Fear Kids? Become a Teacher!

Yes, this is exactly like my advanced algebra class.
It all makes sense now. The world has gone completely insane. Some people can’t handle reality so they make up this wildly dystopian universe and demand we live in it. Never has that been more true than with the “Sandy Hook Conspiracy Theories.” If you click here you will see just how demented those people are. I don’t want to waste a bunch of time on them since I am hoping to be funny today, but these people are beyond sad. To look the families of those dead children in the eyes and say “Sorry, your kids are just hiding, it’s all government plot to take our beloved guns” passed sick five miles back with all flags waving. I get it, there are some people who do not like our president. Anything that happens, no matter how random, is proof that he is going to impose martial law. Never mind facts or history or anything else. Hell the guy can’t get a budget through the House of Representatives, how the hell is he going to impose his will on a nation?

I’m done now.

Okay, deep breath, on to funny.

The Miami Herald is proud to report that not every nutcase in the universe lives in Florida. In fact, they were so excited by this discovery that they turned a silly article into a stunning example of epic journalism. It is even more fun than Manti Te’o’s imaginary dead girlfriend.

Quick aside, before any female made it to girlfriend status with me we had to actually meet first. Of course, I never went to Notre Dame.

All right, back on track. The Miami Herald is reporting that the Cincinnati school system is being sued by a teacher who claims she was forced to work with kids.

You just can’t make this stuff up.

A former high school teacher is accusing school district administrators of discriminating against her because of a rare phobia she says she has: a fear of young children.

Maria Waltherr-Willard, 61, had been teaching Spanish and French at Mariemont High School in Cincinnati since 1976.

Waltherr-Willard, who does not have children of her own, said that when she was transferred to the district’s middle school in 2009, the seventh- and eighth-graders triggered her phobia, causing her blood pressure to soar and forcing her to retire in the middle of the 2010-2011 school year.

In her lawsuit against the district, filed in federal court in Cincinnati, Waltherr-Willard said that her fear of young children falls under the federal American with Disabilities Act and that the district violated it by transferring her in the first place and then refusing to allow her to return to the high school.

The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages.

Gary Winters, the school district’s attorney, said Tuesday that Waltherr-Willard was transferred because the French program at the high school was being turned into an online one and that the middle school needed a Spanish teacher.

“She wants money,” Winters said of Walter-Willard’s motivation to sue. “Let’s keep in mind that our goal here is to provide the best teachers for students and the best academic experience for students, which certainly wasn’t accomplished by her walking out on them in the middle of the year.”

Waltherr-Willard and her attorney, Brad Weber, did not return calls for comment Tuesday.

Winters also denied Walter-Willard’s claim that the district transferred her out of retaliation for her unauthorized comments to parents about the French program ending – “the beginning of a deliberate, systematic and calculated effort to squeeze her out of a job altogether,” Weber wrote in a July 2011 letter to the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission.

The lawsuit said that Waltherr-Willard has been treated for her phobia since 1991 and also suffers from general anxiety disorder, high blood pressure and a gastrointestinal illness. She was managing her conditions well until the transfer, according to the lawsuit.

Working with the younger students adversely affected Waltherr-Willard’s health, the lawsuit said.

She was “unable to control her blood pressure, which was so high at times that it posed a stroke risk,” according to the lawsuit, which includes a statement from her doctor about her high blood pressure. “The mental anguish suffered by (Waltherr-Willard) is serious and of a nature that no reasonable person could be expected to endure the same.”

The lawsuit was filed in June and is set to go to trial in February 2014. A judge last week dismissed three of the ex-teacher’s claims, but left discrimination claims standing.

The lawsuit says that Waltherr-Willard has lost out on at least $100,000 of potential income as a result of her retirement.

Winters said that doesn’t make sense, considering that Waltherr-Willard’s take from retirement is 89 percent of what her annual salary was, which was around $80,000.

Patrick McGrath, a clinical psychologist and director of the Center for Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorders near Chicago, said that he has treated patients who have fears involving children and that anyone can be afraid of anything.

“A lot of people will look at something someone’s afraid of and say, ‘There is no rational reason to be afraid of that,'” he said. “But anxiety disorders are emotion-based. … We’ve had mothers who wouldn’t touch their children after they’re born.”

He said most phobias begin with people asking themselves, “What if?” and then imagining the worst-case scenario.

“You can make an association to something and be afraid of it,” McGrath said. “If you get a phone call that your mom was just in a horrible accident as you’re locking the door, you can make an association that bad news comes if you don’t lock the door right. It’s a basic case of conditioning.”

Let’s recap.

Allegedly she was diagnosed with this phobia in 1991. If she was taking any sort of medication, and high blood pressure and anxiety are both treated with medication – not voodoo, the school would have had to know. If for nothing else to make sure she received proper treatment in case of any accident or injury.

The suit also doesn’t specify any aspects of her medical care other than to say “we said so so it must be true.” Certainly the school seems to have been unaware of this minor, yet important, alleged fact.

But let’s assume she is, at least, telling the truth about being afraid of kids. She stayed on the job for twenty years without issue. And, let’s be honest, it isn’t like 14 year olds are that much more mature than 12 year olds. The difference in class behavior is not the same as going from an advanced college class to kindergarten.

And while the shrink at the end of the article is 100% correct, it is also 100% irrelevant. She did not suddenly break down. She is claiming that she spent 20 years fearing children. How the hell could she have even remotely been effective as a teacher if that were true?

Her French classes must have been something out of a nightmare.

“Un, du, trois … I SAID TROIS YOU DISEASED MAGGOT! … Now, who wants to conjugate verbs?”

Anyway, I’m calling horse hockey on this one and moving on.

Which, oddly enough, applies to the first two stories I mentioned here today as well.

Nyle “Let The Beat Build” from Last Pictures on Vimeo.

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