Florida + WalMart = Danger!

First dates are always so magical ....
First dates are always so magical ….
While the nice people at WalMart may think that they are a great place to shop and that people go there because it’s a great way to save 19% versus shopping at Jewel, the reality speaks otherwise. In Illinois, for example, you get a lot of people who wear tinfoil bikinis or big fuzzy bird outfits. These people, while bizarre as hell are usually harmless. The same applies to the folks out in Wyoming or Nevada (where bunghole fingering seems to be a state wide hobby). While you might not want to shake hands with these people, and you certainly wouldn’t let them near your food or your children, there’s no real reason to call 911 upon sight. Let’s be honest, for all their talk about reasonably priced, deep fried, frozen foods they are really just a destination for folks in need of cheap guns and bad flannel jammies. And people often wear the latter when purchasing the former.

But, in Florida the reality is far darker. When WalMart opened the day after Thanksgiving several people were shot while arguing over parking spaces. Yes, you read that right. Of course your shock level goes way down when you realize that a Google search for meth labs inside WalMarts turns up 277,000 hits. That is considerably more than tap dancing Islamic fundamentalists by the way. Just in case you wondered what the real threats to our land are.

Police in Orange City Florida are still sorting out the story of the guy who unloaded a full clip into a moving car in a crowded parking lot because he wanted to mark it for the cops.

A man arrested for opening fire in a busy Walmart parking lot said he was trying to stop a shoplifter and is now defending his actions.

Orange City police arrested Jose Martinez, 35, after they said he unleashed at least five bullets in the parking lot of the Walmart on Veterans Memorial Parkway.

Martinez told Local 6, he was defending himself from a shoplifter who nearly ran him over and injured him.

“The guy put me in danger and other people,” said Martinez as police hauled him off to jail Wednesday evening. “He tried to run me over.”

But police said Martinez only was bumped by the shoplifter’s getaway car because he was chasing after the car and even tried to open the door to the moving vehicle before he opened fire.

Eddie McKee, 42, was caught shoplifting groceries at the Walmart and took off when security confronted him, knocking down a woman, according to police.

Several other people chased after the alleged shoplifter, Eddie McKee, and another man was armed but he never drew his gun. McKee was arrested in DeLand shortly after.

Police said McKee then jumped in his car and took off, but bumped into another car in the parking lot, that’s when police say bullets started flying.

“If the shoplifter was an aggressor towards him, then yes. If he wasn’t, then no, he shouldn’t have discharged his firearm,” said Tasha Olkowski.

“I saw one black gentleman running from the parking lot, he dove in his car. And there were two older gentlemen chasing him down. One drew a gun, ripped open the guys car door and screamed, ‘Freeze, freeze, don’t move!’ And then fired shots,” said one 911 caller.

As the bullets hit the getaway car — piercing the trunk and shattering the back window — police said bullets also hit at least two other cars.

Martinez said to Local 6, he thought nobody else was in danger by his gunfire and he was surprised police arrested him. Martinez started opening fire because he said he wanted to mark the suspect’s car as he fled from the scene. He has his concealed weapons permit but has been charged with two felonies, aggravated assault and shooting into an occupied vehicle.

After reviewing store security video, police said Martinez’s story doesn’t add up. They believe he was never in danger because the shoplifter was driving away from him and everyone else.

The one good thing that has come out of the Trayvon Martin affair is that Florida cops are far less likely, for now anyway, to write off hunting black people as acceptable. We take our progress where we find it.

Where we don’t find it is in Crawfordville, Fla. That is where a nice WalMart customer pulled a .38 on the staff because they wouldn’t honor a bogus coupon.

Some people will do anything to save a buck — even wave a gun at a Walmart employee.

Officials in Crawfordville, Fla., say when Mary Frances Alday, 61, was told she couldn’t use an Internet coupon at Walmart, she got angry. Real angry.

She allegedly called the manager who denied the dollar-off coupon “a bitch,” and then intentionally stuck her with a shopping cart, according to The Smoking Gun.

Alday was escorted out of Walmart, but she went to her car, grabbed a loaded Smith & Wesson .38 Special and came back in the store and threatened employees with it, WTXL-TV reported.

She left the scene, but was later arrested during a traffic stop, and reportedly had to be tased to get her out of her 2011 Ford Escape. She also allegedy hit the investigating officer several times, according to the arrest report obtained by The Smoking Gun.

Alday faces four counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, one count of battery, one count of battery on a law enforcement officer, and resisting arrest with violence.

Reports are still not clear but, as best as I can tell, the coupon was expired and for a different chain.

So there you have it kids. WalMart is a dangerous place if you’re in Florida and a silly one everywhere else.

Fuck Me, I’m an Artist – by STEVE FOX from Steve Fox

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