DO NOT … Swim in the Gene Pool

Brian Urlacher broke up with Jenny McCarthy and I think I know why. She’s completely bat poop crazy and shows every sign of being a stalker. Grab this wonderful quote; “Brian and I have decided to turn our romance into an amazing friendship. I will continue to be the biggest cheerleader for him. Go, Bears!” Unspoken; “And then I’ll collect every photo of him I can and build a shrine in my basement and then I’ll use his DNA which I keep in my special freezer to build a clone…

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It’s a Political PAR-TAY People!

Ever since King David sent Uriah to die in battle so he could bang his wife, politicians have had a difficult relationship with sex. One minute we’re lauding their skills blowing a sax and the next we’re scandalized by a stain caused by blowing instead of sex. These things happen. Thus it is no surprise that Wikipedia has been forced to dedicate a page to political sex scandals, as opposed to those caused by greed or stupidity. Here’s the list for the last two years. I’d post more but we…

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Conflicting Messages

Oftentimes it feels as though that getting anything done around here is like mating elephants. It’s done on a very high level. There’s a lot of stomping and screaming involved. And it takes two years to get any results. And even when results are gotten, such as World News Center’s continued success on WBIG and our producer’s continued success with the DAHLcasts, it seems like we don’t get any credit anyway. Clearly a certain anniversary show acted as though I’d never been born and recent show about DAHLcast managed to…

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Getting Trashed

You’ll be pleased to know that today’s blog has abso-freaking-lutely nothing to do with Randy Travis. Nor does it have anything to do with the sexy denizens of WalMart. In fact, as much as it pains me to say it, this blog doesn’t even have anything to do with Russian hotties racing in the spiked heels for a gift certificate. And, while we are most certainly going to be discussing trash, we are not going to mention my white trash hero, Harvey Whetstone. We aren’t even gong to discuss Tom…

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Getting Attention

We all need some attention from time to time. We are, after all, social animals. Our ancestors groomed each other on the Savannah while enjoying the tasty ticks and lice they pulled from each others fur. Even with the solitude offered by the Internet we still gather in bars and restaurants to greet other humans. Boys still preen and girls still highlight their assets all in an attempt to garner the attentions of each other. Even same sex couples are found this way. I have a friend who delights in…

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Drunk, Naked & Busted

The whole Randy Travis debacle seemed like low hanging fruit. After all it’s just one minor incident in a land full of incidents. And, more importantly, Randy Travis has a history of embarrassing himself in public. It’s what he does these days. I believe he’s a follower of the Kim Kardashian school of publicity. I’m not sure how well that will play to country music fans but there’s no denying he’s been getting some serious pub these last few months. But it seems that Randy Travis isn’t a lone icon…

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Death Bots for Everyone!

You know the drill. One minute you’re thinking about taking your special someone to the movies or on a picnic and the next thing you know death bots have destroyed your city. It’s become such a common occurrence that it doesn’t even make the news any more. Kind of like serial killers with the middle name Wayne. One minute you’re pretty sure there was a Castelnuovo in Tuscany and the next thing you know it’s a hole in the ground. And you’re pretty sure that Bruce Springsteen sang about the…

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Oh Look, They Let Another Idiot Loose

Just because someone walks out with a chest full of medals does not mean they have the slightest clue what they’re talking about. Some very prestigious medal wearers have, throughout history, used their position and rank to justify everything from racism to genocide. Whenever confronted by facts that prove them completely wrong they fall back on a variety of excuses. Usually, if inexplicably, national security or “you’re not authorized to know” whatever it is they don’t want you to know. For the last 60 years that veil of secrecy has…

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Brilliant Lawmakers To Your Rescue

You know it wasn’t that long ago that Florida finally got around to making bestiality illegal. I wrote all about it back on April 11 of this year. Simply put I thought the issue behind us, if you’ll pardon the allusion. But, stop me if you can, it turns out that they needed some time to implement the changes. After all, one does not stop having sex with Flicka overnight. You need to be weened a little at a time. Go from horse, to pony to …. well, you get…

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Blue Food

George Carlin once posited that blue food bestowed immortality. Blueberries are actually purple and anything you find colored blue in your fridge is either artificially colored or could kill you. You can only pray it’s option number one. Sure there are some blue fish, but you don’t eat the blue part, you eat the mat inside. So no benefit there. I bring all this up since science has been noodling around in the playground of the Lord for a while now and is suddenly making serious advances in human longevity.…

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