Girl Power?

Today we will set feminism back 50 years, at least.
When I was a child girls played with dolls and boys played with action figures. Girls had Easy Bake Ovens and boys had Hot Wheels sets. I hadn’t even seen my tenth birthday when all those notions got tossed aside, along with many flaming bras. Feminism had arrived. The core concept of feminism was not, as many would still have you believe, to turn young ladies into bitter, lonely, lesbians. It was to give women the same opportunities as men. The results, thus far, have been mixed. On the one hand we do have more women in positions of political power than ever before and a growing legion of them helming Fortune 500 companies. But we also have Honey Boo Boo and multiple variants of Real Housewives. Then again men are saddled with Todd Aiken and Charlie Sheen, so maybe there is some form of balance there.

Nothing’s perfect.

But there seems to be a growing number of women who equate equality with the right to behave very badly. Police in Rocklin California just arrested two your girls for drugging their parents. Why? A good question. To stay on Facebook is not such a good answer, even if it is true.

Two California teenagers were arrested after they gave one of the girl’s parents milkshakes spiked with prescription sleeping pills so she could use the Internet past her curfew, police said.

The medicated shakes worked, but the parents became suspicious when they woke up groggy the next morning, Rocklin police Lt. Lon Milka told The Sacramento Bee in a story Thursday. They obtained a drug kit from police so they could test themselves for tampering.

The tests came back positive, and the couple went back to police with the results. Their 15-year-old daughter and her 16-year-old friend were taken to Juvenile Hall on Saturday and booked on suspicion of conspiracy and willfully mingling a pharmaceutical with food, Milka said.

Child therapist Leslie Whitten Baughman told The Bee that while it is normal for adolescents to act out while asserting their individuality, drugging their parents “would not be a healthy level of rebellion.”

Milka said the younger girl told investigators that she thought her parents’ Internet policy was too strict. Internet access at the family’s home was shut off every night at 10, he said.

“The girls wanted to use the Internet, and they’d go to whatever means they had to,” he said.

Authorities are not identifying the teens because they are minors. Placer County prosecutors have not yet decided whether to file charges.

A long time ago a wise man told me something that has never been proved wrong. “When children offer you something or are nice to you, they are trying to kill you.”

A little something for you to remember.

Of course sometimes they don’t have to be nice to you. They just move straight to the “I’m going to kill you” part. Police in Charlotte South Carolina recently arrested a nice young lady after a game of Frisbee went very wrong.

Yes, I said Frisbee.

There’s an old saying that the family that plays together stays together, but, apparently, the Brown family of Fort Mill, S.C., didn’t get the memo — at least before they started playing Frisbee.

Officers were called to the Brown house shortly after midnight on Dec. 29 in reference to an argument between a mother and daughter, the Charlotte Observer reported.

When officers arrived, they heard Kimberly Brown, 23, shouting profanities at her mother, Latina Brown, 39, and smelled an odor that suggested the presence of alcoholic beverages, according to the police report.

Kimberly Brown told the responding officer that the two were playing Frisbee in the house when her mother struck her in the face with the toy.

Latina Brown told a slightly different story, saying that her daughter became angry because she was having trouble catching the Frisbee, the report stated. Latina also told the officer that when her daughter became “loud and boisterous,” she became concerned that her neighbors were going to complain about the noise to her landlord.

Officers determined that Kimberly’s behavior had, as the report put it, “disrupted the tranquility of the residence and neighborhood,” she was arrested and taken to the Fort Mill Police Department and charged with breach of peace, the South Carolina Herald reported.

“(They) smelled an odor that suggested the presence of alcoholic beverages?” Gee, who would have ever guessed that these winners were drunk when they were playing Frisbee at midnight?

And how sad does your life have to be when playing Frisbee at midnight is its highlight? And how sad are you when catching a Frisbee is beyond your skill set?

Still, they’re doing better than Rebecca Bernardo. She is the second Brazilian girl to try and sell her virginity.

Brazil is known for the bossa nova, soccer and now, it seems, online virginity auctions.

Rebecca Bernardo, 18, of Sapeacu, Brazil, is attempting to sell her virginity to the highest bidder in hopes of raising enough money to cover health care costs for her ailing mother, who recently had a stroke, Gawker reported.

It’s a move that proves that imitation — and fornication — are the sincerest forms of flattery, since Bernardo is following in the footsteps of fellow Brazilian Catarina Migliorini. Back in October, Migliorini allegedly sold the first rights to her vajayjay to a Japanese man named “Natsu” via an online auction that received worldwide attention.

Bernardo admitted being inspired by Migliorini’s efforts, but only after attempting other forms of employment, which she said barely covered the costs of a caretaker for her mother.

“There comes a time when you have to make decisions to get what you want,” Bernardo told CNN. “You have to be strong.”

Bernardo made a YouTube video offering her services in November, but, so far, she has not had the results that Migliorini did.

Only 14,000 have viewed it and the highest bid has been around $35,000, The Daily Dot reported.

Bernardo claims she is trying to help pay her mother’s medical expenses, but her motives may not be as pure as the driven snow.

A local TV station offered to cover Bernardo’s mom’s medical bills if she’d pull the plug on the virginity auction, but she refused, claiming she hopes to get enough money to relocate herself and her mother, BlissTree.com reported.

That might be a smart business decision. Although Migliorini has yet to go through with her devirginization — which is being done as part of a documentary film by Australian filmmaker Justin Sisely — she did manage to interest Playboy magazine’s Brazilian edition in featuring her in a spread.

Bernardo’s mom isn’t happy with the decision, telling CNN, “She should look for work. She shouldn’t prostitute herself.”

Okay, I know many of you are wondering how to do this legally. I am here to help.

First the act, and the transfer of funds, needs to take place over international waters. Whether in a plane or on a boat doesn’t matter. You just need to be 12 miles from any coast. Those costs should be considered above and beyond any fee paid to the virgin.

Also, the girl needs to be a medically certified virgin.

And that’s about it. As long as you don’t need a shred of dignity to get through life, this is a fun way to make some, one time, cash.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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