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You are here: Home / Wrap That Sucker Before You … Wow! Look At the Ponies!

Wrap That Sucker Before You … Wow! Look At the Ponies!

October 20, 2012 by

Take two of these and complain to your mayor in tine morning. This is as far as I can legally go.
I don’t know about you but I have had sex. An unofficial poll of our readers last year showed that 100% of them had also experienced the joys of the occasional mattress mambo. That’s a healthy amount. Now, before you get the idea that I’m about to make fun of some backwards group of morons, I remind you that, in Illinois, it is illegal to be caught nuzzling or kissing a reptile and that having an erection in public is also illegal. I actually am guilty of both. Hey! Don’t judge. It wasn’t at the same time. Anyway, I was young and she was willing to get naked but she wanted me to kiss her iguana first. There’s nothing in the bible about iguana smooching so I just followed my heart, which just happened to be following my erection and the iguana got smooched. The iguana seemed pleased. I know I was. She seemed to be as well. I guess she was since I got seconds.

But you never really know. She could have just been filling her calendar.

I brought that up to bring this up. When I was younger I worked with some ladies who worked in the adult entertainment industry. In the late 70’s and early 80’s the industry was changing dramatically. It was becoming more involved in creating technology specifically designed to enhance the erotic experience. Everything from video cameras to most of the Internet owes its existence to porn. Click the previous link to see what I mean.

As porn came out from under the couch and parked itself in our living rooms people became more aware of the intricacies involved in creating it. And, what seems to have been a blindingly obvious result in retrospect, more people, both male and female, decided they wanted a piece of that pie. And as more people got involved more health precautions needed to be put in place. Unlike the 60’s and 70’s, when everyone knew everyone else, the entire porn industry couldn’t fit in a restaurant.

Yes, it would have needed to be a big restaurant, but you get the idea.

So, now, porn has become so entrenched in our lives that the government sees the need to get involved. Allegedly due to a (nonexistent) “public health” issue but, really, for money. Think “red light cameras” meet “red light district.”

Our buddy David Moye has the complete story.

Porn performers Jessica Drake and James Deen are hoping to raise awareness — and possibly other things — with a new political ad that protests a controversial condom-only porn measure on the ballot in Los Angeles.

Under Measure B adult film producers must obtain a health permit before filming and performers must use condoms while engaged in sex. It also calls for health officials to be on working sets.

Violators would be subject to fines and criminal charges.

The measure is arousing the ire of porn performers like Deen and Drake who have filmed a satirical public service announcement depicting future porn, wherein sex workers perform with safety goggles and protective headgear while getting down to business.

The climax of the porn film PSA is when Deen almost chokes on a dental dam.

“We’re not mocking safe sex,” Deen stressed to The Huffington Post. “It’s supposed to be a satirical look at government interference.”

James Lee, chief spokesman for the No on B campaign, appreciates the importance of promoting safe sex, but he argues that the proposed measures could screw the industry financially.

“In 1998, the industry went condom only [for a brief time],” he told The Huffington Post. “Business dropped 25 to 30 percent. America isn’t the only place that makes porn. It’s a competitive issue and consumers don’t buy condom-only porn.”

The condom-only policy in 1998 was rolled back.

Lee said the industry now does a good job policing itself with rules that requires performers to get tested every 14 to 28 days “so far beyond what other industries are doing.”

“No other population is tested more frequently except convicts,” he said.

Lee said that the last time a porn performer tested positive for HIV was in 2004.

Deen said that New York Times science correspondent Donald McNeil visited him on set and told him that he considers the Los Angeles porn industry to be “technically a scientific marvel” because there are so few cases of cases of STDs and HIV considering how much sex is being had.

Earlier this summer, a porn performer named Mr. Marcus became infected with syphilis and falsified the results so he could work.

This caused the whole industry to shut down. Although that would seem to make a case for laws such the one proposed in Measure B, Deen thinks the industry reaction to the outbreak actually proves the current policy is working.

“What other industry shuts itself down if there’s a scare?” he said. “McDonald’s doesn’t shut down if someone gets sick from a hamburger. The NFL knows the head gear is not designed to withstand the concussions suffered by players, but it doesn’t shut down.”

Drake believes the outbreak showed that the system for containment and tracking exposures worked, but adds that “crisis is opportunity for growth and change” and the testing has become more rigorous since then.

Drake considers herself a unique spokeswoman for the No On B campaign she is under contract to Wicked Pictures, which makes condoms mandatory for all films.

She admits the policy has hurt the company’s bottom line the way that Deen suggests, but the company thrives, in part, because “perseverance” and because Wicked’s films are plot-driven and cater to couples.

However, if the measure passes, all porn sets will have to have health inspectors on set to ensure that condoms are being used.

“We’re not mocking safe sex,” she told HuffPost. “But we want to show that things will definitely change.”

An earlier, less satirical ad featuring Ron Jeremy and Tera Patrick suggested that passage of measure B could lead to porn companies closing down shop in Los Angeles and moving to places without condom-only rules, which would result in the loss of a $20 billion industry and 10,000 jobs.

Most of the porn industry is against the measure, as are media outlets like the Los Angeles Times, but some porn stars do support it, such as Aurora Snow.

She recently wrote a piece in The Daily Beast saying the proposed law makes sense, even if it isn’t “sexy.”

“Safety isn’t sexy. Wearing a helmet while riding a motorcycle makes me feel like a dork, but I do it because I know what’s at risk if I don’t,” she said. “No one feels or looks sexy wearing a safety hat or knee pads. That’s what the condom is for the porn industry, it’s our safety hat.”

Deen considers Snow to be a good friend, but finds her argument illogical.

“People use the analogy that if you should wear a helmet if you ride a motorcycle, but stuntmen don’t wear helmets. They’re trained professionals working with other trained professionals. Like we are — we’re the stuntmen of sex,” he told HuffPost. “What people see in movies is not real. Adult entertainment is entertainment.”

First off, I’d like to remind you that Jessica Drake is smarter than most of you. Admit it, you would never have thought of the stuntman analogy.

That being said, I would never have casual sex without protection but that’s not the topic here today. Even in the 80’s the girls I knew were insanely careful. They called the act of having sex with a non-porn star “amateur night” and they made sure the rubber raincoats were in full use.

No glove, no love unless you were a member of the professional family.

So, if you have a soul and live in Cali, do whatever you can to kill Measure B.

Secrets of Tantra – Magic in Practice from Asia (Trailer) from Angela Mahr

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

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