America’s Got Some Catching Up to Do

Before we get to the meat and potatoes of today’s blog, I’d like to take a moment to add another log to the “What the hell were they thinking” fire. Principal Janet Jones, of Utica High School, yanked a 14 year old girl, who was wearing a pirate costume for Halloween, into her office and informed her that she “looked like a porn star.” When the girl, who comes from a connservative family, asked “what’s a porn star” she received a VERY graphic answer. So now the young lady’s father is upset and parading around town with a trailer that sports the nifty saying “Mrs. Jones taught my daughter about porn. ‘All men watch porn.'” Mrs. Jones also added a “grow up” admonition to her screed. And while this situation is spiraling out of control with citizens taking sides and refusing to budge, to the detriment of the young woman’s psyche, the school system is backing the principal by saying she fosters a “positive learning environment.” Add Utica to my personal “do not fly list” and move on.

Oh, the costume? On a 14 year old girl it’s cute. On your 25 year old girlfriend, it’s smoking hot. The same as with Catholic school girl outfits. If you get those confused you can, and should, end up in prison.

Okay, moving on. Some of you may have heard that Mitt Romney did not win the presidential election. There may be a downside to that. Back in 2008 a group of Mormon moms advocated a new Olympic sport: “Pole dancing for Jesus.” Considering that he didn’t even get the vote of Mormon moms, the Salt Lake City Tribune endorsed President Obama, my guess is that he would have used his many Olympic connections to make that happen. Just in case you were still looking for anything positive that might have come from his presidency.

Quick question for FOX! News; why is it Mr. Obama yet President Bush? Just curious.

Anyway, once again, the World Pole Dancing Championships were held without Mormons in Zurich, Switzerland. And, once again, Americans were shut out of the top prizes.

After Americans went to the polls, the rest of the world went to the poles — for the World Pole Dancing Championships this past weekend in Zurich, Switzerland.

Dancers from 26 countries did what they could do to raise the bar for the sport, which has become as popular in gyms as it has in exotic night clubs.

Some say the physical act of climbing and twirling around a pole has roots in the Chinese circus, according to PolicyMic.com. Back then, it was performed by men more than women.

It wasn’t until the late 1980s that pole dancing moved into gentlemen’s clubs.

Because of pole dancing’s Asian roots, the Chinese pole dancing team had high hopes to win big in Zurich, according to GlobalTimes.

Instead, the country remains the sport’s sleeping giant. The competition was dominated by Russian and Ukraine dancers, including Ukraine’s own Natalia Tatarintseva, the top female, according to HuffPost UK.

You would think, with the fact that the Tampa area alone employs over 2,000 strippers and pole dancers, that one might be worthy of international competition. Then again, I once got stuck in Oneonta, New York, and saw the worst strippers ever. It was a couple of girls who seem to have finished their day as cashiers at WalMart and just wandered in and got naked. They had the sexy moves of beached walruses.

And I owe an apology to the walruses.

But, as bad as that news is for Americans, I have worse news for men in general. Scientists say that women who have sex with robots live longer, and happier lives.

Could sex with robots help extend human life spans? Some futurists seem to think so.

A Nov. 7 article on the futurist website Transhumanity argues that robot lovers could help extend life spans by giving users mind-blowing “longevity orgasms” far superior in quality to those from human “meat-bag” partners.

Warning: Graphic Descriptions Follow

The link between orgasms and health is not unexplored. Some have argued that orgasms have significant health benefits, and “The Longevity Project,” a book about an eight-decade study of long-life factors, observed that women with higher frequency of orgasm during sex lived longer.

But assuming robots can do it better than humans, is there necessarily a correlation between the quality of orgasm and longevity? Or is frequency of climax the most important factor?

If the latter is the case, then a sex robot’s superior skills in the sack might be less of a game changer than the fact that a sexbot will never be too tired or unwilling to get it on.

Still, the futurist scouting report on longevity orgasms sounds pretty complex.

Transhumanity elaborates:

“[Sexbots will] be more desirable, patient, eager, and altruistic than their meat-bag competition, plus they’ll be uploaded with supreme sex-skills from millennia of erotic manuals, archives and academic experiments, and their anatomy will feature sexplosive devices… They’ll offer us quadruple-tongued cunnilingus, open-throat silky fellatio, deliriously gentle kissing, transcendent nipple tweaking, g-spot massage & prostate milking dexterity, plus 2,000 varieties of coital rhythm with scented lubes.”

At the moment, it appears humanity will have to wait and see if “shrieking, frothy, bug-eyed, amnesia-inducing orgasms” administered by sex robots provide the key to longevity.

But it won’t have to wait too long. A scenario envisioned by Victoria University researchers plots the rise of robot prostitutes by 2050, the Dominion Post notes.

Mid-century was also the sexbot timeframe given by artificial intelligence expert Dr. Robert Levy in his book, “Love and Sex With Robots,” which postulates that it would be entirely possible for humans to fall in love with their robotic partners.

Well, you can’t say I haven’t warned you that this was going to happen. Time and time again I have railed against our impending robot overlords. And what thanks to do I get? I get replaced by 2 D batteries and some attachments.

Gee. Thanks.

Well, America, we once led the free world and can again. Get your sisters, moms, wives, mistresses and/or girlfriends, sexed up and ready to rock. Get them a pole in the living room so they can practice and practice until it hurts and then go reclaim our national honor in Switzerland.

And when they’re done you can rub them down, oil them up and ….. well, reclaim that glory as well.

Try and replace me with batteries will they? I’ll show them.

gisele-pole dancing from Michael Wilkes Photography on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.