Normally I would not be the first in line to champion the concept of getting heavily armed people drunk. I try not to be the font of very bad ideas. Yet, today, I am going to forgo common sense and advocate allowing police in Florida to carry a half pint in their patrol cars. Or at their desk or anywhere else they may feel it prudent. You see, after years of writing this blog it finally occurred to me that the men and women in blue who patrol Florida’s vast tracts of ineptitude have got to be one step from going postal. As it were. Think about it, in just the last week they have arrested four different naked people involved in various criminal acts, one of whom defecated on himself while being detained. You never hear stories like that on the local news. Not once have you heard (YOUR FAVORITE NEWSCASTER) say “Chicago police arrested a naked man who was carrying a water pistol loaded with taco sauce just outside a nunnery in Hyde Park. The man attempted to elude police by running into the nunnery screaming a request for sanctuary. He was quickly returned to the police by irate, ruler wielding, nuns.” Not once. But, in Florida, this kind of stuff happens daily.
In fact, the whole “naked Floridian criminal” thing has gotten so out of hand that I’ve stopped writing about it unless it involves something truly spectacular.
But even without the nudity and public defecation, cops in Florida deal with stuff other police departments don’t even see in sit-coms.
For example, Police in Tampa had to run down a criminal – in court.
A defendant became belligerent and ran through the Hillsborough County Courthouse, striking a police officer, according to the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office.
Adam Manuel Lee Raicies, 25, reportedly appeared irritated during his sentencing on Tuesday on a charge of giving false information to a law enforcement officer. When the judge sentenced Raicies to probation, he allegedly refused to sign the paperwork before taking off.
Bailiffs and Tampa police officers chased Raicies through the courthouse. When they caught up with him, he allegedly struck an officer in the face with his elbow.
The judge scheduled a contempt of court hearing and filed additional charges against Raicies, including battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest without violence.
Just where did he think he was going? He was in a building where everyone BUT HIM carries a gun and a radio. Those are not good odds.
But, I would still have to say that he had a better plan than these two gentlemen who were arrested in Naples. They thought that the quiet room in the back of the squad car was the best place to smoke a joint and discuss their crimes.
Jacques Leonce Saintil, 19, and Vernon Denard Jones, 21, two suspects in an East Naples home burglary, were picked up after a concerned neighbor saw them enter a house while the the home’s residents were away, reports the Naples Daily News.
They reportedly told authorities they didn’t know anything about the break-in.
But while the duo were being hauled off to the the slammer, they were taped on an in-car video system discussing the burglary and passing a joint back and forth in the backseat of the patrol car, according to an arrest report.
Gotcha! Pass the joint and go directly to jail.
Have you noticed that the newspapers in Florida don’t even bother with words like “jail” anymore? Nope, these dudes were hauled off to the “slammer.” I guess at some point it all becomes somewhat overwhelming having too write about these yahoos day after day after day …..
While we’re here, maybe we should add 911 operators to our list as well. Broward County Sheriffs had to take time out of their busy day to go arrest a woman who was in love with a bologna sandwich.
No, I am not making this up.
Christine Lee Brown was busted for repeatedly calling 911 to thank the Brevard County Sheriff for bologna sandwiches she was served at the jail, reports WKMG CBS News-6 in Orlando.
When Palm Bay cops showed up at the 51-year-old’s home, she was chatting with a 911 dispatcher, records show.
Now she’ll be getting even more bologna sandwiches.
They’re not that good people, trust me on this one. No one, and I mean NO FREAKING ONE, goes to jail for the cuisine.
While I have made fun of Florida’s politicians, rightly so I might add, for being dunderheads when it comes to writing laws, their police deserve to be lauded for one ongoing program they have had in place for a while now. They run one of the best anti-child sex operations in the country. The latest sting in Valusia County netted some real winners.
Psst, cyber perverts, get a clue: No mom in the real world wants you to have sex with their 14-year-old daughter.
But men seem to continually fall for this undercover online sex sting, actually believing moms would allow their 14-year-old daughters to have sex with a stranger they have connected with online.
And it just happened again in Florida.
This time 23 men were nabbed in Volusia County, traveling as far as 120-miles believing they would have sex with a 14-year-old girl, according to a news release from the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office.
The latest roundup included three students from Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University.
Most of the men brought condoms, which shows intent, according to the release.
Way…as in Paul D. Way, a 36-year-old Army reservist from Melbourne, even brought a teddy bear, along with a couple of hydrocodone pills (and) a handwritten, signed contract with blanks for both mom and daughter to sign giving him permission to perform sex acts on the phantom 14-year-old girl, the release stated.
John F. Williams, 66, a semi-retired doc from Port Orange, reportedly brought a whole box of condoms, a couple of bottles of vino, some sex toys…and Viagra.
Here are some men that fell for the ‘family fun’ sex sting in the past.
It looks like this Naples firefighter’s career just went up in flames: Firefighter falls for family fun sex sting, deputies say
NASA cop busted: Accused of trying to have sex with ‘teen’ and ‘mom’
Minneola: Firefighter sought sex with woman and daughter, 7. This civilian fire captain at a North Carolina Air Force base traveled all the way to Lake County for his “hookup.”
Osceola County: PGA golfer fell for ‘family fun’ sex sting, deputies say
Those are just the recent busts from the last couple of months.
Anyway, kudos to the Florida cops for keeping those creeps in jail where they belong.
Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.