I understand that we live in the world of the easily offended. Everyone seems to take umbrage at something. I know people who still think that Macy’s is a communist front because of its red star logo. I did not say they were smart people, just that I knew them. There are those who will go into high dudgeon over the fate of Frango Mints.They will seriously start dripping spittle and making buzzing noises. From a performance art standpoint it’s kind of fun. But it’s still too dangerous to encourage. Some people will lose any semblance of rational thought if you say something bad about their sports team. In that vein you don’t want to be anywhere near South Bend today. Politics? Religion? The list goes on. You can make a perfectly sane looking person turn into a raving lunatic just by not agreeing with them. You don’t even have to actually disagree, just don’t go high stepping to their ideals. That’s more than enough to set some off.
But today’s article actually baffled me. The nice people of Lehi City Utah renamed a street which had an offensive name.
Was it Fucking Blvd.? Nope.
Frothy Anal Secretions Lane? Nope.
Leaky Vagina Way? Not even close.
It was Morning Glory Road.
No, I am not kidding.
The Lehi City Council, in Utah, has renamed Morning Glory Road after a technology company planning to relocate to the street raised concerns about the name’s sexual connotation.
Council members in Lehi, which is about 30 miles south of Salt Lake City, voted unanimously last month to change the name to Morning Vista Road.
Minutes from the meeting show that Xactware Solutions Inc., which provides software for the insurance industry, asked for the name change so that the road would fit with its “international corporate image.”
“Morning glory” is the name of a flower and part of the title of a popular 1990s song from British rock band Oasis. But the term is sometimes used to describe male arousal.
Councilman Johnny Revill, who moved to approve the resolution at the Dec. 11 meeting, told the Salt Lake Tribune that he didn’t know about the term’s slang meaning previously but was happy to appease Xactware officials.
“That name has a negative meaning for some reason,” Revill said. “When you use the word, there is a different meaning that can be taken from that.”
Councilor Mark Johnson told the Daily Herald that he only knows of the noxious weed called Morning Glory that is difficult to control, but he also voted in favor of the resolution. Johnson said Lehi doesn’t like to change street names, but it does in some cases to “honor people or organizations.”
The street name was a red flag for Xactware officials when they began considering moving their company’s headquarters from Orem to Lehi’s Traverse Mountain, said Jonathan Gardner, commercial venture project director for the planned community.
The company was worried that the sexual connotation of morning glory would become too prominent in the minds of prospective clients, Gardner said.
Morning Glory is far from an R-rated word in most of America. It is the name of a 2010 Hollywood film starring Rachel McAdams as an upbeat television producer trying to revive a struggling morning show. That movie is rated PG-13.
In the popular 1960s TV show “Bewitched,” the family lived at 1164 Morning Glory Circle.
Morning Glory is also the name of a small community near El Paso, Texas.
Xactware went “a little overboard,” in requesting the street name change, said Lehi resident Emily Scanlon. She said she has never thought of the sexual connotation in her four years driving past the road.
Lehi, with a population of about 48,000 people, is named after a prophet in the Book of Mormon and is the former home of the Brown family that stars in the reality TV series, “Sister Wives.” Kody Brown moved his wives and 16 children from Lehi to the Las Vegas area in January 2011 after Utah authorities began a bigamy investigation.
What kind of clients does Xactware have that their products, which tend to be architecture models, would inspire pornographic interpretations of flower names?
What the hell would they do if they were located in Spread Eagle Wisconsin or Blue Balls Pennsylvania?
Yes, those are real city names.
The point is that, with very little effort, you can make almost anything sound sexual. Just try and watch a football game and keep a straight face as the announcers say things like going deep, penetration, tight end, ball carrier and, of course, he thrusts it in for a score.
Just say all those common sayings in a sultry voice and have fun.