Archives for September 2012

I often write about the foibles of others. It is one way to remind me, and my readers, that things aren’t so bad. Our lives do not include pleas to make love to menstruating donkeys. In fact I’m going to go out on a limb and say the thought probably never occurred to you. Nor have you ever woken up with the relentless desire to get naked and beat up an S.U.V. In fact, I’d also bet good money that, if you were using a product that was changing your gender, you’d stop using it instead of starting a Facebook page about it while divorcing your spouse. You are not the Octomom. Nor do you wish to be. Not even knowing that you too could dance with a half naked gay guy, and my friend, in your kitchen. No, not even that could tempt you. All of these things are reasons I write for you instead of about you.

As you know I do a weekly radio show with Ryan Gatenby at WBIG 1280 AM. We are always looking for ways to entice people to listen. Yet, somehow, we utterly missed this glorious idea. Pay for some lucky listener’s divorce. Oh, wait, that would cost money. Never mind.

Another thing you know is that I have long railed against the whole UFO conspiracy thing. The thought that someone would travel billions of miles to play with corn or buzz rednecks is insane. And while scientists tend to agree with me they usually keep it to themselves for fear of getting dragged into some pseudo-science nightmare. And you can understand their reluctance when a member of the U.S. Committee on Science publicly states that human vaginae can do what duck vaginae do; snap shut when threatened.

For the record, they can’t and that person is an idiot.

So it is with no small sense of glee that I saw this article today. Renowned astronomer, Lord Martin Rees, took time out of his day to say that people who see UFOs are kooks.

Astronomers — the men and women who study the stars, galaxies and beyond — have an almost universal agreement that there’s nothing of scientific interest when it comes to the subject of UFOs.

In fact, many professionals who gaze into the heavens actually speak about UFO sightings with disdain — even though countless military officials, heads of state, newsmakers and commercial pilots have said they’ve seen unidentified flying objects.

“No serious astronomer gives any credence to any of these stories,” said Lord Martin Rees, the official U.K. astronomer royal.

Rees, author of the new book, “From Here To Infinity: A Vision For The Future Of Science,” told The Huffington Post that, while “everyone’s fascinated by aliens,” he’s in favor of the ongoing SETI Institute program — the search for extraterrestrial intelligence.

“We should look by all possible techniques,” Rees said. “We’ve no idea what’s out there, and so we should look for anything that might seem to be some sort of artifact rather than something natural.”

While Rees said he hopes real extraterrestrials will be detected within the next 40 years, he’s completely and “utterly unconvinced” that any ETs have been visiting Earth.

“I think most astronomers would dismiss these,” Rees said. “I dismiss them because if aliens had made the great effort to traverse interstellar distances to come here, they wouldn’t just meet a few well-known cranks, make a few circles in corn fields and go away again.”

Nevertheless, in a recent HuffPost blog, SETI Institute senior astronomer Seth Shostak wrote about the daily emails he receives from people describing “alien sightings, extraterrestrial plans for Earth, and agitated screeds about the reluctance of scientists to take the whole subject seriously.”

Shostak said very few of those emails “are penned by hoaxers. The correspondents are sincere, and many simply wish to help us in our search for evidence of extraterrestrial intelligence.”

While Shostak may at first appear sympathetic to folks claiming that aliens are already here, he said he sees no real evidence.

“It’s hard to believe that the aliens have cleverly arranged things so that only governments can find convincing evidence of their presence. … The fact is, if you’re certain that our planet is hosting alien visitors, the way to gain acceptance for your point of view is to prove it.”

Another astronomer, James McGaha, said he agrees with Rees’ contention that UFO reports should be dismissed.

“I totally agree with that. Rees is making what I call an elegant argument,” McGaha, a retired Air Force pilot and director of the Grasslands Observatory in Tucson, Ariz., told HuffPost.

McGaha held a top secret security clearance during his career and was directly involved with classified projects at the now-legendary Area 51 military facility in Nevada. He’s a fellow of the Royal Astronomical Society and has discovered numerous asteroids and comets.

McGaha is also a UFO debunker.

“I’ve got over 40,000 hours looking at the night sky, and I’ve never seen — not once in 50 years — something that I didn’t know what it was. I’ve seen many strange things, but never anything I couldn’t identify,” McGaha said.

“Most professional astronomers don’t look at the sky. Most of them sit in a room with computers and image the sky, so they don’t ever go outside and look, and many of them don’t know how to actually identify the constellations in the sky — it’s unfortunate, but that’s the way it is.”

McGaha gives no credence to any of the tens of thousands of UFO sightings or encounters that reliable people have reported.

“I don’t think there’s a single observation or report that I’m aware of that indicates an alien spacecraft — not one,” he said. “And I’ve looked at all of the important cases.

“Scientists are very sensitive to evidence and data. What physical evidence is there that an alien spacecraft has actually ever visited Earth? There is none, zero. And until there is — an artifact, a piece, an alien — scientists will not even think about investigating this,” he said.

McGaha concedes — just a little — that UFOs, or alien ships, “are not impossible. If there’s an intelligent race out there, they could build a spacecraft and get here. It would be very difficult, would require enormous resources and motivation to do it. It’s not impossible, but highly unlikely.”

Others disagree about the rift between scientists and the UFO “community.”

“I’m dismayed by the lack of understanding between the two groups,” said journalist Nick Pope, who used to investigate UFOs for the U.K. Ministry of Defense.

“Unless they’ve studied the phenomenon, astronomers are no more qualified to talk about UFOs than ufologists are to talk about, say, titanium oxide production in K-type stars. It’s like marine biologists and oil company executives saying they understand each other’s fields because they’re both looking for something in the sea. The sea is about the only thing they have in common. So it is with astronomers, ufologists and the sky,” Pope wrote in an email to HuffPost.

Initially a skeptic, Pope’s years at the Ministry of Defense led him to believe that, at the very least, the UFO subject was “worthy of proper, scientific research. Especially where one has, for example, photos, videos or radar data, because such things can be studied in a proper, scientific manner. It’s unscientific to ignore data simply because it doesn’t fit your worldview.”

Pope is one of several speakers — including retired Air Force and Army colonels — who are taking part in a special lecture on Sept. 22, titled “Military UFOs: Secrets Revealed,” to be held at the National Atomic Testing Museum in Las Vegas.

No. They are not worthy of study. They are not worthy of debate. And, no, Mr. Pope isn’t right. Astronomers study everything in space. If it moves, they track it. If it orbits, they note it. If it does anything at all they study it. Billions of hours of telescope time have been dedicated to the heavens and not one nano-second has turned up anything like a UFO.

Does that mean aliens don’t exist? Of course not. in 1977 radio astronomers heard the WOW Signal. A signal so clear and well broadcast that it only could have come from another world.

That is worth studying. Not flashlights and corn.

ALIEN ALIEN – SAMBACA from manuel savoia on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Back on April 26th of last year I noted that Florida was a fun place to go if you wanted to have sex with your pet. After that Florida went into full on defense mode and tried to outlaw bestiality. They, in the process, outlawed all sex between mammals unless it was specifically for husbandry. When it was pointed out that humans are mammals and that selling your wife or significant other for sex violates other laws it was quickly rescinded. I should note that this had to be pointed out to them. Not one single, allegedly college educated, politician in Florida knew this. The whole reason Florida’s politicians got interested in outlawing bestiality in the first place was because a lady was selling videos of her having sex with two dogs and they discovered that was perfectly legal in the Sunshine State. Her kiddie porn collection, on the other hand, wasn’t. So Florida bumbled and tumbled into the 20th century, or thereabouts, and passed some laws.

In the case of outlawing bestiality it took them a total of four tries.

No, I’m not kidding.

But they got it done.

In any other state that would be the end of the story. But “any other state” doesn’t have to contend with Floridians as its residents. You see a gentleman named Carlos Ramiro is upset that he is no longer allowed to have sex with menstruating donkeys.

No, I am not making this up.

Regardless of what you think of Carlos Romero’s penchant for donkey sex, he certainly has courage in his convictions.

Romero, 31, was arrested Monday and charged with misdemeanor sexual activity with an animal, by officials in Ocala, Fla., but believes the real outrage is that the Sunshine State is “backwards” towards zoophilia.

The charges stem from an incident last month where a witness reportedly saw Romero with his pants down “up against the rear of the donkey,” TheSmokingGun.com reported.

Romero reportedly stepped away from the donkey and pulled up his pants when he saw the witness.

However, when Marion County detectives questioned him on Friday, he admitted that when the donkey is in heat, he will stand behind her, scratch her withers, and masturbate. He says he “likes the way her fur feels” on his privates,” according to WSTP-TV.

Romero told detectives he had done this five or six times and added that “Florida is a backwards state and people frown on zoophilia here,” according to the arrest report.

The victimized animal is a 21-month-old miniature donkey named Doodle he purchased two months ago, according to Ocala.com. The animal has since been removed by animal control, much to Romero’s dismay.

“I want my donkey back. There’s got to be due process here. I paid $500 for her,” Romero told a judge at the Marion County Jail Tuesday morning according to Ocala.com.

In a jailhouse interview, Romero told the website that he doesn’t “feel comfortable around people” and has “never been a people person.”

In addition, he says that animals “are usually there for you,” “do not seek other pleasures” and their feelings are “100 percent honest,” compared to humans who “stab you in the back, give you diseases, lie to you” and are “promiscuous.”

Romero told the website he’d been having sex with horses since he was 18, but didn’t feel Doodle was ready since “she’s blooming into maturity.”

At Romero’s first court appearance, Romero entered a plea of not guilty. Bail remained at $2,000, and his next court appearance on Oct. 9.

Bob Nelson, an overseer at the farm, said he has told sheriff’s deputies that he does not want Romero there.

“I don’t want to be associated with anyone like that,” Nelson told the website on Tuesday.

Well, it’s good to know that he’s not a pedophile animal moelster. Doodle will attain her majority without being violated.

And that is the only good news in that mess.

For Mr. Romero, I believe a vacation is in order. Bestiality is still legal in 22 states; Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, Hawaii, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Oregon, South Dakota, Texas, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia and Wyoming.

Oddly enough, and I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, most of them outlaw gay sex.

In other words, they made a conscious choice to allow their citizens the joys of doing the mattress mambo with a moo moo.

Emmanuelle In Wonderland (Movie Trailer) from Mia Torres on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

This is going to take a minute to wrap your head around but please give it a try. Back in the 1960’s Gene Roddenberry postulated, via his TV show Star Trek, that space ships could travel faster than light. This earned him universal disdain from “real” scientists. But, for one fan in Mexico, Miguel Alcubierre, the question wasn’t if it could be done but why it couldn’t be. He went on to get a bus load of degrees and awards and then, in 1994, showed how it could be done. Not as fantasy, not as theory, but in such a way that you could head off to Home Depot, grab some stuff and head off to Alpha Centauri. Well, okay, I might be exaggerating just a bit. Home Depot has lots of cool stuff, but nothing this cool. Nevertheless, the math was there and suddenly the universe wasn’t as off limits as it had been. The problem was that, to attain almost infinite speed, you needed almost infinite amounts of energy. That was not practical. Still isn’t.

But now, as Clara Moskowitz reports, some scientists are saying “not so fast with those limits on fast.” They think they’ve figured out how to make it happen.

A warp drive to achieve faster-than-light travel — a concept popularized in television’s “Star Trek” — may not be as unrealistic as once thought, scientists say.

A warp drive would manipulate space-time itself to move a starship, taking advantage of a loophole in the laws of physics that prevent anything from moving faster than light. A concept for a real-life warp drive was suggested in 1994 by Mexican physicist Miguel Alcubierre, however subsequent calculations found that such a device would require prohibitive amounts of energy.

Now physicists say that adjustments can be made to the proposed warp drive that would enable it to run on significantly less energy, potentially bringing the idea back from the realm of science fiction into science.

“There is hope,” Harold “Sonny” White of NASA’s Johnson Space Center said here Friday (Sept. 14) at the 100-Year Starship Symposium, a meeting to discuss the challenges of interstellar spaceflight.

Warping space-time
An Alcubierre warp drive would involve a football-shaped spacecraft attached to a large ring encircling it. This ring, potentially made of exotic matter, would cause space-time to warp around the starship, creating a region of contracted space in front of it and expanded space behind.

Meanwhile, the starship itself would stay inside a bubble of flat space-time that wasn’t being warped at all.

“Everything within space is restricted by the speed of light,” explained Richard Obousy, president of Icarus Interstellar, a non-profit group of scientists and engineers devoted to pursuing interstellar spaceflight. “But the really cool thing is space-time, the fabric of space, is not limited by the speed of light.”

With this concept, the spacecraft would be able to achieve an effective speed of about 10 times the speed of light, all without breaking the cosmic speed limit.
The only problem is, previous studies estimated the warp drive would require a minimum amount of energy about equal to the mass-energy of the planet Jupiter.

But recently White calculated what would happen if the shape of the ring encircling the spacecraft was adjusted into more of a rounded doughnut, as opposed to a flat ring. He found in that case, the warp drive could be powered by a mass about the size of a spacecraft like the Voyager 1 probe NASA launched in 1977.

Furthermore, if the intensity of the space warps can be oscillated over time, the energy required is reduced even more, White found.

“The findings I presented today change it from impractical to plausible and worth further investigation,” White told Space.com. “The additional energy reduction realized by oscillating the bubble intensity is an interesting conjecture that we will enjoy looking at in the lab.”
Laboratory tests

White and his colleagues have begun experimenting with a mini version of the warp drive in their laboratory.

They set up what they call the White-Juday Warp Field Interferometer at the Johnson Space Center, essentially creating a laser interferometer that instigates micro versions of space-time warps.

“We’re trying to see if we can generate a very tiny instance of this in a tabletop experiment, to try to perturb space-time by one part in 10 million,” White said.

He called the project a “humble experiment” compared to what would be needed for a real warp drive, but said it represents a promising first step.
And other scientists stressed that even outlandish-sounding ideas, such as the warp drive, need to be considered if humanity is serious about traveling to other stars.

“If we’re ever going to become a true spacefaring civilization, we’re going to have to think outside the box a little bit, were going to have to be a little bit audacious,” Obousy said.

Here’s a fun fact.

Our current technology, due to budget cuts and wars and so on, has us around 10 to 20 years from being able to do manned solar exploration. That would mean visiting the planets around us that we can see at night.

In that same amount of time, given the current level of the math involved, we could begin interstellar flight. That would mean visiting those puffy balls of light that are actually alien galaxies, that wee can also see at night.

In other words, we could stand on Kepler-22b before we get to Mars.

How odd yet cool is that?

Space Chimp from Sydney on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

I grew up in Melrose Park. Many of the people whom others feared when they saw them on the front cover of the Sun Times or Daily News were our neighbors. While nothing was ever said directly you had to be brain dead not to know that “Uncle Tony” (a fictitious name) lived a different life than your dad or uncle or whoever. He had a little more free time and ready cash, waiters and waitresses snapped to when he walked into the room and so on. And while he never flaunted it, bling would have been alien to him, he managed to always get what he wanted. When I was a little Big Bad I mentioned that living like Uncle Tony, no real job, lots of cash, would be a great way to go. My grandmother snapped a broomstick off the back of my head as her subtle way of letting me know that I may, just may, wish to consider other career options. One of my friends from back in the day had an Italian grandmother. This made sense since he had an Italian family as well. Anyway he, too, mentioned that Uncle Tony’s lifestyle might be the bee’s knees. I won’t bore you with the details and will simply say that an Italian grandmother with a wooden ladle is deadlier than any ninja assassin you could find.

Of course when I was a kid people were proving that Hillary Clinton was right. It does take a village to raise a kid. It took my teachers, our priest, the nuns, my mom, my grandparents, my uncles and aunts, my cousins and other kin all who worked to keep me on the straight and narrow. And the effort that was put into me I was encouraged to put into others.

Sometimes that worked, sometimes it didn’t. I was still a kid after all.

But the point here is that those who chose to live outside the law would also live outside their families. Families wanted nothing to do with the life. They wanted their children and their children’s children to have a life, not the life.

Things are different now. For a lot of reasons that can’t be fixed retroactively we live in times where we are coming up on having three generations of, mostly male, people who have no hope of participating in society. Nor is there any viable incentive for them to do so. That truth leads them to have no respect for life of any kind. Not their own, not anyone else’s. They don’t hope they’ll die before they get old, they know they will.

I write all this today because I have buried the children of friends and am tired of it.

That being said I know a few young men who went through Tom Dart’s boot camp. They are busting their asses to make sure they get an education, a job and make themselves proud of themselves. The pride of others will follow. The underlying theme is that they screwed up but are redeemable. I even had the pleasure of working side by side with one young graduate for a couple of months.

I bring these young men up to remind us that hope, like a flower in the desert, grows in the unlikeliest places and it is up to us to nurture it.

All of this leads to a series of conversations I have had with some of my friends. We represent a veritable rainbow of skin colors and truly cover the financial spectrum.

We have been talking about our lives. The kind of commiserating that men tend to do when they see the end is closer than the start. The one thing that we all had in common is that we once wanted to do something really stupid with our lives and there was a grandmother, it was always a grandmother, there to subtly remind us that bad choices had bad consequences.

Usually with something connecting – subtly – wit the back of our heads.

That was when I said that, instead of T-shirts, balloons, cheesy memorials, candle lit marches and so on, what people should do is unleash their local grandmothers in a Million Grandmothers’ March. Let them walk the streets every night and call the cops when they see something illegal going on. They will know who is who on their street, who has a gun and who doesn’t.

It took about a nano second for us to realize that even a former druggie like me could stumble across a good idea.

I can’t go. A six and a half foot tall white guy, tatted or not, is only going to increase his personal collection of 9mm shells. Mostly via body shots. No, it has to be the people who live there. It has to be those with a vested interest in the outcome.

Too often outside forces, some well meaning, have tried to impose solutions. I feel very safe in saying that none of them have worked.

They can’t.

Thousands of years of history have shown that every solution imposed on a society without their input has led to worse problems and revolt.

If we keep trying to do what keeps being done in the inner cities of our country we will prove the white supremacists right and there will be a race war.

We need a different solution and we need it now.

So let’s let the grandmothers loose. With a couple of rules:

• (1) They need a cell phone.
• (2) When they say a crime taking place they call it in to 911 with the following format; (a) Hello, my name is _________________ and I am seeing such and such happening at ___________________ and there’s neighbor kid 1 packing a 38, neighbor kid 2 is holding baggies of _____________ …. and so on.

I mention that they should start by telling the operator their name for a simple, if morbid, pragmatic reason; if the caller gets killed at least the cops will know who she was.

I never said this was going to be easy or safe. I just said there was no one left to do it.

We need to get the killers off the street and do what we can to save the rest. But that can’t happen if everyone is in hiding. And, yes, I know that strong fathers and so on will do a world of good. We’re light-years from that.

I also know from personal experience, having dated an African American lady once (or more), that the ire of an African-American grandmother is a fury that would give hell pause.

I wasn’t that bad of a boyfriend but I got her point.

My sex life aside, right now people are scared. Realistically so. What truly needs to happen is that they need to get pissed off. They need to get mad. Mad at the small number of losers who are destroying their, and everyone’s, lives. Mad at the unending sanctimonious bullshit that makes them seem like lesser people. Mad at the ticky tack politicized solutions that keep getting trotted out while they bury their families. Mad at the shitty schools that get dumped in their neighborhoods because they aren’t connected to any political machine. Mad at the poverty tax imposed on them every time they buy food and try not to get mutant vegetables which cause 9 year old girls to menstruate and grow tits. Mad at the fucking pat on the head they get every time they mention something sucks and it only seems to suck when black or Latin people are around.

They need to be mad at it all and they need to be the front line on the streets. There is no one else.

Even so, that anger needs to be tempered with forgiveness. When Jesus came to Saul who became Paul on the road to Damascus, Saul’s job was killing Christians. And, since he went from young rock thrower to leader of men, he was obviously really good at it. Nevertheless, all Jesus asked was for him to go forward in life and do good. That is what we must, and all we can truly expect to, ask of those who are saved.

Save the world, piss off a granny.

Yeah, this is truly where we’re at.

Shinehead “The Real Rock” from Andrew Doucette on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.

Sex is one of the few things humans seem to have done consistently well throughout time. Men are pre-programmed to hump anything that moves and a few things that don’t. Women are pre-programmed to be a tad more selective. At least that’s what passes for culturally aware propaganda these days. And it’s close enough to the truth that I can live with it. So it is with some sense of amazement that I continue to find stories concerning people who are completely clueless when it comes to performing sex. Or enjoying it. Or sharing it. Or, well, you get the idea. Simply put there are some people who, no matter how sincere or well intentioned their efforts may be, end up featured on a police blotter or on TMZ. And, no, that is not really a good thing. It’s a funny thing and a thing that I love to share, but it is not a good thing.

For example, Amanda Jean Linscott was arrested after she caused a serious car accident while having sex in a moving car as she was pointing a gun at some dude’s head.

This never happens to you.

A Florida woman who allegedly pulled a gun on a man during sex and demanded money, causing him to lose control of his moving car, was arrested Tuesday, police said.

The woman, Amanda Jean Linscott, 26, fled the scene on foot after the vehicle struck a palm tree, went airborne and plowed through two front yards, according to the Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office in Port Charlotte, Fla.

After a weeklong investigation, Linscott was arrested Tuesday on an armed robbery charge.

The incident, which happened during the early morning hours of September 3, was the result of a chain of events that started at the Paddy Wagon Irish Pub in Port Charlotte, according to a police report.

Linscott, accompanied by a friend, met with the unnamed victim and two of his friends at the bar. After it closed, the men invited the women to come to a private residence, where the man and another woman went into a bedroom to have sex, police said.

“The girl said she needed $250, which [the victim] said he didn’t have. She asked how much he had and he gave her $120,” the police report said.

Then, the man went to the bathroom and both women left the house.

Police said the man called the woman to whom he gave the money and arranged to meet her at a local convenience store. When he arrived at the location, he instead found Linscott, who said her friend had left her.

Linscott then got into the man’s car and began having sex with him while he was driving his Nissan Sentra.

Linscott allegedly demanded money from the man, who told her he had already given $120 to her friend. At that point, she pulled out a .357 revolver and held it to the man’s head, police said.

The man grabbed the weapon and punched Linscott in the face, he told police, causing him to lose control of his car. The vehicle struck a palm tree and went through two yards before coming to a stop.

At that point, Linscott fled the scene.

The man drove his car to his friends’ house, where he gave them the gun and called police.

When police responded to the scene, they found an elderly man in a driveway who told them his daughter, Amanda Linscott, was in a car accident and had been punched in the face, police said.

Police questioned all parties involved and later arrested Linscott. She is currently being held at the Charlotte County Jail without bond.

Since we are discussing parties and Florida I would be woefully remiss if I didn’t mention the amazing bash thrown by Thomas Edwin March IV. It had lots of beer, it had great music and it was ready to rock …. for one guy who was naked and stalking strangers.

Thomas Edwin March IV knows all the elements of a rockin’ party — but he made one big mistake.

The 51-year-old Florida man had the essentials: a pair of 3D glasses, three 20-ounce cans of Ice House beer, a smashed cheeseburger, and a laptop (possibly to blast a little Bob Seger). Party time. But he got arrested because he was allegedly naked, and Bunche Beach isn’t a nude beach.

The News-Press reports that passersby started complaining about March on Friday morning after they observed him with his party pack lying on a bench.

A responding deputy asked what March was doing naked with a cheeseburger, but his only response was to remind the officer not to forget his laptop when he was arrested.

The Sun Sentinel reported that March had been following people around at some point during the day.

He has been charged with indecent exposure.

As well he should be. Of course no story about Florida would be complete without a family values mention. Benjamin King has strong family values. And those values required him to try and kill his daughter when she gave bedroom privileges to her son’s fiance.

I never said they were sane values, just strong.

A 92-year-old tried to kill his daughter — first with a frying pan, then a pistol and then a knife, cops said.

The Orlando area senior citizen has been charged with attempted murder after allegedly trying to kill his daughter three times on Thursday, WESH reports.

Benjamin King said he was angry his daughter, Patricia Pernacchia, had gone against his “old school principles” by letting her adult son and his fiancée sleep in the same bed, according to the Orlando Sentinel.

Apparently in response to this disagreement, King reportedly came up behind his daughter and hit her in the head with a frying pan, saying he “hoped it was heavy enough to kill her.”

Pernacchia, who lives with King and his caretaker, was unharmed enough to flee the house, but she then returned in order to call her son for help. When she came back, authorities say, her father was waiting for her with a pistol. He reportedly shot at his daughter twice, but the gun jammed, according to WFTV.

Pernacchia was able to wrest control of the gun and call 911. While she was on the phone with police, King reached into a kitchen drawer, ostensibly to grab a knife, but Pernacchia slammed the drawer shut on his hand to stop him.

When police arrived, Pernacchia was hesitant to press charges against her father. She noted that she believes he was merely upset about the argument they had over her son, and that King may have psychological problems.

The man was arrested and charged with first-degree attempted murder with a firearm.

Pretty spry for a 92 year old guy, wouldn’t you say?

A quick aside here, if you own a Volkswagen dealership in India you might see sales slip a little. As it turns out giving away a free vibrator in every newspaper and saying “this is what it feels like to ride a VW” might not have been their best advertising move.

I’m sure I don’t need to explain why.

Speaking of vibrators and the women who videotape themselves using them, Octomom is back in the news. It turns out that she took all that money she made from brushing her beaver and bought a new home.

Octomom took the money she saved from making her porn flick and put it toward a good cause: a new home.

Octomom, otherwise known as Nadya Suleman, leased a house in California for her and her 14 children using the money she made from her porn film, “Home Alone,” TMZ reports.

The house is situated in Palmdale, Calif., and features five bedrooms, three bathrooms, a three-car garage and a 14,000-square-foot backyard. The home reportedly costs Suleman $2,150 per month in rent.

Octomom has been looking for a new home since her La Habra abode went into foreclosure in June. She spent the summer begging for money from fans and offering dates for cash.

Back in July, Steve Javors of AVN.com, a news site focusing on the adult industry, spoke to The Huffington Post about the cash Suleman could receive from her porn gig.

He said money from online subscriptions to Wicked Entertainment, which distributed the DVD, could show up immediately, while money from DVD sales would likely take longer to trickle in.

“I don’t know the financial arrangements, or if it’s based on sales, but my educated guess is that she got a healthy performance fee upfront,” Javors told HuffPost’s David Moye. “With all the piracy, it’s possible many people will see it on the ‘tube’ sites for free.”

Not only did she get paid, she got empowered.

“It has been the most empowering, liberating thing I have ever done,” Suleman told HLN’s Dr. Drew about doing porn. “There is nothing I won’t do to take care of my family. I’m not a porn star.” Adding, “I had full control and power over my choice. I take full accountability and I’m proud of it.”

Suleman first agreed to do the porno to help pay her bills. She went off welfare in March and had to find a way to make ends meet.

Isn’t “offering dates for cash” also known as “prostitution?” Oh well, she’s famous so I guess it’s okay.

And, after all, she is doing it for the children.

Of course not everyone selling sex for cash is famous, but some of them are incredibly dumb. A lady named Jackie Hatter was arrested in Pennsylvania for offering pseudo-sex for cash for anyone who slowed down enough.

One such person was the cop who arrested her.

A southwestern Pennsylvania woman has been jailed on charges she was flagging down motorists and offering to take off her clothes for cash.

Online court records don’t list an attorney for 35-year-old Jackie Hatter, of Uniontown. She remained jailed Wednesday unable to post $25,000 bond.

The Herald-Standard of Uniontown reports Hatter was arrested about 8:40 a.m. Sunday and charged with disorderly conduct and marijuana possession. Police say they were told she was stopping cars to offer the striptease at an intersection in the city about 40 miles south of Pittsburgh.

Police say Hatter was mumbling incoherently and fighting with officers.

A preliminary hearing on the charges has yet to be scheduled.

I can’t believe she wasn’t cold sober. Can you? Of course, if you’re going to peddle flesh to cars it’s best to offer a logical incentive. For example, Malaysian hookers a/k/a massage therapists, were offering free sex for every 9 car washes you got at the place next door.

A car wash never felt so dirty.

A business in Malaysia reportedly offered car wash customers free sex after their ninth wash, according to the Malay Mall.

The alleged reward-program-to-end-all-reward-programs was born out of a partnership between the car wash and a massage parlor, police said.

After becoming suspicious that the massage parlor was harboring illicit activity, authorities raided the business and found that several of its patrons had customer cards for the car wash.

The cards offered a little more than your average discount, though.

“To get the extra ‘offer,’ customers must send their cars for washing nine times within a certain period,” Officer Emmi Shah Fadhil said. “The tenth car wash will entitle them to free sex.”

Nine Vietnamese women believed to be prostitutes were arrested.

The Toronto Sun reports that four men suspected of running the sex ring were also arrested.

The Stir’s Nicole Fabian-Weber fears the sex-for-car-wash deal undervalues one of life’s great pleasures.

“Call me old fashioned, but I think intercourse is worth a scosh more than nine car washes,” Fabian-Weber writes. “… I’m all about the punch card. But, I don’t know, I have to say, after reading this, the term ‘customer loyalty’ has been sullied for me a bit.”

I don’t know. If WalMart had a customer loyalty program like that I might start shopping there.

Here are some useful things for you to know about sex;

Heavier men last longer in bed
Put down the weights and grab a hamburger: Researchers in Turkey have finished a yearlong study that correlated body mass index with male sexual performance. Their findings may surprise you: Heavier men were able to make love for an average of 7.3 minutes, while slender men lasted an average of 108 seconds. The study, published in Nature, showed that overweight men had higher levels of the female estradiol hormone, which blocks male hormones and delays the climax.

I am accepting applications now.

Oral sex could be a cure for morning sickness
One academic is proposing a cure for morning sickness that some moms-to-be might find in bad taste — sperm. Gordon Gallup, a psychologist at SUNY-Albany has a theory that pregnant women who are continually exposed to the father’s semen are less likely to suffer from AM nausea. Gallup, who specializes in human reproductive competition and behavior, offers the theory that expectant women become ill and vomit because their bodies are rejecting the semen’s genetic material as something foreign and unfamiliar. The theory could feasibly quell their queasiness by ingesting the same sperm in order to allow the body to build up a tolerance. The idea, while likely appealing to dads, is only a theory and has yet to be tested.

Honey, before we have a baby I think we need to get your immune system built up.

Sex cures headaches
If you think sex can’t be had due to a headache, how wrong you are, at least according to headache specialist Dr. Vincent Martin. Amazingly, it’s just the opposite. Martin stated that the increase in serotonin levels which happens during sex eases the pathways in the brain that can lead to and sustain a headache.

Now, this isn’t to say that sex is the answer to all headaches or there would be massive tardiness in the corporate world every day. However, with the act itself being quite a bit more powerful than popping a few ibuprofen or aspirin, perhaps this new headache cure will be tested soon by, well, many.

Well, so much for the whole “Not tonight honey ….” excuse.

Voltaire Twins – Solaris from Voltaire Twins on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.