Archives for January 2013

First off, I have good news for the male readers of this blog. A new study has just been released that shows, definitively, that men who don’t do housework get more sex than those who do. So when you hear a neighbor brag that her hubby helps clean the kitchen or whatever, remind yourself that he may as well be sleeping on the couch for all the good it does him. Nope, the message is clear, go do your manly stuff and then park your butt on the couch and wait your turn. Heck, if you get it right she should even bring you a sammich and a cold beer. Basically it all comes down to role playing, just not like the kind they do in Fifty Shades of Gray. Although if she’s willing to toss in a little of that too don’t turn it down.

See, we’ve barely started and already you’ve learned something.

In that vein Florida’s Gov. Rick Scott, realizing that the state is rapidly becoming an intellectual cesspool is asking the legislature to spend an additional $1.2 Billion on education. Included in his request is a $2,500 per year raise for every teacher. Before you get all impressed, that would still leave teachers in bottom fifth of pay nationally and the school system barely on par for a per student spending average. In other words, they have to raise the bar just to get to the bottom. Oh well, it’s a start.

Yesterday I wrote about the ten year old girl, her ounce of cocaine and how she won a science fair. Some of you were upset that I wasn’t upset. The fact is I feel for the kid. She has to make do with what she’s got and in Florida, as evidenced by the above paragraph, she ain’t got much.

Among the many issues the Florida education system has is that it is nigh on impossible to fire a teacher. So you have the lowest paid, least qualified, people being given absolute authority over your child’s future and there is nothing you can do about it. This problem came to the fore again in the strange case of Paula Prudente.

Long-time teacher Paula Prudente appears to have lost her four year battle to keep her job with the Palm Beach school district.

A state court last month recommended she be fired for misusing district technology to harass and threaten fellow employees. The emails, described as “rambling, sometimes-incoherent,” complained of mistreatment and told employees how to perform their jobs.

On Wednesday, school board members said they’d move to fire Prudente, 57, at the next board meeting.

But Prudente denied the accusations, calling them retaliations for reporting unethical hiring practices and health violations at schools. “My emails were complaints and grievances,” she said, adding that she’s filed multiple lawsuits and grievances against the district.

Prudente, last assigned to Spanish River High School, has been employed with the district since 1978. Her problems began in 2008, when she was accused of sending negative emails to her co-workers about a presidential candidate. In 2009-10, she was again accused of sending co-workers inappropriate and harassing emails.

Both cases were settled out of court, with a 10-day suspension.

But in 2011, the district alleged Prudente had returned to her email attacks. They said she sent numerous hostile and confusing emails to staff and left one employee a three-minute threatening voicemail.

“You are going to have to cease and desist your cafeteria style of … law and agreements cause … you are very wrongful in your misrepresentations … you are very deceitful …” Prudente said.

Other confusing emails were sent to school board members, the area superintendent and district employees who handled her benefits, despite warnings that school email accounts could not be used to bully co-workers.

Administrative law judge Robert Meale wrote that in emails addressed to one of her principals at the time, Prudente “launched into a bewildering set of vitriolic directives, awkward references to herself in the third person, and head-turning claims…”

One thing I learned as I wandered through the limited public documents on this mess is that Ms. Prudente is not a fan of President Obama. I also learned that everyone, but her, is an idiot. It is never made clear what awards she has won, just that has won three of them.

In semi-related news, another teacher, Dean Liptak, is in trouble because his physics test borders on the hyper-violent and seems to advocate killing babies.

I should note that he is also a well respected teacher in Florida. In case you’re wondering how far things have to go down there.

The fate of Florida science teacher Dean Liptak is unclear as parents express concern over violent test questions that involve propelling students and driving over babies.

According to WTSP, the Fivay High School teacher in Hudson, Fla., assigned test questions like:

“A 50 kg student has a momentum of 500 kg m/s as the teacher launches him toward the wall, what is the velocity of the student heading toward the wall?”

“A northbound car with a velocity of 100 m/s ran over a baby with a momentum of 800 kg m/s, what is the mass of the car?”

Parents tell WTSP that the test questions are “violent” and “inappropriate.” School officials have not disclosed the teacher’s status at the school.

Liptak has been teaching in Pasco County Schools for several years and recently moved to Fivay from Ridgewood High School. His students at Ridgewood had positive reviews of his teaching on RateMyTeachers.com. One student calls him the “best teacher in the world.”

A similar incident in Washington, D.C. last march led to a teacher’s termination. Parents were outraged after the educator sent third graders home with morbid math problems that referenced cannibals, baking people in ovens and a child whose brain had become infested with fire ants.

And just two months prior, Norcross, Ga. elementary school parents were upset when math problems that used examples of slave beatings were used in class. The teacher who assigned the problems eventually resigned.

The science test in Florida comes at a volatile time for the school, as the Fivay community continues to remember their late classmate Jessica Laney, who committed suicide last month.

Ah yes, higher math only works if you kill and eat someone. I must have been out the day that lesson was delivered.

But the worst case scenario came to light this week when James Tracy, a professor at Florida Atlantic University, began teaching his students that the Sandy Hook massacre was all staged and no one really died. CNN’s Anderson Cooper took him, and Florida’s education system, to task.

Florida once had a howling wolfpack of higher education reporters competing for scoops about small-time shenanigans. These days, the education beat is pretty much on life support. And in the absence of swift and sure journalism justice, the shenanigans are morphing into national scandals.

Last week, CNN’s Anderson Cooper was keepin’ ’em honest at Florida Atlantic University (FAU). Steam poured out of the silver haired anchor’s nostrils as he channeled the righteous indignation of millions regarding FAU’s James Tracy, a tenured professor of media history who thinks that maybe the Sandy Hook massacre was staged by “crisis actors” and maybe all those first graders aren’t really dead.

“I describe myself as a scholar and public intellectual,” Tracy told Sun-Sentinel reporter Mike Clary as the story was beginning to gather steam. Campus colleagues with higher standards of scholarship and lower quotients of narcissism describe him as Dick Tracy, the comic book detective who solves fictional crimes.

FAU President Mary Jane Saunders took to the CNN airwaves to assure Cooper’s global audience that Tracy “does not speak for the university.”

Maybe not, President Saunders, but his heartless, tone-deaf, self-aggrandizing pouring of salt into the gaping wounds of a Connecticut community still deeply in mourning has dealt yet another blow to the credibility of higher education in Florida.

The embarrassments have been piling up. Two top administrators at Edison State College allowed students to kiss off core classes required for legitimate degrees in three separate majors. Florida A & M is in danger of losing its accreditation. Politician and professor Mike Haridopolos’ $152,000 payday for a “book” resulted in a document as intellectually challenging as My Weekly Reader.

Add to those Florida State University’s selling its soul to the Charles G. Koch Charitable Foundation for $1.5 million to finance a “faculty” position. Of course, the right-wing foundation would name the teacher. And the Koch pledge is so paltry it would barely cover the cost of golden parachutes for any failed or disgraced FSU administrators.

James “Dick” Tracy is not the only accident looking for a place to happen in Florida higher education, and he did not grant himself tenure, either. Florida’s students and taxpayers deserve better than what they’re getting from a system increasingly run by people with Ph.D.s from the University of Educated Fools.

And there, kids, is the problem in a nutshell. Florida allows private financing for schools with no strings attached. If you’ve got enough money, as the Koch brothers do, you too can teach kids that Jesus rode a dinosaur while partying with Thomas Jefferson. And no one can stop you.

However, just as the University of Texas will no longer accept graduates of the Texas High School system unless they pass an entrance exam, so too is the rest of the world putting limits on how much they will tolerate lunacy and ignorance being passed off as knowledge.

Let’s face it, facts are facts and logic is logic. They are the bricks and mortar that all children need to build a future. If you want to wear a tinfoil hat and wait for Armageddon, be my guest. Just don’t take our kids with you.

MATER SUSPIRIA VISION – Seduction of the Armageddon Witches {2011} from Diego Barrera on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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Every week I get something from someone proving that ancient aliens existed. And every week I end up wasting some time pointing out the obvious flaws in their, for lack of a better term, evidence. It gets draining. “The buildings at Puma Punku could only have been built with laser guided tools!!!!!” Why? They’re made from red sandstone. You could work that with a chisel. And they did. “Tolima had fighter jets and made icons to them!!!!” The argument here is that the items do not look like any bird or insect but have wings. This is how stupid people think. One quick look at other Tolima art would show a lovely catfish with fins on its bottom instead of side. You know, just like the ones they ate and thanked the gods for but never used for fighter jets? Anyway, it is with great pleasure that I announce I will no longer have to deal with these people. A guy named Chris White, a former ancient aliens supporter, has put together a stunning documentary that anyone can view for free. Just CLICK HERE and enjoy. It debunks every popular ancient aliens myth there is. So I will be sending every inquiry on this subject this link and be done with them. But for anyone who needs further nudging, remember this credo: if they won’t allow the scientific community at large to view the evidence, then it isn’t evidence.

So let’s move on to a topic more rooted in reality; people who kill for fast food.

Oh, these are all in Florida, but I bet you knew that.

Corn Dog Dispute Leads to Fatal Stabbing!

Police say a man killed his roommate Tuesday morning during an argument over a missing corn dog.

Anthony Kimball Smith, 56, died after he was stabbed once in the chest by a man 20 years his junior, police said.

That man, Corey Lamont Walker, 36, was arrested on a second-degree murder charge.

“It’s hard to imagine someone taking a life over something so trivial,” police spokesman Mike Puetz said.

Both men lived at 2860 First Ave. S, a transitional living residence run by New Faith Free Methodist Church. The pastor there could not be reached for comment Tuesday.

Authorities said someone called 911 around 9:45 a.m. Tuesday to report a stabbing at the home, where detectives said about four or five people lived. The caller said the attacker was still in the home and still armed with a knife.

A neighbor described seeing a woman run into the street yelling for help.

“I heard screaming and jumped up,” said Wayne Lindsay, 29, who lives next door. “The lady was standing in the middle of the street. She had stopped traffic.”

Lindsay called 911. Emergency vehicles and police cruisers swarmed the area.

He and other neighbors watched as paramedics brought an injured man out on a stretcher.

“He looked pretty bad,” said neighbor Michael Booth, 56. “He had a lot of blood all over him.”

Officers said they arrested Walker without incident. Two other residents were taken to the police station to be interviewed.

Detectives said Walker told other residents food had been stolen from his room.

“It appears that somebody pilfered a corn dog from him,” Puetz said. “He was the only one there with corn dogs.”

At first, police said, Walker pointed the finger at a female friend of Smith’s who was at the home. Then he turned on his roommate, grabbing a butcher knife from the kitchen at some point.

“They went back and forth, and that’s when the guy got stabbed,” Puetz said.

Officers found a knife in the sink.

Authorities said the home caters to people from different backgrounds, some homeless, others with addiction or mental problems, police said.

It was unclear what landed Smith and Walker at the home or how long they’d been living there.

Residents said Smith had fallen on hard times but had turned his life around. He worked at a local nursing home; public records showed he was a certified nursing assistant.

Walker served nearly two years in prison from 2006 to 2008 for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon, records show. According to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, his criminal history also includes arrests on charges of drug possession, battery and obstruction.

Smith’s only brush with the law was in the 1970s for a robbery, records show.

Smith’s family arrived a few hours after the stabbing. As police told them what had happened, they sank to their knees and cried.

Yes, a corn dog. The same delicacy that that kid waves around in the cable TV commercials while he bitches about his bad back. The gourmet item that sells for less than a buck a pop. Hell, you can get a case of 72 of them for around $40 is that’s your idea of money well spent. I just think that I need a better reason than a corn dog to face life in prison.

But that could just be me.

Of course, at least theft was involved in the case above. Read on to weep for humanity some more.

Man Killed Over Pork Chop Storage Dispute!

A Volusia County man is facing a second-degree murder charge after gunning down his drunken roommate during an argument about how to prepare pork chops, police said.

Holly Hill police say 55-year-old Thomas Hahn shot and killed one of his three roommates just before 10:30 p.m. Tuesday.

When police arrived at their home on May Avenue, they found 35-year-old Robert Eugene Gray, Jr. lying dead on the floor. Hahn was seated nearby.

Gray came home drunk at about 10 p.m., police said.

He and Hahn began arguing about the meal and police say Hahn grabbed his .22-caliber Ruger rifle and fired at least three shots.

Two shots struck Gray, killing him immediately. Hahn initially told investigators that he shot in self defense but witnesses say he was not provoked.

“This appears to be a senseless act of violence stemming from a minor domestic dispute between roommates,” said Chief Mark Barker. “There is no clear answer at this hour as to why Hahn acted with such extreme violence.”

The attack is still under investigation and additional charges are pending.

You separate them with either wax paper or aluminum foil and then freeze them. There you go, murder avoided.

The World News Center lives to help.

But nothing holds a candle to our last story.

Wife Killed for Not Making a Burger!

An elderly Kendall man grew enraged after his wife refused to cook him a hamburger, stabbing her to death and covering up the crime by staging a burglary to their home, police say.

Bartolo Gelsomino, 78, now faces second-degree murder charges in the death of his wife, Ana Gelsomino, 71.

Their adult daughter discovered Ana’s bloodied body at the Gelsominos’ Kendall home on 10700 block of Southwest 146th Court the night of Jan. 21. She was last seen that morning “in good health and uninjured,” according to a search warrant served at the home.

But Miami-Dade homicide detectives grew suspicious when Gelsomino’s adult son told them his father “had a history of domestic violence” toward him and his mother, the warrant said.

As police combed the house, Gelsomino — a Sicily-born retiree who speaks primarily Italian — showed up to the scene and investigators noticed “two different possible blood stains” on his shirt.

Miami-Dade detectives scrambled to find a translator, finally securing an Italian-speaking Aventura police sergeant to help. According to an arrest report, Gelsomino eventually confessed to stabbing his wife with a knife from their kitchen after the argument escalated.

Gelsomino later led detectives to a trash bin in a nearby warehouse area where he had ditched the knife and other items from the crime scene, the arrest report said.

Prosecutors will arraign Gelsomino Feb. 11 in front of Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Migna Sanchez-Llorens. He is being held at the Miami-Dade County Jail.

My first question would be “How good are those burgers that you would be willing to kill for one?”

Just FYI, I did a little digging and found that they celebrated 52 years of wedded bliss prior to this. Adding the phrase “wedded bliss” to the list of things that aren’t what they used to be.

“But Uncle Bill,” you whine, “isn’t there any hope in Florida?”

And, to be fair and balanced, I must answer yes. And I found it in the heartwarming tale of 10 year old Emma Bartlett and her 28 grams of high grade cocaine.

An ounce of cocaine doesn’t usually come with a blue ribbon, even in Miami.

That didn’t stop Emma Bartelt, 10, from winning first prize in the science competition at Coral Gables Preparatory Academy with the help of three drug-sniffing hounds and 28 grams of the illicit white powder, all provided by the Miami-Dade Police Narcotics Bureau, according to the Miami Herald.

She also earned an honorable mention at the Miami-Dade County Public Schools Elementary Science Fair on Saturday, according to the paper.

The Herald reported that the scientific-minded fourth-grader received help on her “Drug Sniffing Dogs” project from her dad, Detective Douglas Bartelt. The three contraband-seeking chows included a springer spaniel named Roger; a chocolate lab, Franky; and a spaniel, Levi, according to the Herald.

A spokesman for the school district told the Herald that science fair rules do not explicitly prohibit use of cocaine in projects. Bartelt’s dad handled all the cocaine for the project, according to the Herald, which involved timing how long it took the dogs to find the cocaine in a room.

“It was kind of my idea, because I wanted to do my dad’s job,” Bartelt said of her award-winning experiment, which took place at police facilities.

In a statement, a school district spokesman told the Herald there was nothing wrong with Bartelt’s experiment – even if the only white powder at science fairs is usually baking soda for papier-mache volcanoes.

“The student’s science project involved a very unusual set of circumstances, including having a parent who is a well-respected police detective with experience in training dogs that sniff for illegal substances,” the statement read, according to the Herald. “From our understanding, the parent was the only person involved in working directly with the dogs and the hidden substances, which took place at a police training facility.”

Okay, I’ll admit this is an odd situation. But I like this story because common sense prevailed. The experiment was tightly controlled and the kid did the work. Sure she had he dad’s help, but she was the one leading the dogs, setting up the blinds and so on.

Science fairs are supposed to encourage kids to think outside the box. And, who knows, maybe little Emma comes up with a way to reliably detect illegal drugs that will revolutionize law enforcement. I can certainly hope so. Especially since most drug sniffing dogs aren’t very accurate to begin with.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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Growing up in the 50’s and 60’s were exciting times for smart kids. They were faced with endless possibilities. Man hadn’t just found the atom, he’d harnessed it. Man didn’t just sail the oceans, he”d driven nuclear subs to depths never before imagined. Man didn’t just go to the moon, he walked on it. Man could do anything his imagination could conceive. Pop culture reflected that. From the liberal fantasies of Star Trek to the conservative preachings of Heinlein, there was no way for mankind not to bend society, and the world it was on, to its will. But none of those dreams seemed to capture the psyche of the time like the Jetsons. Every week George packed his family of cliches into their flying car and had a new adventure and everyone, and I do mean everyone – from the poorest of the poor to the richest of the rich, wanted that damn car.

It isn’t like we got gypped in the deal. From those dreamers came (in no particular order) the Internet, cellular phones, fuel efficient engines, solar power, satellite technologies, the artificial heart, every film special effect you’ve ever seen, the space shuttle, surround sound, low fat anything, You Tube, and on and on the list goes.

In fact there have been so many innovations that we are still trying to sort what we can do, Hello Monsanto, from what we should, Goodbye Monsanto.

Despite all that, ask anyone of a certain age what they miss and they will, invariably, bring up that damn flying car. Well, Paul Moller felt your pain and spent most of his life trying to make a flying car that works.

Now he has three and they are going to be mass produced.

Moller International Inc., the Davis-based maker of flying cars, may see commercial production finally take off in China.

Moller (OTC-QB: MLER) says it has a signed memorandum of understanding with Athena Technologies Inc. of Harbor City in Southern California, agreeing to create a U.S.-based joint venture to set up co-production for its aircraft in the U.S. and in China.

Under the provisions of the memorandum, Moller will jointly produce numerous models of its vertical takeoff and landing aircraft. The joint venture will initially invest $80 million of a planned $480 million with the objective of producing a variety of VTOL aircraft by 2014, Moller says.

Production will include the Skycar 200 LS, Skycar 400, Skycar 600 and Neuera aircraft.

Moller is to retain its intellectual property while providing the joint venture with aircraft designs, ready-to-install Rotapower rotary aviation engines, and the requirements for the airframe and flight control system hardware to be produced in China.

The joint venture is to provide all necessary production funding, purchase a 35 percent ownership in Moller and provide Moller with 25 percent fixed ownership in the joint for a period of 10 years.

“The formal agreement is expected to be approved by both parties within weeks and lead MI and its JV partner to becoming world leaders in personal airborne transportation,” says Paul Moller.

Bruce Calkins, Moller’s general manager says the partnership leverages Moller’s knowledge of VTOL aircraft design with the cost-effective assembly and manufacturing capabilities that can be carried out overseas.

“Our objective is to become the market leader in this form of personal aviation, and with this agreement we are in a great position to achieve that goal,” he says.

“We are very affirmative and optimistic about this JV opportunity. Moller’s VTOL technology certainly is the very best in the world and we are looking forward to building a first class VTOL airplane factory in China,” says John Gong, chairman of Athena Technologies.

Meet the Neuera aircraft. That saucer shaped beauty to the right. They can fly over any terrain, can carry a wide variety of pay loads and have captured the interest of law enforcement officials the world over. Border guards, jungle police and many others see this as a viable alternative to, if not a flat out upgrade over, off road vehicles. Additionally, it can easily be weaponized which means the officer could stay in the vehicle when confronting a threat. But if you’re not in the mood to arrest people, it makes an awesome dune style buggy as well.

Meet the Sky Car line. It can drive down your street at 30 mph or it can fly. Right now it has a flight limit of a couple hundred feet, but I imagine that will increase over time. Police departments and military purchasers already have orders in for these babies. The m400 will carry 4 passengers and the m200 will carry two. That is the only difference between them. I can see the m200 in my garage without using too much imagination. Well, first, I have to imagine that I have a garage and work from there.

And, since I know you, here’s a link so you can buy direct from Moller. And what about Moller himself? What kind of dude is he? A pretty cool one if you’re an engineering geek.

Paul S. Moller grew up on a rural chicken ranch in Southeastern British Columbia Canada near a town called Trail. At a very early age it became apparent that Paul had a natural ability and desire to engineer and construct things. When he was only 6 years old he began construction of his first house. His second was completed at age 9 and was a two-story – improving upon his first.

By the age of 11, the dream of flight had already taken him far along the path he would follow throughout his life. So, he built a Ferris Wheel which would enable him to simulate flight. Although the amazingly symmetrical, hand-crank ride was marvelously successful with the village children, Paul almost immediately saw the need for something more. What he wanted was not a TOY. He wanted a machine that would allow him to fly like a hummingbird and take him to places he had never been without constraints.

By the time Paul turned 15, he had built a sports car to get him from place to place. Though already successful his dream was unrealized. So undaunted, Paul designed his first helicopter and began its construction that same year. The helicopter, although it could provide him with the ability to imitate the hummingbird flight he sought, was clearly not an ideal flying machine for the general public. He recognized that the helicopter was expensive to operate and maintain. The open blade design is inherently dangerous and the skill required to pilot it provided reason enough to continue along his chosen path toward what is now Skycar.

So, am I pulling your leg or will this thing really fly? Watch the video to find out.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.
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As astute readers here know I am friends with Adam Barta. He’s a great guy. One of the many reasons I consider him a friend. His, inexplicable, fascination with doing the duets with Octomom are an aside as far as I’m concerned. We all have our quirks. I got to thinking about him as I read about how Octomom was going to be stripper in Florida. Given that stripping is the main source of income in most of Florida, this is not a surprise. Of course, as the Octomom shows others how to collect food stamps while working as a, wannabe, porn star, others, such as Amanda Warren, wonder if they could make a living with a career as a porn star. The advice that she should work her way up from lesbian porn is priceless. It may be the most unintentionally funny article I’ve eve read. Go ahead and click the link. Of course that doesn’t hold a holy candle to the couple who wanted evangelist Pat Robertson to save their souls while they had sex.

My husband I would be naked and making love in our bed all the while Pat Robertson will be constantly attempting to save our souls and the female to have ongoing dialogue trying to sell us an Ab Rocket in 3 easy payments.

God, I love Craig’s List.

But not all online ads lead to divorce or harassment. Some lead to happy pets. Assuming, of course, that your pet likes pole dancing.

Bad economic times lead to more abandoned pets and Hurricane Sandy only made things worse. However, many homeless pets have some brand new advocates: NYC’s finest pole dancers.

To support the no-kill shelter Animal Haven, Ajia Maximillian, a dancer, instructor and choreographer contributed her time and skills to the fundraiser, saying “what could be better than having pole performances that benefit our furry friends?”

HuffPost Live host Marc Lamont Hill enjoyed the conversation, getting to cuddle up with Dorito, a shelter dog brought on set by Tiffany Lacey, executive director of Animal Haven.

Also joining in were Jane Hoffman, president of the Mayor’s Alliance for NYC’s Animals, and HuffPost Live’s own Caitlyn Becker, an owner of a rescue dog.

So the guy got a temporary cuddle? I’m thinking there may be a new career for that dog.

In other fun news, Las Vegas recently hosted the AVN (Adult Video News) Awards where Natasha Nice, probably not her real name, delivered this glorious quote; “I spend a lot of time there, especially in my scenes. I like lesbian scenes a lot, and we find ourselves in the bathroom regularly.”

No, it’s not you, she really makes no sense at all.

But, if that’s the kind of girl you want to bring home to mom, then Andy Campbell has all the advice you’ll need.

Angel slipped out of her stripes and into something more comfortable: a pair of high-heels she called her “Vegas Sneakers,” a pretty black skirt and a peacoat. On the short walk to KISS Mini Golf, I had a million questions for her. The 32-year-old former Rutgers student has dated in and out of the adult industry — full disclosure, her last 6-year relationship was with James Deen, and now look who she’s on a date with! — but she had some tips for those “civilians” trying to impress a sex goddess.

“People think that porn stars don’t have basic needs, and don’t want cute text messages and nice dates,” Angel said. “There are not a lot of guys that can do it. First of all, they get really intimidated, and second of all, I really do have high standards. Let’s be honest, I need to have good sex, but I want that connection too.”

Yeah, James Deen had to boink Lindsay Lohan in a low buck thriller. So it seems to me that Angel got out while the getting was good. God only knows what’s living in is bloodstream now.

Then again, it seems that not even the porn industry is safe from recession. Except for the fact that it’s more popular than ever the industry is struggling. Why? Because everything is free and free don’t pay the bills.

Walking around the Adult Entertainment Expo (AEE) in Las Vegas, you’d never know the porn industry was at half-mast, sales-wise.

There are floor-to-ceiling billboards of scantily clad sex actresses and HD TV screens showing every conceivable type of fornication (and a few unconceivable ones as well). Fans can take pictures with stars like Lisa Ann (the porn version of Sarah Palin), Julia Ann (no relation) and Alexis Texas (formerly Alexis Texass). If polite enough, the fanboy or frangirl might even get to touch a breast.

If the AEE was one’s only exposure to the industry, the crowded convention hall might seem proof that porn is truly recession-proof. But insiders claim the business has gone limp — metaphorically speaking — because more people are watching porn for free over the Internet instead of purchasing it.

The end result means fewer gigs for hard-working porn performers like Dave Cummings, a 72-year-old porn actor who has also produced three series: “Dirty Dave’s Sugar Daddy,” “Sex Fun” and “Kneepad Nymphos.”

“The piracy has killed the industry,” Cummings told HuffPost. “I’d say 80 percent of the companies that were around five years ago either don’t exist or are hanging by a thread. The day a new video comes out, within 24 hours, someone has set up a tripod in front of their TV to copy it and then uploaded it illegally.”

Cummings is staying home in San Diego this year, and feels the piracy has forced him into a premature retirement. “I’m not able to cover production costs, so why do it?” he said. “Companies that are still in business are either paying less in salary or having McDonalds do the catering instead of craft services.”

Nate Glass, who runs TakeDownPiracy, an organization battling online porn copyright infringement, estimates DVD sales have dropped by 50 percent since 2007.

“A mid-level company that might have earned $350,000 a month in DVD sales before that was earning maybe $150,000 to $200,000 when the recession hit,” Glass said. “That may have partly been due to the recession, but there hasn’t been a bounceback like in other industries.”

It’s hard to track how much money the porn industry has lost, because it’s nearly impossible to figure how much it typically earns. Theo Sapoutzis, the CEO and Chairman of Adult Video News (AVN), a trade journal that covers the porn industry and organizes the AEE, estimates that the pornography business made $10 billion in 2012, but admits getting exact figures is close to impossible since many porn companies are privately owned and tend to “inflate” their figures.

Sapoutzis “guesstimates” the industry made as much as $13 to $15 billion during its peak in the mid-2000s, before the recession. He accepts Cummings’ suggestion that 80 percent of porn companies are now defunct or struggling, but Sapoutzis sees that as a sign that the porn business is maturing, not dying.

“There are more performers than ever before, but they’re working as cam girls at home interacting with people, rather than in a studio,” he said. “From a company standpoint, there’s bigger competition. It’s more difficult to enter.”

Darren Roberts, who was the CEO of AVN between 1996 and 2010, said the last few years have been rough on sales of filmed fornication, but it’s hard to know how much the companies are struggling.

“The companies are tightly held, so you have to take what they say with a grain of salt,” he told HuffPost. “Otherwise, you can check sales at the retail level, the distributors or even the printer to see how many box covers were printed. But, even then, everyone refutes the figures anyway.”

“The only thing for sure is video sales,” said Roberts, who is also the author of The Unsexpected Story, a new book about the porn industry. “Sometimes, you can check which films did well on hotel cable systems because those are publicly traded companies.”

No one can or will say how much money the porn industry has lost, but porn insiders won’t deny that fewer films are being made, forcing actresses like Tanya Tate — a 33-year-old who specializes in playing cougar roles — to adapt.

“The budgets have been slashed,” she told HuffPost. “Performers often have to do their own makeup.”

Tate’s solution has been to diversify. She started a PR agency, Star Factory PR, that represents herself and other adult industry actresses, and she also directs films.

Tate also has tried to broaden her base by capitalizing on her interest in cosplay, and dressing up in sexy superhero outfits. “I don’t say I’m a porn star,” she said. “I just say, ‘I’m Tanya Tate and I have a cosplay site.’ It’s SFW [safe for work], but if they do further research on Facebook or Twitter, people will make the connection.”

Other adult stars and companies are trying to make up for lost revenue by breaking into new products, according to Sherri Shaulis, the senior editor of Pleasure Products for AVN. “Video companies are breaking into novelties like sex toys or lingerie,” Shaulis said. “The idea is that you can’t download the novelty.”

If times are as tough as porn industry insiders say, it’s possible they could get worse with the passage of Measure B, a controversial condom-only porn measure that Los Angeles voters approved in November. The law requires adult film producers in the city to obtain a health permit before filming and performers to use condoms while engaged in sex. It also calls for health officials to be present on working sets and makes violators subject to fines and criminal charges.

But that’s only, Akira says, if authorities can figure out how to implement it. “No one knows what’s going to happen or how it will be enforced,” she said. “Porn was illegal to shoot not that long ago and it still happened.”

Roberts said despite the economic hardships the business has apparently faced in recent years, he thinks things are bouncing back. “I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel,” he said. “DVD sales are coming back from two years ago. It was doom and gloom for a while, but people who put out good high quality product survived.”

Ladies and gentlemen, a world without porn is a world without innovation. Allow me to share a small part of a much larger example.

You are reading this. That fact alone, that you can read, is almost entirely attributable to porn. See, back in the middle ages almost no one could read. There weren’t any books and even less of a need. The rich saw no reason for the proletariat to be all uppity and learned and the proletariat had no idea what any of those words meant. Sure some guy named Guttenberg invented a method for printing the bible, but that was of interest only to priests and that one crazy guy who talked to corn. Then, in 1524, along came this guy named Agostino Caracciand he printed a book called “I Modi” (literally “The Ways”). The book contained words and pictures. And, while the pictures were of graphic sex acts, you couldn’t truly appreciate them unless you could read the words. Because, I Modi wasn’t just porn, it was an erotic instruction manual. And if you wanted your special someone to do that special something you needed to be able to explain the steps and you couldn’t do that if you couldn’t read.

Sure Pope Clement VII jailed anyone involved with it and ordered every copy destroyed but that was about as effective as demanding that people stop breathing. It was translated from its original Latin into every European language. But, because it was in Latin, and the bible was in Latin, regular people could read, understand and, eventually, question what they were being taught.

And when people finally realized the true power of literacy there was this fun little thing called The Renaissance.

As you can see, the world owes a lot to the adult entertainment industry. So, if you want to keep getting cool innovations like streaming video, interactive cell phones and, of course, basic literacy, stop stealing porn and pay your fair share.

Picture Perfect from Double Helix on Vimeo.

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