Words Versus Meanings

Guys know that when a woman says “fine” what she really means is “not fine.” “Go ahead and do whatever you want” is not an invitation, it’s a threat. Men learn, or they quickly live alone, that “we need” means “I want.” We are painfully aware that “There’s no one else” means “I’m dating your brother/father/best friend.” Quite possibly all of the above. Simultaneously. So it is odd to me to realize that woman don’t really know what other women mean when they are talking to them. This is why the World News Center team got together for a testosterone and alcohol fueled discussion about what women really mean and then we got this hottie with D-cups, Daisy Dukes and no morals to take notes and, on three occasions, supplement our findings.

So, without further ado, here is the WNC female-to-female translation page.

Wilma, Dahhhhling, you look gorgeous.

means

Dear God, were you dressed by a blind toddler?

**********************

Wilma, lovie, have you lost weight?

means

It’s hard to tell through all your fat.

**********************

Wilma, I just L-U-V what you’ve done with your hair.

means

Hey, look! The bitch finally hid her bald spot.

**********************

Wilma, those are lovely boots.

means

Pity about the rest of the outfit though.

**********************

Wow, Wilma, those jeans really highlight your (derriere).

means

Which is good since you have the boobs of a 10 year old boy.

**********************

Wow, Wilma, your daughter is beautiful.

means

I hope your little princess likes stripping because she’s dumber than dirt.

**********************

Wilma, darling, this is a fascinating meal.

means

I had no idea cardboard was edible.

**********************

Wilma, your husband is a wonderful man.

means

(1) I’d let him ride me like a rodeo pony and put me away wet.
-or-
(2) That’s what you get for dating inmates.

There is no middle ground on this one.

**********************

Oh, Wilma, your child is precious.

means

Dear God, is that a third eye? What the hell is wrong with that mutant?

**********************

Wilma, this is a wonderful restaurant.

means

Thanks God it’s not Godlen Corrral.

**********************

Wilma, sweetheart, have you been working out?

means

Nice boob job. Who’s your plastic guy?

**********************

Oh, Wilma, nothing makes me happier than sitting here with you.

means

I left my vibrator for this?

**********************

Obviously, we could go on but this should be a good primer. Why are woman so fake with each other? According to our expert assistant yesterday, if they were truly honest with each other they’d be forced to admit that they wanted to have lots of sex with each other and only use men for filler.

She may or may not be right, but it works for us.

Complicated Universal Cum – I can hardly wait from Fake Diamond Records on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.