into college and be able to go pro.” And it was, and still is, true. Most colleges require a 2.3 (out of 4.0), or a C+/B-, grade point average (GPA) in the core curricula; reading, writing, arithmetic, history and science. But high school sports have become big money. It’s not just football in Texas anymore. Kids all over the country are playing in larger stadiums, in front of larger crowds and on local television. I was in upstate New York a while back and high school Lacrosse was on every TV in town. Anyway, here in Illinois, kids are only required to maintain a 0.8 GPA to participate in sports. I’ll put it this way, if the kid was taking 5 courses he or she could fail 2 and get D’s in the other 3 and they would be eligible to play in the current IHSA system. The Rockford school system earned the wrath of thousands for allegedly lowering their academic requirements for kids to play sports. They did no such thing. All they did was eliminate their requirements and use the IHSA’s and the state’s.

I bring all this up since the article I am going to cite today deals with the Oklahoma school system and I wanted to be clear that I’m not piling on Oklahoma. They have enough going on and don’t need any more grief. However, this article is one of the best I’ve read on the overall problem and it deserves to be shared. Jonathan Braden, of the Omaha World-Herald, takes a look at the potential impact if the state raises the minimum grade requirement to a C from a D-.

If the Omaha Public Schools required student-athletes to maintain a 2.0 grade-point average, hundreds of teenagers who played high school sports last year likely would have been ineligible.

OPS data show that 464 football players, wrestlers and other athletes had GPAs lower than 2.0 at the end of last school year. That was just more than 16 percent, or one of every six OPS high school athletes.

A minimum 2.0 GPA — a C average — also would disproportionately affect black and low-income student athletes, based on the data. One-third of the district’s black athletes would have been ineligible last school year.

About a quarter of the district’s athletes whose families qualified for federal lunch subsidies earned less than 2.0 GPAs last year. The subsidies provide an indicator of poverty.

The idea of a minimum GPA came up in March, when board member Justin Wayne suggested one for students participating in sports and other extracurricular activities. To gauge the impact of the idea, The World-Herald requested data from the district to show how a minimum 2.0 GPA would affect student-athletes. The data did not name students, nor did it break down numbers by varsity versus other teams.

Wayne said he suggested the GPA requirement because too many OPS athletes have the talent to play in college but don’t have the grades.

Such a policy would affect OPS teams and schools unevenly, based on the OPS data. Among the biggest impacts:

» Seventeen of the 97 members of Central’s boys basketball program (including freshman and junior varsity teams) would have been unable to play under the rule. Central’s varsity team took state last year.

» At Northwest High, almost 54 percent of the football team would have had to sit out. In fact, almost 30 percent of the school’s athletes would have been disqualified.

» At Benson, a quarter of the athletes wouldn’t have qualified.

Such a requirement would be tougher than the state demands. Districts elsewhere, as well as some states, have implemented similar academic requirements, with mixed results.

Nationally, it will soon get harder to qualify academically and play sports at college. In fall 2016, incoming freshmen wanting to play Division I athletics immediately will need a 2.3 GPA in their core classes, such as English, science and math.

Wayne suggested the new policy before OPS made its data available, but he said the numbers reinforce his desire to make a change.

“It reaffirms that we must have it — a minimum GPA requirement — along with the support systems to make sure kids are successful,” said Wayne, who hasn’t put a formal proposal before the board.

Support systems could include an expanded high school tutoring program or extra support for student-athletes, Wayne said.

The suggestion comes as research consistently shows that students involved in athletics and other activities, particularly youths from low-income families, are more likely to get better grades and stay in school.

“Certainly you want to have standards for kids,” said Lisa Kort-Butler, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, who has studied the effects of extracurricular activities on students. “(But) you don’t want to take away other things that make them feel like they’re part of school.”

Nearly all the OPS board candidates in Tuesday’s election told The World-Herald they favored a minimum GPA for participation in extracurricular activities, although a few said that before weighing in, they wanted more information on how it would affect students.

Jill Brown, who is challenging Wayne, said she would vote against such a proposal as a board member.

“This just seems like a random policy without a vision,” Brown said.

She questioned limiting extracurricular activities for students when research shows students involved in them have more self-confidence and attend school more regularly. Brown, an associate professor of developmental psychology at Creighton University, said that in a district with 50,000 students, she’d worry about bigger issues.

Making wrestlers and speech contestants maintain a 2.0 GPA would be much tougher than the current requirements at OPS high schools.

Like other Nebraska public and private high schools, OPS rules match the eligibility guidelines of the Nebraska School Activities Association: Get at least a D in four classes the previous semester. (Most OPS students take seven classes each semester.)

Under the current guidelines, a student could get four D’s and three F’s and still be eligible.

“That basically equates to a half-day of work,” said Deb Velder, associate director of the NSAA.

Velder said she is not aware of any effort to strengthen the state’s requirements during her 32 years with the NSAA.

Some coaches ask more of their athletes than the NSAA requires.

Doug Woodard, boys basketball coach at Bellevue West, periodically checks students’ grades. If a student is performing worse than his potential, he might have to go after school — during practice time — to get help from a teacher.

Woodard agrees with Wayne that the state eligibility standards could be raised. But he said OPS would be better off getting NSAA-member schools to change the state guidelines.

Any statewide change would have to go through the organization’s legislative process, which includes getting the support of the majority of schools in three of the NSAA’s six districts.

A prominent OPS soccer coach echoed Woodard’s comments, saying the requirements could be tougher, but change them for everyone.

At the same time, Joe Maass, soccer coach at Omaha South for 15 years, said the 2.0 GPA standard would be met if it were implemented. More than 80 percent of South’s soccer players had GPAs above 2.0 at the end of last school year, according to OPS data.

In addition to the 2.0 GPA requirement, he said, high schools could make students sit out if they’re failing two classes during the semester.

Wayne said he initially requested GPA data on OPS athletes from district staff in October. He said he was told that his request was denied because the data would have identified students.

In January, Wayne asked that the topic of athletic eligibility be placed on a board committee agenda for discussion.

In March, during a board committee discussion, Wayne mentioned requiring a 2.0 GPA or a 2.3 GPA for students involved in extracurricular activities.

At the time, some OPS board members questioned the wisdom of OPS unilaterally changing its requirements. Students who didn’t qualify to play in OPS could simply transfer to another district.

“We don’t want to have an unintended consequence of losing students,” Marian Fey, OPS board president, said in a recent phone interview.

School districts and some states have adopted similar policies, with differing results.

Officials with some states say the policy hasn’t harmed participation, while others blamed the 2.0 GPA requirement for leading to smaller athletic teams.

Florida and California have long required student-athletes to have 2.0 GPAs.

“It’s not declining participation or anything. A 2.0 is still very, very doable,” said Corey Sobers, spokesman for the Florida High School Athletic Association.

Approaches in other areas:

» In some states, including Iowa, students must pass all their classes to be eligible. Individual school districts also can have tougher standards than the state minimum.

» For decades, the Kansas City Public Schools have required a minimum 2.0 GPA to participate in athletics, tougher than required by the Missouri State High School Activities Association.

» The Rockford, Ill., Public Schools, half the size of OPS but similar in demographics, tried a similar system but dropped it. District officials said the requirement decreased student involvement and didn’t increase graduation rates.

Matt Vosberg, district assistant superintendent in Rockford, said some students took easier classes, such as two physical education classes instead of an Advanced Placement course, to ensure they got a 2.0. Other students just sat out of sports, he said, and Rockford’s teams struggled.

“After you implement it, you realize there are some unintended consequences to it,” Vosberg said.

Rockford dropped the 2.0 mark in favor of making students pass five classes, which is now also the guideline of the Illinois High School Association.

Two years later, Vosberg said, the number of Rockford students taking at least one Advanced Placement course has increased 30 percent, and the number of students in high school athletics has jumped, although specific numbers weren’t available.

Students from low-income families, which are prevalent in both OPS and Rockford, benefit the most from extracurricular activities, said Kort-Butler, the UNL sociologist. Students who are involved are more likely to stay in school.

“Having this connection to school through extracurricular activities helps, in a sense, buffer against some of those other things in their lives,” she said.

When those kids become young adults, she said, they’re more likely to avoid risky behaviors, such as substance abuse.

Maass, at South High, said he has had students with GPAs close to 2.0 who stayed in school because of soccer and later went to college.

Wayne said he’s aware of the role extracurricular activities play in kids’ lives and that some kids attend school only because of them. Close friends of his dropped out after not making Omaha high school basketball teams.

That’s why any changes for OPS would be phased-in, he said, and be accompanied by a strong support system for student-athletes.

He said he brought up the idea to get people talking about academics and athletics.

“The purpose of it was to start a discussion,” he said, “and make sure all of our student-athletes are being successful.”

And that’s the other side of the sword, sports do help keep kids out of trouble. That is the time honored reason for funding athletics, and it’s true. The problem is what does society do with an 18 year old kid who can’t read past the fourth grade level? There isn’t a long line of potential employers looking for that particular skill set. So you are stuck with a kid who’s stayed out of trouble, is a good human being and who would be stymied by the requirements needed to be a busboy.

I’m sorry, I meant busser.

Whatever the term, the skill set is probably beyond them.

All you need to do is watch the news to see how that’s working out.

I’m not smart enough to know what the solution is, maybe a combination of increased GPA minimums and increased support for these kids. Whatever the answer is, the smart people better find it fast.

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A while back I wrote about Miguel Alcubierre. He was the fun loving scientist who figured out how faster than light travel was possible without violating Einstein’s laws. He did this despite finding out that Jason Richwine said he didn’t have the intelligence of white, native, Americans. If I take that statement literally I think it means that Cochise was white. Which I am going to guess is a fact that will come as a shock to his generational progeny. Anyway, idiots aside, Miguel figured it out. But he was stymied by the fact that infinite speed required infinite energy. Harold White, no relation to Cochise, is a scientist at NASA and he thinks he may have figured out a way to make it all work. Way to go Harold!! Basically Harold’s idea comes down to this; shape the warp field like a doughnut and the energy requirements drop dramatically. The math behind that oversimplification would fill 1,000 blogs so I’ll just smile and agree with him. You should too.

Okay, now that we have that out of the way, what would happen if someone did actually build the damn thing?

Well, if Discover News is correct, it could mean the end of all life on Earth.

It’s not as easy as Star Trek makes it look

“Star Trek” makes faster-than-light travel look easy, but according to new calculations by Italian physicists, a warp drive could easily create a black hole that would incinerate any passengers on a space craft and then suck Earth into a black hole.

“Warp drives are so far the best case scenario to attain faster-than-light travel,” said Stefano Finazzi of Italy’s International School for Advanced Studies. This paper “makes it much harder to realize, if not almost impossible, warp drives.”

In normal physics, nothing can move faster than the speed of light. Einstein’s theory of relativity forbids it. In normal space any object approaching the speed of light will increase in mass exponentially, and require an exponential increase in the amount of power needed to propel it forward.

There are two exceptions to this rule however. The first is what’s commonly called a worm hole, a bridge connecting two different parts of space. A ship crossing this bridge would move at below light speed, but still arrive before a beam of light that would have had to go the long way around.

Warp drives are the second and more appealing option. A ship can’t move through space faster than the speed of light. But with enough energy, space itself can move faster than the speed of light.

Known for the Mexican physicist Michael Alcubierre who originally developed the idea in the 1990’s, an Alcubierre warp drive would create a bubble of energy behind the ship and a lack of energy in front of the ship, like a giant cosmic wave a space ship could surf. That particular section of space can travel faster than the speed of light in the surrounding space, and anything on or in that bubble will accelerate with it.

Finazzi and his colleagues propose creating this bubble of space-time by using a massive amount of “exotic matter,” or dark energy. (Exactly how this bubble would be created is still a mystery.) According to their calculations and simplified, it would take a huge amount of energy to create the bubble, and then increasing amounts of energy to contain the highly repulsive dark energy.

Eventually the energy would run out. The bubble would rupture, with catastrophic effects. Inside the bubble the temperature would rise to about 10^32 degrees Kelvin, destroying almost anything on the bubble.

Anyone watching the ship nearby wouldn’t be much better off.

“We know that the warp drive will be destabilized,” said Finazzi. “But we do not know if it will in the end explode or collapse to a black hole.”

Other physicists agree with the Italians’ calculations, up to a point.

“It’s a good paper; their results are sound,” said Gerald Cleaver, a professor of physics at Baylor University who reviewed the work. The results make sense, at least, when creating warp drive using exotic matter in a universe where 1 plus 1 equals 2.

In a universe where 1 plus 1 equals 3, a possibility with string theory instead of the semi classical physics used by the Italians, a stable warp drive is viable.

Last year Cleaver and co-author Richard Obousy detailed a string theory-based warp drive that creates a bubble of space time by expanding one of the tiny, rolled-up dimensions (instead of a bubble of dark energy) predicted by string theory.

The biggest sticking point to a extra dimension-based warp drive? The entire mass of Jupiter would have to be converted into pure energy to power it.

The real question is not whether a warp drive, which by Cleaver’s estimate is hundreds of years away, will be stable or not. It’s about the fundamentals of the universe; do we live in a universe where 1 plus 1 equals 2 or 3? Until scientists can answer that question, there will be significant limitations on scientific models of the universe.

“These papers suggest limitations to what we can and can’t do,” said Cleaver. “We as scientists enjoy these papers because then we can look for ways to get around those limitations.”

I know, I know, you’re asking how you can convert the mass of a planet to pure energy. You’ll be pleased to know that there’s an easy way to do it. Just click here if you’re curious.

Obviously the science behind all of this is in its infancy, which means it will change innumerable times before anything gets set in stone (that being how science works), but it will be cool as hell to follow this as it develops.

Until they get it right, take a moment to enjoy one vision of what interstellar hip hop might be like.

PASSALACQUA – “Sirens” from Colin Duerr

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Last year, after a lengthy court battle, Greek courts ruled that residents of the Isle of Lesbos could not sue women who called themselves lesbians. Yes, that was a real lawsuit. And, yes, that was a real result. So, now that that’s out of the way, let’s move on to other women’s issues. As the more astute among you may have noticed, despite the fact that I really, really like the feminine form, I am not a woman. Yet, despite that horrid shortcoming, I can, and do, sympathize with the plight of women in our modern society. Erik Berkowitz has a brilliant article about how modern attempts to limit women’s ability to control their bodies would fit in well with the Roman oppressions that required women to please their husbands no matter what. Which led to the Apostle Peter heading up the strangest feminist movement ever which, pretty much, led the Romans to martyr him. As Erik notes, “The recent comment of the Fox News guest Rev. Jesse Lee Petersen, that “Wherever women are taking over, evil reigns,” would have been well received in the Roman senate, the Greek agora, or most halls of religious power in Europe.” That is especially true since there are no, as in zero, facts to support Rev. Petersen’s claim. In the history of matriarchies they have never, as in “not once,” started a war. Although they did end a few.

However, lately, as LGBT rights become more a part of our everyday lives I can easily see why some women might just throw their hands in the air and, as Ellen DeGeneres once famously noted, earn a girlfriend a toaster.

Recently, TV Evangelist Pat Robertson took some time out of his busy day filled with gay bashing and hate mongering to remind women that everything that is wrong with their married lives is their fault.

Pat Robertson has many opinions on subjects including homosexuality, politics and the coming of the Mark of the Beast, but it was the famous televangelist’s opinion on marriage that took center stage during Wednesday’s episode of his daily television program, “The 700 Club.”

Responding to a question from a viewer, Robertson said that married men “have a tendency to wander” and it is the spurned wife’s job to focus on the positive and make sure the home is so enticing, he doesn’t want to stray.

“I’ve been trying to forgive my husband for cheating on me,” the viewer writes. “We have gone to counseling, but I just can’t seem to forgive, nor can I trust. How do you let go of the anger? How do you trust again?”

While Robertson’s co-host hedged on the question, calling forgiveness “difficult” and spousal infidelity “one of the ultimate betrayals,” Robertson got right to the point.

“Here’s the secret,” the famous evangelical said. “Stop talking the cheating. He cheated on you, well, he’s a man.”

The wife needs to focus on the reasons she married her spouse, he continued.

“Does he provide a home for you to live in,” Robertson said. ‘Does he provide food for you to eat? Does he provide clothes for you to wear? Is he nice to the children… Is he handsome?”

Robertson also offered a little advice on the “tendency of man.”

“Recognize also, like it or not, males have a tendency to wander a little bit,” Robertson said. “What you want to do is make a home so wonderful that he doesn’t want to wander” or give in to the “salacious” magazine pictures and Internet filled with porn.

This is certainly not Robertson’s first foray into anecdotal marital counseling, however.

In January, Robertson told viewers that “awful-looking” women can cause marriages to lose their spark.

“It just isn’t something to just lie there, ‘Well, I’m married to him so he’s got to take me slatternly looking,'” he said. “You’ve got to fix yourself up, look pretty.”

Similarly, in 2010 the host advised a woman complaining about her husband’s flirtatious ways not to “hassle him about it” and just make herself as attractive as possible.

He also once told a husband upset that his wife didn’t respect him that he could always just “become a Muslim and you could beat her.”

That’s right ladies, it’s not because your husband’s a dick, it’s because your not servicing his dick. Of course, as a Minister of Christ there is no way any of us could expect him to know the teachings of the Apostle Peter or …. oh, wait.

But it’s not just religious jerks who give women fits. Dr. J. Peter Zegarra recently told a woman with a pronounced gag reflex to blow her hubby twice a week until she could control it so she could have her needed procedure.

No, I am not making this up either.

Dr. Deep Throat, I presume?

J. Peter Zegarra, a California doctor, has been publicaly reprimanded by the state’s medical board after he told a patient to practice oral sex on her husband. The patient had expressed concerns her gag reflex would interfere with an upper-gastrointestinal endoscopy, according to CBS affiliate KOVR.

The patient, an unidentified woman, complained that the Sacramento-based colo-rectal surgeon told her to practice oral sex on her husband “twice a week” prior to the procedure as a way of allaying the reflex.

According to CBS Sacramento, Zegarra made the suggestion in front of the woman and her husband “several years ago.” The station also noted Zegarra had tried twice to expunge the complaint from the public record. Zegarra’s name appears on a summary of administrative actions taken by the California board of medicine in 2007.

CBS Sacramento reports that a spokesperson for the state board of medicine called the doctor’s suggestion inappropriate, even if it was meant as a joke.

As a matter of perspective, doctors have been caught doing much worse than dispensing questionable advice.

In September 2012, an Illinois doctor faced federal charges after he allegedly traded prescription drugs for sexual favors from 30 different patients. According to ABC affiliate KCRG, Dr. David Gierlus’ sexual encounters with patients ranged from “oral sex, both during medical appointments and outside the office in [his] vehicle, to intercourse in the examination room during medical appointments.”

In April 2012, a British general practitioner went before a medical counsel to face allegations from three female patients, who made separate complaints about his conduct between 2003 and 2005. One patient complained that the family doctor had molested her and had sex with her several times on his surgery table during appointments, claiming that it would “help save her marriage.”

Although suspensions are common in cases like these, they aren’t always permanent. In August 2012, a Lodi, Calif., doctor had his license reinstated by a judge, despite the doctor’s admitting to taking mood-altering inhalants and masturbating in his office. Opponents of the decision called it an example of the California medical board’s “lax approach to getting rid of doctors who pose a harm to patients.”

Yes, those are real doctors. You are supposed to be able to trust them. You take your family to them to heal their ills, not create more.

That’s a soapbox for another day.

Nevertheless, as I said earlier, I wouldn’t blame a woman if, after attempting to fit in with modern society, she just said the hell with it and handed out that toaster.

Or a bicycle. That’s an acceptable alternative as well.

Best Bike Rental (Director’s version) . from Stason bros.

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We’ve all been there. The one night stand that was not a very good idea. Whether the date was “Coyote Ugly” (so ugly you’d chew your arm off rather than wake him/her) or that downward spiral of realizing you were trapped with ten pounds of crazy stored in a five pound bag, doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’ve been there. As have I. However, there are people who don’t quite grasp the concept of leaving. Of walking out the door, catching a cab, going to breakfast and pretending this never happened. Even if something shows up on You Tube, you just deny, deny, deny. For whatever reasons, and I blame meth or home schooling or some combination of both, some people seem to think these magical first dates are the start of something wonderful. They are wrong, often horribly so, but that is what they think.

Therefore today is a cautionary tale for those of you who find yourselves in that age old awkward situation.

Police in Manatee County report that a a 19 year old girl wanted sex. When her boy friend and father of her child begged off she did the only logical thing. She tried to bite off his penis.

As Krystle M. Harrison and her boyfriend were lying in bed Wednesday evening, the 19-year-old Bradenton woman began touching him, wanting some nookie, according to an arrest affidavit from the Manatee County Sheriff’s Office.

The couple have been in a dating relationship for about 3-years and have an infant child, according to the arrest report.

After the beau turned Harrison down –several times — she grabbed him and bit his penis, the affidavit stated.

The boyfriend then pushed Harrison away and went outside, where she continued to argue with her sweetie and scratched his chest, the deputy reported.

The boyfriend refused to complete a sworn affidavit and told the deputy that he didn’t want to “press charges” against his girlfriend, who was then taken to the slammer.

These two have spawned. You have been warned.

But what happens if the boy toy does do the deed but doesn’t do it well enough? Police in Bradenton (which is in Manatee County) say the nice young lady politely beat the snot out of her beloved.

Raquel Gonzalez, 24, and her boyfriend were having some afternoon delight at their East Bradenton home when Gonzalez allegedly began to scratch her boyfriend’s face because she was not satisfied with the sex, according to the sheriff’s office, reports the Bradenton Herald.

Gonzalez told deputies that she had “scratches on me too from where he tried to restrain me when I lost it,” according to the report.

Ah yes the old “It’s okay because he tried to stop me” defense. Ah, what the hell? It’s Florida so it may just work.

Of course the Police in Bradenton (there is something seriously wrong in this town) say that the situation is much worse when a cougar is involved.

Guess they just can’t get no satisfaction in the Bradenton area.

Jennie Lyn Scott, 50, allegedly struck her 32-year-old boyfriend after he reportedly “finished first and stopped pleasuring her,” reports The Smoking Gun.

Deputies said alcohol was a most definitely a factor and the Palmetto woman had been uspet with her lover because she had reportedly “heard [him] having sex with another woman over the phone earlier.”

Go ahead, read that one again. Savor the subtle nuances. She heard him having phone sex with another woman so she wanted to have sex with him. This is a first for me. I will have to try it and see if I can get a cougar too.

Of course, it’s not just Bradenton. It’s endemic to all of Florida. Police in Stuart found our next couple of the year.

There’s a price to being a refusenik.

Just ask this woman’s boyfriend.

Stacey Ann Ortiz’s boyfriend, clad only in his underwear, reportedly told Port St. Lucie that they had been drinking at a friend’s home earlier. When they got home he said he wanted to watch TV — but she wanted sex, according to the arrest affidavit, reports Will Greenlee in his Off the Beat blog for TCPalm.com in Stuart.

And in Coral Springs …..

Inez Nunez’s boyfriend had called the cops and reported Nunez hit him in the face and pushed him because he said she was “ugly” and refused to have sex with her, reports the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.

The boyfriend’s father reported he had heard a slap and saw Nunez pushing his son and fighting with him on the floor. Nunez told police she did slap and push her boyfriend because he was disrespectful, according to the arrest report.

The 18-year-old Coral Springs woman added that he had choked her and punched her in the chest, but later changed her story, the report stated.

If she’s ugly now she was ugly then. So, in this case, I bear little sympathy for the young man. He knew what he was getting into the second she let him get into it.

But what happens if the guys do escape the clutches of their overanxious paramours? According to the Police in Ocala, that’s when things get really bad.

Law enforcement officers said two mothers left their young children alone at the beach at Gator Joe’s Bar and Grill on Mother’s Day while they took a boozy tour on Lake Weir.

Billie Jean Williams, 27, and Mary Joyce Daffron, 28, were arrested and accused of leaving their children, 8 and 6 respectively, at Gator Joe’s, at 12431 SE 135th Ave., Ocklawaha. The children approached staff of the restaurant and told them they could not find their mothers and suspected they had left them, according to Marion County Sheriff’s Office reports.

After a deputy arrived, the children said they were playing on the beach when they noticed their mothers were missing. The women’s chairs and belongings were found undisturbed on the beach, reports state.

A man, who only gave his name as “John,” told deputies he knew one of the women from high school and had run into her Sunday. He said he had seen her and the other woman get on a boat at least an hour before, according to reports.

The boat on which the women left was eventually spotted approaching the beach. As the vessel neared Gator Joe’s, both women, who were highly intoxicated, fell into the water as they tried to get off the boat, reports state.

Williams began yelling at her 8-year-old due to having law enforcement called, reports state. The women said they had been gone only 10 minutes and the children were left under the supervision of the 8-year-old’s “godfather.”

Officers later discovered the “godfather” was, in fact, the man named John, whose last name neither woman knew. The 8-year-old said Sunday was the first time they had ever met John, reports state.

It was determined the children were left alone for almost an hour while the women went drinking on the boat, according to reports.

The women were both arrested just before 5 p.m. Daffron tried to pull away from officers and was thrown to the ground and handcuffed, reports said.

The children were placed in the care of relatives.

Williams and Daffron were booked into the Marion County Jail on one count each of child neglect. Daffron was additionally charged with resisting arrest without violence.

Williams was released Sunday night after posting $5,000 bond. Daffron remained at the jail Monday evening with bail set at $5,500.

Yes, you read that right. They spent Mother’s Day abandoning their young children in a bar so they could hit a booze cruise.

Of course the obvious question is “Where were all these psycho horny women when I needed them?”

And then the obvious prayer is “Thank you God for letting me dodge those bad decisions.”

But, if you do find yourself in a similar situation, it might be safer to Just Say Yes.

Forget Your Head by InAshton (long version) from Simon Bolz on Vimeo.

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The world has never needed an electric dog polisher. That hasn’t stopped someone from inventing one but my soul is heartened by the fact that it didn’t sell well. Although I am saddened that it sold at all. History is littered idea that should never have made it out of the bar. And you know that all of these ideas were hatched in bars. It is the only excuse for the brilliant children’s toy, Boner the Humping Dog. No, that’s not a typo. How about the beginner’s guide to Russian Roulette? You know, so you can get in a few practice rounds before you play with live rounds. Of course I would be remiss if I didn’t mention a dumb idea that could actually kill people, the Krummlauf, a fun machine gun that could shoot around corners. It was wildly inaccurate and kicked like a mule so any results that were close to what you wanted were entirely random events. You’d have had better luck throwing bullets at people. Naturally governments are still trying to make one that works.

All of the ideas above are bad, that’s easy enough to admit. However some ideas aren’t content to be just bad, and verily I doth warn you, they want to drag the soul of humanity into the gutter whence they spawned.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the life-size Barbie’s Dream House.

Of course it’s in Florida, why do you even bother to ask?

Barbie has opened her new dream house to visitors, and it’s not just young girls who are excited about checking it out.

The 10,000-square-foot “Barbie The Dreamhouse Experience” building has opened at Sawgrass Mills mall in Sunrise, Fla., beckoning to kids and adult Barbie collectors alike with a giant closet, bedroom, kitchen and more, all covered in Barbie’s signature pink.

Marl Davidson, a longtime Barbie collector and the owner of fashion doll-seller Marl & B Inc. in Bradenton, Fla., is definitely planning on making the trip south to check out the Barbie Dreamhouse, which took two years to build. There are only two in the world — the other opens this week in Berlin, Germany.

“I’ve been doing this for 26 years, and I’ve never seen anything like (The Dreamhouse Experience),’’ Davidson told TODAY.com. “When it comes to Barbie, anything goes. She always brings backs the warm fuzzies, usually a little girl’s first gift is a Barbie doll.”

The building includes rooms filled with Barbie dolls along the walls, a staff on hand that will glam up visitors, Barbie-style, and several interactive features.

The opening of the Barbie Dreamhouse Experience in Berlin, was greeted Thursday with peaceful protest by German feminists calling themselves “Occupy Barbie Dreamhouse,” who believe it portrays a sexist image of women. As of yet, there have been no protests involved with the opening of the Barbie building in Florida.

“The Dreamhouse Experience marks the first time fans are able to experience Barbie’s dream life first hand,’’ Lori Pantel, vice president of global marketing for Barbie, said in a statement to TODAY.com. “We are pleased with attendance and look forward to more fans creating memorable moments with the Barbie brand.”

While Barbie lore places her fictional home in located in Malibu, Calif., a particularly large contingent of Barbie collectors can be found Florida. The most recent national convention for Barbie enthusiasts was held in Fort Lauderdale, and the state is also the home of Stanley Colorite, 41, known as “The Barbie Man” for his collection of more than 3,000 Barbie and Ken dolls at his home in Hudson, Fla.

“There are a lot of people in Florida that are collectors,’’ Davidson said. “The convention was fabulous, and there is a lot of enthusiasm here in the state.”

A possible challenge for Mattel, the company that owns the Barbie brand, could be convincing visitors to return and generate repeat business.

“If this is that wonderful, I think people will want to keep going back because some people just can’t get enough of Barbie,’’ Davidson said. “They eat it, drink it, sleep it. They’re obsessed.”

Stanley Colorite, mentioned above, is more than just a whack job who owns 2,000 Barbies and 1,000 Kens. Although that doesn’t diminish the fact that he is a whack job.

Click on the pic to see the full image. Yes, Stanley only wears Barbie colors and he’s living with a man who looks like a typical Irish grandpa. I’m sure parties their are lots of fun.

My friend, Kritsy Kay, is the voice of Barbie on all those DVDs poor moms are forced to endure. So, when you buy one, at least feel comforted that you’re supporting a really nice person.

Still, it seems that devoting 10,000 square feet to a Pepto colored monstrosity is a little odd. And exactly what kind of people will it attract? Well, Barbies are marketed to very young girls,about 3 years old to start, and they are marketed more heavily in rural areas and big box retailers.

In other words hundreds of thousands of Honey Boo Boo wanna-be’s will be descending on Sunrise, Florida.

A city which sports one shopping mall and a KISS tribute band.

Oh, screw it, they’ll never even notice.

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