Only in Florida

Back on April 26th of last year I noted that Florida was a fun place to go if you wanted to have sex with your pet. After that Florida went into full on defense mode and tried to outlaw bestiality. They, in the process, outlawed all sex between mammals unless it was specifically for husbandry. When it was pointed out that humans are mammals and that selling your wife or significant other for sex violates other laws it was quickly rescinded. I should note that this had to be pointed out to them. Not one single, allegedly college educated, politician in Florida knew this. The whole reason Florida’s politicians got interested in outlawing bestiality in the first place was because a lady was selling videos of her having sex with two dogs and they discovered that was perfectly legal in the Sunshine State. Her kiddie porn collection, on the other hand, wasn’t. So Florida bumbled and tumbled into the 20th century, or thereabouts, and passed some laws.

In the case of outlawing bestiality it took them a total of four tries.

No, I’m not kidding.

But they got it done.

In any other state that would be the end of the story. But “any other state” doesn’t have to contend with Floridians as its residents. You see a gentleman named Carlos Ramiro is upset that he is no longer allowed to have sex with menstruating donkeys.

No, I am not making this up.

Regardless of what you think of Carlos Romero’s penchant for donkey sex, he certainly has courage in his convictions.

Romero, 31, was arrested Monday and charged with misdemeanor sexual activity with an animal, by officials in Ocala, Fla., but believes the real outrage is that the Sunshine State is “backwards” towards zoophilia.

The charges stem from an incident last month where a witness reportedly saw Romero with his pants down “up against the rear of the donkey,” TheSmokingGun.com reported.

Romero reportedly stepped away from the donkey and pulled up his pants when he saw the witness.

However, when Marion County detectives questioned him on Friday, he admitted that when the donkey is in heat, he will stand behind her, scratch her withers, and masturbate. He says he “likes the way her fur feels” on his privates,” according to WSTP-TV.

Romero told detectives he had done this five or six times and added that “Florida is a backwards state and people frown on zoophilia here,” according to the arrest report.

The victimized animal is a 21-month-old miniature donkey named Doodle he purchased two months ago, according to Ocala.com. The animal has since been removed by animal control, much to Romero’s dismay.

“I want my donkey back. There’s got to be due process here. I paid $500 for her,” Romero told a judge at the Marion County Jail Tuesday morning according to Ocala.com.

In a jailhouse interview, Romero told the website that he doesn’t “feel comfortable around people” and has “never been a people person.”

In addition, he says that animals “are usually there for you,” “do not seek other pleasures” and their feelings are “100 percent honest,” compared to humans who “stab you in the back, give you diseases, lie to you” and are “promiscuous.”

Romero told the website he’d been having sex with horses since he was 18, but didn’t feel Doodle was ready since “she’s blooming into maturity.”

At Romero’s first court appearance, Romero entered a plea of not guilty. Bail remained at $2,000, and his next court appearance on Oct. 9.

Bob Nelson, an overseer at the farm, said he has told sheriff’s deputies that he does not want Romero there.

“I don’t want to be associated with anyone like that,” Nelson told the website on Tuesday.

Well, it’s good to know that he’s not a pedophile animal moelster. Doodle will attain her majority without being violated.

And that is the only good news in that mess.

For Mr. Romero, I believe a vacation is in order. Bestiality is still legal in 22 states; Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, Hawaii, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Missouri, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Oregon, South Dakota, Texas, Vermont, Washington, West Virginia and Wyoming.

Oddly enough, and I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, most of them outlaw gay sex.

In other words, they made a conscious choice to allow their citizens the joys of doing the mattress mambo with a moo moo.

Emmanuelle In Wonderland (Movie Trailer) from Mia Torres on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.