It’s The Fun-Shine State

See? They're not really off the grid, it just seems that way.
See? They’re not really off the grid, it just seems that way.
Well, the world famous Florida Python hunt is over. 1,600 people paid $25 apiece to kill a total of 68 pythons. Considering that there are over 150,000 pythons loose in the swamps of Florida this was not a rousing success. Add in the fact that the unofficial numbers, no one will even mumble near a reporter, state that there were about 400 injuries and you have a pretty dismal showing. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission is calling it a “wonderful learning experience.” One gets the impression that the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission was cheering for the pythons. After all, the rules they came up with sound like something you would come up with after a three day bender. In case you missed it they came down to this; anyone with $25 and a weapon could wander into the swamp full of poisonous snakes and deadly gators to win a prize. Training consisted of a picture book. Yes, you read that right, basic literacy wasn’t a requirement. How no one was killed is beyond me.

The again, Floridians are very good with their guns. And they practice the best safety techniques. For example, Deon Rachud Sutton got upset when someone knocked over his drink in a mall, so he shot them.

In the wee hours of Monday morning cops responded to a report a gunfire at the Ocala Entertainment Complex, according to a news release from the Ocala Police Department.

When they arrived they found a member of the security personnel had been shot in his shoulder by a patron, according to cops.
The patron, identified as Deon Rachud Sutton, 27, had become upset with the the security guard after the guard reportedly knocked over his drink.

No word on what Sutton had been drinking.

After the duo had verbally feuded, the guard decided to escort Sutton out of the venue. Sutton then pulled a gun from the guard’s pants. As the duo struggled over the gun, it went off, wounding the security guard. Others present helped to restrain Sutton until cops arrived, the release stated.

The guard’s wound was found to be non-life threatening, deputies said.

Sutton was charged with Aggravated Battery with a Firearm, Possession of a Firearm by a Convicted Felon, Carrying a Concealed Firearm and Possession of Marijuana Under 20 Grams, which was found in his possession while he was being treated at a local hospital for minor injuries he sustained during the scuffle.

Yes nothing says PAR-TAAYYYY like hanging out at a mall at 1:00 AM. Of course, that’s still pretty standard stuff in Florida. Getting shot in a mall is like crossing the street down there.

Fortunately for us we have the story of Aalaya Walker. She got shot by a stove.

Yes, waffles were involved.

An 18-year-old Florida woman was only slightly injured this week when she was shot by her friend’s oven, police said.

Aalaya Walker was visiting a friend in St. Petersburg Monday when they decided they wanted some late-night waffles, The Tampa Bay Times reported. So Walker began preheating the oven — unaware that her friend, JJ Sandy, 25, was storing a magazine from his .45-caliber Glock 21 in the oven.

The magazine exploded about 9 p.m. ET, spraying casing fragments at high speed and striking Walker. She managed to pick some of the fragments out of her leg and chest and then took a bus to the hospital, where she was treated and released.

Sandy told police he’d stored the gun in a drawer but had stored the magazine in the oven. Four rounds were in the 13-capacity magazine, he said.

Gun and ammunition references indicate that the .45-caliber bullets commonly used in Glocks can explode at temperatures as low as 280 degrees — or even lower if they’ve been exposed to heat for a long time, which can degrades the structure.

Sandy “stated that he does not have a temperature gauge on the oven so he estimates the temperature based on how far the knob is turned,” according to the police report, which was obtained by the Times. “I observed that the inside of the oven was damaged.”

In a memorable 2007 episode, the popular science TV show “Mythbusters” found in several experiments that bullets can explode “once the oven was hot enough.”

“Without a gun barrel to contain and direct the propellant gases, the bullets did not develop enough speed to pierce the glass or steel portions of the oven. The shell casings actually caused more damage than the bullets,” it found — essentially reproducing what police said happened Monday.

Sandy wasn’t charged because he had a proper concealed weapons permit, The Tampa Tribune reported.

Ah yes, the ever popular concealed carry permit which states, clearly, that storing ammunition in an oven is a REALLY good idea. Do you get the idea that the people who write the concealed carry laws in Florida hang out with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission?

Now, as many of you remember, a dog recently killed its owner by running him over with a Chevy. It turns out he has inspired canines all over the state. Police in Frostproof, Fla., were called to the scene of a crime and it took all of their training and self control to keep them from laughing.

Gregory Dale Lanier was shot by his dog.

A Florida man was shot and wounded over the weekend by his dog, who walked away without charges, police said.

Gregory Dale Lanier, 35, of Frostproof, Fla., told police Saturday that he and his dog were in their truck in nearby Sebring when the dog kicked a gun that was on the truck’s floor, the Highlands Tribune newspaper reported.

The gun went off, shooting Lanier in the leg, Sebring police said.

Lanier wasn’t seriously injured, said Sebring Police Cmdr. Steve Carr, who actually said police didn’t arrest the dog because the investigation was pending, the Tribune reported.

He also said he had never heard of a similar case.

According to the police report, Lanier said he was driving along State Road 17 North when the dog kicked “the unloaded .380 pistol.” It went on to say that Lanier was “surprised” to learn not only that the gun was loaded, but also that it was actually a 9mm weapon, not a .380.

Okay, did your “HE’S LYING!!” radar go off too? He couldn’t tell the difference between a 9mm and a .380? And he didn’t know if his own gun was loaded?

I smell a bitch all right, but more of the soon to be ex girlfriend variety than Fido.

By the way, for those who asked, WikiPedia’s list of retired popes is about as accurate as they are going to get. It depends on whether they count popes who were forced out, assassinated or just disappeared under unusual circumstances. Their list is limited to voluntary retirements.

That’s good enough for now.

Flo Rida – Whistle (Official Video) from kerim on Vimeo.

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