As fans of nudity know, I am among their number. Within reason. There has never been a nanosecond of my life where I thought the idea of Rush Limbaugh naked was a good idea. It would seem I’m not alone there. Even though he’s worth $400 million or so, no woman has been naked with him long enough to allow him to procreate. What good is all that money if you can’t get a little panky for your hanky? Then again Rush thinks Honey Boo Boo is cute so God know what mutant thing would result if he did spawn.
I’ll give you a moment to bleach out your eyes.
But, in the main, I have supported a clothing optional lifestyle for those who wish to embrace it. And, to be honest, back when I was thinner, I partook in several events that required nudity as a precursor. I will also admit that I had fun. And it was clearly the idea of fun that prompted Zbigniew Lindner to snag a bunch of naked women and men and have them pose with coffins.
A Polish firm that makes coffins has angered the Catholic church by trying to drum up business with a calendar depicting topless models posing next to its caskets.
One image from the 2013 edition of the calendar has a blonde model, wearing only a skimpy thong and with a snake draped around her neck, reclining on a coffin. In another, a woman wearing a crimson corset is depicted pulling out the heart of a man lying on a casket.
“My son had the idea of creating the company’s calendar… so that we could show something half-serious, colorful, beautiful; the beauty of Polish girls and the beauty of our coffins,” said Zbigniew Lindner, the firm’s owner.
“We wanted to show that a coffin isn’t a religious symbol. Its a product,” he said. “Why are people afraid of coffins and not of business suits, cosmetics or jewelry?”
As well as attracting publicity for his firm, the calendar is intended as a source of revenue. It is on sale on the company’s website. Anyone who places an order receives a complementary key ring in the shape of a coffin.
The Catholic church has condemned the calendar as inappropriate. A church spokesman has said that human death should be treated with solemnity and not mixed up with sex.
The church and its teachings have been at the heart of Polish life for generations, but changes in society are challenging the faith. While 93 percent of Poles say they are Catholic, the proportion who attend church regularly is falling. Many people are starting to confront long-standing taboos about sexuality and religion.
Dear Catholic Church:
Oh, never mind, it’s too easy.
Sex and death have been intertwined since humans figured out that the former would eventually lead to the latter for every living thing. It is why many funerals, far from being somber affairs of weeping and teeth gnashing are actually celebrations of the person’s life. And it’s why, in Taiwan, you can hire strippers for your funeral.
But, for all the joys that nudity can bring, there’s always one pooper who shows up to ruin the party. In San Francisco, that pooper has several hundred friends and they have turned a children’s park into a penis fest and families are, much to no one’s surprise, fighting back.
Sometimes it feels like people throw around the term “only in San Francisco” with a little bit too much carelessness. Just because someone told you there’s a 45-minute wait for brunch or three of your friends are all competing to become the mayor of the new Norwegian-inspired taco truck on Foursquare doesn’t entirely justify the declaration that those things could exclusively happen here in town.
On the other hand, sometimes the phrase is actually warranted. Take what happened during Monday’s hearing of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors’ Neighborhood Services Committee in which officials discussed a ban on public nudity, for example.
If you assume the next sentence is going to run along the lines of, “someone took off all of their clothes,” you would be correct.
During the meeting, nudity activist Gypsy Taub stepped up to the podium and addressed the committee. “Nudity does not harm children,” she said. “Have you ever seen a child cry because they saw a naked person? What do children do when they see naked people? They laugh. It makes them happy, it doesn’t traumatize them. Nudity is natural and harmless. Our bodies are God’s gift and God doesn’t make mistakes. Attacking our right to be nude is an attack on sacredness, beauty, love freedom, art and creative self-expression.”
Taub then removed her dress, revealing a nary an undergarment, and declared, “attacks on body freedom are unconstitutional and un-American.”
She was quickly escorted out of the room by police officers while chanting, “Up with body freedom, down with Scott Wiener.”
Naturally, Taub was greeted with a rousing round of applause–probably for a whole variety of reasons.
In the hallway outside the committee room, Taub was detained by police and eventually put her clothes back on. “Nudity does not harm anyone,” she added. “It’s people’s actions and not people’s bodies that harm people. Clothes have never stopped anyone from sexual harassment; they have not stopped anyone from raping; clothes have never stopped anyone form getting raped. It is nothing to do with clothes, it has to do with people’s actions.”
The San Francisco Chronicle notes that Taub had sent out press release to various media outlets announcing her intention to disrobe during the meeting.
For his part, Wiener didn’t seem particularly shocked by Taub’s display.
While the state of California doesn’t prohibit public nudity per se, it does criminalize lewd behavior–something that’s left up to each individual municipality to define for itself. San Francisco has long permitted public nudity, but the increasing number (not to mention boldness) of a group of naked men who have taken to “hanging out” in the Castro’s Jane Warner Plaza has sparked significant outcry.
“I would just like to be able to walk down the street and buy a carton of milk without seeing someone’s penis,” mother and Castro resident Sheila Tenney told the San Francisco Examiner. “That’s it.”
Wiener’s law would outlaw the exposure of genitals in public places. The law contains exceptions for street fairs and parades, so the city’s famously nude-friendly events such as the Folsom Street Fair and Bay to Breakers would remain unchanged.
“While most people in San Francisco, myself included, have no problem with occasional public nudity, we’ve seen a shift in public attitude because of the over-the-top situation at Jane Warner Plaza and elsewhere in the Castro,” said Wiener in a statement. “Until recently, public nudity in our city was mostly limited to various street festivals and beaches as well as the occasional naked person wandering the streets. What’s happening now is different. Jane Warner Plaza is the only usable public space in the Castro and serves as the neighborhood’s town square. Use of this small but important space as a near-daily nudist colony, while fun for the nudists, is anything but for the neighborhood as a whole.”
“This plaza and this neighborhood are for everyone, and the current situation alienates both residents and visitors,” he added. “We are a tolerant neighborhood and city, but there are limits.”
Fines for violating the ordinance will run up to $500.
The three-member Neighborhood Services Committee unanimously voted to recommend the passage of Wiener’s law by the full Board of Supervisors. The legislation is scheduled to receive a vote on November 20.
Gypsy Taub is 100% correct that nudity does not cause crimes. It is also irrelevant. While Ms. Taub may be comfortable inflicting her beliefs on the masses, the whole idea of our country is to respect others. And many people don’t want to be knee deep in penises when their kids are on the swing set. And they sure as hell don’t want to think what Adam and Steve may have been doing on the swing set while naked.
for those who are worried, the annual parade of Naked Santas will not be impacted by the law. So your family traditions are safe.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.