Archives for February 2013

Well, the world famous Florida Python hunt is over. 1,600 people paid $25 apiece to kill a total of 68 pythons. Considering that there are over 150,000 pythons loose in the swamps of Florida this was not a rousing success. Add in the fact that the unofficial numbers, no one will even mumble near a reporter, state that there were about 400 injuries and you have a pretty dismal showing. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission is calling it a “wonderful learning experience.” One gets the impression that the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission was cheering for the pythons. After all, the rules they came up with sound like something you would come up with after a three day bender. In case you missed it they came down to this; anyone with $25 and a weapon could wander into the swamp full of poisonous snakes and deadly gators to win a prize. Training consisted of a picture book. Yes, you read that right, basic literacy wasn’t a requirement. How no one was killed is beyond me.

The again, Floridians are very good with their guns. And they practice the best safety techniques. For example, Deon Rachud Sutton got upset when someone knocked over his drink in a mall, so he shot them.

In the wee hours of Monday morning cops responded to a report a gunfire at the Ocala Entertainment Complex, according to a news release from the Ocala Police Department.

When they arrived they found a member of the security personnel had been shot in his shoulder by a patron, according to cops.
The patron, identified as Deon Rachud Sutton, 27, had become upset with the the security guard after the guard reportedly knocked over his drink.

No word on what Sutton had been drinking.

After the duo had verbally feuded, the guard decided to escort Sutton out of the venue. Sutton then pulled a gun from the guard’s pants. As the duo struggled over the gun, it went off, wounding the security guard. Others present helped to restrain Sutton until cops arrived, the release stated.

The guard’s wound was found to be non-life threatening, deputies said.

Sutton was charged with Aggravated Battery with a Firearm, Possession of a Firearm by a Convicted Felon, Carrying a Concealed Firearm and Possession of Marijuana Under 20 Grams, which was found in his possession while he was being treated at a local hospital for minor injuries he sustained during the scuffle.

Yes nothing says PAR-TAAYYYY like hanging out at a mall at 1:00 AM. Of course, that’s still pretty standard stuff in Florida. Getting shot in a mall is like crossing the street down there.

Fortunately for us we have the story of Aalaya Walker. She got shot by a stove.

Yes, waffles were involved.

An 18-year-old Florida woman was only slightly injured this week when she was shot by her friend’s oven, police said.

Aalaya Walker was visiting a friend in St. Petersburg Monday when they decided they wanted some late-night waffles, The Tampa Bay Times reported. So Walker began preheating the oven — unaware that her friend, JJ Sandy, 25, was storing a magazine from his .45-caliber Glock 21 in the oven.

The magazine exploded about 9 p.m. ET, spraying casing fragments at high speed and striking Walker. She managed to pick some of the fragments out of her leg and chest and then took a bus to the hospital, where she was treated and released.

Sandy told police he’d stored the gun in a drawer but had stored the magazine in the oven. Four rounds were in the 13-capacity magazine, he said.

Gun and ammunition references indicate that the .45-caliber bullets commonly used in Glocks can explode at temperatures as low as 280 degrees — or even lower if they’ve been exposed to heat for a long time, which can degrades the structure.

Sandy “stated that he does not have a temperature gauge on the oven so he estimates the temperature based on how far the knob is turned,” according to the police report, which was obtained by the Times. “I observed that the inside of the oven was damaged.”

In a memorable 2007 episode, the popular science TV show “Mythbusters” found in several experiments that bullets can explode “once the oven was hot enough.”

“Without a gun barrel to contain and direct the propellant gases, the bullets did not develop enough speed to pierce the glass or steel portions of the oven. The shell casings actually caused more damage than the bullets,” it found — essentially reproducing what police said happened Monday.

Sandy wasn’t charged because he had a proper concealed weapons permit, The Tampa Tribune reported.

Ah yes, the ever popular concealed carry permit which states, clearly, that storing ammunition in an oven is a REALLY good idea. Do you get the idea that the people who write the concealed carry laws in Florida hang out with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission?

Now, as many of you remember, a dog recently killed its owner by running him over with a Chevy. It turns out he has inspired canines all over the state. Police in Frostproof, Fla., were called to the scene of a crime and it took all of their training and self control to keep them from laughing.

Gregory Dale Lanier was shot by his dog.

A Florida man was shot and wounded over the weekend by his dog, who walked away without charges, police said.

Gregory Dale Lanier, 35, of Frostproof, Fla., told police Saturday that he and his dog were in their truck in nearby Sebring when the dog kicked a gun that was on the truck’s floor, the Highlands Tribune newspaper reported.

The gun went off, shooting Lanier in the leg, Sebring police said.

Lanier wasn’t seriously injured, said Sebring Police Cmdr. Steve Carr, who actually said police didn’t arrest the dog because the investigation was pending, the Tribune reported.

He also said he had never heard of a similar case.

According to the police report, Lanier said he was driving along State Road 17 North when the dog kicked “the unloaded .380 pistol.” It went on to say that Lanier was “surprised” to learn not only that the gun was loaded, but also that it was actually a 9mm weapon, not a .380.

Okay, did your “HE’S LYING!!” radar go off too? He couldn’t tell the difference between a 9mm and a .380? And he didn’t know if his own gun was loaded?

I smell a bitch all right, but more of the soon to be ex girlfriend variety than Fido.

By the way, for those who asked, WikiPedia’s list of retired popes is about as accurate as they are going to get. It depends on whether they count popes who were forced out, assassinated or just disappeared under unusual circumstances. Their list is limited to voluntary retirements.

That’s good enough for now.

Flo Rida – Whistle (Official Video) from kerim on Vimeo.

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This site is not prudish. A quick search for the word “naked” will garner you hours of enjoyable reading. The same holds true if you search for “porn.” In fact you can even limit your search to “boobs” and you will be rewarded. Even so, today’s stories gave me pause. Not because they’re salacious, because they aren’t. Nor are they exploitative or degrading. Contrariwise they are uplifting and positive. Two things I’m not that comfortable with. If you want stories of happy puppies or stuff like that this really isn’t your blog. That being said, I’m going to give it the old school try today anyway. And the old school try would be the most appropriate way when you consider the subject matter.

The town of Montserrat in Spain is, like everywhere else, having budget troubles. To save money they cut school bus service to anyone living closer than 3 KM to the school. Well, there are some very dangerous roads in that area so moms wanted the service restored. So they got a budget, put together a plan and then took off all their clothes to make a calendar.

Which they sell locally only.

A group of fearless mothers in Spain have gone topless in order to save their school’s bus.

The women, all mothers of children in the town of Montserrat, decided to take the rather unconventional course of action in December, after authorities in the region decided to restrict school bus pick-ups in an attempt to save money, according to Euronews.

A topless calendar may seem extreme, but for many families, it was worth it.

After bus service was cut, families were forced to navigate a difficult and often long walk to school, according to The Telegraph.

NRP reports that Eva Maria Casas Sancho’s children were forced to walk almost 3 miles to their elementary school after the cuts.

“There’s no sidewalk and there are lots of trucks going fast,” said Sancho, a 41-year-old mother of three, and the calendar’s Ms. June. “The truth is, it’s pretty dangerous for kids to be walking there.”

Montserrat is located near Valencia, one of the country’s largest cities, and also a region extremely hard hit by the burst of a real estate bubble, according to Reuters. Valencia and its northern neighbor Catalonia are the country’s two most indebted areas.

The calendar has since proved immensely popular in the small Mediterranean town of around 7,000, according to NPR.

The Associated Press reports that the mothers need about $4,100 to fund the bus, driver and monitor for a month. So far, calendar sales have raised enough money to keep the bus running through June.

One reason the calendar is popular is that the moms are hot. Another reason is that they are mostly naked. And the best reason is that the damn thing is hard to get. You need to get someone in town to buy it for you.

Well, if being naked can get kids to school safely why shouldn’t it get people to eat healthier?

Wait, what?

Yes kids, the hottest fad this side of the Harlem Shake is Naked Vegan Cooking.

When Jess, Greta, and Zach moved in together, they decided to bare more than their souls to each other — at least in the kitchen.

Jess, 24, and Greta, 21, became instant cooking competitors, constantly trying to out-do the other in creative recipes. Zach, 24, just liked to walk around naked.

Then one day the three students from Manchester, UK, decided to put the competition — and their duds — behind them.

They stripped down and started Naked Vegan Cooking dot com, a website where the roommates and contributors share vegan recipes that they cooked in the nude.

“We realized that by going naked, we created a platform to talk about a whole bunch of issues we are interested in,” Jess explained to the Huffington Post in an email.

Those interests include body image, feminism, and how the media portrays them.

Their website and Facebook page have recently gotten a rise out of people, and led to several side gigs. The trio has had art exhibitions, pop-up restaurants, and is just finishing off an anthology of body image writings.

Even in an age of Instagramming every bite we eat, few are willing to shed everything for the camera. The nakedvegancooking.com team wears its birthday suit for a reason.

“I’ve had issues with body image and eating disorders in the past,” Jess told HuffPost WeirdNews. “This has been a healing process for me. People are saturated daily with unrealistic images of how bodies ‘should be’ from magazines, advertisements, and the media. Showing unairbrushed images on the internet and creating a space to talk about these issues is really important.”

The roommates don’t always cook in the nude. It’s cold in Manchester.

“We’re poor students,” Jess said. “So we cannot afford to put the heating on so much in winter.”

Also, nudity isn’t mandatory for house guests, though the roommates surround themselves with free thinkers. On occasion, Jess said, the guests have been the ones to get naked and cook while the roommates stayed clothed.

Not everyone on the Internet is so excited about the photos on the site, which feature the roommates cooking up their favorite dishes and then covering their erogenous zones with their plates.

“Half the time we were being called ‘fat,’ and the other half of the time people were saying that if we really cared about positive body image we would have larger people on the site,” Jess said. “I guess it just proves how fickle the internet can be.”

Luckily, most of their feedback has been positive. Still, the question has to be asked: Aren’t there risks to naked cooking? HuffPost Weird News editor, Buck Wolf, for example, pointed out that bacon could be especially painful to cook without clothes.

“In the early days we did have a few slip ups, particularly with hot oil,” Jess said. “We quickly learned that aprons were not the enemy!”

Okay, to be fair, the lasagna (pictured above) looks delicious.

But have we really sunk that low that the only way we’ll pay attention any more is if we are being talked to by naked people?

Not that I’m complaining, I’m just asking.

Is Anyone Up in Providence from Film From The Future Productions on Vimeo.

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God has decided that my being sick isn’t entertaining enough. So, today, just for funsies, the heat is out. Normally, on those days where I’m not scheduled to be in the office, I like to get the morning papers. However I figure if I walk outside and get even colder, certainly wetter, and then come back to an unheated room I will catch pneumonia and die. I don’t want to catch pneumonia and die. I have too many other things planned. So it’s Internet only for me for a while. Oh the tragedy of it all. How will I muddle through? Well, I guess I’ll suffer so you don’t have to. Hmm, that sounds familiar. I wonder if anyone else ever done that? No, of course not. I’m the first. It’s my cross to bear.

While today I am going to focus on moms, I thought I’d give a quick shout out to the future mom in Wisconsin who thought it would be fun for her and her Boo to play with a 9mm semi-automatic on Valentine’s day. She’s lucky all she got was an extra hole in her butt. I’m sure she’ll learn from this little episode and become the award winning mom we all know she can be.

We’l kick things off with the fun story of the lovely Asia Walker. In an effort to be discreet she and her boyfriend moved their amorous moment to the car so they wouldn’t be doing the mattress mambo in front of kids or strangers.

So far so good.

Because they’re from Florida they made sure the car was in gear. They just neglected to see if the brakes worked said Daytona police as they pulled the car out of a house.

Their night started with a bang, and ended with a bang.

A Florida couple allegedly getting intimate in their car smashed all the way through a Daytona Beach home on Friday, according to WESH.

Police say Asia Walker, 30, and her boyfriend lost control of their loins — and their 2007 Hyundai — at about 5:30 a.m.

“She told the investigating trooper that her and the boyfriend were getting a little amorous and the trooper suspects that’s probably why she lost control of the vehicle,” Florida Highway Patrol spokeswoman Kim Montes told the station.

Walker slammed into the home, which was unoccupied at the time, in a crash so powerful the windows on the other side of the house blew out, NBC-2 reports.

Walker was injured by falling debris and taken to the hospital with cuts and bruises, the Daily Mail reports. Her boyfriend, Charles Phillips, wasn’t hurt.

Walker was charged with careless driving.

I wonder how much of that her carton insurance company is gong to cover? My guess is zero.

That being said, I am not one to talk. I once ruptured my prostrate while being entertained on a Harley which I lost control of and drove into a laundromat. As you can see, this could happen to anyone.

What can’t just happen to anyone is our next story.

Police in South Glenn Falls, New York arrested a mom for throwing her son a birthday party. Well, that and the strippers she hired.

As it turns out, strippers and underage teens do not the perfect birthday party make.

At least that’s the opinion of the South Glens Falls Police, who arrested New York mother Judy Viger on Monday for allegedly organizing and paying for a stripper surprise for her son’s 16th birthday.

Viger, 33, was charged with five counts of endangering the welfare of a child, according to the Associated Press. The incident reportedly occurred at Spare Time Bowling Center in South Glens Falls, N.Y., in November.

The AP reports that Viger is accused of hiring two women to dance with — and on — teens at the upstate bowling alley. The news outlet notes that pictures from the party appeared to show a “scantily clad, tattooed woman clinging upside down to a seated teen.”

Saratoga County District Attorney James Murphy told The Post Star that police had interviewed numerous witnesses and parents. Officials said some children at the party were as young as 13.

WRGB called Tops in Bottoms, the company that reportedly supplied the strippers, and the man who answered the phone told the station the incident was “blown out of proportion.”

Similarly, a man who said he was Viger’s friend argued “police have it all wrong,” Fox23 News writes.

According to WRGB, Tops In Bottoms said dancers did not know anyone at the party was underage.

No, of course they didn’t. All grown up men with jobs wear their high school letter sweaters over Avenger’s Assemble T-shirts while they tip with Chuck-E-Cheese tokens. And the fact that they all had voices like the Vienna Boys’ Choir was just a coincidence.

On the other hand, if I’m ever in South Glenn Falls New York I’ll know how to find some cheap, and morally ambiguous, entertainment.

But, now, let’s take a look at a truly modern family tale. It’s the gentle story of two moms, one penis and a brother who married his sister.

And, BONUS!!!, it’s not even in Florida.

One man has reportedly just found out that he and his wife, the mother to his three children, are half-siblings — but he has yet to tell her the news.

In a “Dear Prudence” letter, a husband tells Slate.com contributor Emily Yoffe that he and his wife were both “born to lesbians” — he to a single woman and she to a couple.

Unlike his wife, who’d met her biological father when she was 18, the man never felt the need to find his sperm donor until recently. His findings have left him in turmoil.

It turns out, his mother and his wife’s mothers had gone to different sperm banks, but, as the man writes, “it appears so did our father.”

To Yoffe, he describes his anxiety in telling his wife and even that he is considering keeping the discovery a secret.

“I can’t help but think ‘This is my sister’ every time I look at her now,” he writes.

Yoffe gives optimistic feedback regarding the couple’s marriage.

“I think there’s way too much emphasis put on DNA,” she writes back. “Yes, you two will have had a shock, but when it wears off you will be the same people you were before you found out.”

She also discusses how, or rather if, the pair should relay the news to their children.

Because the writer is anonymous, skepticism surrounds the letter. One “Dear Prudence” reader suggests that the story is “a fiction pushing a political agenda.”

Yoffe acknowledges the chance for a fake, but asserts that she rarely publishes stories that wind up being false.

In the past few years, the sperm bank industry has experienced controversy quite often.

Most recently, one sperm donor in Kansas had to fight an effort to force him to pay child support for a child conceived through artificial insemination by a lesbian couple.

More famously, a scandal ensued in 2011 when the New York Times reported that one man fathered 150 children through sperm donation.

Okay, let’s – for the moment – assume this is true. Despite what the highly paid, and woefully trained, advice columnist might think, DNA is VERY important. Do you know why the Bible admonished against brothers and sisters marrying? Because, even before DNA testing, they knew that three eyed kids with the IQ of lint were not a good thing. More importantly, inbreeding can lead to a wide variety of genetic diseases.

While I’m sorry this happened to the dude, he has to tell his family. Their lives could literally depend on it.

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Surprise circumcision. Unexpected colonoscopy. Unanticipated splenectomy. Waking up to find your left lung attempting to crawl out your throat. I don’t mean the last one literally but it sure felt like it around 5 AM. I woke up coughing which, if logic still works, means I was coughing in my sleep. Which is very odd. Nevertheless, I managed to get myself upright and soon enough the wall and I agreed not to leave each other. When I could finally gulp air I staggered into the bathroom and coughed up a spongy Volvo. Four cylinder engine and transmission included. Anyway, as you can readily tell, there are some things which may not be considered pleasant when they arrive unknown or unbidden.

Saleh Hadri got a surprise when he tried to turn himself in for murder. The police told him they were closed and that he should go away. So he, and the reporter he was with, wandered around Sweden for a bit until they found a police station that was open and then he turned himself in. He claims he is innocent and wants to clear his name.

Read that again. A wanted murder suspect couldn’t even get a cop to escort him to an open jail. He had to find one himself. After all that I really hope he is innocent. As you might imagine, Swedish officials say this shouldn’t have happened and they are going to look into it. Eventually.

That is one mellow country.

A little closer to home eleven year old Ireland Lane, an Oregon native, went to the doctor because she had an upset tummy. So the doctor gave her some anti-acids and she was fine.

Just kidding, she had cancer.

SURPRISE!

But God wasn’t done with her yet. She fell down and went boom and ended up back in the hospital with a bump on her head.

No, that’s not the reason I’m writing about her. I am writing about her because she cleaned her hands and then the hand sanitizer caught fire and nearly killed her. You can’t make this stuff up even if you try.

Eleven-year-old cancer patient Ireland Lane, who was in the hospital after she fell and hurt her head at school, is recuperating from third degree burns after her shirt lit on fire in her hospital room — and according to reports, hand sanitizer may have been to blame.

The Oregonian first reported on the incident, which occurred Feb. 2 at Doernbecher Children’s Hospital. According to the newspaper’s report, Ireland’s father, Stephen, was sleeping in his daughter’s hospital room when he heard her screams. He found her in the hallway, her shirt on fire, and immediately took action to smother the flames.

His daughter still suffered third degree burns and is now recovering from those at the Legacy Oregon Burn Center, ABC News reported.

The Oregonian reports how hand sanitizer may have played a role in the whole incident:

Ireland was due to leave the hospital the day of the fire. The last thing she recalls that day is using sanitizer to clean the table that rolled over her bed, where she had painted a wooden box as a gift for her nurses. Ireland’s father recalls that before the fire, she was playing, making static electricity with the sheets on her bed. He’d never heard of that being a danger, let alone causing a fire.

Hand sanitizer and static electricity “are definitely part of the investigation,” Oregon State Fire Marshal spokesman Rich Hoover told NBC News.

“I’ve been in medicine going back 30 years now and never heard anything like this. And hopefully I never will again,” Dr. Stacy Nicholson, who is the assistant chief at Doernbecher Children’s Hospital, told KATU.

Staff at Doernbecher, which is considered a Oregon Health & Science University facility, already follows strict fire safety procedures, the Oregonian reported. The maker of the hand sanitizer used by the hospital, called Avagard D, told the newspaper that its product is safe when used as directed.

According to NBC News, the alcohol content in the hand sanitizer used at the hospital is around 60 percent.

Hand sanitizers used for health care purposes are recommended to contain 60 to 95 percent ethanol or isopropanol in order to be effective, according to the Food and Drug Administration. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recommends using alcohol-based hand sanitizers to clean hands if it’s not possible to wash up with soap and water.

Because of hand sanitizer’s high alcohol content, some state fire marshals even have guidelines in properly storing it. In Kansas, the fire marshal recommends that a maximum of 1.2 liters of hand sanitizer be stored in a dispenser in a health-care setting, and that there must be at least four feet between dispensers. And if the dispenser is installed on a wall over carpet, then there must be an automatic sprinkler system installed.

I have to admit that the amount of time I had spent thinking about hand sanitizers was akin to the amount of time I spent wondering what I’d look like dressed as Ru Paul. Maybe not even that much. Okay, let’s be honest, I never think about them.

I know that if healthy people use them too often they kill useful bacteria and leave themselves open to all sorts of deadly diseases. Which I’ve always thought of as evolution in action. And the people who do so, in the name of health they don’t understand, never see the irony of their lives. They will gleefully scarf up ounce and after ounce of live bacteria and swallow them whole. This is also known as yogurt. But these same people will scrub themselves so clean as to leave no protection when they are injured or sick.

Okay, back to the young lady. I’m not sure words can describe the horror she must have gone through. Follow up reports say that she is going to be okay and that she seems ahead of the game when it comes to her cancer. I hope so. That kid’s had enough surprises for one life.

Out Of A Forest from Tobias Gundorff Boesen on Vimeo.

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