Starting a New Country

After President Obama got re-elected a few fun loving people discovered that they have no sense of irony. Starting in Texas, and quickly followed by Alabama, some people demanded that they should be allowed to secede from the United States. Some of the petitions are clearly satirical. The irony, for those that are not, comes from the fact that they did not use a legal proceeding to make their case. Instead they used the free, government sponsored, blog that President Obama unveiled years ago which allows every person in the country to petition for justice. The fact that this method would not exist without President Obama is completely lost on them. So is much else, but that’s a blog for another day. Anyway, the original cry was that, should Governor Romney lose, they would flee to Australia. That was until they were informed that Australia is goverened by a sinning atheist who is living with her boy-toy and is a country that has gay marriage and free health care. Next on the list was Canada. No sinning atheist, but everything else was the same. Forced for the first time in their lives to seriously consider the world around them they flailed about for a safe place to live that would respect “their values.” My buddy, Phil Ranstrom, is a caring individual and, while he is not aligned with the secessionists politically, he still offered to help.

TO ALL THOSE WHO WISH TO SECEDE:

I’m hearing that a lot of people are threatening to leave the country because of Obama’s re-election and America’s liberal turn. They’re free to do so if they wish but there are a few things people should know before they pack their bags:

Canada, Australia, New Zealand and ALL of Europe have Universal Healthcare (aka SOCIALIZED MEDICINE!); they ALL have HIGHER taxes than the US; Evolution is taught in ALL their schools; private gun ownership is banned or heavily restricted in each; gay couples have legal recognition in all, can marry in most and will marry soon in ALL; abortion is legal in ALL; ALL are racially and ethnically diverse and, in the case of Australia, they have a leader who is an unmarried atheist woman living in sin with her boyfriend.

On the other hand, Saudi Arabia and Iran have NO taxes, and very low taxes, respectively; NEITHER allows the teaching of evolution; BOTH require prayer in schools; NEITHER allows gay rights, especially not gay marriage; NEITHER allows abortion; women in both countries know their place and don’t complain about it; everybody and his brother owns a gun; BOTH are theocracies run strictly by the laws of the old testament; and BOTH have populations with very few Black people and NO Mexicans. It’s practically paradise! Conservative Heaven on Earth!

Unfortunately even Saudi Arabia and Iran have Socialized Medicine, but hey, NOBODY’S absolutely perfect!”

He’s a giver, don’t you think?

He’s also 100% correct. A quick bit of advice before we continue here today. Take a look at who agrees with your opinions and then ask yourself if you’re comfortable spending eternity with people like that.

If that’s too much work, just stick with Matthew 7:12 and you’ll be fine.

Anyway, a great example of why the government the secessionists want won’t work here is playing out in Oklahoma. Mike Ritze, an Oklahoma lawmaker, has installed a one ton statue of the ten commandments on the state house lawn.

And the commandments are spelled wrong.

The rose-stone block reads “Sabbeth” instead of “Sabbath.”

And at its base, the tenth commandment reads, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidseruent.” It should read “maidservant.”

“It’s a simple fix,” Ritze told The Oklahoman. “Scrivener’s errors or misspellings are not uncommon with monument manufacturing.”

Ritze pushed for the installation of the Ten Commandments on the lawn of the state capitol because they represent a strong moral and religious symbol for Oklahomans, he explained.

Just FYI, yes, misspellings by scriveners are common, that’s why people proof read stuff before they unveil it in public. Of course, that requires knowing someone who can read and write.

Oh well.

What eludes people like Mr. Ritze is that the only way he seems to be able to get people to “respect his beliefs” is to completely insult the beliefs of others.

Once again, since it’s bibles he wants allow me to refer him, and all his followers, to Matthew 7:12.

But who are these people starting these petitions? What motivates them to demand such drastic action? Well, in Alabama at least, they want to see naked tits covered in suds.

Not that I can blame them, but still ….

Meet Derrick Belcher, a 45-year-old from Chunchula, Ala. Belcher is a truck driver, knife collector, “absolute Libertarian” and previously owned a topless car wash — that is, until the government shut down his business, he claims.

According to Alabama.com, Belcher is so upset with the government, he’s petitioning for Alabama to secede from the United States.

“I don’t think any one state can stand alone. But if we’ve got 20 of them, then that starts to be something,” Belcher said of the secession movement. “If you look at a map of the red states, we have all of the oil and we produce all of the food. We’re the ones that are carrying the rest of the nation.”

The Alabama native blames the federal government for shutting down his topless car wash, Euro Details, which he claims was successful for a decade in Mobile, according to Alabama.com. In 2001, Belcher was arrested and charged with obscenity. “The government ripped my business away, and now they’re choking America to death with rules and regulations,” he said.

Alabama enacted its anti-obscenity law in 1998, prohibiting private businesses and clubs from allowing breasts, genitalia and buttocks to be shown for entertainment, the Chicago Tribune previously reported. Although legislators claimed the law was instituted to stop nude dancing, “opponents argue the statute is so broad that it could be used to censor any type of entity that shows nudity,” the Tribute explained.

Belcher’s topless car wash fell under this umbrella.

So, last Friday, he started the Alabama secession petition in hopes that his state will be granted the right to secede from the Union, according to WKRG, a CBS News affiliate. Petitions to secede from the U.S. have been filed in all 50 states.

“The American people are being mistreated by the federal government and there is absolutley no reason why we shouldn’t end this treatment from the federal government,” Belcher told WKRG. “And I guess there is a part of me that is angry because my government has mistreated me year after year after year and I am fed up with it and I know there are several other people in this state and all across the country that are fed up with it as well.”

As of this writing, the Alabama secession petition had garnered 29,113 signatures on the White House’s “We The People” online petition tool. According to the petition, 25,000 signatures are required for the White House to review it.

Dear Mr. Belcher:

Love the name.

Anyway, if Alabama secedes, and takes you with it, the same local government that closed your car wash will still be in power. President Obama has never, in any way, offered legislation that would have had the chilling effect of reducing or eliminating topless car washes.

Also you should be aware that as 24/7 Wall Street, a conservative financial blog, pointed out, Alabama’s #7 on the list of the top ten states that rely on federal aid.

Alabama comes in second for the amount of spending per capita — $3,761 — on retirement and disability. The Cotton State also ranks seventh for procurement spending per capita, 78% of which was defense spending, and large parts of which also included the Department of Health and Human Services and the Department of Agriculture. Most of this procurement spending falls under the section of Department of Defense spending. Aside from Virginia and Kentucky, Alabama is the only state on this list that is in the bottom half of states for the amount of grant spending per capita. Grant spending encompasses a vast number of federal agencies and departments within each state.

Please re-read that. Should you secede 78% of your earned income would leave. There is no way the federal government keeps spending billions in your mouth breathing state and there is no way you could allow them to either since those dollars would be spent defending the very country you just seceded from.

Yes, I ended a sentence in a preposition. Trust me, that is the least of your problems.

In fact, the majority of the states where secession is being seriously touted, with no real clue what that would entail, are beholden to the US government for sending them more money than they contribute to the US economy.

That’s right Mr. Belcher, you represent a state full of welfare queens and, as an unemployed law breaker and former business owner, are one as well.

Feel free to rethink your ….. oh, who am I kidding? If you had the capability to think none of this would have come up in the first place.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.