Deadly Foods

God laughs when vegetables attack.
God laughs when vegetables attack.
Every week I get something from someone proving that ancient aliens existed. And every week I end up wasting some time pointing out the obvious flaws in their, for lack of a better term, evidence. It gets draining. “The buildings at Puma Punku could only have been built with laser guided tools!!!!!” Why? They’re made from red sandstone. You could work that with a chisel. And they did. “Tolima had fighter jets and made icons to them!!!!” The argument here is that the items do not look like any bird or insect but have wings. This is how stupid people think. One quick look at other Tolima art would show a lovely catfish with fins on its bottom instead of side. You know, just like the ones they ate and thanked the gods for but never used for fighter jets? Anyway, it is with great pleasure that I announce I will no longer have to deal with these people. A guy named Chris White, a former ancient aliens supporter, has put together a stunning documentary that anyone can view for free. Just CLICK HERE and enjoy. It debunks every popular ancient aliens myth there is. So I will be sending every inquiry on this subject this link and be done with them. But for anyone who needs further nudging, remember this credo: if they won’t allow the scientific community at large to view the evidence, then it isn’t evidence.

So let’s move on to a topic more rooted in reality; people who kill for fast food.

Oh, these are all in Florida, but I bet you knew that.

Corn Dog Dispute Leads to Fatal Stabbing!

Police say a man killed his roommate Tuesday morning during an argument over a missing corn dog.

Anthony Kimball Smith, 56, died after he was stabbed once in the chest by a man 20 years his junior, police said.

That man, Corey Lamont Walker, 36, was arrested on a second-degree murder charge.

“It’s hard to imagine someone taking a life over something so trivial,” police spokesman Mike Puetz said.

Both men lived at 2860 First Ave. S, a transitional living residence run by New Faith Free Methodist Church. The pastor there could not be reached for comment Tuesday.

Authorities said someone called 911 around 9:45 a.m. Tuesday to report a stabbing at the home, where detectives said about four or five people lived. The caller said the attacker was still in the home and still armed with a knife.

A neighbor described seeing a woman run into the street yelling for help.

“I heard screaming and jumped up,” said Wayne Lindsay, 29, who lives next door. “The lady was standing in the middle of the street. She had stopped traffic.”

Lindsay called 911. Emergency vehicles and police cruisers swarmed the area.

He and other neighbors watched as paramedics brought an injured man out on a stretcher.

“He looked pretty bad,” said neighbor Michael Booth, 56. “He had a lot of blood all over him.”

Officers said they arrested Walker without incident. Two other residents were taken to the police station to be interviewed.

Detectives said Walker told other residents food had been stolen from his room.

“It appears that somebody pilfered a corn dog from him,” Puetz said. “He was the only one there with corn dogs.”

At first, police said, Walker pointed the finger at a female friend of Smith’s who was at the home. Then he turned on his roommate, grabbing a butcher knife from the kitchen at some point.

“They went back and forth, and that’s when the guy got stabbed,” Puetz said.

Officers found a knife in the sink.

Authorities said the home caters to people from different backgrounds, some homeless, others with addiction or mental problems, police said.

It was unclear what landed Smith and Walker at the home or how long they’d been living there.

Residents said Smith had fallen on hard times but had turned his life around. He worked at a local nursing home; public records showed he was a certified nursing assistant.

Walker served nearly two years in prison from 2006 to 2008 for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, records show. According to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, his criminal history also includes arrests on charges of drug possession, battery and obstruction.

Smith’s only brush with the law was in the 1970s for a robbery, records show.

Smith’s family arrived a few hours after the stabbing. As police told them what had happened, they sank to their knees and cried.

Yes, a corn dog. The same delicacy that that kid waves around in the cable TV commercials while he bitches about his bad back. The gourmet item that sells for less than a buck a pop. Hell, you can get a case of 72 of them for around $40 is that’s your idea of money well spent. I just think that I need a better reason than a corn dog to face life in prison.

But that could just be me.

Of course, at least theft was involved in the case above. Read on to weep for humanity some more.

Man Killed Over Pork Chop Storage Dispute!

A Volusia County man is facing a second-degree murder charge after gunning down his drunken roommate during an argument about how to prepare pork chops, police said.

Holly Hill police say 55-year-old Thomas Hahn shot and killed one of his three roommates just before 10:30 p.m. Tuesday.

When police arrived at their home on May Avenue, they found 35-year-old Robert Eugene Gray, Jr. lying dead on the floor. Hahn was seated nearby.

Gray came home drunk at about 10 p.m., police said.

He and Hahn began arguing about the meal and police say Hahn grabbed his .22-caliber Ruger rifle and fired at least three shots.

Two shots struck Gray, killing him immediately. Hahn initially told investigators that he shot in self defense but witnesses say he was not provoked.

“This appears to be a senseless act of violence stemming from a minor domestic dispute between roommates,” said Chief Mark Barker. “There is no clear answer at this hour as to why Hahn acted with such extreme violence.”

The attack is still under investigation and additional charges are pending.

You separate them with either wax paper or aluminum foil and then freeze them. There you go, murder avoided.

The World News Center lives to help.

But nothing holds a candle to our last story.

Wife Killed for Not Making a Burger!

An elderly Kendall man grew enraged after his wife refused to cook him a hamburger, stabbing her to death and covering up the crime by staging a burglary to their home, police say.

Bartolo Gelsomino, 78, now faces second-degree murder charges in the death of his wife, Ana Gelsomino, 71.

Their adult daughter discovered Ana’s bloodied body at the Gelsominos’ Kendall home on 10700 block of Southwest 146th Court the night of Jan. 21. She was last seen that morning “in good health and uninjured,” according to a search warrant served at the home.

But Miami-Dade homicide detectives grew suspicious when Gelsomino’s adult son told them his father “had a history of domestic violence” toward him and his mother, the warrant said.

As police combed the house, Gelsomino — a Sicily-born retiree who speaks primarily Italian — showed up to the scene and investigators noticed “two different possible blood stains” on his shirt.

Miami-Dade detectives scrambled to find a translator, finally securing an Italian-speaking Aventura police sergeant to help. According to an arrest report, Gelsomino eventually confessed to stabbing his wife with a knife from their kitchen after the argument escalated.

Gelsomino later led detectives to a trash bin in a nearby warehouse area where he had ditched the knife and other items from the crime scene, the arrest report said.

Prosecutors will arraign Gelsomino Feb. 11 in front of Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Migna Sanchez-Llorens. He is being held at the Miami-Dade County Jail.

My first question would be “How good are those burgers that you would be willing to kill for one?”

Just FYI, I did a little digging and found that they celebrated 52 years of wedded bliss prior to this. Adding the phrase “wedded bliss” to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.

“But Uncle Bill,” you whine, “isn’t there any hope in Florida?”

And, to be fair and balanced, I must answer yes. And I found it in the heartwarming tale of 10 year old Emma Bartlett and her 28 grams of high grade cocaine.

An ounce of cocaine doesn’t usually come with a blue ribbon, even in Miami.

That didn’t stop Emma Bartelt, 10, from winning first prize in the science competition at Coral Gables Preparatory Academy with the help of three drug-sniffing hounds and 28 grams of the illicit white powder, all provided by the Miami-Dade Police Narcotics Bureau, according to the Miami Herald.

She also earned an honorable mention at the Miami-Dade County Public Schools Elementary Science Fair on Saturday, according to the paper.

The Herald reported that the scientific-minded fourth-grader received help on her “Drug Sniffing Dogs” project from her dad, Detective Douglas Bartelt. The three contraband-seeking chows included a springer spaniel named Roger; a chocolate lab, Franky; and a spaniel, Levi, according to the Herald.

A spokesman for the school district told the Herald that science fair rules do not explicitly prohibit use of cocaine in projects. Bartelt’s dad handled all the cocaine for the project, according to the Herald, which involved timing how long it took the dogs to find the cocaine in a room.

“It was kind of my idea, because I wanted to do my dad’s job,” Bartelt said of her award-winning experiment, which took place at police facilities.

In a statement, a school district spokesman told the Herald there was nothing wrong with Bartelt’s experiment – even if the only white powder at science fairs is usually baking soda for papier-mache volcanoes.

“The student’s science project involved a very unusual set of circumstances, including having a parent who is a well-respected police detective with experience in training dogs that sniff for illegal substances,” the statement read, according to the Herald. “From our understanding, the parent was the only person involved in working directly with the dogs and the hidden substances, which took place at a police training facility.”

Okay, I’ll admit this is an odd situation. But I like this story because common sense prevailed. The experiment was tightly controlled and the kid did the work. Sure she had he dad’s help, but she was the one leading the dogs, setting up the blinds and so on.

Science fairs are supposed to encourage kids to think outside the box. And, who knows, maybe little Emma comes up with a way to reliably detect illegal drugs that will revolutionize law enforcement. I can certainly hope so. Especially since most drug sniffing dogs aren’t very accurate to begin with.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
contact Bill McCormick

Related posts