It’s a Political PAR-TAY People!

Ever since King David sent Uriah to die in battle so he could bang his wife, politicians have had a difficult relationship with sex. One minute we’re lauding their skills blowing a sax and the next we’re scandalized by a stain caused by blowing instead of sex. These things happen. Thus it is no surprise that Wikipedia has been forced to dedicate a page to political sex scandals, as opposed to those caused by greed or stupidity. Here’s the list for the last two years.

I’d post more but we have a lot to get through today.

2010–2012
• Robert Decheine (D) Chief of Staff to Rep. Steve Rothman (D), was sentenced to 18 months in prison for soliciting sex from a minor.
• Thad Viers (R) the three term South Carolina state representative withdrew as a candidate for the US Congress in January 2012 after he had been arrested on charges of harassing a 28 year old woman described as an ex-girlfriend. He was released on a $5000 bond and subsequently withdrew from the race citing “personal reasons.”
• Herman Cain (2012 Republican presidential candidate) has been accused of sexual harassment by several women including Sharon Bialek, Karen Kraushaar, and having a 13 year affair with Ginger White. Donna Donella also reported possible inappropriate behavior. Eventually causing him to suspend his run for the presidential nomination.
• David Wu (D-OR) announced he will resign from the House of Representatives after being accused of making unwanted sexual advances toward a fundraiser’s daughter became public. July 26, 2011.
• Anthony Weiner (D-NY) The newly married Congressman admitted to sending sexually suggestive photos of himself to several women through his Twitter account. He resigned on June 16.
• Chris Lee, Representative (R-NY) Resigned hours after a news report that the married Congressman had sent a shirtless picture of himself flexing his muscles to a woman via Craigslist, along with flirtatious emails. He did not use a pseudonym or a false email address, but relied on his congressional email for all communication.
• Mark Souder, (R-IN) a staunch advocate of abstinence and family values, resigned to avoid an ethics investigation into his admitted extramarital affair with a female staffer. Famously, he and she had made a public video in which they both extolled the virtues of sexual abstinence.
• Eric Massa (D-NY): Resigned to avoid an ethics investigation into his admitted groping and tickling of multiple male staffers. He later stated on Fox News that, “not only did I grope [a staffer], I tickled him until he couldn’t breathe.”
• Republican National Committee fired administrator Allison Meyers for her role in allowing $52,000 to be spent for a fund raiser at Club Voyeur which included bondage and topless dancers.
• Tom Ganley (R-OH) and candidate for the US House of Representatives in 2010 was indicted on seven counts .of sexual imposition with a woman he met at a Tea Party Rally. Charges were dropped when the woman refused to continue action.The married father of three has one other sex charge pending.

Well, bi-partisan canoodling may be the only thing both sides of the aisle have in common. And, let’s face it, you wouldn’t mind a bondage/tickle party every now and then. It beats the hell out of watching CNN.

But, thanks to the astute news gathering skills of Rob Pongi in our Tokyo office, we find that American sex scandals are for amateurs. He reports that a Chinese sextet, yes – that means six people, had an orgy and took over one hundred Polaroids as mementos.

Weibo, China’s popular Twitter clone, has been in the midst of a summer political scandal that puts Weinergate to shame. Scores of photos of a six-person orgy went viral on Weibo last week, along with rumors that the participants are high-ranking Communist officials. Censors were quick to swoop in, unsurprisingly.

The set of over 120 photos show three couples in various acts of congress in a hotel room. But the money shot, so to speak, is of five of the members posing for an awkward group picture, complete with double-fisted breast grope. Look at them. It’s like they’re a big happy, pervy family. (You can see more, very NSFW images from the collection here.)

The photos initially surfaced last week with the mocking title “comrades in charge,” as two of the men were thought to be Wang Minsheing, head of the Communist Party in Lujiang county, in the eastern province of Anhui, and his second-in-command. Delighted/outraged Chinese netizens shared elaborate NSFW photoananalyses and various amusing memes like this Nike spoof and the one to the left that plays on claims the images were photoshopped.

The buzz grew to the point that the State Council Information Office, China’s head web censor, was forced to issue an official directive that “all websites must stop following and hyping the so-called ‘Lujiang Indecent Photos Incident.'” Currently the phrases “naked photos” and “vulgar photos” are banned from Weibo, which means Chinese netizens will sadly be missing out on Katie Perry’s epic accidental mooning.

But don’t take the swift and total crackdown on these photos as an admission of guilt! The Communist party has vigorously denied that these are their guys, even though they do share quite a resemblence, judging from pictures. At first they claimed the images were photoshopped, an old Anthony Weiner classic. But then they backtracked and said the pics were real but the Party officials had been misidentified, according to Offbeat China. Wang himself spoke up to clear his name, saying he was being “slandered,” possibly as payback over a corruption case he was investigating. The official line that emerged is that the photos were taken back in 2007 and feature random swingers. This digital forensics is an interesting role-reversal for the Communist Party, which is usually the one being exposed for Photoshopping.

Clearly the photos aren’t total fakes, as the third male participant, a poor guy named Wang Yu, has confessed. Wang does have a Communist party connection: He’s the Deputy Secretary of the Communist Youth League of Hefei University in Anhui. He was tracked down by the famous Chinese internet hordes known as “human flesh search engines,” who band together to identify internet villains, according to the Global Times. Now he’s been fired along with his wife, a middle school teacher who was also in the photos.

That the whole sex party scandal has unfolded while the wife of disgraced Communist official Bo Xilai is being tried for murdering a British expat underscores rising public disgust with corruption in the party. What better way is there to get back at your enemies than posting their n00dz to the web?

The links above are great. Make sure to allow yourself a few minutes to enjoy them.

Now, just so we’re clear, you are allowed to make fun of Wang Yu’s name, especially in light of the whole scandal.

Wow, babe, where did you learn that vibrating trick with your wanker?

Wang-U!

See? It’s fun.

The fun thing about the Chinese sex scandal, besides the fact that it shows best of the communist group work ethic, is that it came to light at all. This is a country where entire families disappear without a trace. You would think that a couple of raunchy pics would have long ago been destroyed. If, as some contend, China is finally coming apart at the seams, then we should expect a lot more stuff like this.

And I fully expect American politicians to step up and prove that we are the best country in the world and our sex scandals are more scandalous than anyone elses.

Delirium from Luke Norby on Vimeo.

Listen to Bill McCormick on WBIG (FOX! Sports) every Friday around 9:10 AM.