Month: November 2012

I once knew a guy who claimed to be the world’s best Polish ninja. I had no idea what the competition for that title would be so I wisely kept my opinions to myself. My guess is that it would be similar to the quality of talent competing to be known as the Best Rapper in Utah. But you never know. There could be a few thousand Bruce Lee’s secretly living in Warsaw. However, except for his fascination with Polish ninjas he was otherwise reasonably sane. Or so I thought.…

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We laugh and joke about states like Florida and the bizarre crimes that their citizens commit that end up being immortalized on the internet. While some are funny, like the guy who urinated on a police car, some are hyper violent. But as you read the various crime blogs in Florida you start to notice a disparity. Even though all other things might be equal – nature of the crime, lack of finances or personal legal counsel – the odds of going to jail in Florida are tilted four to…

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As regular readers of this blog know, the world ends on a pretty regular basis. If you’re unsure which apocalypse was your favorite, just hop over to Bible.ca for a complete list of the 242 known ones. Bible.ca is a site that stridently denounces people who use the Bible for fear mongering and hate. Anyway, I specified “known ones” since there have been select cults who have not publicized their particular apocalypses and just killed themselves when the due date rolled around. While that’s certainly polite of them, it still…

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Happy Tuesday ya’ll. As those of you who heard the radio show last Friday are aware, I’ve been fighting off a nasty cold. Today is the first day in a bit where I woke up and didn’t cough up a phlegm ball the size of my head. Yep, things are looking up. In any case I figured today would be a good day to stick to a lighter topic. Something fun and frivelous. I found a story about why people like puppies. That seemed to qualify. A nice little piece…

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You’re sitting at home, reading this, wondering calmly how much dynamite it will take to rid your yard of a chipmunk. Or maybe you’re blithely wondering if strapping a jet engine to your Volvo would interfere with your insurance. Whatever it is I’m sure that you mean no harm and, in fact, when pressed later by the police, will attribute only the most benign motives to the fact that there is a crater the size of a swimming pool in your yard or that there is a Volvo stuck in…

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There is a restaurant, not far from my home, that was offering a Thanksgiving dinner for $8.00. Since my room mate was spending the day with his family and I had no desire to make a dinner for one I toddled over there. I figured “How bad could it be?” Just asking that question provides an answer. A gravy covered plate with alleged meat by products drowning in it arrived five minutes before my salad. Also swimming in the gravy pool was a mashed potato ball and some stuffing. Off…

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Thanksgiving is red headed step child of holidays. It is a holiday that, in principal, celebrates all that is good and holy about humanity. In reality it is a celebration of a day that, within a century, led to the subjugation and murder of millions of people. As you can clearly see one does not blend well with the other. There is some good news though. Despite what you read on Facebook, the original Pilgrim Separatists, or whack job religious fundamentalists (depending on your point of view), did not kill…

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There are people reading the title today and getting ready to burn me in effigy. They will say that they know of this guy, or at least know the guy who knows this guy, who is a great dad and doesn’t need a mom to help him through the day. I am sure such men exist just as I am sure that there are men who can run a five minute mile and solve quantum formulae as they do so. They exist but they are not common. I am talking…

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After President Obama got re-elected a few fun loving people discovered that they have no sense of irony. Starting in Texas, and quickly followed by Alabama, some people demanded that they should be allowed to secede from the United States. Some of the petitions are clearly satirical. The irony, for those that are not, comes from the fact that they did not use a legal proceeding to make their case. Instead they used the free, government sponsored, blog that President Obama unveiled years ago which allows every person in the…

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It’s a guy thing. When parents took away our toy guns we would just point our fingers and say BANG! When the traditional family dinner became too predictable a guy invented the Salad Shooter. Because nothing says healthy eating like dodging high velocity lettuce. It’s aerobics and vegetable protein all at once. And when the average American thinks of science they think of MythBusters, a show that purposely misspells its own name. And what is the specialty of MythBusters? Do they debunk UFOs or Sasquatch sightings? Of course not. They…

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