Counting Down to Oblivion

You know me, nothing makes me happier than a good apocalypse. Partly because it’s fun to watch, allegedly, rational people run out and build arks or underground shelters or what have you. Heck there’s even a group of people out west who plan on riding out the next apocalypse in mobile homes. Anyway, as you are well aware, this week marks the latest apocalypse, this one courtesy of a bunch of, long dead, Mayans. It’s all gloriously terrifying as long as you don’t actually find out any facts. Silly things…

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Newtown

On December 14, 2012 a young man with many troubles walked into a school and killed 26 human beings, 20 of them children. He did this after he’d already killed his mother. This much we know. What happened next would have been laughable if it wasn’t so sadly predictable. Left wingnuts are going to use this isolated incident to take away our right to bear arms. Right wingnuts are going to use this sadly common occurrence to demand that we arm kindergardeners. Centrist wingnuts …. oh wait, there’s no such…

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Jesus Was a Pisces

It is, once again, that magical time of the year when we celebrate the birth of many people’s Lord and Savior on the wrong day. And it’s a date that’s not just a little wrong, it’s off by miles. If you have actually read the Bible and have the ability to Google information about weather in North Africa / Middle East you will note that the shepherds, their sheep and so on would have been safely away in their homes in December since it’s winter there too. Granted it’s milder…

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Seriously?

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia has always held that the reason that homosexuality must be illegal is that the Supreme Court’s job is to legislate morality. His – ahem – logic is as follows; “murder is immoral and the courts legislate that.” Seriously, and he’s on the Supreme Court bench. What Mr. Scalia is too stupid to realize is that murder, while certainly immoral, is also a crime. For our purposes here today let’s define crime as any act that harms another person without their permission. I don’t want to…

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Happy Holidays (if you’re into that sort of thing)

As smarter minds than mine have noticed, if there’s a war on Christmas, Christmas is winning. And some people are pretty darn angry about it. I actually had a lady growl a “Merry Christmas” at me and when I returned the greeting she looked stunned. She was really trying to start a fight over that phrase. That, ladies and gentleman, is a sad little mind. So let’s move on. My pal Marion Enstrom sent me a link that is a nice summation of stuff you should know about Christmas. The…

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SEX!!!!!!!! Family Style.

I have had sex. Not often enough, I’ll admit, but often enough to to know what it’s like. I have also, in my brief time on this spinning globe, even made a woman say thank you. Also, not often enough. Having sex with someone is, I have discovered, a great way to introduce yourself. I once had sex with a lady I met at the old Exit on Wells for 6 months. She threw me out when I called her by name. She wasn’t ready for that level of commitment.…

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Too Stupid To Steal

The nice people over at Cracked Magazine have noted that the world is full of stupid people who have internet access. Judging by the article I am guessing they will soon discover, and write about the fact, that there is a planet full of air outside and we are all welcome to breathe it. Regular readers here do not need the obvious pointed out to them. They have figured out the basic stuff and come here for a more in depth analysis of the human condition. Which, as far as…

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Homework Gone Wrong

Earlier this week I wrote about some of the bizarre majors kids were taking in college. Many were stunned to discover that the challenging task of filling a box with stuff so it could be shipped was worth a college degree. The guy from the “If it fits, it ships” commercial probably got his masters there. My first thought was t compare what is, and is not, acceptable. For example, in America this course seems frivolous. In China it’s part of a core curricula for people who aspire to slave…

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BRAYNZZ!

I have written about the joys of our impending robot overlords. The sex bots are the good news, the biological slave camps are the bad. But, hey, why should we worry? It isn’t like science is anywhere close to developing a true artificial brain or anything like that. Actually, given the fact that college entrance exams can be filled in using 140 characters or less, I sincerely doubt there are any humans capable of doing the requisite math. And given that there are schools offering degrees in how to use…

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Does the Pope Hate Christmas?

“If you read it on the Internet it must be true.” – Aristotle. Look, I understand that many people are stupid. It is one of the reasons I have so much material to choose from each day when I write this blog. How much stuff do I get? I’ll put it this way, a young lady who took to Facebook to demand that gay people stop having gay children didn’t even get a link from me. Nor will she now. Granted that’s a glorious level of stupid, but not stupid…

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