Teachin’ ‘Em Up Good Like

First off, I have good news for the male readers of this blog. A new study has just been released that shows, definitively, that men who don’t do housework get more sex than those who do. So when you hear a neighbor brag that her hubby helps clean the kitchen or whatever, remind yourself that he may as well be sleeping on the couch for all the good it does him. Nope, the message is clear, go do your manly stuff and then park your butt on the couch and…

Read More

Deadly Foods

Every week I get something from someone proving that ancient aliens existed. And every week I end up wasting some time pointing out the obvious flaws in their, for lack of a better term, evidence. It gets draining. “The buildings at Puma Punku could only have been built with laser guided tools!!!!!” Why? They’re made from red sandstone. You could work that with a chisel. And they did. “Tolima had fighter jets and made icons to them!!!!” The argument here is that the items do not look like any bird…

Read More

Where’s Your Flying Car? Right Here.

Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s were exciting times for smart kids. They were faced with endless possibilities. Man hadn’t just found the atom, he’d harnessed it. Man didn’t just sail the oceans, he”d driven nuclear subs to depths never before imagined. Man didn’t just go to the moon, he walked on it. Man could do anything his imagination could conceive. Pop culture reflected that. From the liberal fantasies of Star Trek to the conservative preachings of Heinlein, there was no way for mankind not to bend society, and…

Read More

Fast Food, Slow Brains

Why don’t red states have to worry about a zombie apocalypse? Because zombies need brains to survive. Back on May 9th, 2012, North Carolina passed a GREAT law called “Amendment 1.” It effectively makes any relationship, other than heterosexual marriage, and only marriage, illegal. 61% of the mouth breathers that call NC home voted in favor of this law. As of now the law has had no effect on anything. It hasn’t been challenged since it hasn’t been enforced.

Read More

PRON!

As astute readers here know I am friends with Adam Barta. He’s a great guy. One of the many reasons I consider him a friend. His, inexplicable, fascination with doing the duets with Octomom are an aside as far as I’m concerned. We all have our quirks. I got to thinking about him as I read about how Octomom was going to be stripper in Florida. Given that stripping is the main source of income in most of Florida, this is not a surprise. Of course, as the Octomom shows…

Read More

Mr. Sensitive

Several people have asked why Lupe Fiasco was asked to leave the inaugural celebration where he was performing. It had nothing to do with his lyrics since everyone was aware of what his stuff is about. No, it was his in between song rants. He forgot that the evening was not about him or his politics. For once in his life he was part of something bigger and he screwed it up. He made everyone uncomfortable and the nice Secret Service people politely escorted him out. According to two people…

Read More

Cheese Wars?

Why am I still surprised by stuff? Probably because some things would never occur to me. I have never woke up in the morning and thought that wandering into a swamp filled with deadly animals and heavily armed people would be a great way to start my day. Yet, in Florida, that’s exactly what hundreds of fun lovers are doing. So far there have been no reported fatalities. In fact many of the things I write about I would never do. No sane person would. The one fun thing about…

Read More

Death and Sex Toys

I woke up this morning, always a good sign for any day, and was greeted by my friendly web-bot with the latest news I could use. And I learned something right away. There are over 30 commercially available products and services marketed with the name “Super Sucker.” There is also a movie by that name. That fact will become relevant later. Well, not the movie, but the name. You see, after a week of serious discussions about serious topics ranging from gun control to cheese, I thought you might need…

Read More

Fear Kids? Become a Teacher!

It all makes sense now. The world has gone completely insane. Some people can’t handle reality so they make up this wildly dystopian universe and demand we live in it. Never has that been more true than with the “Sandy Hook Conspiracy Theories.” If you click here you will see just how demented those people are. I don’t want to waste a bunch of time on them since I am hoping to be funny today, but these people are beyond sad. To look the families of those dead children in…

Read More

In Honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Day

I originally wrote this on January 17, 2011. Since yesterday was Dr. King’s birthday a few readers had asked if it still existed since it covered more than the usual ground. Thanks to the glorious archive built by the Wizard of Ed, it does and I can share it again today. ************************* Today is the day set aside to celebrate the birth of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. A day when people can reflect on the fact that, no, we’re not there yet. Even so, I’ve always been more of…

Read More