It Seemed Like Such a Good Idea

No, seriously, this is a really bad idea.
Florida is where the gene pool not only went to die but to be forgotten. It is the land of really bad ideas. Back on February 6, 2011, I wrote about a guy who was smuggling cockroaches into the state. With the obvious result that giant cockroaches got loose in the eco-system and could easily overrun the state in the near future. Let’s be somewhat honest here. If the prime employers in your region are strip clubs and pawn brokers, there’s probably not much of a future there for you or your family. Unless your daughter and son are named Bambi and Cletus, respectively. Also, just FYI, the film character named Bambi was a boy. The name was short for Bambino. Not that logic or facts have had much use in Florida. They, like the gene pool, died a painful death long ago.

Happy birthday Uncle Dad! When’s Auntie Mom getting out of the joint?

But still …..

When was the last time you thought it would be a great idea to eat live cockroaches so you would win an expensive snake. Anyone got a time closer than never?

In Florida they found 30 people to give it a whirl. And Ed Archbold was one of those 30 and won the contest. And then, because this is Florida, went to the parking lot and died.

A 32-year-old man downed dozens of roaches and worms to win a python at a Florida reptile store, then collapsed and died outside minutes later.

Edward Archbold was among 20 to 30 contestants participating in Friday night’s “Midnight Madness” event at Ben Siegel Reptiles in Deerfield Beach, authorities said.

The participants’ goal: consume as many insects and worms as they could to take home a $850 python.

Archbold swallowed roach after roach, worm after worm. While the store didn’t say exactly how many Archbold consumed, the owner told CNN affiliate WPLG that he was “the life of the party.”

“He really made our night more fun,” Ben Siegel told the station.

Soon after the contest was over, Archbold fell ill and began to vomit, the Broward County Sheriff’s Office said Monday.

A friend called for medical help. Then, Archbold himself dialed 911, the store said in a Facebook post.

Eventually, he fell to the ground outside the store, the sheriff’s office said. An ambulance took him to North Broward Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead.

The Broward Medical Examiner’s Office conducted an autopsy and are awaiting test results to determine the cause of his death.

No other contestant fell ill, the sheriff’s office said.

“Very saddened by this. I mean, it was a shock,” Siegel told WPLG. “Eddie was a very nice guy. We just met him that night, but everybody that works here was very fond of him.”

Luke Lirot, who says he is legally representing the store, said in a post on the store’s Facebook page that all participants “signed thorough waivers accepting responsibility for their participation in this unique and unorthodox contest.”

“The consumption of insects is widely accepted throughout the world, and the insects presented as part of the contest were taken from an inventory of insects that are safely and domestically raised in a controlled environment as food for reptiles,” Lirot said.

In the wild, cockroaches are scavengers that pick up various bacterial organisms such as salmonella while walking through spoiled food, the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene explains on its website.

Cockroaches themselves don’t transmit disease, though “many disease-causing organisms can grow and multiply in their guts and can then be deposited … during defecation.”

Pharaoh Gayles was one of those who took part in the contest. He explained his reasoning to CNN affiliate WPTV.

“Some of the snakes were pretty expensive,” he said. “I thought if I could eat the bugs to get one, it’d be a good idea.”

No, Pharaoh, it wasn’t. First off, you have to go through life with the name Pharaoh. That is proof that your parents hated you. Second off, snakes like that are expensive to care for. If you don’t have enough money to buy one how the heck are you going to care for it? Whch means it will probably end up in the wild where it, and thousands like it, have declared humans to be a tasty and nutritious snack. Which has led, heretofore, perfectly calm people like Beth Kassabi to demand that war be declared on the unctious reptiles.

Actually, Beth advocates ripping them apart with your bare hands. She is very angry.

So let’s recap the bad ideas here today;

  • (1) Making a snake that is causing billions of dollars in damage a prize in a contest aimed at room full of idiots.
  • (2) Making the contest about as gross as it could possibly be.
  • (3) Neglecting to have medical help anywhere near the scene of something that had so much potential to go to hell in a hand-basket.
  • (4) Just being Florida in general.

Yeah, that about sums it up.

Snake Eyes French Fries by Jason Lee Parry and Gandja Monteiro.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

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