SEX!!!!!!!! Family Style.

Well, yes, I am glad to see you, why do you ask?
I have had sex. Not often enough, I’ll admit, but often enough to to know what it’s like. I have also, in my brief time on this spinning globe, even made a woman say thank you. Also, not often enough. Having sex with someone is, I have discovered, a great way to introduce yourself. I once had sex with a lady I met at the old Exit on Wells for 6 months. She threw me out when I called her by name. She wasn’t ready for that level of commitment. I can understand that. Before I became unnecessarily intrusive things were fine. Better than fine in fact. We had been doing things I still have trouble pronouncing. Although that may be due to the fact that thinking back on those moments make me tremble violently, drool and wet myself a little.

I’m sure you’ve had similar moments.

If you haven’t you might want to find a different blog today.

Donna Davidge has discovered something I could have told her, casual sex is better than committed sex. My most recent casual partner made me breakfast. Neither of of my ex-wives ever did that.

For all their emotional complications, “friends-with-benefits” relationships may offer one advantage: safer sex.

The results of a new study show that people in friends-with-benefits relationships are more likely to use condoms during oral and vaginal sex compared to those in traditional romantic partnerships.

So, what if you do not have a “friends-with-benefits” relationship but like the idea of casual sex?

Back in the ’80s, while I was living in Europe, immersed in the world of modeling, there were lots of opportunities for casual sex. I had friends who never slept around and others who did. From this, I learned a few things.

Featured in an article on nymphomania in Elle magazine, I was labeled as someone who had a healthy relationship with sex. Looking back, I am not sure that is the case. But let’s say it was. What are the benefits of casual versus non-casual sex? And is it a good idea for you to have casual sex? Will it benefit you or not?

If you are young and single, it is your choice what you do with your body.

She’s got one of those Cosmo style quizzes in case you’re not sure if you should be having sex with strangers.

Clue number one, if you’re married the answer is no.

But if the answer is yes, what’s the perfect holiday gift for a guy to give his pseudo-beloved? Well, how about a 3D rendering of his penis? Also known as a custom dildo.

Christmas is coming, and there’s no better way to stuff the stocking of that special someone.

3DEA, a pop-up 3D printing store in New York City, is offering customized dildos formed from laser scans — and 3D print-outs — of customers’ penises.

The process is pretty simple: After a “quick tutorial on how to perfect your scan,” the excited buyer enters a scanning booth, where ShapeShot technology snaps some images of the patron’s manhood, then uses those images to print out a 3D model. They send the model to New York Toy Collective, where sex toy professionals use the print-out to create a one-of-a-kind dildo.

Sure, customizable dildos have long been available via plaster casts, but as Otto Massimo of Fleshbot (WARNING: EXTREMELY NSFW link) points out, the laser technique provides quite a few benefits.

For one, the subject only has to maintain an erection for about three seconds, rather than the extended period of time required for a plaster cast.

Plus, it’s not just an in-and-out affair: the 3DEA package includes champagne, chocolate, and some quality alone time in a luxury hotel room.

At $250 a pop, it may be too hard a bargain for some, but those interested shouldn’t mess around before making an appointment — the service is only available from Dec. 3 through Dec. 10.

Christmas is coming? Really? You went there?

Sheesh, how can I top that?

Easily actually. First a true story. Around 1983 I was fired from a band while in Toledo. It was 2:30 in the morning and I was handed a check. You may not know this but there are very few places to cash a check at 2:30 AM in Toledo. By “very few” I mean “freaking none.” I was at an Amtrack station with a bass rig, 3 guitars, a suitcase and 2 checks. I also had about $5 in cash on me. You really don’t need cash when you’re a grunt on the road with a band. They feed you, house you and make sure to point one groupie a week at you even if you don’t deserve it.

So I was in Toledo with $5 and no place to sleep. A gentleman was also there picking up his loved one. He was the only person around so I approached him. Long story short, he allowed me to sleep in the broom closet of his bowling alley. The next morning I was able to get to a bank and cash one check. Fine. Now I had money, a bass rig and three guitars and I was in Toledo. It was summer so there was no way I was blowing this opportunity. I got a hotel room and went to see the Toledo Mudhens. Any fan of M*A*S*H would have done the same.

As the game was ending I met a nice young lady of limited morals who let me buy her a beer. One turned into “I live near here” and we were off. We had to make a stop on the way to grab the keys from her mom. As it turned out mom needed a beer too. Not much later we walked into their place, stepped over the sleeping form of the alleged dad and the three of us rewrote what was legally allowed.

Disgusted? Don’t be. We were just head of our time. Tampa Florida, strip club capital of the universe, now boasts the title of being the home of the best “Mother/Daughter porn team” in the world.

Admit it. Right now you’re thanking God you found this blog.

A mother and daughter in Tampa, Fla., have a unique way of expressing family togetherness — by creating a pornography site and shooting sex scenes together.

The duo — known collectively as “The Sexxxtons” — like many porn performers, don’t give out their last names. Jessica, the mom, and Monica, the daughter, have been creating kinky content for their self-titled website for the past year and have just released a DVD.

In order to confirm the Sexxxtons are really related and not just claiming that as a marketing gimmick, The Huffington Post reviewed both women’s driver’s licenses, and their private Facebook pages, as well as private family photos going back 20 years.

Although mother and daughter have sex in the same room at the same time — often with the same male or female partner — they insist that their encounters are not incestuous. For legal and personal reasons, they don’t actually touch each other during sex scenes.

“We don’t have a problem doing two-on-one,” Jessica, 56, explained to The Huffington Post. “We will have sex with one man, but not interact with each other.”

Monica, 22, said the kinky choreography is a lot more difficult than her mom makes it sound.

“It’s not easy to do,” she told HuffPost. “Our lips never touch and that can be a problem when filming.”

Those precautions, the Sexxxtons said, are what keeps their scenes from legally being incestuous, even if experts like Beverly Hills-based psychiatrist Dr. Carole Lieberman, who has never treated the Sexxxtons, considers their activities to be “emotional incest.”

“This crosses so many lines, it’s like a labyrinth,” Lieberman told HuffPost. “Even if they’re not having sex with each other, it has to be titillating to one or both or them, so it crosses the line since sexual arousal comes into the mix.”

Monica acknowledges the mother-daughter porn is enjoyable. “I enjoy the sex and I enjoy being with my mom,” she said. “During the scenes, I think about how we’re going to be filthy rich.”

Money was a factor in deciding to start the family business. Three years ago, Monica said the family — including her younger brother — were about to get evicted from their home. She looked at her options, and decided to become a dancer and also get into porn.

“I’ve always been an exhibitionist and sex just oozed out of me,” she said, adding that she lost her virginity at the age of 12. “It was my idea. I dropped out of school in ninth grade and figured this was a good way to earn money.”

Monica worked as a dancer and got her mom into doing porn first before she did it herself. Jessica agreed to her daughter’s suggestion, saying they’ve always been open with each other.

“The money was part of the reason, but so was fun, and having sex with hot guys,” Jessica said, adding that she prefers her new job to her old career, bartending, for one simple reason: “You don’t have to get dressed to go to work.”

For the most part, the Sexxxtons only have sex in the same room when on camera, but Jessica said they did do a threesome with one of her boyfriends one night. “We were talking about sex and it happened. We all had a good time,” she said.

Monica has no plans to have a child of her own, but she and Jessica agree that if she had a child who wanted to go into the family business at a legal age, they’d allow it.

There are limits though: No animals and Monica doesn’t want to film scenes with her younger brother. “He’s a virgin and I don’t want his first sex experience to be with someone who is just doing it for money and isn’t into him,” she said.

Family-oriented porn can be a fairly common fantasy scenario, but it is rare to have real family members work together in scenes.

In 1998, “Three Brothers,” a gay porn film, featured three real-life brothers, Vince, Shane and Hal Rockland, in a sex scene with an unrelated male but they didn’t have sex with each other.

In addition, the Milton twins, Cali Marie and Cherish, have done scenes together since 2004, usually not touching. In 2008, porn star Elli Foxx filmed a scene with her mother, Desi, for a film called “Wanna F*** My Daughter Gotta F*** Me First 2.”

According to an interview they did with Howard Stern, they made sure to stay 10 feet apart while filming.

Monica may see filming sex scenes with her mother as a ticket to the big time, but adult film historian Bill Margold doubts they will be able to parlay their notoriety to mainstream porn.

“The adult industry is not that stupid,” Margold told HuffPost. “They have enough problems without creating on-camera incest.”

Bill Margold is wrong. I hate to tell him that but he is. Forbidden sex has been the whole point of the porn industry since Agostino Caracci wrote “il Modi.” Oh, who am I kidding? Hieroglyphic porn did the same thing.

The Dahm triplets have taken “I want them all” to a socially tolerable level. A Google search for porn sisters will get you 41,200,000 results.

I think Google just stopped counting.

In other words, this ship has sailed.

“Incest! The Musical” – Official Teaser Trailer from Kai de Mello-Folsom

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